PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

ANONYMOUS SURVEY ANSWERS (ANSWERED IC BY Ceri Glynn)

#1 Rumors say that the League is developing suits that match the style of a Pokemon a trainer has bonded with. Which Pokemon would you select as the style for your suit and what would it look like?

Crobat! 💯! purple and teal bodysuit with the cute ears Crobat have? adorable! 💕💕💕 now... how about you get back to me about that cool suit tech?

#2 All skilled trainers have a rival! Who's your rival and why?

Remiel Calcifet, but I always win cause I'm waaaaaay cuter 😌

#3 Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?

I say let it fall. it's only like what... 140m? no biggie! it'd be exciting, we could make new alien buddies or something! 🌠💗👽

#4 What do you think of Avatars, people who have been bestowed powers by legendary Pokemon? Do you believe it to be a blessing or a curse, or is it something humans should not meddle with?

sounds like a way to get yourself killed 💀 LMAO all that power packed in a body that's not designed for it? NOTY

#5 Why do you support the League/Team Rocket? If you are a member of one of these formal organizations, what compelled you to join?

3 words: cash. money. yo. 💰💰💰

#6 Select one of the following events and explain how it affected you. The Slateport Rocket Invasion, the Slateport Night Market Blacephalon Attack, the Ultra Beast Attacks on Mossdeep, The Ultra Beast War, the Sootopolis Takeover.

oooo sooty takeover 💕 unrestricted access to the tree of life? 🌳 hell yeah!

#7 TERAVOLT, a Hoennian Rock Band comprising of Guitarist CALLAN YOUNG and Lead Vocalist ADRIAN MALCOLM, from Slateport City, have been finding massive success in recent years. Out of their DISCOGRAPHY, which is your favourite song and why?

haven't heard their songs but they're kinda sorta hot??? i'll put my number on the back of this 😘

#8 Do you believe in free will or fate/destiny? Why? If the latter, do you believe you know what your destiny is?

🤢 nope!

#9 What is your greatest fear? If faced with said fear, how will you handle it?

damn, that's deep! let's see... enclosed spaces? tunnels? the ocean? I do get pretty seasick... oh! yeah! getting sick, that's it! 🤒

#10 What is your love language? How do you express affection and how do you like to receive it? If you are adverse to intimacy, why?

didn't know this was a dating app questionnaire! physical affection, hands down 😉

#11 If you could be a Pokemon or have a Pokemon represent who you are, which Pokemon would it be and why?

✨ salazzle really speaks to me ✨

#12 How do you feel about your own mortality (or immortality)? If you were to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

yikes. grim. hard pass. NEXT

#13 How do you carry yourself? How vocally expressive are you? How bodily expressive are you? Are there any catchphrases or verbal ticks that you find yourself repeating? Where do you think they come from?

I guess I smile a lot? it's important to act happy, you know! 😌 can't be letting people see when things get me down or when they matter to me, that's just yikes.

#14 Are you in the process of learning a new skill or researching a curious topic? What are you studying and why?

oh nononono. this sounds like the sort of question you ask to try to steal someone's research! not on my watch! keep your grubby little fingers to yourself, passerby analytics hq 😡

#15 What do they need and want out of relationships (humans or Pokemon), and how do they go about getting it?

affection, duh! people and pokemon are like 99% more likely to do what you want if they like you, so you gotta act likable 😘

SUGGESTION. Do you have a suggestion for a future survey question? Please submit it below.

more political questions! those are hilarious bc everyone takes them waaaay too seriously, when we all know things will be shitty no matter what 💕

R̵̖͎͐͐I̸͓͘ΙḒ̵̭͒D̷͈̀͌L̵̹͋̿Ȇ̶͕.I have rivers without Basculin and roads without cars, I have deserts without heat and snowlands without cold, I have mountains without height and canyons without depth. What am I?

SPOILER: Click to show

🗺️

PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

ANONYMOUS SURVEY ANSWERS

#1 Rumors say that the League is developing suits that match the style of a Pokemon a trainer has bonded with. Which Pokemon would you select as the style for your suit and what would it look like?

has to be gabite! did you know that their scales have magic healing juju shit? they're kinda cool, so i'm betting an outfit that matches it is equally as cool! there's gotta be a lot of spikes, y'know? oh, and a lot of red and blue! the darker the better. since gabite is a dragon-type, there has to be some kind of dragon fang accessories too! it has to be with a leather jacket as well, since those are the epitome of a badass character costume, and maybe steel-toed boots too, cause, y'know, gabites have those little toothy claws and--

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#2 All skilled trainers have a rival! Who's your rival and why?

the only person that can defeat mister conrad is mister conrad himself! anyone that says otherwise is just over their head, and the few times you see his defeat are the few times he's willing to let the others win. i'm kinda humble, y'know, and i don't really want to ruin someone else's confidence by letting them get the big L when they're not ready for it. yeah, i know, it's just hard to be me that i have to actually hold myself back. listen when i tell ya that no one even comes close to rival me! it's difficult--

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#3 Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?

if a giant meteor hits hoenn right now, that's fine, because i'm here. nothing else goes wrong when i'm on the case, so just give me the word and i'll do my best to protect ya! i can basically destroy anything with my world-class, expertly-trained pokemon, and even those legendary pokemon don't stand a chance! let the meteor kill those aliens though, in case they invade hoenn like those cannibal people. y'know, what if those guys are also cannibals aiming for world domination? they can just go eat that meteor themselves, then! hah, league's done good for once! good job--

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#4 What do you think of Avatars, people who have been bestowed powers by legendary Pokemon? Do you believe it to be a blessing or a curse, or is it something humans should not meddle with?

those are the ultimate cheat codes of life! like, they have to do all that to get the fraction of my awesome? hah! it's definitely a blessing since i know how it feels! i may not be an avatar, but i know how it feels to be the top percentage of the people here on hoenn! sometimes, it's just hard to fit in when i know i'm just so much greater, but that's okay! everyone excels at something. just maybe not as many things as mister conrad excels at. and this is where the legendaries come in! let those people--

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#5 Why does you support the League/Team Rocket? If you are a member of one of these formal organizations, what compelled you to join?

wit's not that i want to join either sides, but more that they want me. i'm such a great asset that having mister conrad on either side would sway the tides to their favor that it's not even a contest anymore! it would be so much more fun if there's one of me on either side so that it'll actually be fair, y'know? a one-sided stomp isn't really great when you think about it, but unfortunately for either side, i cannot be bought for i am my own man! yeah, an adult man that isn't a manchild i swear to--

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#6 Select one of the following events and explain how it affected you. The Slateport Rocket Invasion, the Slateport Night Market Blacephalon Attack, the Ultra Beast Attacks on Mossdeep, The Ultra Beast War, the Sootopolis Takeover.

oh, hey! someone else remembers the ultra beasts attack on mossdeep! i was there, y'know, fighting tooth an' nail against that big green bell thing! it managed to convince me that it was of equal force with me! it downed a lot of people, but i stood strong despite the adversary! i looked at it dead in the eye-- it's a pun, by the way, since i had my druddigon die fighting it. may his soul rest in peace-- and said, 'not today'! it eventually fled in terror! that's how it knew that it was no match against me! imagine--

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#7 TERAVOLT, a Hoennian Rock Band comprising of Guitarist CALLAN YOUNG and Lead Vocalist ADRIAN MALCOLM, from Slateport City, have been finding massive success in recent years. Out of their DISCOGRAPHY, which is your favourite song and why?

i like all their songs that i can't pick a favorite! i bet they can't either cause it's like, picking a favorite child, and that's just wrong, y'know? when they released that album, i bet all of those songs are like their children and that there's really no song more special than others in that track! if they do have a favorite, then it's kinda fucked up! imagine being a parent but having a child that is less favored than the others. it makes me sick thinking about it! blech! but anyways, i like all of 'em! nothing's bad and--

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#8 Do you believe in free will or fate/destiny? Why? If the latter, do you believe you know what your destiny is?

i believe in destiny, like how it's my destiny to be the very best like no one ever was. i already got that fulfilled since birth though, and, like, there's nothing else to do. it's kinda boring that my life is decided at the start that i'm supposed to be great and face no actual challenges since my story ain't gonna sound great that way, but hey, who am i to complain? a lot of people wanna be me and i'm like tough luck bro. there's only one of me in the entire world and i'm sorry that you're not--

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#9 What is your greatest fear? If faced with said fear, how will you handle it?

my greatest fear is literally nothing! you think the great mister conrad gets easily intimidated by something? hah! you thought! i'm actually the thing that people fear around these parts. they see me and they're like, damn, bro, i wish i was like him. my presence alone leaves them trembling knowing they can never be as great of a guy as i am. i got the entire package, dude, like i got personality and appearance and skill and everything! who can't be intimidated by my presence! i guess my greatest fear would be getting replaced by priam conrad v2 and--

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#10 What is your love language? How do you express affection and how do you like to receive it? If you are adverse to intimacy, why?

why would you wanna know? i ain't sharing my secrets to anybody! but i guess i can tell ya one thing, and it's that, no matter what i do, people just love me. it's inevitable. that's how the way things are, and it's like destiny that anyone i meet gets to like me for who i am! it's kinda hard though, cause it means i'm obligated to like everyone else too! i don't even have any language of love since it just happens naturally, ya get what i mean? would you call my sheer presence as a language? guess so--

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#11 If you could be a Pokemon or have a Pokemon represent who you are, which Pokemon would it be and why?

do i have to pick one? there's literally no pokemon that can compare to my sheer awesome, like, there's a bunch that looks cool and all, but they would lack the personality i have-- and vice versa! if you're gonna make me choose one though, i have to pick cubone! he's like a cute little dino- like me, i'm cute- and he has this club that can whack people and pokemon with! like if you're a pokemon, you might as well pick up a weapon, cause that lil dude's smart! like me! he's even cute too if you ignore brown--

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#12 How do you feel about your own mortality (or immortality)? If you were to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

i can't die. it's just physically impossible. try to kill me and it'll just backfire so you definitely won't want to try. if i die, then that means it's the end of the world and you have other things to worry about. but BUT!!! this is a big but (hehe) if i die tomorrow, then i suppose that means something's wrong with the timeline. i'd have one day to fix it under a time limit and now that i'm talking about it, it's kinda like a plot of an upcoming top tier movie. i just can't die, y'know, so it's--

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#13 How do you carry yourself? How vocally expressive are you? How bodily expressive are you? Are there any catchphrases or verbal ticks that you find yourself repeating? Where do you think they come from?

i don't worry about those things because i just exude awesome. i'm the textbook definition of the word itself. my picture's supposed to be on the dictionary page of that word, but it'll feel unfair for other words to have no pictures so they have to exclude it, which i'm fine with, since i'm just that humble. and the way i carry myself? it's just all natural. like i act like a normal person, but somehow, the very existence of myself just changes the whole equation and that makes people look at me like i'm someone they need to love--

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#14 Are you in the process of learning a new skill or researching a curious topic? What are you studying and why?

you may not know it but i'm actually an assistant to the best of the best in the science field! i am learning what they are learning and the topic is, like, a lot. just don't ask me what they are cause it's top secret! don't ask if it's because i don't understand anything either, cause i do! i could school anyone what i'm studying or learning, but i'm under orders not to talk about it! and even if i can, i wouldn't, because it's just not nice to humiliate people with my extensive knowledge of every field known in--

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#15 What do they need and want out of relationships (humans or Pokemon), and how do they go about getting it?

i don't need anything since they just give what i want without me even asking. that's just how great i am, you know? they see me and all they think about is 'what do i need to give this dude to make sure he gets my attention' and i'll tell ya what? i just need your love and affection and i'll give it to you! i don't actually need praises or gifts or anything like that either cause what i get from them is enough already! did i mention i don't even need to ask for them? that's top-tier people--

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SUGGESTION. Do you have a suggestion for a future survey question? Please submit it below.

let us upload pics in here! i can send ya drawings of my sygna suit if ya want! i promise you it's super cool and it's a lot better with visuals than just words! im good at drawing too cause i'm just perfect, so you're getting quality artwork-- FOR FREE! do you know people actually spend a lot on those? and here i am, willing to give one for free but unfortunately, there's no option to do so. unlucky for you. big sad.

R̵̖͎͐͐I̸͓͘ΙḒ̵̭͒D̷͈̀͌L̵̹͋̿Ȇ̶͕.I have rivers without Basculin and roads without cars, I have deserts without heat and snowlands without cold, I have mountains without height and canyons without depth. What am I?

mapppppppp

"Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?"

Absolutely not. Whatever few Sea people or whatever have come here shouldn't represent every single civilian from their home. There has to be a better way to stop it than sacrificing an entire alternate region.

"What do you think of Avatars, people who have been bestowed powers by legendary Pokemon? Do you believe it to be a blessing or a curse, or is it something humans should not meddle with?"

That much power comes with a lot of pressure, but I hope they at least get along with their legendary patrons.

"If you could be a Pokemon or have a Pokemon represent who you are, which Pokemon would it be and why?"

When I was a kid I would've said something cheesy like Dragonite, but I guess it's gotta be Delibird now, huh? Gotta stay on brand. Ah-wait, these are supposed to be anonymous right? Whoops.

"I have rivers without Basculin and roads without cars, I have deserts without heat and snowlands without cold, I have mountains without height and canyons without depth. What am I?"

The last time I answered a random thing like this I got sent someplace pretty messed up...But what are the odds of that happening twice, right?

SPOILER: Click to show

A map

PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

#1 Rumors say that the League is developing suits that match the style of a Pokemon a trainer has bonded with. Which Pokemon would you select as the style for your suit and what would it look like?

Minior with a black core and a black and gold gown

#3 Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?

It's neither here nor there, as long as we're able to study 99943 METENO for as long as possible. Dahlia, call me girl! We can do lunch, I'll pay.

#4 What do you think of Avatars, people who have been bestowed powers by legendary Pokemon? Do you believe it to be a blessing or a curse, or is it something humans should not meddle with?

Avatars are a fascinating phenomenon. To be bonded so closely to a pokemon should be considered an honour.

#8 Do you believe in free will or fate/destiny? Why? If the latter, do you believe you know what your destiny is?

They say our fate is in the stars

#10 What is your love language? How do you express affection and how do you like to receive it? If you are adverse to intimacy, why?

I don't have time for love. Buy me a coffee and shoo

#11 If you could be a Pokemon or have a Pokemon represent who you are, which Pokemon would it be and why?

Minior. They are delightful pokemon who choose Alola to fall in large numbers. If I were one I could know their secrets for such

Survey #5:[break]Hm, an unbiased observer? Suffice to say, my particular brand of inquiry finds itself stifled when confronted by such droll concepts as "ethics" and "lawful conduct". I have generously been provided an environment in which neither of those things serve as a barrier, and must admit that the funding is quite beneficial to my side projects. I shall leave it to your doubtlessly dazzling skills of conjecture to determine my patrons.
[break][break]Survey #9:[break]My greatest fear is that of any purveyor of knowledge: inconsequentiality. Living things die, and are in time forgotten. My work, my magnum opus, will ensure that my name will remain in the annals of history long after I have passed.
[break][break]
Riddle:[break]

SPOILER: Click to show

A map, surely.

PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

ANONYMOUS SURVEY ANSWERS

#1 Rumors say that the League is developing suits that match the style of a Pokemon a trainer has bonded with. Which Pokemon would you select as the style for your suit and what would it look like?

typhlosion. cool.

#2 All skilled trainers have a rival! Who's your rival and why?

none.

#3 Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?

i dont really care as long as i'm not dead.

#4 What do you think of Avatars, people who have been bestowed powers by legendary Pokemon? Do you believe it to be a blessing or a curse, or is it something humans should not meddle with?

they're weirdos. not my cup of tea.

#5 Why do you support the League/Team Rocket? If you are a member of one of these formal organizations, what compelled you to join?

i hate everyone.

#6 Select one of the following events and explain how it affected you. The Slateport Rocket Invasion, the Slateport Night Market Blacephalon Attack, the Ultra Beast Attacks on Mossdeep, The Ultra Beast War, the Sootopolis Takeover.

sootopolis takeover. the news earned a bunch of weirdos that day.

#7 TERAVOLT, a Hoennian Rock Band comprising of Guitarist CALLAN YOUNG and Lead Vocalist ADRIAN MALCOLM, from Slateport City, have been finding massive success in recent years. Out of their DISCOGRAPHY, which is your favourite song and why?

i don't listen to them

#8 Do you believe in free will or fate/destiny? Why? If the latter, do you believe you know what your destiny is?

free will.

#9 What is your greatest fear? If faced with said fear, how will you handle it?

dying. not die.

#10 What is your love language? How do you express affection and how do you like to receive it? If you are adverse to intimacy, why?

i only talk to people i tolerate

#11 If you could be a Pokemon or have a Pokemon represent who you are, which Pokemon would it be and why?

zigzagoon. they're scrappy.

#12 How do you feel about your own mortality (or immortality)? If you were to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

kill myself. i die by my own terms.

#13 How do you carry yourself? How vocally expressive are you? How bodily expressive are you? Are there any catchphrases or verbal ticks that you find yourself repeating? Where do you think they come from?

that's a lot of questions, bud

#14 Are you in the process of learning a new skill or researching a curious topic? What are you studying and why?

gardening. i like flowers now.

#15 What do they need and want out of relationships (humans or Pokemon), and how do they go about getting it?

money. extortion.

SUGGESTION. Do you have a suggestion for a future survey question? Please submit it below.

one question per question please.

R̵̖͎͐͐I̸͓͘ΙḒ̵̭͒D̷͈̀͌L̵̹͋̿Ȇ̶͕.I have rivers without Basculin and roads without cars, I have deserts without heat and snowlands without cold, I have mountains without height and canyons without depth. What am I?

map.

PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

ANONYMOUS SURVEY ANSWERS IC

SURVEY #1

Rumors say that the League is developing suits that match the style of a Pokemon a trainer has bonded with. Which Pokemon would you select as the style for your suit and what would it look like?

Garchomp, hands down. She was my starter pkmn, the one who's seen all my ups and my downs and remains my lifetime partner. As for an outfit—

"this question is so weird," mimi says out loud, readjusting herself on the sofa to cater to the young jangmo-o grumbling about cuddling space. "why would anyone wanna wear stuffy suits fashioned after their pokémon?"

it just sounds like adding annoying props to what should be a straightforward, honorable profession.

SURVEY #1 (CONT.)

I'd go with something simple. Your typical activewear. Ripstop, breathable and comfy, in navy blue.

satisfied with her answer, mimi turns to her friend with a grin. he seems to be engrossed in his own survey. "are they making you wear any dumb suits?" she teases.

SURVEY #2

All skilled trainers have a rival! Who's your rival and why?

A certain League member has been consistently getting on my nerves since we were children. Commissioner, if you're reading this, get HR on the case.

her gaze flicks to the unimpressed face staring at her screen over her shoulder. she chuckles. "what? am i wrong?"

SURVEY #3

Do you agree with the League's plan to warp the incoming meteoroid into an alternate universe Hoenn? Why or why not?

Fuck no. Are you ready to face the consequences of a potential inter-dimensional war? Because I'm not. It all comes back around one way or another. To even entertain the idea is truly the epitome of human arrogance.

mimi tries to scroll down the rest of the survey, but it seems one can only move onto the next question after completing the current.

some questions are more amusing than others, but steadfast, she continues answering each of them, one by one, to the very last.

SURVEY #15

What do you need and want out of relationships (humans or Pokemon), and how do you go about getting it?

I used to seek thrill. In battles, in relationships, in life. But I've come to realize that there is beauty in mundanity. Happiness can be found in a knowing look and a shared laugh, in a chill afternoon answering silly questions online. What I seek now is companionship.

How to go about achieving it? I'll get back to you on that.

SUGGESTIONS?

Do you have a suggestion for a future survey question? Please submit it below.

I dunno, maybe something cheesy like 'what's your favorite secret getaway?' I'm taking suggestions too.

RIDDLE

I have rivers without Basculin and roads without cars, I have deserts without heat and snowlands without cold, I have mountains without height and canyons without depth. What am I?

SPOILER: Click to show

You're the Map from Dora the Explorer, aren't you?

mimi takes a moment to stretch, after hitting submit. that was such a long survey. the jangmo-o frenetically jumping around seems to agree. she shakes her head but decides to indulge him this one time.

"are you done with your survey, lance? tuanzi is a little cannibal and wants some takeout dumplings. wanna grab some with us?"

maybe it also has a little bit to do with her unusual craving for dumplings.

(ft. LANCE VOLLANS)

PASSERBY ANALYTICS HQ

ANSWERS PROVIDED IC AS JOURNALIST BARNABY FINCH
(NOT ROCKET PERSONA)

SURVEY #1

An Alolan NINETALES, of course! Sleek, Elegant, Powerful.

SURVEY #2

I consider myself to be peerless, but I suppose if I had to choose either Percival Munn or PENELOPE LIVY could classify as such. Journalistic rivals.

SURVEY #3

With the options that were presented, yes. My concern is that the League should have a failsafe or backup plan in the event transporting the meteoroid to another dimension doesn't work out as they intended.

SURVEY #4

Blessings from the gods. Who wouldn't think that?

SURVEY #5

[unanswered]

SURVEY #6

[unanswered]

SURVEY #7

Their music is admittedly not quite my taste, but I enjoyed the song 'A Beautiful Lie' the most. I appreciated the message and more melodic tone.

SURVEY #8

Free will, to an extent. But who knows what the universe has in store for us?

SURVEY #9

Mediocrity. Falling into obscurity. I actively fight against this fear every day.

SURVEY #10

Physical touch and words of affirmation. If I like you, I make a point to show it. Life is too short to be reserved and not indulge in what you find pleasurable.

SURVEY #11

NINETALES. Kantoan or Alolan - it depends on my mood.

SURVEY #12

Death is inevitable. Live the life you want while you can! If I were to die tomorrow, I'd spend my last day on Earth with the ones I love.

SURVEY #13

Confidently, extravagantly. Some people have told me that I have a habit of adding, "hm?" to the ends of my questions. I'm not sure why I do this. Just a cute quirk, perhaps.

SURVEY #14

My job has me researching new things all the time. Luckily, my interests are broad so I'm never bored. The space-time distortion phenomena is something I've recently documented in detail.

SURVEY #15

Companionship. Enjoyment. Pleasure. Relationships should be mutually beneficial. Communication is important. Don't be afraid to tell someone what you want.

SUGGESTIONS?

[unanswered]

R̵̖͎͐͐I̸͓͘ΙḒ̵̭͒D̷͈̀͌L̵̹͋̿Ȇ̶͕

A map.