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on the nights I catch you standing, are you waiting for me?

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TAG WITH @lillian

POSTED ON Oct 15, 2018 19:05:42 GMT

NIKOLAI PETROV likes this

time passes like a scratched cd. it jumps and starts unpredictably; one moment is jilted and sharp while another races past as if its somehow fallen behind where it naturally ought to be. minutes, hours, and days lose their individual meanings and bleed into each other. the agonizing pain that brings her bitter tears and a burning throat on the helicopter seems to be neighbors with the mind-numbing morphine drip at her bedside. a moment of consciousness as a nurse checks her vitals in the middle of the night flows seamlessly into the bright lights of an operating room.

when she finds her first, true conscious moment she can't say how long it's been but it feels like years. maybe that's why just seeing his face brings tears to her eyes. or maybe it's a side-effect of the drugs, applied liberally to ensure she doesn't notice the pain associated with the metal cage that physically holds her bones together.

"nando. . ."

her tired mind doesn't think twice about using the old nickname. when it rolls off her tongue it's supremely gentle. a verbal caress to replace the physical one she can't quite bring her leaden body to perform. her eyes squint in partnership to an uncharacteristic smile, as if narrowing to better stand a ray of sunlight.

FERNANDO SILPH

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spiral

silph

SIR

twenty-nine

august 12th

saffron

oppressive

silph co. ceo

council member

1997 height

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TAG WITH @silph

POSTED ON Oct 16, 2018 2:15:28 GMT

NIKOLAI PETROV likes this

fernando doesn't deserve her. and, for that, he's thankful. that's also where the good will ends. she's still a resource, a tangible asset to be exploited. and now she's out of service. so he'll repair her, fix up her wounds, stitch up her heart, and keep her right underneath his thumb-- where she belongs.

"you're a part of me now." it's no hyperbole. she's integral to what makes him function. another set of eyes, a balance of opinions, and most importantly tension relief on demand. now she's only two of the three and fernando has no one else to blame but himself. so he does, frustrated at his own carelessness, and lets her know it.

"i should have been able to protect you."

doesn't hurt that pandering to her emotions will pay off in spades when her renewed vigor translates into devotion. like many things, fernando's actions are purposeful. all within calculations.

LILLIAN GLASS

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sunshine

lily

she/her

twenty-five

december 25

saffron city

silph-sexual

SILPH ACTING PRESIDENT

cadet

54 height

on the nights I catch you standing, are you waiting for me?

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TAG WITH @lillian

POSTED ON Oct 17, 2018 3:44:18 GMT

over the years she's developed a resistance to his pull. usually when he touches her she can ignore his warmth, and when he's near she can keep her eyes on other things. yet in this moment she's vulnerable. the buffer between her impulses and her actions is reduced to nothing by the morphine and so she leans into his touch. the gentleness of it urges her to sink into it. her eyes close for a moment and she sighs, the most comfortable she's been in . . . however long it's been since she was brought to the hospital.

at his apology her eyes flutter open and search his face. they're soft when they find his, almost as if his words are humorous. what a silly thing to say to her. she can't help but think he should know by now that they aren't necessary. since their first adventures together she's claimed ownership for the fault in all her injuries, they are -- after all -- little more than the results of her own stubbornness. the inevitable effect of choosing to take on his risks as her own.

"don't be."

she almost chastises him with the words, grinning through them.

"i know what being at your side means, and i stay anyway. my choice, my blame."

FERNANDO SILPH

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spiral

silph

SIR

twenty-nine

august 12th

saffron

oppressive

silph co. ceo

council member

1997 height

POWER IS TAKEN, NEVER GIVEN—SO TAKE WHAT YOU ARE OWED

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TAG WITH @silph

POSTED ON Oct 18, 2018 1:53:46 GMT

watching her descend into such a pitiful state make him want to pamper her, to shower her in the affection she so justly deserves. yet, he doesn't because he knows better. he's self-ware, cognizant of the origins of this peculiar turmoil of emotions. what he feels right now, in this very moment, is a passing sympathy that a master has for a loyal dog that's well past due. the only difference is that lillian will not resign to being terminated. not yet. not when fernando's still needs her. so he stays his hand. there will be another time, another place for him to concede to such fantastical whims.

"if i can't protect you--" it sounds dumb the moment fernando realizes the entirety of his statement. still, he doesn't care. it shows his fragility, the anxieties that plague a man epitomized by perfection. and, most importantly, it allows him to layer on another facade to his seemingly dynamic character. "--can i really protect myself?"

his frown is for appearances. it's to showcase his dissatisfaction for his own performance. "lilly. you mean the world to me." but it's having to outwit her with such opportunistic lies that truly turns his smile upside down.

LILLIAN GLASS

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sunshine

lily

she/her

twenty-five

december 25

saffron city

silph-sexual

SILPH ACTING PRESIDENT

cadet

54 height

on the nights I catch you standing, are you waiting for me?

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TAG WITH @lillian

POSTED ON Oct 18, 2018 4:27:35 GMT

the words he chooses settle on her like feathers and tickle her ears where they meet. she laughs, but it's not a mocking thing. it's a weak, disbelieving chuckle. the sentence just doesn't feel like him. for the boy who once told her at mt. silver that he not only wouldn't, but couldn't ensure her safety to apologize when she's in a hospital bed? for the man who's spent his whole life jumping headlong into danger to question whether or not he can keep himself safe? it's surreal, and it's sweet, and it's so unbelievably stupid.

"listen to yourself. . ."

usually when someone says these words they're followed by some commentary, but she tosses them towards him as a statement of their own -- for he has always been good at listening to himself. it's how he's made the progress he has and how he always keeps himself moving. he listens to his own directions and through them finds the other side of the dark tunnel.

"you are my world, nando. you're all i see. but you have to look further."

his affectionate words are met with equal parts admiration and admonishment.

"the world means the world to you. always has. you can't beat yourself up over a broken tool to get there."

there's a moment of lucidity as she reaches the end of the sentence. her eyes drift to her leg for a second; to the screws and pins that hold it straight against the urging of her broken bones, and she can't help but live the words she speaks. not only has she let herself fall into disrepair, she's dragged him along with her. she can't let that stand.

FERNANDO SILPH

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spiral

silph

SIR

twenty-nine

august 12th

saffron

oppressive

silph co. ceo

council member

1997 height

POWER IS TAKEN, NEVER GIVEN—SO TAKE WHAT YOU ARE OWED

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TAG WITH @silph

POSTED ON Oct 18, 2018 22:44:06 GMT

"i am."

there's a grim sincerity behind those words. it's too early to go in-depth, too preemptive to spring this on her now, but fernando can't keep it bottled. her condition has left him without a confessional. steep plans fester, becoming a bottled ulcer that goes ignored. it hurts to the point he can't withhold it anymore. what harm is the tiniest of hints? they can deliberate later. for now, he just needs to let the secret trickle.

"i want to go further, but, i'll need you. you're a part of this. a part of me. which means i need to keep you safe."

his eyes narrow.

"you're not a tool, lilly. not anymore."

her words penetrate deeper than her wounds.

"you're my right hand."

there's a firm resolution behind those words.

"i need you."

and, for a moment, fernando almost believes it himself.

LILLIAN GLASS

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played by

sunshine

lily

she/her

twenty-five

december 25

saffron city

silph-sexual

SILPH ACTING PRESIDENT

cadet

54 height

on the nights I catch you standing, are you waiting for me?

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140 posts

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TAG WITH @lillian

POSTED ON Oct 20, 2018 19:59:54 GMT

what he says should fill her with joy. it is, in as many words, what she's always longed to hear from him; and yet each increasing praise lands like needles in her chest. instead of smiling she fights against a frown.

his trust, confidence, is a blessing she's happy to receive but a responsibility she feels woefully unqualified for. the way he offers it sticks in her throat and pushes at the backs of her eyes. if she is his right hand in this moment, he'd be better off learning to work with his left.

"telling me this now does neither of us any good."

she looks away from him for the first time since she's been awake and her voice cracks for the first time in she can't say how long. her eyes sting bitterly and she bites at the inside of her cheek. the medicine really has softened her will. embarrassment turns her neck and ears red -- she hopes he won't hate her for this moment of self-pitying weakness.

FERNANDO SILPH

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played by

spiral

silph

SIR

twenty-nine

august 12th

saffron

oppressive

silph co. ceo

council member

1997 height

POWER IS TAKEN, NEVER GIVEN—SO TAKE WHAT YOU ARE OWED

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TAG WITH @silph

POSTED ON Oct 21, 2018 19:54:04 GMT

"no."

fernando is adamant about his assertion. yet, he allows her a moment of weakness, unsure of its origin. is it the pain? the medicine? the crippling realization that her capabilities have folded with her injury despite her added responsibilities. he can never know. not without prodding. and this isn't the time. but he won't allow her to wallow alone.

"now i know."

the only thing he can do now is try to console her. lillian turns away and fernando will have none of it. a hand reaches out, slowly, carefully. the back of his palm meets her cheek and he strokes it against her. pets her exactly like he would thalia black . their adventure on mount silver may have come to an end but their journey is not done. his frown deepens as he caresses her. a single thought comes to pass.

how fragile.

LILLIAN GLASS

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played by

sunshine

lily

she/her

twenty-five

december 25

saffron city

silph-sexual

SILPH ACTING PRESIDENT

cadet

54 height

on the nights I catch you standing, are you waiting for me?

awards

140 posts

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part of

TAG WITH @lillian

POSTED ON Oct 21, 2018 22:33:24 GMT

the gentle, coaxing touch pulls her back to him as if she were stuck to the back of his hand. she turns her head as he strokes down the length of her cheek so that by the time his fingers drag across her chin she's looking at him again. tears still sit, brimming but not spilling, in her eyes and the embarrassing flush still colors her neck and ears but she's looking at him again. the urge to speak runs up against her pride when just the effort of opening her mouth threatens to break her.

disappointment in herself comes in many colors and she wishes she could express any of them without crushing under their pressure. he's put his faith in her but she can't deliver due to her own sloppiness; and just looking at her leg fills her with dread that her usefulness may be impacted forever. she wants to apologize for her lack of care but she can't without tearing down the emotional dam keeping her face dry. there's nothing she can do right right now aside from look at him, and even that proves more difficult by the moment.

"i'm. . ."

already her voice falters and she has to stop to breath before continuing.

"i'm going to get better as . . . as quickly as possible."

her throat flexes and her eyes blink throughout her desperate effort to say what she needs to in a way that preserves some ounce of her dignity.

"i won't keep you waiting."

FERNANDO SILPH

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played by

spiral

silph

SIR

twenty-nine

august 12th

saffron

oppressive

silph co. ceo

council member

1997 height

POWER IS TAKEN, NEVER GIVEN—SO TAKE WHAT YOU ARE OWED

awards

8,735 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @silph