Sure, Alexei was a hand at cooking in the kitchen, but what the absolute fresh hell was she going on about?

“Sel—Selena, what even is this ‘lumpia’ you speak of?” he said on the other end of the line, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.

He was making some last-minute rice balls stuffed with a myriad of fillings (he’d set aside some of them that had seafood within, and even marked the ones that had tuna inside them just so he could have some to chow down on because who knew if Selena would savage the entire stock he was bringing) and had to stop a few moments as he finished rolling up a grilled salmon onigiri.

“Where can I find that? Sure, I can bring shawarma and other things like sushi—I can tell you like rice—but what the fresh hell is ‘lumpia’?” he asked again, the last word rolling off his tongue, strange and unknown to his Unovan accent.

Truth be told, he’d found a place that made miniature shawarma rolls and had made sure to order like, a mountain because who knew how much of an appetite she had. He was adding onto the food he would be bringing over (asides from the mini shawarma rolls) with onigiri, among other things.

The burritos admittedly he had to order from somewhere, but the sushi and onigiri he made himself.

“Bruh—you know I’m a vodka person, but sure why not, I think I still have some tequila here.”

Well, this was going to be a lot of food, Selena better get ready and have enough room for a table to hold all this food!

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“Well at least I know what the hell spring rolls are!” he said from the other end of the line, finishing up the last few batches of rice balls that he was going to be bringing over.

“Look, I don’t know why everyone else I know likes tequila—vodka is not just water!” he screeched indignantly a few moments later as he finished packing in the assortment of rice balls into the plastic container that he was going to be bringing along.

Another container already had the promised sushi in it, along with enough wasabi to knock out a horse. The container stacked atop it already had the mini-shawarma rolls crammed in them; and on top of that one was another container that had exactly two full-sized shawarma wraps he’d purchased from a different stall than the mini-rolls.

“Hang onto your underwear, yeesh,” he added a few moments later as he quickly bustled around, grabbing the bottles of alcohol he was bringing over and cramming it into the bag he was bringing along that already had all the food. “Get the plates and utensils ready, I’ll be there in like… five minutes.”

Of course he was going to cheat a little. Thank the hell he had Pokémon that could Telelport across the region and bring him wherever he had to go.

Approximately five minutes later…

There was a loud knocking coming from outside the office door. He had managed to secure the fabled ‘spring rolls’ from Slateport, having Teleported close to the Night Market and finding the stall that she had mentioned to him. The package that had the fabled ‘spring rolls’ was now resting inside the bag he had with him that contained the food and drink for the evening.

“Oi, FBI! Open up!” he hollered from the other side of the door, chuckling to himself.

---

Alexei has the following food with him:

• One large plastic container with a myriad assortment of onigiri
• One large plastic container with several rolls of hand-rolled sushi (or gimbap. Take your pick yo)
• One medium-sized plastic container with exactly 2 shawarma wraps
• One medium-sized plastic container with the mini-shawarma rolls
• One medium-sized plastic container with those magical ‘spring rolls’
• Several bottles of alcoholic drinks, including but not limited to vodka and tequila

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“I told you it was five minutes! Don’t tell me you’re still in the shower?!” he exclaimed from the other side of the door, making sure to avert his eyes the moment the door opened and just in case she was prancing around in her birthday suit!

“Look, first thing—are you sufficiently decent?” he asked, face still turned away from where she was because holy hell balls he did not want to get slapped when he saw a woman in nothing but said birthday suit and get all embarrassed about it.

Thank the nine circles he was gay as the day was long.

“Yes, although here they call it ‘spring rolls’, and not this vernacular… ‘lumpia’ you keep addressing it as,” he said as he fished out the first container and handed it to her, waiting for her to invite him inside.

“Don’t eat it all at once, I want to know why you’re so obsessed with this one particular food item.”

---

Alexei has the following food with him:

• One large plastic container with a myriad assortment of onigiri
• One large plastic container with several rolls of hand-rolled sushi (or gimbap. Take your pick yo)
• One medium-sized plastic container with exactly 2 shawarma wraps
• One medium-sized plastic container with the mini-shawarma rolls
• One medium-sized plastic container with those magical ‘spring rolls’
• Several bottles of alcoholic drinks, including but not limited to vodka and tequila

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“Ow! Hey, no poking!” he yelped in protest as he leapt backwards. Watching as she went straight for the goods, he chuckled at her actions for a few moments.

“Just put something decent on, no need to bust out a fucking ball gown on my behalf,” he added a few moments later as he chuckled and looked around. “You mind if I sit down?” he called out as she went to change into something better.

The next words that came out of her mouth made him… stop and stare for a few moments. Alexei did not understand a single word she’d just said.

What.

The.

Fuck?

Blinking, he could only gape at the closed door in silent wonder, trying to decipher what the hell she had said.

---

Alexei has the following food with him:

• One large plastic container with a myriad assortment of onigiri
• One large plastic container with several rolls of hand-rolled sushi (or gimbap. Take your pick yo)
• One medium-sized plastic container with exactly 2 shawarma wraps
• One medium-sized plastic container with the mini-shawarma rolls
• One medium-sized plastic container with those magical ‘spring rolls’
• Several bottles of alcoholic drinks, including but not limited to vodka and tequila

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“Well could you blame me? I couldn’t understand a word you said earlier!” he retorted, finally getting the cue to make himself comfortable. Looking at the opened container, he probably should wait for her to get back outside before he started eating them.

The way she’d gone right for the container made him blink a few times in silent wonder. Either way…

He looked over to where her Pokémon were assembled, and he chuckled. “Does she really take this long to dress up?”

Alexei knew that with ladies, dressing up had way too many rituals and it took them fucking forever… make-up, finding the right underwear, finding the right thing to wear…

Well, he couldn’t complain on that because he also did drag on the side and preparations were just as long—if not worse—in his case. Don’t get him started on the stuffers…

While waiting for Selena to hurry the hell up so they could start eating, he reached for one of the containers that had his home-made stash of rice balls, and cracked it open. Plucking one of the grilled salmon ones out, he took a big bite out of it.

He couldn’t keep the hunger down any longer, plus she was taking a while to get ready! Could she blame him if he was hungry?!

---

Alexei has the following food with him:

• One large plastic container with a myriad assortment of onigiri
• One large plastic container with several rolls of hand-rolled sushi (or gimbap. Take your pick yo)
• One medium-sized plastic container with exactly 2 shawarma wraps
• One medium-sized plastic container with the mini-shawarma rolls
• One medium-sized plastic container with those magical ‘spring rolls’
• Several bottles of alcoholic drinks, including but not limited to vodka and tequila

[attr="class","runrun"]

“You sure took long enough,” Alexei managed to say audibly despite tucking away a rice ball he’d made himself. “Look at your Pokémon, they’re all hungry!” he added a few moments later as he made a random gesturing motion at the herd that had all their eyes on her.

“I told you not to bust out the ball gown on my account,” he chuckled as he crammed the last of the grilled salmon rice ball into his mouth before walking over and pulling out several bottles of obviously-alcoholic drinks.

“Take your pick, birthday girl,” he gestured as he turned around, holding up several bottles for her to peruse. He’d also brought along shot glasses just in case she didn’t have any in the office—which, he could take a guess, was most likely…

“I got sake, I got soju, of course there’s tequila just for you. The vodka’s all mine, though,” he went on, chuckling just in case Selena had half a mind to snipe the vodka bottles out from under his nose.

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“Ohhh, you? Make a cocktail? Sure… show me something I haven’t seen yet,” he teased her. While his own level of mixology mostly extended to hard liquor drinks, maybe he should’ve brought along some beer for a sake bomb or something like that.

The problem was he didn’t have a beer mug big enough for his rather… impressive collection of shot glasses he’d left back home.

“Do tell, what the hell are you gonna put in the cocktail?” he challenged, reaching for another grilled salmon rice ball and tucking in.

At the nonsense gibberish she mentioned, he just gave her the ‘what the hell are you on about’ look before she gestured at the lone television in the room.

“You—what?” he managed to say once he’d swallowed his bite of rice ball. Dang it, what the heck was this now?

“Where do you even find these things?” he inquired, taking another big bite out of the rice ball in his hands as she mentioned something about ‘karaoke’.