It was unnerving to have the phantom images of who they used to be staring back at them. For a moment, he could have easily forgotten his sleeping child in the other room and fallen into a time when it was just the two of them being idiots. Their energy had bounced off one another so well, they were two entirely different people but it worked for them. Kosei knew that the reason that changed was his own fault. His choices had repercussions, but he also wondered if it was also inevitable. They were likely always supposed to end up this way.
[break][break]
Kosei cringed silently at that thought. "The idea of you having children is truly terrifying so it's a good thing I prevented certain doom upon the world." Though, in part, Miu felt like a collaborative mistake. He was still trying to figure out how to parents and, back in the day, he'd only had this fuck up to turn to. Those days had been desperate though, constant exhaustion because the baby wouldn't stop screaming and he just wanted one second of sleep or not feeling like he was a terrible parent. He did not miss Miu's baby stage.
[break][break]
It would be so much easier to leave right now, not to face this reflection of a past that may or may not have been good. In the end, leaving had proved better for Miu and he'd never apologize for picking the army over this ichor of death that now followed him. It didn't feel good to leave Enzo or even to suggest the other was the problem because clearly he wasn't. Kosei was and would always be the problem when it came to caring for and nurturing a little girl.
[break][break]
Right then, he wasn't paying attention to Enzo prowling around him like a predatory cat. No, he was drinking away the sense of guilt. A little ill-humored snort at the comment of staining upholstery. Another gulp of whiskey pulled as if to make a point, but he wasn't ready for the pinch of fingers or the sharp, awkward angle of his jaw. It was a slow sort of reaction, already nulled by the alcoholic cloud. His throat worked the liquid down, a drop slipping from the corner of his lips to likely stain said fine upholstery.
[break][break]
Pet. Enzo just had a way of provoking the need to snap, to break every composed layer until he was just as wild as the other man was. That was the point though, wasn't it? That was why he left (part of the reason) because it felt comfortable and easy to be like that, but it wasn't good. It wasn't what he was taught and it wasn't (in his mind) good for his kid. He grit his teeth on that same need to bite down, just to spite the other. More so, he was annoyed the other stole the liquor he was in the process of drowning in. "Wouldn't that be boring though?" He pressed a hand to the corner of his cheek but the liquor had already dried.

[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“Ah,” his brow rose slowly, the corner of his mouth hooking upward as he moved away briefly. “There’s still time yet for a progeny of mine to show up.” He grabbed at a pack of cigarettes left on his countertop, fishing another out. He’d neglected that chain smoking habit of his with Miu there, even if it had made his skin itch, which was why– “don’t act like I’d be awful, though. Don’t go forgetting who it was that used to drive Miu around for hours because she’d only sleep in her carseat and you needed a nap or a break or to get your rocks off.”[break][break]

Whether Kosei wanted to admit it or not, Enzo had helped. In his opinion, he’d helped quite a lot. Which was why it sort of added insult to injury that Kosei would consider him an ill fit to look after her now that she was older and learning her autonomy. Maybe he taught her some bad habits here and there, but nothing inherently wrong.[break][break]

He did have some standards. And simply because he wasn’t a good man, didn’t mean he didn’t care.[break][break]

Fingers cupped the end of the cigarette clamped between his teeth as he took the lighter to it, then tossed it back down next to the pack when he was finished. “Better slow down, mutt,” Enzo mused out loud as he settled himself on the arm of the chair rather than seeking out his own, or getting glasses to remove the dilemma of having to share the bottle. “Are you still as much of a lightweight as you were when you were just a whelp?”.[break][break]

It had been a funny thing to Enzo at the time. Serious little Kosei who’d avoided liquor like the plague initially. That wasn’t an issue anymore, clearly. He hadn’t fought the hand clamped to his jaw, though. Curious. Smoldering cigarette in one hand and the bottle in the other, Enzo took a second swig before offering it back. Now that he was settled, his elbow perched on the back of the chair again so that his chin could rest in the cup of his palm. He could sense the prickle of Kosei’s irritation. Fine tuned strings pulling taut that he knew how to pluck at. Still, he had little surprises of his own, now and then. “He bites back! Or, nips really. That wasn’t all too pointed.”[break][break]

An airy noise that could have been a single note laugh sounded in the back of his throat as he returned the cigarette to his lips. “It’s only boring if you allow to be boring.”

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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"What you want to deal with that 24/7?" He motioned to the room Miu was sleeping in with a laugh. "I can leave her here longer if you really wanna know what that's like." Enzo had played no small part in helping him, he'd be a liar to suggest otherwise (and he was a bit of a liar). However, he was under the firm opinion that it was distinctly easier being able to hand the kid off at the end of the night. He didn't admit as much because he was selfish and that would probably burn the babysitting bridge he was benefiting from.
[break][break]
"Get my rocks off..." He snorted, shaking his head, "You're stupid. You know that? I wasn't doing no damn thing. But okay sure, I appreciate you, does that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?" Maybe he was going a little hard on the alcohol. It wasn't his fault, he'd been hard-pressed to find a night where he wasn't sober. Thus, he was a little.... out of practice.
[break][break]
"I'm not a light weight, idiot." At least, maybe not as bad as he'd been when he was younger, but he'd leave that to the other's SILENT interpretation. It was a little hard to be taken seriously with a bottle pressed to his lips as it was right then. "And stop calling me that." Whatever authoritative edge he'd been hoping for was nowhere to be found, replaced instead with a grumbled whine.
[break][break]
Luckily enough for him, the other didn't refuse him a drink for very long. Not that Kosei was about to beg for it, he'd sooner get up and find yet another bottle to drain on his own. He eyed Enzo with barely masked irritation at the lack of space that was offered him. Typical.
[break][break]
"If you really want me to bite you, you need only ask. You are awfully obsessed with the concept." After one last swig, he decided he was done for now and leaned across him to place it on the side table, careless to the other's own boundary. "That environmentalist... he didn't give up on his principles so I pushed him.... he hit the ground so hard his skull cracked open. It was very easy."


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“I didn’t say anything about wants,” he answered with a shrug. “If it was a necessity, I would.” He’d agreed to be her godfather, it hadn’t been a title that was forced upon him. And when Enzo made a pact or a deal or a promise, he honored it. Simply by the fact that he made none of those lightly. Even if Miu was actually a banshee disguised as an adorable little girl. Enzo wasn’t denying the fact that it was easier for him—he wasn’t her carer full-time. The point was that he wasn’t wholly incompetent at it.[break][break]

A dumb little laugh slipped loose to hear his words echoed back in offense over the audacity he had to say them. “Well, who knows? Not me. I was watching Miu, there was no telling what you got up to in your down time.” A smile stretched wide and smug across his lips, “Not that I’m criticizing. Having kids creates a natural dryspell y’know?” He was gonna get hit—he was fairly certain. Enzo would like to see him try, given the state he’d swiftly dissolved into.[break][break]

“I dunno, you’re already pretty far gone. This quick? You might very well be one.” The cigarette muffled his words before he inhaled, then pulled it free, nestling it between his knuckles. His laugh shifted into a wheeze, the smoke still exhaling from his lungs when the sound started in response to the whiny tone he was met with. “Not a chance, pup. You always did get substantially fussier when you drank.”[break][break]

Some things stay the same.[break][break]

His brows lifted, though his eyelids remained droopy and a bit hangdog. The smug edge to his smirk eased, though it trended toward amusement rather than any actual softness. “Oh? Am I now? Are you offering?” For the dirty look he’d given Enzo about invading his orbital space, Kosei certainly didn’t seem to mind doing the same to him to snag the bottle back. He had half a mind to yank it out of reach.[break][break]

Instead, as Kosei stretched across his lap, he capitalized on the opportunity to allow his fingers to tug through the dark, unruly hair that had long fallen loose of its tie. His own had been like this once. Years ago, when he’d been wilder, unkept.[break][break]

He hummed low in thought, observing the other with a mellowed curiosity. “I’m sure it was. You don’t feel all that bad for it either, do you, twin moon?”

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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"What so like an accident? You might get lucky though, maybe they'll want to raise it." He shrugged. Kosei only had himself to blame for the shit excuse of a person he'd been with. Even if she did make Miu, in the end. Luckily, there seemed to be very few traits of her shared between mother and daughter. Miu didn't even know her name and he intended to keep it that way. At least, unless she got older and curious.
[break][break]
Being both tired and drinking was a dangerous combination for him. Especially when Enzo seemed like a natural enabler for his worst qualities. "You might not have been, but I was way too damn tired for any of that." He was still too tired half the time. Luckily, she'd gotten out of her toddler stage and had entered school without too many problems. He had the days open now, but that was usually reserved to military work. Maybe under any other situation, he might have offered a disgruntled threat, but he was simply too tired to put up a prickly edge even if the other was being a massive asshole.
[break][break]
"I'm tired, doesn't mean shit, okay?" He scoffed, even if the sips between banter didn't justify how quickly he wanted to unravel. Maybe it was the strain of his own persisting restraint, he wanted to be done with it for a moment like an excess skin he could shed out of. "Not here to fulfill your fantasies, sorry. Maybe ask Cassius to bite you on the ass if you need it so bad." Maybe not the thing to say when he was currently leaning over him with a bottle of whiskey. The sudden tug of his hair was unanticipated, falling like extra weight until a veil of black hair covers his eyes. "You're an asshole."
[break][break]
Kosei paused at that before sitting back. "What if I did? Miu deserves better than a father who feels nothing."





[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“I could change my mind and opt to willingly,” he retorted with a scoff. Though that was very unlikely. “Yeah, you drew the short end of the stick there. But I could’ve told you that.” He paused, and looked at Kosei with a tilt of his head. “Oh wait–I did, didn’t I? Huh.” It was long in the past now, but Enzo had never been all that shy in his opinions of Kosei’s ex. And it was likely that he wouldn’t stop anytime soon, either. That I told you so rush was just too great. “Fine, though. You were napping away.” [break][break]

“Sure it doesn’t, pup,” he repeated, noting the lack of scolding he’d received that time. There wasn’t much bite there in his own words anyway, more like a quiet humoring of Kosei’s insistence that he wasn’t a lightweight. “Fussier and you don’t hold your tongue quite as much,” Enzo added in a mild grumble. “You’re the one who said to ask, Kosei. Not me. Maybe your subconscious is giving you a signal.” He snorted, poking him in the back of the head where he was flopped. The unspooling of inky blackhair made him smile–just the flicker of one. Something nostalgic, maybe a little bittersweet as his fingers threaded through it for a second pass. A bit more careful than before. For a moment, he considered asking if he might be able to braid it, but–[break][break]

‘you’re an asshole.’[break][break]

“And you’re hogging.” Reaching out, he grabbed up the discarded bottle as Kosei sat up. But not without exchange– he held up the cigarette in his other hand and let the unlit end hover in front of the other’s face for him to take. He wasn’t near as off-kilter as Kosei, and that was a setback. He tipped the bottle back, soaked in the way it made his mind fuzz in and out of focus. “That’s not how it works, though. You can’t feel guilt for the sake of it. And I didn’t say nothing.” He tilted the bottle in Kosei’s direction. “You did.” He needed another drink.

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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"Shove it, I don't need you to tell me anymore. I'm aware." That wasn't going to stop the asshole though, likely nothing could. He was well aware that he'd made a lot of mistakes in his life. However, despite everything, he never actually regretted Miu. Sure, he got frustrated and tired, but she added value to his life where there had been emptiness before. Maybe that was a selfish way to look at fatherhood, but he'd only known selfishness himself.
[break][break]
He sat back, sighing. Despite the irritation of having to play yet more games with De Luca, there was the slightest satisfaction of a place well-remembered and long-missed. As much as he complained, there was a lifetime ago a comfort he missed in just having the other to rely upon. "Yeah, what's that signal again?" He rubbed at his eyes. As tired as he'd been, he wasn't prepared to go to sleep anymore. Even if it would have been the simpler option. Kosei never played things simple.
[break][break]
This was not the encounter he'd been planning for the drive up there earlier that day. No, he'd not anticipated sitting down and tolerating the other man. He'd not wondered if there was a hole cut out in the place he used to fill. This place seemed the same regardless of his absence. It was almost as if he'd never even been there. That was the truth though, Enzo never needed him. If he wanted to build an empire, the tenacious bastard would do so and Kosei would be forced to watch from the sidelines, utterly useless.
[break][break]
Fingers slipped back into his hair, this time somewhat more anticipated. He probably should have shoved him off, but he didn't. He sat there, leaned against the other lean frame and let the bastard comb his hair. Why? He had no damn clue, maybe because there was unfamiliar peace there and he was afraid of the conflict that usually followed.
[break][break]
He took the bottle as it was offered and took a drink. "Does this look like nothing to you?" He didn't know what he felt anymore though the environmentalist's demise was falling steadily farther from his mind.


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“Yeah yeah, sure.” Enzo waved him off with full intent to call it out again later at some other time. Not right then, though. If he was going to wax nostalgic tonight, it was not going to be about that particular chapter. And though Miu was not his, she was still a good result. One that he remained particularly fond of.[break][break]

The turn they took, though, was an unanticipated one. Enzo had expected the same bitter remarks, the bickering that had become more prominent in their interactions that anything else. Kosei, though, didn’t seem to realize that under the sting of pettiness and betrayal that Enzo projected, the sharpness of rejection had always been far more prominent. Kosei had left, not Enzo. He’d never wanted that. And perhaps there was fault of his own for not saying so at the time, and allowing his pride to get in the way.[break][break]

“I don’t think I need to tell you for you to know the answer, Kosei.” It felt strange, not using one of a litany of nicknames he’d placed upon the other. What was he looking to gain from this? Enzo wasn’t sure. He was tired in a different sort of way than Kosei was, but tired all the same. Yet too fixed in the weird liminal space they were now existing in to remove himself from it.[break][break]

If he did that, it would be done and gone. Like liquid spilling between the gaps in his fingers. Unsalvageable.[break][break]

There was a small, unacknowledged hum of relief that he did not repel away from the way Enzo threaded his hands through his hair. He leaned into the contact just the same, two pillars balancing one another’s weight. Wasn’t that how it should have been? Idly, and without much thought to it, his fingers slipped further, tracing the lines of his face carefully. Brows, the slope of his nose, the line of his chin and jaw. Then returned to his hair.[break][break]

“I suppose it does not,” he said after a moment of quiet thought. But his voice had drifted to something softer, less instigating. His fingers continued to smooth through Enzo’s hair, carefully working through little knots without yanking, repetitious.[break][break]

“Though I think that whatever guilt you feel is due to the fact that you do not feel bad, but think that you should.” He took the bottle back and drank from it again, finally feeling the way the edges of his thoughts began to blur. Grateful for the lack of sharp sobriety.[break][break]

Kosei had made a good random choice. The proof and content was particularly high on this label. Heat prickled under his skin, warming his face as the liquor did its work and finally started to kick in. Unfortunate that it only made him gentler at the moment, rather than wilder. “Am I wrong, mio cucciolo? Or correct?”

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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Maybe Enzo was right to feel betrayed. Kosei wasn't oblivious to it either, which somehow made him feel even more at fault for it. He'd been the one to turn his back on both of their dreams. Maybe it stopped making sense after everything that had changed. Though, in reality, he hadn't changed. Not at all. Maybe in being a father, he liked to think he'd changed in the ways that made sense for his daughter, but he was still a scumbag just like Enzo.
[break][break]
They likely only brought out the worse in one another, but there was a time their visions aligned. The reason that was no longer the case was mostly on Kosei and he was too tired right then to shrug it off as a necessity. Yet he could still play stupid about the strange feelings stirring up in him or the hairpin tension that had formed in his chest. "Don't know what you're talking about."
[break][break]
There was a safety in drink, a hope that anything he might do or say could be covered with the excuse that none of it was real. It was simply the actions and words of a cluelessly drunk man. Yet, he was no where near drunk enough to trick himself. Not yet, at least. He was still hyper-focused on the feeling of fingers through his hair or that strange softness in Enzo's voice.
[break][break]
mio cucciolo, it felt like a long time since he'd heard him call him that. Not that it meant anything. He waited for the other to drink and relinquish the bottle. A long weighted pause between question and answer. "No, you're not wrong, Enzo."


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“Of course you don’t,” Enzo replied sarcastically before biting at the air with an audible click of his teeth. Kosei, per usual, deluding himself into believing certain things did not exist where they did. Though, Enzo was just as guilty over ignoring certain tensions between them whenever they bubbled to the surface. Old and long-standing.[break][break]

Maybe he was just too tired now to do so. Mio cucciolo was a nickname he’d not used in years. Not since before, when things were still alright. An affection, even—granted only to his former companion. Addressing something that existed without truly putting more words to it. Funny, the way it felt natural following in the wake so much exhaustive disdain.[break][break]

He should be smug to have received the answer he suspected. He should hold it above the other’s head with one of his typical I told you so’s. The words hollowed him out, though. A raw sort of ache following that addled his head. Like he’d been drinking on an empty stomach all this time. If Kosei had clung to his stubborn belief that he was different now, maybe Enzo would be better equipped to deal with the bittersweet edge to the feeling that had risen up.[break][break]

But to have it confirmed only dug the sharp end of Kosei’s departure in further. If that was the sorry truth, even now, then what had the point ever truly been? The liquored film over his mind peeled away the anger he would normally have chosen to act with. He would have liked to act in accordance with that feeling of hurt and betrayal—yanked the bottle back and hurled it at the wall so that it shattered. As fractured as he himself often felt and refused to acknowledge; a distinct severance between his own duality in personas.[break][break]

Instead, he sighed and let his barbed words fall away. He offered the bottle back.[break][break]

But before Kosei could lift it, Enzo’s hand slid down to his jaw again.
Now, though, it was a more careful gesture. His thumb pressing flat against his bottom lip as his hand tucked under his chin to tilt it upward again. Another sigh, heavier and almost a bit defeated before he spoke. “See? You can lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me, twin moon.”[break][break]

And if he sounded a bit melancholic, perhaps it was because he was. Pyrrhic victory.
[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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Even through the haze of liquor on his brain, he could still sense unspoken… something. There had always been layers between them and, in the past, things were messy. It didn’t need to be messy, of course. In reality, the fault of making things more difficult than they needed to be usually fell on his shoulders. He was the stalwart pain in the ass that took things slow and proceeded with hyper-focused caution. It was Enzo that yanked him in head first with no care for the consequences.
[break][break]
For a moment, he sat there waiting for hell to break loose as it was always prone to do. Not that Kosei necessarily wished it upon them ever, but especially not then with Miu asleep in the other room. Yet all the things good, right, and reasonable were far from sensible for him right then. All the ‘I told you so’s didn’t come though, miraculously. Somehow, Enzo worked up the restraint not to push it. Not outwardly, at least. Though Kosei could feel it.
[break][break]
Things were confusing, always were. However, he should’ve known better having had a bad track record of horrible decisions when he drank. This was far from the first time he considered impulse decisions with liquor on his tongue. Maybe it was the exhaustion that made him feel boneless and not the weird sort of comfort he always found in being at Enzo’s whim. Maybe it was the blood he’d just spilled that made it easier to consider that it has been a long time since they were this close.
[break][break]
Fingers once again close on his jaw and, for the second time that night, he did nothing to stop it. He was slack under that contact, weightless as a scruffed dog. How fucking typical of him. He tilted his head and looked up at him. Tired eyes heavy, thoughts in his head he’d be better off without. “What do you want from me, Enzo?” It wasn’t a dismissive retort, though he wished it was. It felt like something more desperate. Kosei didn’t do anything unprovoked, that was his greatest fault perhaps. It was more of a ‘tell me what you want, so I can fix things.’


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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Kosei was pliable under the touch at his jaw, though Enzo wasn’t forceful in it. Kosei could have easily tugged free of it if he’d wanted to, yet he did not. The rigidity that Enzo typically associated with him had faded, and Enzo reminded himself that it was the alcohol, not him. A pertinent reminder. But one that felt easy to ignore, even when only somewhat drunk. When was the last time they’d shared space like this, or allowed it to diminish? He couldn’t recall.[break][break]

What do you want from me, Enzo?[break][break]

He took the bottle back, downed one last long pull before setting it to the side. One last padded defense against rational behavior. ‘I miss you,’ he wanted to say, and didn’t. ‘It hasn’t felt right since you left.’ He could understand, to some degree, that it was for the betterment of Miu. Logically, he could understand it. But he had always been a selfish creature too, and detested the idea that had meant leaving him behind too. Messy or not.[break][break]

So what, indeed. Enzo tilted forward, leaning closer though not quite enough to close the distance there entirely. His hand shifted, palm flat against his cheek and fingers tangling in loose strands of hair. His own expression, droopy eyed and slumped, mirrored Kosei’s. There was something almost defeated in the slouch of his shoulders. The sense of this was a long time coming.[break][break]

He swallowed, but his throat still felt dry. The word, when spoken, came out raspy. Strained from containing the bulk of things he could stay, though he’d claim it was no more than a combination of the drinking and the chain smoking. “You.”[break][break]

Something he’d regret in the morning for having admitted even that much out loud. Weakness. But he’d always had this weakness, spoken or not. Right there like the tender spots between his ribs. “Just that. Humor me, mio cucciolo?” It wouldn’t matter tomorrow, under the cool light of sobriety. But there’d be time then to tell himself that he’d only been saying words he hadn’t meant.

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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Part of him already knew the answer to all of the questions, though his mind kept spawning more at will. The digging, needing sort of questions that he didn't want to answer honestly. He'd never been good at lying, even less so to himself and, somehow, entirely incapable of lying to Enzo. What he should've done right then was rip away, stand up and say he was going to bed. Yet he didn't. Maybe he really was a fool after all. No, there was no maybe to it.
[break][break]
Would it have truly been easier to run away or face this? Maybe he could distract them with other answers or even apologies. I'm sorry for leaving you behind, it had been wrong. He knew it had been wrong. Yet Enzo was a reflection of a life that frightened him to some extent. It was mirror in the events that happened tonight. He just killed a man for money, which was no reason at all. Justify it as he like though, he could hardly blame Enzo for his own actions. Sure, he behaved in way when he was near the other, but not all of those ways were bad.
[break][break]
So what was he supposed to do right then? What was he supposed to do with the other man's hands on his jaw or his mouth so close to his? All the while knowing they have always been so far from simply friends. It's weaved its way between them like a barely concealed threat. 
[break][break]
You. Enzo said and Kosei knew he was done for. At some point in time, his restraint had become a flimsy, paltry thing wherever the other was concerned. It was only further proven by just how carelessly he'd let himself go. It wasn't the alcohol, even if that kept the fear at bay a little more. It was really the only permission he needed. Just a little push. Enzo was always providing that little initiative to get him moving. A dog waiting for an order. It was where he was at his most comfortable. His greatest insecurity, but it felt good right then to be given permission to let go. To just lose a little control. He didn't have to be perfect, and he didn't have to try to be with Enzo.
[break][break]
One hand reached out then, fist closing around the front of the other's shirt, pulling with a sharp jerk. There was nothing soft about his movement, despite the slip of softness in their words. His mouth pressed against the other's like a needy thing.
[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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