It takes an excruciating amount of time for her to look away from the screen.

It takes Rory rising from his seat to announce his departure.

It takes her hands shaking when he leaves and the wash of grief to pass over her.

It takes an incredible amount of strength and courage, too.

But she does flick past it to something happier, something about a young couple in love.

She presses play and hesitates a long time before rising from the sofa to find him.

Rory Faust

On her way over, she seeks the half empty bottle. His is nearly empty and the night is still young. They haven't even begun eating.

Perhaps that should indicate something.

Regardless, the woman gestures to refill his glass, her other hand steadying the one holding his glass.

"How was your day, love?"

Shes speaking genuinely, moving close to him. Thea rests her cheek against his arm, holding him close.

He smells like pizza dough.

Rory Faust

"Hmm.."

She nods along, listening and present. Rory leans into her and she squeezes, free hand rubbing his back to soothe.

The mention of Jamie brings nothing but grief to the surface, but she masks it all the same. She puts on a brave face, stares deep into the oven to watch the dough rise and the cheese bubble.

But she does not miss the way her lovers voice falters. She does not miss the sadness in his voice and the way he breaks just a little bit.

He holds her in return and she rests her cheek against his chest, tucking herself against him side by side. Wrapped up in each other's arms, offering comfort and a sense of peace.

"That must have been hard, Rory, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do, or we can do? From.. his list?"

Rory Faust

Guilt rises like a tidal wave, threatens to drown her, threatens to spill over and drown him, too. It's too real. It's too strong.

She sucks in a sharp breath, barely staying afloat. Her fingers bite into his arm, holding onto him like a lifeline. His words echo in her mind, repeating themselves over and over and over.

He couldn't imagine what it must feel like to lose a child- but she could. She had.

Losing Noah never got easier because she wouldn't let it. Not that there was any linear path to recovering from something like that, that there was any right or wrong way to grieve.

But what she was doing certainly wasn't ideal.

"... I do."

Her voice is quiet, strained. It feels like she's fighting for air.

Rory Faust

She nods, her throat tight and her emotions turbulent.

"I told you that I was married before I met you. What I.. didn't.. tell you, Rory, is that I'd.."

Nausea forces her to take a breath. She inhales and exhales, trying to gather her thoughts. It doesn't really occur to her that he might have jumped to separate conclusions.

"I had a baby with him, but.. Noah was really sick. He was barely a year old, and the doctors said there was nothing they could do, nothing I could have done."

She chews the inside of her lip, blinking away tears. Guilt gnaws away at her, guilt surrounding her sons suffering, guilt for not telling Rory. Since losing her son, she'd never tried again. She hadn't heeded the doctors warnings the first time, that she was unfit to carry and there could be complications.

But she was listening now.

Rory Faust

Piece by piece, little by little, Rory peels back her layers.

Two years, and she'd kept so much from him. Kept it bottled up and hidden because she was too afraid of him seeing the kind of person that she was: selfish, unstable, unlovable.

And yet he pulls her into him anyway. He says he's sorry, like any of this is his fault.

He wasn't the one who had told her that her child was dying. He wasn't the one in the hospital room when she had been only a month or two pregnant, warning her that she should let the baby go.

But she knew a part of him blamed him anyway. How fucked up was that?

Thea exhales warm air into his chest, burying her cheek in the soft fabric of his shirt. He smells like their laundry, like pizza sauce, like their home. She sobs, surrendering that pain for just a moment, because selfishness is the only thing she knew.

Rory Faust