Andres palms a pokeball on his waist ready to call transportation out of there. Fast, quick, instant. He wants to go home and scream and cry and claw at his clothes and hair and skin because fuck this- Decade's old hurt bubbles under the surface, digging itself lie ka thorn into his throat, his chest, and the back of his head. He's falling into himself and he doesn't want Onyx to witness it because Onyx doesn't deserve it because Onyx- [break][break]

The lightest gasp escapes him as Onyx grabs him and he can't even fathom it. He pulls away, eyes straining to hold back tears of frustration suddenly seeing Onyx. "I don't know." he starts slowly, smile faltering as he clenched his jaw tight. Teeth shine under the light of a purple Minior. But he doesn't look up, and Chuchi doesn't give chase. The manic grin does all but make him look calm. "I don't ask fucking questions, and I damn well don't assume the bad decisions of others." he replied, speeding up as he spoke. [break][break]

And then he falters again. There it is. A sudden flash of hot and cold. A hiccup in brain activity. Neurons stop shooting their little electric pulses and his fake expression falters. He wants to puke. [break][break]

Of course he knew. "Of course I knew." [break][break]

Who knew better than him?! "Who knows better than me?!" [break][break]

And in that moment he sees it all again. The frustration, the anger. The swiftness his head had been smashed into a locker and then smashed again. The way his entire body had froze. How he hadn't fought back- couldn't fight back. The way he heard the insides of his head crack, and the stars in his vision. The stickiness in his hair, the struggle to breath- to scream. [break][break]

He remembered crying. No sobbing, no heaving, just his body doing its best to protect himself while under attack. A vain attempt at homeostasis. An escape. [break][break]

Andres doesn't realize he's crying. He doesn't realize he's clothing his head, body moving mechanically like before. Only this time, his hands manage to wrap around nothing but scars hidden in his undercut. And it only makes him angrier. [break][break]

"The difference? The difference is that I thought- I hoped you had changed!" It's selfish to have expectations when they were nothing to each other. And yet he still built them up in their head. He'd believed they were ok, mending whatever broke between them as children. "That- maybe whatever I saw had been a fluke! That you weren't involved in one of the world's largest terrorist orgs in the world! That you didn't put yourself in danger like that-!" He steps back putting distance between them as he unravels before Onyx, wiping his face with a sudden roughness. [break][break]

"Fuck me for being worried, right? Fucking idiot!!" He felt so deeply the need to bash his head in. To shut up. To run. But he can't just be quiet like always. He's not making sense anymore. It's all mixing together. Old and new hurt blur the lines. "I have to go."

[break][break]

+ onyx straub | CONFIDANTS BUT NEVER FRIENDS. WERE WE EVER FRIENDS? [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

He feels his heart squeezed when Onyx speaks. Because he's doing exactly what he had wanted to avoid. But the more he pities him, the worse the poison inside him spreads. The more something inside him shakes at its cage aching to scream and fight and lash out. Andres is worsening his own condition and there's no end to this episode until it passes. Until eh can hide away and appease whatever animal screamed in the pits of his subconscious for satisfaction. [break][break]

He is an idiot. Clumsily fighting himself, fighting with Onyx. Fighting an old trauma he thought he had won over because he went to therapy and exercised now. But put together with Onyx again makes him realize he's just the same worthless kid he'd always been. [break][break]

Andres overflows with a niche kind of self hatred. Tears continuing despite how his anger set in his jaw and furrowed eyebrows. "Never." he echoed despite how hard it was to speak. Because somehow that also hurt. Because everything hurts. Because it's all too much. [break][break]

With nothing left to say, Chuchi herds her trainer away. She doesn't look back at Onyx, barking more so at the fastest option home: Amplexus. Andres doesn't slow, walking off into the grass as the sky lights up once, twice- color after color seem to shift as a handful of Miniors drop all at once. But Andres doesn't watch.

[break][break]

+ onyx straub | WE THOUGHT WE HAD IT ALL ( THOUGHT WE HAD IT ALL ) [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]