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I'm going to go diving. He'd told Lam as he'd dropped him off to meet with a friend. In hindsight, he did regret not simply spending the holiday with his boyfriend instead, especially after the other's friend had bailed on him. It wasn't possible though, he'd been too busy running around and getting everything ready. Lam probably didn't care either way. After all, Rook was the showy one. He liked the dramatics of the holiday and the date. He was big into themes. So, really, maybe this was more for himself than Lam, which was a little selfish.
[break][break]
After messing up so many times though, this felt like necessary proof that he was devoted to doing whatever what necessary to be the person Lam believed he could be. It was a bit crazy, maybe, but love made you do things. Granted, the only love he'd ever witnessed before was his parents, which was the wrong kind of love (he knew that now). He was thinking too much....
[break][break]
And Lam wasn't thinking at all...
[break][break]
Maybe he'd made a mistake in leaving Lam to drink, knowing the other had the constitution of an old sponge. Though he'd wanted the other to hash things out with his brother, he hadn't realized the way they would do that was getting absolutely smashed. "Leif needs a night off the couch, it's for his back." He'd bullshitted an excuse, having asked the younger Logan brother for this small favor.
[break][break]
"You think I'm mysterious?" He asked, waggling his brows and leaning towards the other with the hint of a tease in his tone. He laughed, "No surprise, I'm just picking you up from your partying." Rook leaned against him at the kiss, slipping an arm around him (somewhat with the intent to make sure Lam didn't fall down said stairs). "I know, you told me. Like a lot."
[break][break]
The apartment was as he left it, luckily. The lights were set at a dim, romantic setting. The television was tuned to show a lit fireplace because they were too cheap to get an actual fireplace. Little white lights decorated the ceiling, though some of the tape he'd used had given and there was a sag in places. It wasn't perfect but it was still gosh darn cute. "Shall I take your jacket, Mr. Logan?" He said with a dramatic flair, stifling a little giggle.



[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport

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The only regret he had that night (and trust, there were few now but there would be many more, say…tomorrow…) was that Ikarus hadn’t been beside him nearly all night. He’d pined like a mopey poochyena left at home for the day every moment he wasn’t being distracted or plied with more drinks.[break][break]

“Yep the MOST mysterious.” Though his face fell into a pout when Rook said he was only picking him up. He shuffled awkwardly up the stairs, mostly only due to Rook’s help. “Well, I really really had to make sure you knew it wasn’t the same without you.” True facts.
Then Rook opened the door to their apartment and Lam was swiftly distracted.[break][break]

“Wooooooaaaahhhh.” His expression was the most wonderstruck drunk possible as he looked around the open space of their apartment, mouth open. “Whas all this?” Whirling back around on wobbly feet to face Rook, Lam grinned as a giggle of his own slipped out. “Were you bein’ sneaky?”[break][break]

He let Rook take his jacket, warmed from the inside out despite having just come in from the cold. Both from the obnoxious amount of alcohol and because that was just what Rook did to him. Made him feel warm. Loved. Taken care of even when the both of them had so little. It was enough.[break][break]

Lookit all those drunk, sappy thoughts worming their way through his foggy brain.[break][break]

Lam draped himself around Rook, arms sliding over his shoulders as he leaned against his boyfriend. His light, his heart.Beloved. His smile stretched thin and dopey-wide, peering up at the taller man with drunken affection, but affection that would exist regardless. He felt all fizzy, pink-tinged inside. A sensation only associated with the other, but now amplified.[break][break]

“Whash the occashion, Mishter Rook?” He chewed on his lip, badly muffling more giggles.
[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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Rook was often in a balancing act between excessiveness and frugality. A driving need to be romantic and expressive in his affections through materials, while at the same time being nothing short of a cheapskate. Lam didn't seem to mind this fact. Actually, he seemed to care so little about that kind of affection that Rook found it easier to relax a little on it. Expensive gifts weren't necessary with Lam and the other didn't see the difference between a fancy restaurant and a denny's. So really, maybe he shouldn't have even bothered with all the showiness, but that was a hard switch to turn off for him.
[break][break]
"Not sneaky, per say." He shrugged, not really certain what to say about it. Holidays were big deals for him, for some reason. Likely due to the fact he never got to celebrate them when he was younger. Holidays had been anxiety-riddled events, keeping out of the way of his father's ill-temper. For some reason, those days had always struck the older man harder and Rook had often been the target of that fury.
[break][break]
Though, now, he didn't have to worry about that, but he still felt anxious about making the holidays grandiose when they didn't need to be. Otherwise, he might miss out on newfound freedoms.
[break][break]
Taking the other's jacket, he smiled. "New years, of course." Maybe he shouldn't have left Lam to his own devices for so long. Alcohol tended to dampen the affects of things. What if he fell asleep and Rook did all of this for nothing? "Are you feeling swept off your feet yet? By me, I mean, not the alcohol."
[break][break]
Despite everything, he still felt nervous. "So uhhh yeah. Happy new years? Tadah? Surprise?"


[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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Despite the fact that Lam wasn’t as incessant about big displays, it didn’t mean that he didn’t appreciate them when Rook came through with them. It simply meant that he didn’t inherently demand or expect them from the other. In truth, whenever Rook did something for him, small or big, he felt the effect of it. Love and affection and care filling him up, and this was no exception.[break][break]

“Sneakier than meeee,” Lam drawled, head flopping to the side as he looked up at Rook with a persistently dumb grin. "I had no idea." Somewhere, the last shreds of Lam's sobriety regretted getting so wasted. But at least it did well to snap some of the tethers of his typical reservation.[break][break]

“I would say you shouldn’t have, buuuuuut,” he whirled back to Rook, coat-free, “I love it, so.” And it wasn’t just the alcohol, really. Though it definitely amplified his reaction. Rook was far more romantic than he was, in terms of big gestures. So that just meant Lam would have to pay it back sometime, and he totally could! Just…Rook had him beat by a long shot right now.[break][break]

A stupid laugh slipped loose, and he hung onto the other, as he nodded, “Yep, very much so. Yer a casanover fer sure.” Lifting up on his toes, Lam pressed a kiss against his…nose. Oops. “Happy new years,” he echoed, still laughing, as he tried again for Rook’s lips and finally landed the mark. Still close, he shot his boyfriend a conspiratorial, but still hazy look. “It’s almost like you were trying to get me aloneeee, hm?”[break][break]

Faces barely inches apart, he let his brows lift and fall once as he chewed on his bottom lip in a way his drunken mind thought would look seductive, but probably just looked goofy. Still, the affection fed into the feeling and it wasn’t long before he was closing the distance between their mouths again, both thoroughly drunk and lovestruck simultaneously. Wily hands sought to tug at Rook's shirt buttons, liquid fueled and impatient. Suddenly it felt essential he return the gesture in his own way. He might not have been one for grand displays, but he still had ways to convey that adoration. It just looked different in practice.
[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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This reminded him of that first date — Lam tumbling face-first from a bar stool. Really, he should have anticipated that the other might get a little more than simply tipsy, considering his track record. However, it was really cute. “Never knew I could be so sneaky, huh?”
[break][break]
Casanover, that made him laugh more than he had any right to. Only he was cut short, distracted by the little kiss planted on his nose. His nose wrinkled with a grin at the other’s obvious mistake, only to be silenced on any potential teases by another planted correctly on his mouth.
[break][break]
“What? No way, why would you think that?” It hadn’t taken much convincing to get Leif out of the house to avoid their romantics, but he had to make a little white lie about the condition of the “hotel” he’d be staying in instead. Considering the younger Logan brother had done nothing more than immediately pass out, he figured he’d made the right decision (until the guy woke up and realized he’d been deceived).
[break][break]
The laughter and silliness felt infectious. He felt love-drunk, the same tipsy as Lam only from a different source. This was what it was like, wasn’t it? He’d gone a long time never knowing what love was like, begging for the wrong kind. This felt good, it felt right.
[break][break]
“Happy new year, Lam.” He smiled before leaning forward to kiss him back, “Admittedly, I didn’t plan after this point so throw me a bone, please.”
[break][break]
Lam was wayyy ahead of him though. Cold hands slipped under his shirt, making him shiver. “Oh… okay. Hellooo.”



[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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God, he was gonna be so embarrassed (and hungover,) in the morning. He was probably much worse than he’d been on their very first date, given the simple fact that he’d had waaayyy more to drink tonight than just two powerful pina coladas. At least Rook didn’t seem put out with him over it. Because that would probably make Lam sad, and he wasn’t sure if he was a weepy whiny drunk when provoked, but he very well could be.[break][break]

“Nope. Toooootally got me fooled,” he replied, smile still stupidly wide on his face as he looked up at Rook. Persistent against the other’s lips as he kissed them. The drunkenness didn’t lessen or dull the happiness he felt right then in the moment. Maybe it even amplified it to a higher level.[break][break]

“‘Causeeeee…” He trailed off, pointing at the couch in indication of where Leif had been sleeping. He could still use some thought, it seemed! “I’ve connected the dots!” That was okay, though. It was probably better to spare Leif all of this. Lam was particularly affectionate at home on even normal days, so this was practically doubled.[break][break]

How had he gone so long without this? Lam wasn’t inclined to give any shred of this contentment or happiness up, now that he’d figured it out. How soothing and stabilizing it could be in a place where, until Leif and Genny had moved over, he’d known no one else. How less alone it made him feel as a whole.[break][break]

All thanks to a dork who’d tried to steal his boss’s work on the exact right night.[break][break]

“Happy newfyer,” he mumbled back, mouth still pressed to Rook’s as his hands continued to shamelessly wander and he started to tug his partner back in the vague direction of their room. He got caught on the doorway and stuck there, distracted. “I can throw bones, yes,” he nodded avidly, before a grumble curdled the end of his words when his fingers were met with bandaging. “Off,” he tried to command as he tugged at one spot at the other’s middle, failing to find where the end of the linen was tucked.

[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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"Happy new year, Lam." He laughed lightly, letting them naturally drift closer and slowly tangle in one another.
[break][break]
Hands lingered over his skin, slipping across the rough linen of bandages and burning the skin spaced between. Every little touch lit a fire in him and provoked immeasurable little sighs and breaths. Already he felt like he was being untwined until he was shivery and loose. He was love drunk, in his own way. Maybe not quite the same way as Lam but still swoony, as if in flight.
[break][break]
Without thought, they were slipping back from the living room. It was, admittedly, a bit pointless to put so much effort in the lights and champagne and the rose petals decorating the bed. They never paid that much attention in the heat of the moment. Once again, Lam was reminding him that romance didn't require massive gestures. It was a product of passion, a moment between two idiots tangled in one another so tightly that they didn't know how to split apart (not for long anyways).
[break][break]
This was enough, it was his perfection. He knew he'd never trade it in a million years. "That's very considerate of you, baby." He laughed before the other directed the other back to his bandages. Thus, the artless effort of removing them. Sometimes, he wondered why he still did it and he knew it was a product of habit and trauma. He did it to hide that part of his life. It felt perfect, as long as he didn't have to look at himself. In a way, it was a tapestry, except instead of it being a beautiful mural like Lam's art, it was just decades of pain that he was still running away from.
[break][break]
He still didn't always feel comfortable with the contact, with Lam looking at them and, for the most part, Lam did his part it making it seem like no big deal for him. He was good like that. It bothered Rook less now.
[break][break]
"What about you, lazybones?"

[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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“I know,” he said promptly, dumb grin stretching wider, “I’m so considadate.” Once the bandages began to loosen he tried to help, though he probably wasn’t much help at all because his coordination skills had taken a sharp downhill turn. In fact, it was sort of a wonder he didn’t wind up tangled in them himself.[break][break]

Still, it didn’t stop him from watching intently as those ribbons of linen fell away to give him access to more skin that was usually hidden away from sight. He knew loosely why Rook had them, but went out of his way typically to not ask about the scars covered up underneath them though he’d never thought them to be ugly or unsightly. They were a part of the person he loved most, and so they were just another part to love as well.[break][break]

He knew that Rook didn’t necessarily see it that way, though. So normally he did what he could to not acknowledge them or fuss over the need Rook had to wrap himself up everyday. Now, however, with his filters rendered useless, Lam was eager to have them gone.[break][break]

Dumbly, he openly stared for a moment—perched on the edge of their bed and rapt at the sight of him. All of the decoration, all of the flourish faded from his mind and all he was thinking about was how he could probably try to paint him into a canvas to preserve the memory, but it would never be exactly right, no matter how much he tried. There was no recreating perfection.[break][break]

Already sluggish from all of the drinking, he was that much more delayed when Rook spoke again. “Huh? Oh—“ he blinked sluggishly, and realized he’d been reaching to curl Rook’s fingers into his own. Saddled now with the debacle of his own clothing, he made an uncoordinated effort to shed them with a dumb laugh, before reaching to pull him down too.[break][break]

His hand glided up to brush hair back, tuck it behind Rook’s ear in a way he’d always found exceptionally pretty. “You are very beautiful, you know,” he murmured, fingers tracing the dips of scars as he met them. “I love you.” His head dipped until his lips pressed against the milky silver crescent of one on Rook’s shoulder. “And I love you here too.”[break][break]

Another kiss gifted to a mark between his shoulders. “And here.” Drifting to his collarbone, his chest. “Here too, and here.” Words and kisses peppered together following the exploratory crawl of his fingers. Every bit of it careful, but unmistakably adoring.

[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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Lam was really drunk. This wasn't an issue right? It felt strange, but it was still his boyfriend so... Lam was surprisingly the more affectionate out of the two of them. It was only natural that alcohol made him even more affectionate and touchy. Rook allowed it, of course, even if touch was usually a... well a touchy subject. It hadn't been a natural thing at first and he'd often felt bad for hurting Lam's feelings.
[break][break]
Touch was an expression of love and passion for the other, even if it hadn't always been the same for Rook. Contact made him shudder, it made him tense like he'd somehow done something bad. Lam had made it easier, obviously. The other was so good and patient that Rook often felt he didn't deserve him. Little by little it felt like reconstruction of himself on a spiritual level. It was nice.
[break][break]
The way Lam stared at him right then, made him want to cover up. It was an intense sort of stare, and he understood what it meant, but naturally he wanted to recoil with a slew of apologies for such ugliness. His heart pressed anxiously against the confines of his chest, breathing uneasy until he could at least distract Lam for a moment with his own undressing.
[break][break]
“You are very beautiful, you know.” Rook felt something shiver in him at that.
[break][break]
"Well not all of me but thanks." Yet he was not anticipating the drift of fingers, purposeful and calculated. Really, he should have expected it. This wasn't their first dance but it seemed more devout than usual. Maybe that was the alcohol talking. He shivered as lips pressed against the curve of a scar. A little nervous, pleased sound slipped free.
[break][break]
It's okay, this is okay. He felt the sliver of a thought in his head, soft and alluring. He closed his eyes as the lips traveled over his skin. Lam did stuff like this to him, so easily. Made him feel beautiful, even if he wasn't always sure if he was telling the truth. It didn't matter what he thought, not if Lam thought he was perfect, right?
[break][break]


[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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In all honesty, he was giddy and inebriated enough that while he might whine a little, he wouldn’t put up too much of a fuss if Rook decided to halt them from going much further. Even while drunk he didn’t want to put his boyfriend in too weird of a position. More distractible and flighty than usual, it was entirely likely that he could be deterred with simple cuddliness or the permission to kiss and smooch on Rook to his heart’s content until he inevitably fell asleep. Because that was also a total probability as well.[break][break]

He was naturally inclined toward affectionate touch, and there had been a learning curve to figuring out what Rook was comfortable with. Slowly, but surely, it was something he’d had to nurture without getting sensitive about little things here and there. Now it felt abnormal if they weren’t in some sort of contact when in proximity to one another. But that also didn’t mean that he was always inclined to put forward the level of affection that he was now for fear of treading too far.[break][break]

It wasn’t that he meant to be inconsiderate of that now, even. It was just that his filters had broken down into a more blatant presentation of his attraction. If Rook told him to stop looking at him, he would be confused, but he would do it. He wasn’t that unhinged or untethered from reality.[break][break]

‘Well not all of me but thanks.’[break][break]

The source of shame that his partner found in how he looked under what he managed to cover up wasn’t a sentiment shared by Lam. He froze for a moment, then leaned away as he frowned. His palm pressed against the other’s cheek so that he could look him in the eyes and not be glanced away from. “No, Ikarus.” Drunk, yes, but a firm honesty there in his voice. Conviction. “All of you.”[break][break]

A hand splayed against his chest, pushing him back gently until he met the bed. The same hand resumed its idle tracing. The other remained at his face as Lam peered down at him, dumb grin returning. “Every single piece,” he muttered before he bent down, that smile pressing against Rook’s lips as Lam sought out the familiar heat of his mouth. Lingering there for a while, deep and lazy, before drifting down his neck, across his collarbone toward his torso again.

[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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Lam's touches had weight right then. Of course, the other was always touchy-feeling (not in a bad way), but there was also a carefulness to his usual contact. Rook knew that he could be difficult to figure out. There was still a lot of damage in him left over from his past and only Lam had seemed patient enough to handle that part of him. He'd likely never know how to show him how much he appreciated it though.
[break][break]
Right then, Lam's affection was different, likely because he was too drunk to really put forth the extra caution that he usually showed. Not that Rook was ever really going to tell him no. Not that he'd ever wanted too. Sometimes, he got spooked, it was like raising a hand too fast around a beaten dog. It was ingrained and that didn't go away too easily. Mostly, he was just always surprised that Lam even wanted to touch those parts of him that were less than aesthetically appealing. Maybe Rook was shallow like that or vain, he didn't want to be seen in all his imperfection, but Lam didn't care. He liked him anyways.
[break][break]
Lam pulled away with a frown before he could process what he was saying. It seemed like a pretty simple sentiment, he'd had other people mirror the same disgust. Granted, the scars had diminished a lot over time, so maybe it wasn't as bad as it used to be. He just imagined what he wanted, the horror he'd seen. The reason he bandaged them was entirely psychological and he wasn't ignorant to that fact.
[break][break]
His face heated up as Lam looked him in the eye and responded. For a moment, a knot formed in his throat and he felt a mixture of emotions he couldn't really parse through. Part of him wanted to cry at such a simple sentiment, but he didn't. Lam didn't think that, wasn't that good enough? "Okay." He said a little breathless as Lam pushed him back onto the bed. His breath shuddered as he exhaled, lying still though he glanced up curiously. "What are you planning?" The question was swallowed up beneath lips that he pressed back up into. His skin shivered as lips traced down his neck and he forced himself to relax, maybe this wasn't so bad after all.


[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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There were hidden traumas that Lam knew Rook carried with him. Knee jerk reactions for something bad to come, though Lam would never be the one to inflict them. There was still the occasional worry of coming off too strong, of pushing too far.[break][break]

It was far from his mind just then, but not out of sight entirely from the haze of his earlier drinking. He could still sense the tension in Rook’s frame despite his acquiescence to the gentle push. Lam had followed him down of course, leaning over him as he littered his neck with the press of his mouth. His lips curled slightly, and he breathed out a laugh as he reached clavicle then chest.[break][break]

“That makes it sound like I been scheming. I don’t hava plan. I wanna show you how much I adore you. That’s all.”[break][break]

He paused though, head popping back up to look at Rook. His hand stretched up to find the other’s before lacing their fingers together. The green of his eyes was dark in the lowlight, but still soft with devotion as he tried to pull himself together for a moment. “Jus’ tell me though. If you want me to stop.” Lam turned his head inward to press a kiss against the inside of a delicate, now-bare wrist.“M’kay?”[break][break]

With that said, he resumed—leaving a drifting trail of kisses from scar to scar, peppering them across Rook’s torso and middle like he was trying to chart the most awe-inspiring constellation ever discovered. There was still a heat present under the surface, but it simmered to a slower pace from his frantic behavior when they first arrived home.[break][break]

It was an effort to fully appreciate the opportunity he was being given right then to express his love to the fullest extent. He nipped at one pale crescent-moon scar on his side, then laved over it with his tongue. Soft and appreciative. Grateful. Disgust had no place there, where only want and longing and adoration existed. “Thank you,” he murmured between kisses and the shake of his own unsteady breath.[break][break]

“For letting me know you like this. For the chance to tell you in so many ways how breath-taking you are.”[break][break]

“You’re everything t’me.”[break][break]

“There’s no one like you. Not even close.”

[break][break]

---

Ikarus Rook // m: sleepies in slateport // all the lovin’

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"You have been, I'm sure of it." He grinned at that, but it was weighted with sleepy warmth and something far more longing than he was used to. Nothing and no one had ever really touched him the way that Lam did. It felt special, like something just for him. His breath caught as little kisses traced over his skin. They were small, but they lit fires along his skin, burning him up until all he could feel was that warmth. Lam made him feel beautiful, it was bizarre. Rook had never learned to love himself, but Lam helped him. The other seemed to make it his personal goal to make Rook feel differently about himself.
[break][break]
The other man seemed to kiss him in a way that was nearly reverent, worship skin that had once been beaten and cut and burned. He was nothing, yet Lam made him feel like everything. Maybe it was dangerous to feel so much because of the actions of another person, but it just felt so damn nice right then that he didn't resist the weakness of it. His breath caught again, slipping free in a little whimper. "Please, don't stop."
[break][break]
Every word was soft yet it had a near guttural effect on him. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was powerful. He smothered the warmth in his eyes with the back of his wrist. "You're gonna make me cry, saying stuff like that."
[break][break]
“You’re everything t’me.” His other hand knotted into the sheets, trembling a little before reaching down to pull him back up. He pressed a hungry, needy kiss against Lam's lips. "I love you so much."

[break][break]

---

lam logan // m: sleepies in slateport

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