it feels too good to be true. she's staring at the money and thinking of how many faces she had to punch in to get it and then she's looking at nomi - gloriously naked, with bruises along her collarbone courtesy of parker's own lips - and she's thinking how did i get so lucky?

the jones don't have luck. the jones scrape shit off people's shoes and then have to squirrel back away to their hidey holes until something bigger and something meaner comes and forces them out. 

she doesn't realize, until this very moment, that she's been waiting for the other shoe to drop. all these years and she's waiting for the end - the same end that took her parents from her, as shitty as they were. 

and again she's looking at nomi and that bright, incandescent smile and she's thinking that's all for me. that's mine. 

so fortune and future and what-ifs be damned. she'll follow nomi into the dark if it kills her, but gods at least she'll die happy. 

"okay," she says and she closes the distance. she takes her in her arms and she spins her, laughing, saying, "okay, fuck yeah. fuck, let's go buy a house."

Naomi Sato

☉

well, it's probably why they're sending parker. they're sending him to do the actual important work. like getting the fancy schmany samples from the dirt so they can find out all the new and terrifying ways hoenn and its population are royally fucked. eh, but orders are orders and them's the brakes.

"yeah, maybe," she says and thinks oh, nomi, my sweet, you better be there. i'd hate to have to break all these toys down here before you get to play with them.

his exclamation makes her grin like a madwoman and she flexes her biceps haughtily before laughing and going, "fuck no. i mean, yeah, but the thing beat my ass and really it wasn't my bare hands. i was wearin' my brass knuckles. gottem as a gift from i- i gotta pee."

her brain catches up to her mouth. she looks at her partner. then at the bushes. then back at him. 

"nevermind."

something run them over. please. 

"hey-look-is-that-it-over-there?" she says in one long rush and traipses ahead.

Rhys Collins

☉

yo, maybe she should try that on nomi at home. she can see it now - she'll wait until she gets home from the lab and she'll obviously be shirtless and she'll languish there, by the kitchen, maybe with a beer or something in her hand (yeuck) and she'll say that. 

yeah, yeah, yeah. 

where the FUCK IS HER GIRLFRIEND?

she looks around when he tells her she's not half bad, as though nomi might materialize next to her. if only the unown had bestowed upon her a hotness radar that could attract her to her as long as parker was acting sexy enough. 

no, wait, that might make the bedroom stuff even more freaky. she's already pretty sure they eyeballs watch them, even if nomi promises they don't.

he says something about how it's not fair and her response is to cut in with a blunt, "is the gauze on your fingers too?" 'cause if he's got two fingers working, maybe she can work some magic for the unfortunate woman he's trying to bed. she'll just need to find, like, a pomegranate or something down here. 

it seems he's more of a hands-on learner anyway. he could literally just use the pick-up line she handed him, but he wants to do as he does, not as she...says? okay, whatever. she'll humor him. 

she stalks up to him, hips swinging, trying (and mostly failing) to be as effeminate as possible, and when she gets near enough, she tilts her head back and looks up at him as adoringly as she possibly can (half-snarling, brows furrowed, shoulders squared), and says, "tell me what you wanna do to me, baby."

and gods, she almost vomits.

Shred Zeppelin

☉

it, decidedly, likes this one and his strange accent. the fire pokemon's tongue lolls out of her mouth and ceruledge watches it with great interest. blue embers spark off of his armor and he looks her up and down, then back at the man. 

slowly, tentatively, cautiously, he cocks his own head and reaches with his fiery blades towards the man's bushy mustache. 

"AYO," parker calls, abandoning the scrabble game on her phone for the moment (Naomi Sato always wins because she tries her best to put words like 'butt' and 'fart' and nomi actually plays), and ceruledge draws back.

"we're trying to teach him manners today. i think. i dunno. sorry."

Gwyar Wledig

☉

oh, she remembers the song alright, but this time parker's not going to go breakdancing. she even brought some wired headphones with her this time if she needs to tuck them in. but of course, the one time she actually thinks ahead, she doesn't need them.

the music doesn't seem to be affecting her this time around.

through the steam cloud they go, with amulius' feathers growing darker from the dampness. fire sizzles along his wrists in preparation. 

the music takes them to an ornate facility, behemoth front doors somewhat ajar. parker shares a look with her partner and melody and nudges a toe in. the color drains from her face and she steps back out. 

"um...there are other you and me's in there. i don't think they saw me, though," she says. 

and a booming voice, distinctly, mechanically parker's, says:

"ENTER, PEASANTS!"

Melody Miro

☉

it can't be that bad. whatever he comes with cannot be worse than some of the obtuse and inane shit she's pulled in the past. and most of the time it worked! granted, she's, again, at least an eight and shred is hovering there at, errr...

he better come up with something good.

what'd she even say to nomi the first time they met? she wracks her brain and vaguely recalls talking shit about doctors or vets or something, but the specifics elude her in the way that long, long, long time ago memories do. which is weird, considering it hasn't been that long. 

then again, it doesn't sound like this is his first time talking to His Scientist. maybe they already have a rapport they can work off of? yeah, she can suggest that. after he finishes thinking real hard on it. 

"Hey babe, nice tits. You want a cigarette?"

she screams. she howls in laughter. she doubles over and almost pisses herself she's in such stitches. the absolute shock that comes from him in the aftermath only makes her roar louder. 

by the time she finally pieces herself together, she's crying and she's wiping at her tears and she's thinking straight people are actually insane. 

"dude, honestly, that might've worked on me if, like, florence pugh said it, but holy fuck. you stood there for five hours and that's what you fuckin' come up with."

she bursts out into a fit of giggles again, wiping her eyes, and forgets they're in one of the most dangerous areas of the region right now. (which is fine. the gods have said 'nothing stupid like the environment or the excursion prompts or arceus forbid, the rolls, can influence this thread in any way, shape, or form.)

"okay, fuck, okay. how 'bout this? something sciencey."

the smile drops, twisting to something sultry. she side-steps next to a tree, languishes an arm above her head against it, and looks up at him through her lashes. 

"hey, baby. you must've swallowed a magnet 'cause i'm so attracted to you right now."

Shred Zeppelin

☉

he sits on it. ruminates. she lets that settle in 'cause honestly she's got more important things to worry about and her feet are starting to kill her. how long has she been down here? is it always all sunny or glowy or whatever? what if, like, twenty years have passed and she just doesn't know it? 

the back of her brain itches something funny and she forgets the thought as quickly as it came, shoves her hands in her pockets, and keeps walking. 

actionable advice. okay.

parker can tell him a bunch of different ways to get laid, probably, but bagging someone as incredible as nomi? she still has no fucking clue how she did that. not really. 

he's also not giving her a lot to work with, which puts his chances substantially low - no, in the shitter. like, already in the shitter. or in the sewer. already flushed down the neglected toilet bowl and into the shit pipes where the ninja tirtouga live. 

"let's see your game," she suggests and she whirls, walks backwards so they're comfortably face to face while they walk. except, eugh, she trips almost immediately and then rights herself with a wolfish smile. 

"pretend i'm your gal. i gotta see what we're workin' with. so uhh, how's bout this?" and she mimics nomi the best she can.

"paradoxes are so cool! i love my bright blue letter and his name is ketchup and infinity energy is going to ruin everything and we gotta stop it now!"

Shred Zeppelin
TqROxRvz

☉

she'd take this weird mecha kingdom over any of the other ones, honestly. sure, the giant mechanical bird had been fucking terrifying that one time, but she and amulius scraped by with the help of some insanely talented ladies. 

and now she's gonna ride through that again with little miss melody miro. 

the first time she held her in her arms, she'd been simultaneously smitten and had the .exe has failed error screen flashing in her brain. 'cause duh, melody's a superstar and she's super hot, but now parker's a taken woman. 

still doesn't mean she can't appreciate her. and how nice she is. 

"i fuckin' hope so," she says. amulius does so too, and shows as much with a punching of his chicken fists together. 

Melody Miro

☉

this sorry ass sight of a man, who lost a battle against a remoraid, has the nerve to raise a clenched fist at her. slowly enough where he's still deliberating, which means he's already lost. she sees it. the side-step, the knee to the solar plexus, the inevitable HEUGH as he keels over and onto the ground. 

she just waits for it. 

the letter s. 

she blinks. she doesn't look behind her. that's rule number 1 in the biz; don't fall for distractions. but it...sounds like maybe nomi's alphabet soups are around them. 

she waits for more. 

"uh, is - wait, can't fight who?

"we're not having a conversation?" at least he lowers his fist?

"i - you don't? buddy, i - 

"oop."

consider her lost. like, really lost. maybe he has been around nomi's unown. she's a rocket scientist after all. maybe she...no, nomi wouldn't experiment on people. that thought gets dumped in the filing cabinet labeled 'the place we lock to keep parker sane' and she instead goes back to the less stressful matter at hand: the wastrel who definitely doesn't want to get in nomi's pants, but who wants someone's pants. 

"i protected her?" she says and raises both shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. he doesn't pose a threat. she's now convinced it wouldn't even take the kick to get him down. she'd just need to sidestep and trip him. 

"but like, i dunno. i know i'm an eight, but she's not even a fuckin' ten. she's like at least an eleven. an' i don't understand what she's talkin' about half the time, but i like the way she talks an' she likes that i like to listen, i guess.

"also, like, take it from a lesbian - learn how to use your tongue and you're golden?"

Shred Zeppelin

☉

embers whistle past his feathered beak and he turns his head away, nonplussed. he wasn't there when it all happened, but the man's stench had lingered on her festering leg for days afterward. amulius knows what he did. 

unlike cillian, parker's flying pretty high. well, all things considered. it makes sense, putting face time in with the boss, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. what puts her off, mostly, is that he's being so...civil with her. 

she thinks it probably has to do more with nomi than anything. 

here's the thing. she's all about her callouses and her rough edges, but parker jones' whole job is measuring someone's fear. it's knowing when to put the pressure on and when to pull the punches. it's reading the way blood drips down an unlucky schmuck's face.

it's peeling back the layers of bravado and overconfidence and exposing weakness. 

his hand goes to the rock. his steps falter, in just the slightest, and his pitch changes. and here is the man who still haunts her nightmares, who is the embodiment of everything she fucking hates, who is the one to kill her, right before she wakes up. here he is and he is so...human. 

and nomi loves him. 

she nods to amulius and the blaziken darts forward to investigate while parker splays her palms out, still a bit too off-put to put her hands on him, but concern knits her brows. 

"y'good, boss? i i'n't hear nothing. but shit's creepy. i get it."

Cillian Quinn

☉

oh, well that helps clear this up. if they're just silly, mindless robots (they're not parker; they at least have ai. please...), then this'll be a piece of cake. no more squatting in the bushes for the two of them. they just need to play it safe, keep low, and avoid any weird sensors their bodies might have. 

"oh, shit, don't sweat it," she says and claps a meaty hand on his shoulder. if anyone gets hating 'fieldwork,' she does. it's like a negative pavlovian response for her at this point. nomi, darlingly, says 'babe, we're going out to do some fieldwork' and inside part of her dies. 

but her fingers tighten, just a smidge, when he says she loaned him space. he hasn't checked in with her and why, does she know her?

"uhyeah, that's my wife-irlfriend. girlfriend." HUH? 

???

she ignores that. blazes right past that. yanks her hand back and follows him doggedly when he veers off the path. amulius has thoughts on being called firebird, but she doesn't even notice the annoyed clicking of his beaky muzzle. 

"anyway, if you're goin' where the science is, she's prob'ly there. but don't worry. i'm like, grade a bodyguard material. certified scientist protector. nomes said it was impressive when i told her i beat the head of an iron - what'd she call it...iron boulder! yeah, gave it a good thump 'n made it mine.

"oh, fuck, what's that?"

she asks and points at a weird, big dog lapping at a stream.

Rhys Collins
_XtCX4Tr

☉

"gengar are boring? that's the hottest take i've ever heard." creepy little gremlin fucks. she's seen them eat whole limbs before. used to work with someone way back in the day who had one of 'em and he liked to get creative with it. 

still gives her the heebie jeebies. miss her with ghost-types!

poor remoraid. what has it ever done to deserve so much hate? granted, it does have a weird amount of junk in its trunk, if she's remembering correctly. she can't even pull up a picture of it 'cause, again, no signal. not only is she eons away from nomi, she can't even check google.

but she sees it, in her head, inexplicably. sees the unown and the remoraid with its thick ass and the way they do kind of fit over one another. 

"you say prolly, but hoenn's weird as fuck. maybe god hid her lil' cherubs in a fish." except that's not what happened and she knows that. nomi's explained it to her before. about seeing the beginning and the middle and the end of everything. about how the unown are the eyes and word of god. 

"my scientist would," she says and then narrows her eyes at him. at the question. "you're not tryna get in nomes' pants, are ya?" 

she cracks her knuckles.

Shred Zeppelin

☉

parker has said it before: rocket's full of loonies. and not heehoo haha looney fuckin' tunes with their cute, what's up, docs and the sexual awakening that was lola bunny; but like an abridged version. the tasmanian devil on crack. like elmer fudd spraying brains and screaming about glory and massively fucking over the entire universe because he just can't play nice and work with - 

she needs to stop watching cartoons while she listens to nomi rant about her newest obsession. 

said newest obsession is starting to seriously irritate her right now. nomes has been down here, somewhere, for hours, and parker's had to deal with the most fucked up donphans she's ever seen, the shadow master himself, and shenanigans that belong in a b-grade horror movie. 

and porky the pig here, true to character, hasn't shut up. honestly, she's been so in over her head with all this, all the fucking rocket faces have started to blur together. she has one end-goal: find her minx, but that's proving more and more difficult and -

"holy fuck, what?" her brain boings back to the one-sided convo she was absolutely listening to 'cause that shit is hilarious. 

"let a girl love a fish. those fuckers are cute. you look at 'em and i bet they're just thinking doo-^da-doo-doo da-doo-doo-_doo."

he was at the rocket holiday party. most of the night's a blur. she discarded a lot of it to focus on what was important - tugging the strings of nomi's little bow and having her way with her in the supply closet. 

she's a moony-eyed puppy for the dame and as far as she knows, it's not supposed to be secret. besides, parker's preeeeetty sure they've gotten some hr complaints but that hasn't stopped nomi from letting parker lock the door to her office and shove everything off her desk.

"yeah." she barks a sudden laugh. "their eyes are kinda the same. the remoraid 'n the unown. nomes'd probably love those stupid fish. dude, what if unown are, like, remoraid eyes?"

Shred Zeppelin

☉