MARCH UPDATE

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 2:50:25 GMT

☆ kyouya / male / sheer force / sky drop, hone claws, bulk up, tailwind, aerial ace, rock slide

“Bruh,” was the next thing he said before doing the ‘pull’, stretching out the cheese as much as he could before it naturally separated.

“This tastes absolutely fucking fantastic!”

When was the last time he’d made something savory in the oven? Definitely been a while, that’s for sure! He’d always, always turn to making something sweet whenever he got the chance, so to be able to get to try something savory again, and made by someone else no less—

“Do you have the recipe for it?” he asked right after he took another bite of the tart. “I wanna try making it!”

And then he laughed at the mention of all the food.

“C’mon, look, it’s the two of us. I’m sure we can finish all the food. Between you and me? This’ll all be gone before the evening’s over!”

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 4:32:01 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
Memo felt every breath he’d ever inhaled leave him in that one moment because bruh was not an answer!
[break][break]
He sat and watched Alex play-- like, literally, play-- with his food, why was that so endearing?
[break][break]
You got it bad, kid.
[break][break]
“Yeah, I’m sure I saved it on Pinterest or something,” he says, trying his damndest to act cool, but he was certain he was grinning from ear to ear, like a damn fool.
[break][break]
The cups are red Solo, the opposite of fancy, but the champagne is chilled and bubbly and actually quite nice, which it should be, considering he spent $140 dollars on it. He fills them ¾ of the way up and slides one over to Alex.
[break][break]
The window to the sea is turning golden and red with the setting sun. It’s peaceful. Only the bounce, bounce, bounce of one of his feet betray his nerves.

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

what is tense? we just don't know

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

SILAS ♂ WEAK ARMOR - DISABLE, SPITE, NIGHTSHADE, HEX, CURSE, GRUDGE

OLÍMPIA ♀ DAMP - DRAGON BREATH, HYDRO PUMP, AGILTY, SMOKESCREEN, RAIN DANCE

ROLLO ♂ ICE BODY - WATER GUN, SHEER COLD, SWAGGER, POWDER SNOW

[newclass=.rigid] width: 400px; margin: 0 auto; font-family: roboto; color: #aaa; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: .5px; text-align:justify; padding-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; line-height: 15px;[/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid b] color: #d49736; font-size: 11.5px; font-family: trebuchet ms; letter-spacing: .5px; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid a] text-decoration: none; color: #d49736; font-style: italic; font-weight: lighter; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid h1, h2, h3] display: inline-block; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid h1] font-size: 13px; font-weight: lighter; color: #d49736; letter-spacing: .5px; line-height: 0px; font-family: monospace; text-transform: uppercase; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid i] color: #d49736; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigid u] text-decoration: none;border-bottom: solid 1px #d49736; [/newclass]

[newclass=.rigidtag] text-align: right; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-top: 20px; font: 10px monospace; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigidtag a] font: 11px Montserrat; font-weight: 800!important; font-style: italic; letter-spacing: 0px; text-transform: lowercase; [/newclass]

[newclass=.rigidnotes] text-align: justify; padding: 20px 40px 10px 40px; font: 10px monospace; letter-spacing: .3px; border-top: solid 1.5px #323232; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigidnotes h1] font: 14px Montserrat; font-weight: 800!important; font-style: italic; letter-spacing: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; color: #d49736; text-shadow: 2px 2px 0px #1e1e1e; padding-bottom: 5px; text-align:center;[/newclass]
[newclass=.rigidnotes a] font: 11px Montserrat; font-weight: 800!important; font-style: italic; letter-spacing: 0px; text-transform: lowercase; color: #d49736; [/newclass]

[newclass=.rigidw] padding: 40px; background: #272727; [/newclass]

[newclass=.rigid span] display: inline-block; [/newclass]

[newclass=.rigidpokes] text-align: center; margin: 0 auto; background: #d49736; padding: 5px; width: 390px; margin-left: -40px; margin-bottom: -40px; margin-top: 10px; [/newclass]
[newclass=.rigidpokes img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 4:38:34 GMT

“You know, if you packed actual champagne glasses this would look much nicer,” he began with a crack, the barest hint of a grin on his face as he accepted the red cup from the other before swilling it around a few times just to enjoy the bubbly, fruity aroma before taking a sip.

What, he couldn’t help himself!

“Mmm…” he muttered around the mouthful of ‘adult fruit juice’ in his mouth, before destroying the tart and grabbing another piece and doing the exact same danged thing as earlier, stretching the cheese out because c’mon, what idiot didn’t like a decent cheese pull?

“Is… is something up?” he asked the other, who started acting all weird and strange.

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 5:03:36 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
“I don’t have champagne flutes,” he said, pouting a bit, “and I was worried real glass would crack and ruin everything.” If Alex thought getting two people out here by fish was difficult, he’d be astounded to know how much of an undertaking it was with just one human-- plus two chairs, a table, a bunch of towels and blankets, and a giant picnic basket full of food.
[break][break]
He got caught up in watching Alex enjoy the gifts he’d given him, again. It was miraculous. It was heavenly. God, what a fucking sap.
[break][break]
“Oh,” he said, a soft exhale, steeling himself for everything that could very well go wrong. Guess the jig was up. “Yeah, actually I-- I wanted to ask you something.” There, he said it, holy shit, he was going to burst into starlight and fade into sand and flow out with the tide. “It’s nothing bad, or crazy life changing, or anything.”

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

what is tense? we just don't know

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 14:37:14 GMT

“Well you can find the mock ones! You know, the ones cast out of plastic but look disturbingly like real glass? They have those, you know!” he pointed out.

Takes a bartender to know one. This was his six or so years of experience speaking.

He continued to demolish the tarts piece by piece, relishing the ‘cheese pull’ he did on every other piece while draining the contents of the cup. Hey, it was no nice fluted glass but it would have to do for now!

Memo was trying his best, after all.

Aha. His intuition was never wrong. It never had been—unless one instance was mentioned but we don’t talk about that, oh no. No no no no.

“What’s up?” he continued as this time he reached for one of the containers that had a sandwich inside. Whatever meat it was, he didn’t know, but one thing was for sure: whatever Memo made was guaranteed to be abso-fucking-lutely tasty no matter what it was.

“What’s on your mind?”

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 16:53:42 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
He was trying not to mentally slap himself for not thinking of that. To be fair, he’d had… other things on his mind.
[break][break]
“Next time, then,” he says, voice quiet under the sound of the surf.
[break][break]
The sandwich wrapper had a T & C stenciled on it and black marker which meant it was turkey and provolone with a smattering of veggies, mostly peppers and onions. As he continued his foray into Anxiety Cooking, he was realizing he put onions on everything.
[break][break]
“Um.” He started, feeling his mouth go dry and his stomach roll. “I was wondering, if…” he inhaled, loading himself like a cannon, before--
[break][break]
“Ifyou’dconsiderbeingmyboyfriend.”
[break][break]
There, he said it, it was out. Whether it was able to be understood or not was another story.
[break][break]
“Y’know… like, officially.”
[break][break]
Because Memo already imagined they were dating and without confirmation that was a dangerous way to think.

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

what is tense? we just don't know

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 18:01:17 GMT

He stopped for a few moments at the label on the paper, before shrugging. Half the fun was pulling apart the wrapping to see what the hell awaited underneath, and he was rewarded with a turkey sandwich!

While he busied himself with the sandwich (by proceeding to take a big fucking bite out of it) he continued to watch the other quietly, idly, wondering—

What was going on? Why was there so much nervous energy rolling off of—

“Hm?” he blinked, mouth full of sandwich as the other seemed to stumble on his words, mumbling them in one fucking go…

“Wha—I’m sorry, what?” he continued, because the way Memo had just blurted out that one particular sentence sounded like he’d eaten his own words like it was nothing.

“You spoke too fast, I didn’t catch that.”

(He knew he was putting the other in the spotlight, but then again…)

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 18:38:59 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
Oh, god, he was going to make him say it again, the ass. Memo swallowed, forcing himself to calm down. This was important, so it was important enough to do right-- well, as right as he could, anyway.
[break][break]
He was sure his face was turning red but he couldn’t tell if that was from anxiety or the fact that his chest currently felt constricted and he was having trouble taking a full breath.
[break][break]
“I was wondering, if, you would be-- my boyfriend,” he managed, finally, and this time it did come out as regular English, if a little bit of an uneven tempo. “Like, if we could officially. Date. Be together. As a-- a couple.”
[break][break]
He had to look away because, oh, god, what if he said no? He'd never asked this before-- never had the opportunity, never had the-- the person, to ask.
[break][break]
“I mean, I get that, like, you may not have. Planned for that or. Want to do that or anything. So we could also still be, uh. This.”
[break][break]
This. What a loaded word.

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

what is tense? we just don't know

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 19:45:07 GMT

Now that the other wasn’t eating his words…

The blush came back, full fucking force, no questions asked.

He’d almost dropped the sandwich and the red cup, thank fuck he’d had the thought to not be an idiot and sit on the edge of the chair (he was actually seated somewhere in the middle) and so therefore the sandwich ended up landing somewhere on his inner thigh, while the red cup was like—

“You…”

That was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

Because oh fucking djinni, now he’d hit a wall. A very hard, figurative wall.

How was…

How was he going to answer to this? It was—

He blinked, before grabbing the sandwich and taking another huge bite out of it to stall for time.

Tick, tock, Alexei!

His mind was literally screaming at him. The question had come from out of nowhere, but at the same time he had a feeling that it was… coming, so to speak.

His thoughts then dwelled on the world-crossing shenanigans he’d been caught up in—it was like.

It was like…

The other Mattie he’d met in that reality ~~(the one where he was dead)~~ where everything was underground, it was like him saying his last ‘goodbye’ to the bluenette, so to speak.

Because the @mattis of this world was… потерял, among other things. Maybe… it was time to really say ‘goodbye’ to the bluenette, for real.

Things had really come to a head now, hadn’t they?

“…Memo.”

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 20:04:51 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
Alex was blushing, and Memo’s eyebrows raised, just a little; he didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. What he did know was that he loved seeing that blush and if he had to go on the rest of his life seeing it with this-- this weird, friend-zone shaped wall between them, he’d die.
[break][break]
No, you won’t, he thought, as his heart hammered, you’ll be okay. You’ll accept his rejection and you’ll continue being his friend because you care about him.
[break][break]
But at the same time his throat clenched and he sure did feel like he would die.
[break][break]
“I--,”
[break][break]
He didn’t want to speak, didn’t think he could. Oh, god, he’d ruined it, hadn’t he? This was supposed to be a nice and relaxing evening where they could both just chill and enjoy each other’s company and he’d fucking ruined it.
[break][break]
“You don’t have to answer now, if you don’t want,” he said, voice hoarse, body buzzing. “You don’t have to answer-- at all.”
[break][break]
He wanted to crawl into the water and never come back up.
[break][break]
“I’m sorry.”

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

what is tense? we just don't know

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 21:04:13 GMT

“I already said… my goodbye, you know.”

He didn’t know what he was saying. It was just random words coming out of his mouth at this point.

“I don’t know if you’d believe me, but… down at Granite Cave, earlier this year… I made a wish.”

While it wasn’t the wish he really wanted, or the other wish (because he’d seen just what the fuck had gone down at the Star Soiree that had happened fairly recently) he’d decided to go with something else, instead…

And that ended up with him going to a world where he was dead, but a certain someone wasn’t. Such irony.

“I made a wish… and I ended up crossing into another universe. Another reality, so to speak.”

He then put the cup down on the table between them, just to make sure he didn’t send it flying.

“I told him everything I wanted to tell him, before I came back here… with that drum. I left a piece of my heart with him, you know. As I do, with all of the other guys who came in my life, and just left… so suddenly.”

Ah, that drum.

“I still have one more piece of my heart with me, Memo.”

One last piece.

The very last one he’d been holding onto, afraid to drop it because if he did…

“Would I… would I risk losing everything if I gave you that very last piece?”

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 17, 2022 22:00:06 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
Memo’s brow creases as he tries to puzzle out what Alex is saying. Goodbye to what? Goodbye to whom?
[break][break]
What did you wish for?
[break][break]
Alex sets his cup down and his eyes look distant. Vacant. And Memo’s stomach rolls and he feels like absolute garbage because this was supposed to be something-- something different. Something nice for the both of them. But he’s gone and fucked it up and really put his foot in it and now--
[break][break]
--one single piece.
[break][break]
His last piece.
[break][break]
How ironic, whereas Memo has too many pieces to hold, too many pieces to give. He’s so full of love he can’t speak.
[break][break]
He’s quiet for a moment, thinking, digesting.
[break][break]
“I… can’t answer that for you, honey,” he says, finally, voice full of emotion. He wants to reach out and touch him, wants to fall on his knees in the pebbles and seaglass, and promise Alex the world.
[break][break]
He swallows.
[break][break]
“I can only give you what I have, which is all of me; and I can promise you that what I feel for you is real and that I will do my absolute best to protect and care for all your pieces, which I already do. I can give you my word and all my pieces, in exchange. But…” he inhales, fighting down the feeling in his voice, to stop himself from sobbing this next part-- “...only you can decide if that’s a risk you are ready to take or not. And if it isn’t, I understand. And I’m more than happy to wait until it ever is.”

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

i cried a little writing this : ' )

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 18, 2022 18:55:52 GMT

Unlike the last person he’d given a piece of his heart to—technically, it was Mattie, but then the concept of the multiverse just suddenly popped into fucking existence so it felt like there was one piece of his bleeding heart that had gone off to that Dune-like world, where the ‘building-eater’ (Guzzlord) had literally run amok and drove most of everyone living there underground—

There he was.

Memo.

Right there, in front of him, flesh and blood and bone and—

How in the fucking hell was he going to tell the other?

Why was it so damned fucking hard to talk about that?!

For his part, Alexei pressed his flingers together, clenching them tightly as he attempted to gather his thoughts.

“I… I told my last ex my goodbyes, Memo,” he began quietly.

“When I crossed into the other world. I found an underground Fortree, and while he was still alive, apparently, the me of that world wasn’t… but… I found out something else about ‘myself’, so to say. But it’s… it’s a stretch.”

He wasn’t going to reveal what he knew, at least not yet, because it was extremely fantastical, not to mention very selfish of him, but who knew? Due to the multitude of worlds that existed, maybe there really was a reality out there where he was…

“I left him, with the words that… that I’ve been so afraid to say, for so long. The words you say so freely, but I struggle with, because…”

Another beat of silence.

“…because I’m afraid of getting burned. I’ve been burned… so many times already, y-y’know?” he stammered. “Always… always giving myself too early, too quickly, too… too soon…”

He then rubbed at his eyes with his right hand, willing himself to stop from having another raw, emotional breakdown in front of the other.

“It’s… it’s like. I know… I know, that I’m in… that I’m in more than deep like with you, but… but what if… what if this last piece of… of myself, of my bleeding heart gets crushed… then I’d be left with… with nothing…”

He took another sharp breath, willing himself not to cry.

“I don’t want to get burned anymore.”

(bonus: artist’s rendition of what Alex meant, obvs not drawn by me, but the point stands)

close tab

played by

Ceej

Memo

He/him

August 26

Spikemuth, Galar Region

Homosexual

Ranger Captain

Elite Ranger

5'4" / 162 cm height

it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise

awards

1,207 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @memo

POSTED ON Jul 19, 2022 1:56:13 GMT

Alexei Ivanov likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]
He doesn’t understand. And how can he? He’s never even had a real boyfriend before-- certainly nothing that came nearly this close; he’s certainly never felt remotely the same about anyone, the way he feels about Alex. And it's scary, the strength behind it-- the sheer power of his emotions, of his love. It's like a wave, threatening to sweep him away.
[break][break]
He let Alex talk it out. It wasn’t fair of him to interrupt, or impose. But slowly, the feeling of dread began to seep away, replaced with something brighter, something-- if not hope, then a cousin of it, at least.
[break][break]
He’s torn between wanting to give him space and wanting to protect him and wanting to tear the world down and reshape it in Alex’s image. But he’s always been a shower, not a teller, and so his restraint lasts until Alex scrubs at his eyes and his voice begins to waver before he’s up and crossing the space between, sitting himself down beside Alex-- the chair groans underneath their combined weight-- and he slides an arm around his back, gentle, fingers feather-light around the opposite curve of his ribcage.
[break][break]
“Hey,” he says, soft, but not morose, and his eyes are filled with light, “it’s okay. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not be ready. You’ve been through so much. I get that.”
[break][break]
He strums his thumb along the fabric of Alex’s shirt, along the outside of his chest, where his heart would be.
[break][break]
“I don’t mind waiting until you feel-- like the ground is safer. More stable. That doesn’t bother me. I just know-- I care about you a lot. It’s a real thing, what I feel for you. And it’s important, not just to you, but to myself, that I’m upfront about that. So we know where we stand.”
[break][break]
He leans his temple against nook where bicep meets shoulder, eyes half-lidded, looking out at the brilliant sunset and the way the light is staining the dark water gold.

“I was only-- scared because I thought I’d made you upset. I don’t ever want to make you upset. I only want to make you happy.”

[attr="class","rigidtag"]Alexei Ivanov

[attr="class","rigidnotes"]

notes.

sheer agony for me

[attr="class","rigidpokes"] TITANIC ♀ ADAPTABILITY - HEAD SMASH, DOUBLE EDGE, THRASH, AQUA TAIL, FINAL GAMBIT, SOAK

close tab

played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy

he / him / his

thirty

december 22

Mistralton, Unova

homosexual demiromantic

sanctuary owner

civilian

6’1 height

дождь крови

awards

5,130 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @alexei

POSTED ON Jul 19, 2022 18:51:10 GMT

Guillermo Marceliño likes this

Fact of the matter that the other was already taking so many things into consideration on his account made him come to a quiet stop and listen to what Memo had to say about… about his fucking ineptitude of just outright confessing.

Because after being burned so many times, especially after the last few, Alexei had become so wary about laying everything down all at once—he’d taken precautions to shut himself in a ‘secret garden’ of sorts, with very high walls… kind of like how Rapunzel did it, only instead of unintentional, he deliberately chose to do that to himself.

“I’m… I’m sorry if I’m making you wait,” he began quietly. There was just—a lot to contend with.

“It’s just… I want to be absolutely sure before I commit again. Getting blown off absolutely sucks, getting ghosted a… a lot more worse, so…”

Much as he wanted to look at the other, he couldn’t bring himself to.

It felt like the shame was welling up inside of him, laughing at him and mocking him for being way too careful now and reaching out with a fucking knife that had his blood all over the blade to stab him in the head with over and over until—

“I… I really want to make sure that this,” he dropped off for a few moments to gesture between the both of them, “…isn’t going to end up like what happened to everything else I’ve been through up until this point.”

Because if it does happen, then what else can I give? I’m so tired of laying myself down for whoever, and they just end up burning me at the stake… he wanted to say, but kept that to himself instead.

AGONY IN THE SECRET GARDEN