the answer [m][c]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
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1,207 posts
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TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Jul 27, 2022 21:42:07 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
He lapsed into silence, not wanting his anger to color his words any more. This was a somber moment, and it wouldn’t hurt him to be more respectful. He could be upset on Alex’s behalf another time.

In the same vein, it wasn’t fair for Alex to have to carry this remorse forever. These were heavy burdens to shoulder, and it angered Memo even more that Alex’d had to do so by himself for so long.

He squeezed his heart’s hand, eyes brimming with tears, unsure if they were from anger or sadness.



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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 1, 2022 18:45:29 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



Zelle was still clearly angery, because the soft hissing didn’t relent, not until she turned around to look at the two and resume her position back atop her mother’s head—

Squish.

At the same time, the Duskull turned around to face them, before blinking exactly once—and Alexei felt another shiver of fear run through his spine. It was like—the Duskull fucking knew.

Knew of its past life—

The gentle pressure of another hand snaps him out of the internalized panic that he’s about to sink into; and he looked around—only to remember that he hadn’t come out here alone, he arrived with another human presence. The best thing he could do at this point in time is to rub at the back of his eyes with his left hand.

“Now…you know why I keep Zelle under lock and key.”



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 3, 2022 0:09:04 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Memo frowned. He squeezed Alex’s hand, willing him to stay present.

“Because you want to protect her?” he asked, voice quiet, stomach spiking with a roll of nausea. This was eerily familiar to a conversation they’d had previously, in bed. Not like that! After Alex’s breakdown.

One Memo’d had to get up and leave the room for.

“Or because she’s angry?”

Because if it was the former, it didn’t seem quite fair. And he would, against all his better judgement, have to voice that thought, if it came to it. Just because he loved Alex-- yeah, using the big 'L' word here-- didn't mean he had to agree with everything Alex did.




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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 16, 2022 18:28:01 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



“A little bit of both, actually.”

That, plus one could never know if there were other people prowling around who wanted to take her from him.

“There was a time a lot of people were coming after me just because I had her. But… I knew that she was special. Like, there’s something with her that compels me to want to keep her safe for as long as I’m around.”

The Duskull continued to hang around, circling the monument quietly and temporarily disappearing from sight as it wandered to the opposite side of the slab of marble.

“And there’s like, no way I’m ever giving her up to anyone else…”



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 28, 2022 21:39:27 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
The corner of his mouth quirks upwards in the tiniest little bit of a smile. “Honey,” he says, slow and warm, like what he’s about to reveal is groundbreaking, “there’s something with everyone that compels you to want to keep them safe.”

He laughs, just an exhale. “You are the world’s biggest mother hen. It’s your blessing and your curse.”




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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 1:07:32 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



“Is—is that a problem?” he blinked at the other, wondering if it was something he said.

“I…I don’t know. It’s like… you know… I’m trying to make up for the neg…the negligence I got from my parents…by overcompensating to try and take care of everyone I know. Everyone I meet. Everyone I become close with. Is that… is that bad?”

He blinked, and sighed.

The Duskull had returned from its trip around the memorial, hovering closer to the Phione now and chittering with the Water-type.



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 2:39:11 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Memo laughs a little bit, bringing Alex’s hand between his two own, rubbing over the back of Alex’s knuckles with his thumbs. “It’s not… a problem, per se,” he says, trying to think, to choose his words carefully, “and it’s certainly not bad.”

His gaze drifts to the two Pokemon as they interacted.

“I just think sometimes. It makes you…. Vulnerable.” He finally says, then frowns. “That’s… that’s not right. It’s hard to explain. Um. You take a lot of pressure onto yourself. You blame yourself for a lot of things that are out of your control.” His caressing grew a little bit more fevered as he struggled to find the words.


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 2:50:20 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



He then remembered the one time he had a talk with both Ethan and Claire—who he suspected were actually a couple—when they’d gone out for drinks.

Just him and the two receptionists, and how they got to talking about how Alex literally mother hen’d everyone at the Sanctuary.

“Maybe… maybe you’re right,” he admitted quietly.

“Claire… said the same shit about me. How I take on too much at one time and…” he trailed off, wringing his other hand in mid-air while the Duskull and Phione were chittering quietly in the background.

“Maybe…I do, try to take on too much… but is it my fault—is it my fault I want to help that bad?” he choked out a few moments later, his tone becoming emotional all of a sudden.



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
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TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 3:47:20 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Memo rocked forward onto his toes, smile peaking; if he’d had canine ears, they’d have perked.

“That has a nice ring to it, you know,” he quipped, boyish grin plastered across his face; it all faded, though, as Alex appeared to get choked up.

“Oh, honey,” Memo swung out in front of Alex, palm to palm, fingers intertwined; he caught the hand that was wringing at the empty air, palm to palm, fingers intertwined. “It’s not a fault to have a large, caring heart. You just… also need to balance it, sometimes. With… understanding your own limits. It’s not fair to yourself, or anyone, if you take on the weight of the world and blame yourself for things you can’t control.”

Like with Zelle's family.



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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 3:57:38 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



Maybe he was looking for some semblance of control, after all—the way that some things had slipped beyond his fingers, the way that he couldn’t chase after whatever scenario had happened—

Like the death of the other Phione, for one thing.

It was like—it was like the two Pokémon knew what the humans were talking about, and this time it was the Duskull that hovered closer to Alexei, trying to touch the other’s cheek with one of its spectral, stubby arms.

Zelle, in her own way, turned around to follow the other, trying to get him to stay away, to back off from actually touching her—their—mother, but it was too late for that now!

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he sobbed, turning to find the Duskull so close to his face—he didn’t even think about anything, and squeezed Memo’s hands for a few moments before letting go—at least for a bit.

Because he couldn’t control himself anymore.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I let you die,” he cried, reaching for the Duskull and actually hugging the specter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything, I’m so sorry I was too late to save you, you didn’t deserve—you never deserved—you never…you didn’t deserve what happened to you!”

And now he was legitimately crying, bawling, arms trembling as he held the Duskull close; for a few moments it was like the spectral form had melted away; shimmering haze of a mirage transforming, temporarily at least—into another Phione whose wet, stubby, fingerless arms reached out to hold him, to hug him back.

He didn’t realize that the one that had died—was the one who’d temporarily claimed Zelle’s favorite perch of his head back during the Three-Day War. The perch that Zelle herself defended with much fervor…

At least, until now.



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 4:07:56 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Memo stepped back, just a few inches, and let it happen, let Alex have his space, so he could get out what he needed to get out. He felt his own eyes tearing up as Alex poured his heart-- his beautiful, huge, wonderful heart-- out into the open air, littering the Duskull with tears and apologies, crystalline, fragile, and rare.

Guillermo swallowed, forcing himself to remain calm, distant for the time; he didn’t interject to defend Alex, to say you didn’t let anyone die, like he wanted to.

After a minute or so, he reached out and gently laid a hand on Alex’s back, rubbing small circles into the span between his shoulderblades.



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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 4:25:14 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



He was in the middle of pretty much a breakdown, because holy shit, he was hugging a specter and his brain didn’t register it—because for some strange reason his mind registered that he was holding a Phione, the dead one—back after what had happened at the beach.

He remembered how he’d shouted, literally screamed at the sea witch bitch after she’d manhandled the Phione so much, it ended up dying as he tried to stop her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he continued to say, only instead of it coming out in English, it was coming out in Russian as another wave of emotion overtook him as he continued to hold the Duskull close, never mind of the little specter was flailing within his hold as his tears continued to fall, touching the spectral form as he rocked the other, holding them close to his living form.

“I’m sorry I failed you…”



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 18:22:37 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Yeah, Guillermo hadn’t missed that Alex was hugging a ghost-- something that, ninety seconds ago, would have sent him into a full-blown, passing-out panic. But Memo supposed that some traumas outweighed others-- some feelings were just heavier, needed out more.

He continues his gentle back-rubbing, pausing every few seconds to rub his thumb along the back of Alex’s neck, through the hair at his nape, then back to the space between his shoulderblades, where he can feel his ribcage heaving with sobs.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, fighting off his own urge to get involved, to offer comfort. This wasn’t about him, this was about Alex, and Memo would just be there when it was time to come back up for air.



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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Aug 30, 2022 19:22:57 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar



Was Memo seeing the breakdown™ that he’d kept hidden for so long because of the aftermath of the Three-Day War?

Highly likely.

Zelle could only hover as close as she could between the two, the quiet, chirping noises she made little consolation—because back then she was the angry one, and if she knew anything stronger than Water Pulse at the time she’d have blasted the sea witch bitch away from her mother and her dead sibling.

The Water-type could only look over at Memo, at a complete loss for words, before floating over to him and touching her forehead with his, this time.

Like, urging him to comfort her ‘momma’, because at this point in time Alexei was pretty much inconsolable as he kept the Duskull close to him, arms trembling, body heaving with grief as the strange, unfamiliar language continued to spill from him.

(Not that Memo would understand a single lick of Russian, but all the words he was saying at this point were words of apology, of inadequacy, of the lack of tact of not stopping the bitch from getting away with what she did.)



time for a little history lesson ft. Zelle


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
the answer [m][c]
POSTED ON Sept 5, 2022 4:05:20 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
Memo closed his eyes and leaned into Zelle, rubbing Alex’s back all the while.

“He’s gotta let it out, love,” he said, gaze lifting to her concerned face.

Because for all his worrying (and there was a lot) Alex didn’t… cope, so well, which was obvious even from their short amount of time together. He piled and piled and piled it on, and didn’t allow himself a moment’s break-- just cramming unrequited anger into his chest, internalizing all that shit, until he rang at 3:00 in the morning on the hard, raw edge of a nervous breakdown.

Occasionally, he allowed himself an angry ice-cream sandwich-- but all the ice-cream sandwiches in the world did not a trauma subsistence make.

Memo let him sob for a few more seconds, not halting his touch the whole while; then, he stepped in front of Alex, reached up to place a hand gently on the back of his skull, and guided the taller man down, forehead to shoulder. He was already almost bent double with sobs, so it wasn’t a long reach.



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The Shula Region
Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
MR
The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing