[attr="class","illie i"]the mention of dahlia has her suddenly nervous, hands gripping sheets and then slowly releasing the crumpled fabric. she hadn't meant it like that. the commissioner has been nothing short of kind and precious toward the new scientist when she didn't necessarily need to be. and here she is, placing blame on the ideals she oversees? oh no. "i -- i don't think it's a problem with the league values, really," she offers sheepishly. her fingers begin to trace small patterns over the wrinkles in sheets. "more of a me thing, maybe? i wanted to feel like i belong in the position i have, sure, but that doesn't come from pressure in the league..." does she offer him tidbits of her history? or does she leave it at that? unable to decide, she settles on inklings of facts, even going so far as to add what she had told him back in his board room. "there are expectations of me from my parents, from you, from everyone. i wanted to exceed those expectations."

he continues to work through the fruit in his hands, speaking as he does so. she nods in response although her eyes drift back to the way the inside of the fruit gives way to his movements as if understanding it's no match for fernando silph with a knife. the whole place had pretty much dissolved into chaos from the moment the guards had begun to attempt to lock down the floor. of course, they were simply trying to do their jobs and nothing more, but had that really been the catalyst? or was it the mixture of wills in a small space? "it really was a mess," she tries to laugh but it sounds forced and she presses her lips into a firm line for a moment. "i didn't expect so many people for something that should have been simple." it turned out to be the exact opposite of what she had believed it to be from the start but sometimes, these things evolve into situations they can't predict.

another gentle acceptance of fruit follows, the piece popped into her mouth and slowly chewed on as with his words. strength in numbers makes sense and if she remembers correctly, he had been one of the only ones to try their hand at placating the situation. ah, but there was just one of him and a plethora of bodies taking immediate action against his ideals. a losing battle, perhaps, but the tenacity behind his actions still shows. "that's true," she murmurs, although she declines on adding further. instead, she ponders the thought a little further before swallowing her fruit.

"behind the whole thing or killing the tree?" her head tilts with the question. both options lead down different paths, really, but which one is worse?

[attr="class","illie i"]she's lulled into a false sense of security, of similar ideals and thinking. the nervousness fades into understanding and she can see where his reasoning lies. it's a difficult situation to approach for anyone but for the council? for the commissioner? the pressure at their backs must be overwhelming. she's always thought of their positions as ones of prestige, of honor, but now? there's almost a tint of pity in her gaze as she glances toward him.

"i suppose," she murmurs. contemplation overcomes her features and she's silent for a moment as her eyes drift back to the wall. even with bringing up the trend, would anything change? or would they still rush in without lingering on the consequences first? she had, as had the people around her throughout the fiasco in littleroot. it's easy to get caught up in the rush, in the surge of adrenaline that burns through your veins in the heat of the moment. "one or two people doing the same could be considered a coincidence but there were too many people for that to be an option." from a logical standpoint, anyway. even looking at it from a different view produces the same result and the notion tastes bitter in the mouth, much like betrayal. "maybe consequences could just be given to those involved and better training practices put into place? i know i'm not familiar with how everything works yet but that seems reasonable." less pressure on the council, less pressure on dahlia's shoulders? while it's nice in theory, niceness only goes so far against a predator and fernando silph is the fiercest of them all.

illeana hums as if weighing the options. "well," she begins, a finger rising to tap at her bottom lip. a habit she has yet to break, one of far too many it seems. "i would think that somehow some people with evil intentions put themselves in the midst of it all, right? i mean, it's only logical to assume that those there for league purposes wouldn't just poison the tree." her eyes had been slightly dazed earlier but as they turn back to him, they're as sharp and metallic as ever. "oh, and those security guards. they had some symbol on the chest that seemed familiar but i couldn't put my finger on where i saw it before. were they hired specifically for the event from some company or are they league affiliated?" that c logo, purple in color with odd patterns... only a brief pause had been spared toward the logo but she remembers being stuck on why, exactly, it seemed to pop out. curious. anyway, she shifts away from that weird tidbit of information to lean toward him a little, head tilting with interest. "you don't think someone pulled strings to make that entire thing happen, right? i mean, that'd just be vile."

[attr="class","illie i"]suspicion. naturally, she understands why it shrouds the entire event, clouding good intentions until they're muddy and dark. and yet, she doesn't know where it should lie. in those with the league? or those acting of their own accord? is it as simple as black and white or all different shades of grey? she hums as he speaks, each tidbit of information he strings out for her settling into place. each action had a consequence and he's painting a better picture for her to understand until it lays over the one she had.

"that, in itself, is a little worrying," she murmurs. her gaze shifts out of focus, as if she needs to recall the memories from before the destruction, before the poison muddied everything into a haze. the amount of people there that she hadn't recognized is too great of a number to be disregarded. he made sure to point that out, to note the oddity that it was that even a councilman didn't see many faces of recognition. "if they weren't with the league, then why were they there in the first place? certainly not as spectators if they disregarded the contest above." which, is another puzzle in itself. what was the reasoning behind the appearance of others? for her involvement, it's simple. being sent to investigate a random massive tree springing up in the middle of littleroot would fall under her jurisdiction. but... the same cannot be said for others. "this list of suspects... do you have any leads?"

when he resumes slicing the rest of the fruit, she doesn't follow the work of his hands. instead, her eyes settle on his face and linger on the way he's absorbed in the task. almost as if it's a distraction from other things or just simply something to do with his hands. if the fruit wasn't there, would he sit as still as a statue? given the indifference of his features, she has an inkling that he just might.

"i see," she sighs. nothing more than a simple security team doing their job, then. somehow, that makes her feel even guiltier for disregarding their presence in the first place. "do you think there's some different motive than what you've already found?" for a man of his authority, his intelligence, she would find it hard to believe he doesn't have his own theories of what transpired in that basement. although, thinking of fernando as a conspiracy theorist doesn't quite sound accurate even if it is. she shifts in the bed, head tilting with consideration. "i just don't understand where it all went wrong, you know?" another sigh escapes and she's propping her elbow up onto one knee, chin settling on a hand a moment later. looking to him for answers seems like the general course of this entire conversation and yet, she can't seem to shake the habit.

[attr="class","illie i"]her brow furrows at the single word, as if she's not certain if her thoughts are going in the right direction. on one hand, the way the event escalated points to nefarious themes but... does she really want to assume the worst? that there were people there with bad intentions? no, she doesn't want to and so she tries to steer herself away from that thought. instead, she tries to focus on the reoccurring theme of today: why. why were they there in the first place and... who led them there?

the road to hell might be paved with good intentions but who crafts the road in the first place?

"i," she starts and stops because she doesn't know if what she's about to say will damn her or not. is it wise to question their involvement in the first place? especially to a councilman? isn't that sort of just asking to be stripped of her title? swallowing, she continues. "i don't want to assume why others were there but i don't believe that they were there for their own reasons?" a hand rises to fiddle with a strand of hair, awkward and unsure. "it's natural to be curious about a random tree popping up in littleroot but to trespass and ignore security is a different matter in itself." briefly, she understands that that could be damning of her as well and so, she scrambles to cover it with her own explanation, her own reasoning thrown into the mix. "i was there for my department but i can't speak for everyone else involved."

security footage doesn't even help them in this situation, it seems. she briefly remembers the damage he's speaking of, although the pokemon that caused such a thing escapes her at the moment. with no footage, it would be even more difficult to gather any leads in the midst of the rubble. that much she understands but... what she doesn't understand is the next sentence he utters.

her... a suspect?

to say her jaw drops is almost an understatement. dark eyes fly open at the thought, mouth opening and closing for a few moments as her brain practically short circuits at the information. "you -- you," she stumbles over the words and has to pause to recollect herself, to run her hands through her hair and compose herself into the scientist she is. "they really can't believe i had anything to do with this." and then, she's second guessing her position within the league anyway because in the face of uncertainty, she looks to the source of power for reassurance and that just so happens to be fernando silph. "right?"

illeana flushes with embarrassment a moment later, as if more pieces of the puzzle fall into place and she's coming around to finally understanding why he wanted to lead her through her mistakes in the first place. instead of coming in and treating her as a suspect from the start, he settled in the chair beside her and bothered to listen to her. hell, he even wanted to show her the faults in her actions. "i'm sorry," she murmurs, looking at her hands, the plate, anywhere but his face. "i guess i just didn't think my actions would make me a suspect."

[attr="class","illie i"]relief follows a nod but as it always is, it's a short lived sensation. he manages to both disarm and rearm her within just a few sentences. while it's clear he understands her reasoning, even sort of agrees with it... there's still the blatant fact that she fucked up and he isn't willing to let it go. she didn't expect him to if she's being honest but the notion that it brings her into the spotlight as a suspect is unnerving. her position within the league is still fresh, still new, still easily changed. meekly, she adds a soft, "i see," and nothing further. what else can she really say? he's right, that much is obvious.

she remembers the piece of paper he stresses, almost remembers it clear as day. the way he strode toward the staircase with the right amount of authority and purpose was different than the way she had acted. two people in high places and yet, one went too far. "honestly, i didn't know a warrant was needed to be there," she murmurs. while it's logical and lawful, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind. she thought that with her scientific background looming behind her, she wouldn't face many obstacles. and, as always, she had been gravely mistaken.

the sensation of panic rises as he continues to speak. she's never been comfortable in the spotlight but the center of an investigation? how is anyone supposed to handle that? her skin feels like it's crawling, like it wants to leap off her bones into a pile on the floor. she swallows as if that will curb the sensation but it doesn't. instead, it brings with it a sense of nausea and she's paling by the minute, unable to even offer anything of sustenance to the topic.

and then, he utters four words that quell the feelings in her chest, that bring with them a light sigh of relief. i believe in you. it's funny, she has always had this notion that to advance in this world, in this society, she needed his approval. from the moment she entered his office as an intern until now, the words uttered to her on that day never escaped the confines of her mind. exceed the expectations held. don't just meet them. except, she has completely failed them and he still believes in her? cheeks radiate warmth and her gaze is darting to meet his, lips parting into a soft o shape. "you do?" it comes out sounding both relieved and incredulous as if she half expected him to take her side and half didn't. "i -- i know i put myself between a rock and a hard place with how i acted but if you believe in me then," she has to pause to string the words she wants to say into a comprehensible sentence. "maybe the investigators and the rest of the league will too?" the smile she flashes him is hopeful, easy to take advantage of.

it falls flat a moment later, lips settling back into a firm line. they... want her out of active operations? the widening of dark eyes returns and she can't help the way it catches her off guard. while the logic behind it is sound, reasonable even, she can't wrap her mind around it. what good is she to the league if she can't help when needed? awkwardly, she shifts and sinks further into pillows. "i understand that it's valuable to be a scientist, especially with the position i hold, but i joined the league with the intention of helping people," while her voice is soft, there's an almost defiant look in her eyes. not quite but enough to keep her going. "field operations are dangerous, that much is very certain, but others with higher positions and more to lose still put themselves into the line of fire for their duty to the league. shouldn't i be allowed to do the same?" it's not often that she stands up to anyone, especially someone of his caliber, but this might be a different set of circumstances.

to be useless is to be worthless and illeana reyes will be damned if anyone puts her in that position again.

[attr="class","illie i"]so apparently, she will be damned because there's no room for argument with the amount of facts he piles into the small spaces of the room. each one brings with it the overwhelming concept that she's in over her head. to be trained and readied for the field is one thing and he makes that point very clear. she's not on their level, not even close. still practically a baby bird with her wings clipped, rushing in would almost certainly get her killed. it's understandable, even painfully so, but does she want to accept that?

does she want to stay locked inside a lab instead of helping out?

there's two sides to every coin and apparently two sides to this situation too. on one hand, she could disregard the progress she has made to get this far in favor of putting her life on the line for others. and on the other, she could do as she's told and dedicate her time to what she was born and raised to do. somehow, it reminds her of her parents, of the way they engraved her purpose into her brain until she could no longer question any other way.

and somehow, it works. she backs down with a soft sigh and a head settling into her hands.

"i," she starts, swallows, continues. "i'm sorry." another apology, perhaps the twentieth one to be uttered since he entered this room. "i just want be to useful." and in his eyes, she is. perhaps not in the way she had hoped but it's hard to argue with the firmness of his tone, the facts laced through every syllable. they need her and it's foolish to refute that fact.

"you're right. the skillset i have is designed and bred for a lab. i -- i don't really even have any sort of training background that'd be suited for the field but i just thought that as long as i'm trying to help, it's worth something." of course, she had been mistaken in her thought process. her worth is not measured by the field work she does or how many times she narrowly survives. no, it's measured by the work she does in the science department and he has made sure to remind her of that. and yet, it still somehow leaves her mouth bitter as if it's not enough to not feel expendable.

in the end, she backs down and cowers as only she knows best. while it might be commendable that she tried to stick up for herself, tried to make herself out to be stronger than she is, it only results in her crumbling back into that scared little girl from snowpoint who can't make her own decisions. "i don't want to lose all of the hard work i've done to get here," she murmurs and it tastes like defeat. "not yet." perhaps eventually she will lose it all but that day isn't on the horizon yet and hopefully, it never will be.

[attr="class","illie i"]the calling of her name brings with it the rising of her head. slightly, just enough to peek out at him from behind her hands. his tone softens, shifts into something that lures her into a false sense of security. perhaps that's why she lowers her hands further until her face is no longer obscured from sight. "as far as textbook goes, to be useful is to be able to be used for practical purpose." although, that isn't what he's asking. she flushes and continues.

"but i suppose it depends on the person," she murmurs.

is being useful the same for everyone? or simply based off of different desires? does she want to be useful for those around her or for herself? sighing, she moves her head to rest her cheek on one palm. "being useful doesn't mean putting myself at risk of endangerment." it takes a few moments for her to come to this conclusion but eventually she does, even if it's a whispered admittance as if she's not sure that's what he truly means.