[attr="class","beck"]"you are at the moment."

in a more than familiar movement, he reaches a hand into his blazer and pulls out a cigarette. he lights it, takes a drag, and exhales smoke that's carried away by the winds of sootopolis.

"i just want you to be fine."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Theo digs their hole deeper, and Gavin scowls.

"I'm not going to be fine if Walsh thinks I've been slacking. This is part of the job."

It was temporary, he'd tell himself. Just until they had enough data. Just until they had a League avatar that they could play around with. Just until his body adjusted to the shock of having Lugia's power oversaturating every fibre of his being when they blasted him with that fucking laser—

Miasma drifts from the tip of his fingers, and he flicks a hand as if to dismiss it.

[attr="class","beck"]another drag, another exhale.

"you'll die if this continues."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Gavin offers him a look of reproach.

"I'm a lot stronger than you think I am, Beckett."

Bitterness leaks through his mask and into his tone. He has not continued walking. Arceus, he'd love a cigarette, but he's having enough trouble breathing as it is.

[attr="class","beck"]"i know you are."

merlino is the strongest person he knows.

"but it's okay to rest. i'm not going to tell walsh."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Beckett's reassurance reaches past his layers and speaks to something soft and vulnerable within him. Like a child seeking praise, validation, he clings to the words.

I know you are. It's what softens the sting of Walsh's name.

There is uncertainty to his gaze, a sharp intake of breath.

"Promise me."

Fear, subtle, in the wideness of his eyes.

[attr="class","beck"]"i swore my loyalty to you."

he pauses, holding a breath.

"that will never change."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Gavin closes his eyes, internalizes the words.

Even if Walsh had been the one to call him over from Kanto, Theo had sworn his loyalty to Gavin. They'd fought side-by-side in the excursion, worked together to establish a balance within Rocket, and—

The back of his neck warms under intrusive thought.

"Okay," he says. His knees threaten to give out as he shakily lowers himself to sit down, pressing his spine against the vista's rail. He tilts his head back, throat bobbing as he swallows, and a shuddering breath escapes his lips. "Okay."

[attr="class","beck"]finally.

a sigh escapes him as he reaches for another cigarette. he knows it'll do merlino no good but he extends it down to him regardless.

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

It's a horrible idea, but it's no worse than what he's already pushed himself through. At least, that's how Gavin justifies it when he accepts the cigarette in trembling fingers and fumbles his lighter.

Like conditioning, old habits are hard to shake. He'd already resigned himself to the pack of cigarettes sitting in his desk drawer, and the ones on his bedside table. He'd barely managed to restrain himself from carrying them around.

Smoke fills already aching lungs, but he doesn't cough. It filters dark grey from his lips, mingling with the miasma he exudes.

[attr="class","beck"]eventually, he drops what little remains of the cigarette and turns around to lean his back against the rail. his eyes drift over to the lycanroc, then drops to merlino.

"how do you feel?"

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

"Terrible."

There's a tired resignation as he admits the weakness he'd so stubbornly rebelled against. Sitting down, breathing slow, the tremor in his muscles has at last begun to subside. Lycanroc curls next to him, laying its shaggy head between his knees.

He scratches idly at its jaw, taking comfort in the motion.

"Thanks," he says, after a pause.

[attr="class","beck"]after a pause, he asks:

"for what?"

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn