Distantly, he wanted to protest the drooping of his eyelids. He wanted to give instructions about his dogs—he could still feel Cassius’ warm snout against one palm. The nip of his teeth as he tried to rouse Enzo as well. There were things he should say, things he’d like to make the other aware of and hadn’t. In the wake of his fading senses, he heard Miu begin to cry again behind the reprimands Kosei made in his panic.[break][break]

I’m sorry—I don’t mean to scare you.[break][break]

He didn’t know how long he was out for. He didn’t know anything about the trip, or the need for paramedics to pull Kosei from him. Not about the surgical procedure to how he got where he was. It was all a dreamless, fuzzy white. The occasional flutter of a memory.[break][break]

Though he couldn’t hope to grab hold of them as his consciousness swam toward the light above a watery dividing line, he remembered the baking heat of his hometown. An arm hugged around his knees as he drew shapes in the red clay dirt with a stick. Always building to something bigger. Better.[break][break]

But it never felt good being alone, did it?[break][break]

Hazily, his eyelids fluttered open to meet the sterile neutrality of a hospital room. His abdomen throbbed with dull pain, but it felt distant. Slightly nullified. Probably some high grade pain relievers. For a moment there was a ringing in his ears as he grappled with his bearings.[break][break]

He tried to lift his hand to rub his eyes but something weighed on it. He used the other, distantly noting the IV tubing poked into his forearm and the hospital bracelet on his wrist.[break][break]

How did I get here?[break][break]

Everything in his recent memory was foggy. Weighted with the blur of long term unconsciousness and anesthesia. Head spinning as he squinted at the printed letters and stupidly expecting the typed name Luca to be there. Vincenzo, right of course. Slateport General.[break][break]

His memory began to fill in the blanks, panic crawling up his throat as he tried to twist stiff, sore limbs in resistance. He had somewhere to be. An irritable huff followed the lack of compliance his body provided, and agitation crawled under his skin until his head flopped to the side and registered a mop of dark hair fanned against the crisp white linens on his bed. The pinned hand weighted only by the hard grip of another.[break][break]

A breath heaved from his lungs. Just beyond Kosei, in Enzo’s periphery, a sleeping Miu and the red glow of a lucario’s eyes. Clumsily, his other hand crossed across his body to rest against the top of Kosei’s head. “Eccoti, luna gemella.” No more than a hoarse murmur as a faint smile tugged his lips and fingers slid against inky black strands. They brushed over a ridge of stitches and recoiled slightly.[break][break]

A wheeze of thin laughter— “sembri una merda.”

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | *he said: there you are, twin moon. You look like shit <3[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-houndoom"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]

Maybe it was a testament to his exhaustion that he did not immediately startle awake like he'd been expecting. Beforehand, he'd thought it impossible to fall asleep under the circumstances, but it pulled at him like a heavy weight, dragging him down until...
[break][break]
"sembri una merda."
[break][break]
He jerked awake at the movement and the warmth of that voice ringing through his ears. The unexpected softness of those words, laden with little cracks and crevices. That whistle of laughter, slow and heavy with pain. At first he thought he'd imagined it, that he'd turn to see Enzo still sleeping under the harsh lighting of the fluorescents. His vision blurred as he rubbed his eyes and found the other looking back at him. His chest twisted up with a mix of pain and inexplicable relief.
[break][break]
"Enzo." He slipped up, pushing out of the chair he'd perched himself in. The clock read half past four A.M., far too early for him but he felt fueled by his relief. "How are you feeling? Should... should I call a nurse?" He blundered through his own words. His hands cupped the other's face as he leaned over him a planted a kiss on his mouth.
[break][break]
"I thought I lost you." He bit down on the emotion there but it seeped through, an ugly noise that he tried to stifle as he lightly rested his forward on the other's chest. He took a breath, but it knotted in his throat. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. You almost died... they said, only an inch and you would have..." He slid back, putting space between them as they sat back. "It should've been me."
[break][break]
That was the simplest way of putting it, all those ugly little emotions hovering over a simple place of guilt. He owed Enzo so much and then had almost gotten him killed.



[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] vincenzo de luca | im dead inside :'3 | [break]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lucario"]
[attr="class","pokesprite pokemon ponyta-galar"]

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

Just like that, Kosei was awake and alert. Fretting over him as Enzo imagined he’d been before exhaustion had overcome him. It twisted up his chest, immeasurable relief and tenderness swallowing up his words briefly and rendering him unable to speak. “Hello, pup,” he finally rasped back before shaking his head and pointing his head at a water pitcher planted on the side table. “Just that for now.”[break][break]

And then hands fell about his face and he returned the kiss as best he could, his own hands curling around the other’s wrists loosely until they slipped away.[break][break]

He snorted, “Can’t get rid of me that easy.” One hand rose again, his pointer finger pressing firmly against Kosei’s lips. “I thought I told you none of that.” Despite the vulnerability of the moment, and the scratchy exhaustion in his voice, it was steady. “I don’t do these things so that you’re indebted to me, or that you feel guilty for being safe.”[break][break]

That same hand moved to cup his face, thumb gliding over bruised skin. “I’d make the same choice again and again, without question.
And there’s nothing you can do about it, so there isn’t any use in feeling bad.”[break][break]

Kosei sat back however, and his hand had fallen from his face. Enzo, nestled against his pillows, studied him. Maybe it was the weight of the painkillers, numbing his senses and his measure of control. Coupled with the strange reversion to his childhood and the daunting wariness of rejection, he slipped back into his native tongue again. More fluidly and without the normal, teasing composure that existed when he spoke to Kosei that way.[break][break]

He sighed, the curl of his mouth still present and exhausted, but incessant. The sort of amused exasperation that came with debating with a stubborn lover— “Caro mio, cuore mio, faccio queste cose perché ti amo.”

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | *he said: my dear, my heart, I do these things because I love you. <3[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-houndoom"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]

Despite all the words he still had left to say, he fell silent as the other pressed that finger to his lips. A heavy sigh slipped free, but nothing more than that. There was plenty left to lambast himself over. In his mind, he certainly deserved it. "You should be angry with me." Maybe he was and just hadn't had the chance to let loose. Once again, Kosei couldn't even blame him. This was the position that pride and ego had put him in. His failure always felt insurmountable, in the end.
[break][break]
"Really that easy for you huh?" He shook his head. No use in feeling bad because Enzo would have done it over again, hardly the point. The fact it had happened at all. He looked over at Miu and wondered if she would ever heal from this. He recalled the promise he made to her but it was still early and he was too tired to add that additional weight to this situation. He'd let her sleep, for now. Eventually, she'd wake on her own and scold him.
[break][break]
The words made a smile slip onto his face, but also irritation as was prone to happen whenever Enzo concealed words in his language. He rolled his eyes. "Can't understand you, doofus." At that, he pushed himself up and out of the chair, then walked over to the pitcher of water that the other requested. It was a brief interruption of thought because he didn't know where to go from there. He wasn't allowed to be mad at himself or say he was sorry, what was he supposed to say or do?
[break][break]
Still, he poured him a glass of water.



[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] vincenzo de luca | im dead inside :'3 | [break]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lucario"]
[attr="class","pokesprite pokemon ponyta-galar"]

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

Another wheezy laugh pulled free from his lungs, disbelieving. “Why should I be angry with you? For blundering in there maybe, but it’s what most fathers would do.” His hand raked through his own hair, dissatisfaction curling through him with the fact that he knew it was no longer in the neatly kept style that it had been that morning. His ribs ached. No actually, everything ached.[break][break]

When had they gotten so old? Ugh.[break][break]

His thoughts scattered and came back together in bursts. He wasn’t sure what was so difficult to understand. He could suggest that Kosei would do the same if it had been him, but Enzo didn't want to determine that for him. His gaze followed Kosei’s to the little girl. ”Is she okay?” Physically, of course. It would take time to heal the fear and trauma in her mind. That—Enzo did have guilt for.[break][break]

He sighed again, that time a bit dramatically. There were no complaints or cheeky retorts in the moments that followed. Awkwardly, he pushed himself up with a wince. Then he simply took the offered glass and drank from it—throat finally clearing itself of that frogginess. All the while he deliberated whether or not it would be good to say what he said clearly so that Kosei would understand.[break][break]

Would it relieve him of that guilt, or worsen it?[break][break]

And then Enzo remembered that he could have died without saying them, whether he wanted to admit the brush was closer to mortality for his liking or not. He finished his glass and set it to the side. Hands folding in his lap, Enzo looked up at Kosei evenly. “Yes, it’s that easy, because I love you. There’s your translation. Eat your heart out, or whatever.” His head turned to the side as he fumbled with the words.[break][break]

Far less poetic when he didn’t have the shield of his first language to hide behind.


[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | once more in English smh[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-houndoom"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]

"Well I'm not most fathers," He snapped at that, a little harsher than he meant, though the anger wasn't for Enzo. I'm supposed to be better, that was the part left off but the sentiment was still there and it was nothing new. Blundering, even the word make him angry. His eyes drifted to Miu, afraid that his temper had woken her. Her fingers were gripping the Lucario's fur, holding him close. Guilt welled up at the question and he choked one the word, "Of course she's not."
[break][break]
He wanted to apologize for snapping, but didn't really know what to say anymore that wouldn't make him feel more pathetic and wrong. The attention he placed on the simple task of getting the other water was appreciated, mostly because he didn't know how much more room for guilt he had before things broken in him.
[break][break]
The sentiment that he wouldn't forgive himself was his own problem, not Enzo's. The other man was the only reason he was alive, and more importantly, Miu. They were safe and Enzo was alive, so really he should be feeling anything but miserable right then. He too was selfish, more so than Enzo was.
[break][break]
"What?" The realization hit slow. Those words... I love you. He felt his face heat up, confusion welling as he tried to find the other's reason. Six years ago, those words might have been unwelcomed. Miu told him she loved him all the time. It was the only reason he knew the meaning of them, but this was Enzo. Enzo had just confessed that and he was sitting here, staring like an idiot. None of those other concerns really mattered, did they? Everything was okay. They were okay. I love you. He leaned forward, hand cupping the other man's face to tilt it back towards him. "I think you're going soft on me, De Luca." He smirked, before leaning in to kiss him.
[break][break]
"I love you too. Have for a long fucking time now."

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] vincenzo de luca | im dead inside :'3 | [break]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lucario"]
[attr="class","pokesprite pokemon ponyta-galar"]

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

“Alright, okay,” his hands lifted in resignation, and he winced back at the bite in Kosei’s tone. Normally, he would’ve challenged it easily because as easily as they came together as a team, they could be equally as tempestuous. Right then, though, Enzo was too tired for a dispute. Fatigue and drowsiness still clung to him, drooping his eyelids, though he managed to stay awake just fine for now.[break][break]

It was there, embedded deep in his bones, though—the feeling that he could sleep for years and years with the opportunity to.[break][break]

Of course, he’d grow too restless for that sort of laziness, but still. He continued to watch Miu, even as Kosei spoke. “We’ll make sure she gets whatever she needs to improve,” he murmured, expression terribly fond and conflicted for his part in this. For worsening something already impacting with his grievous injury.[break][break]

Enzo couldn’t find it in him to be resentful then, and he let that irritable outburst with a soft shrug. Already, he’d shifted into softer things that made him feel unbearably weak and exposed. He almost expected laughter for his sulking. Honestly, even that would’ve been better than the gawking silence that followed, so he refused to look over out of petulant stubbornness. And then a hand was guiding his face, and Enzo watched him carefully. Faces close, breath mingling.[break][break]

The tease made him huff in response, but a grin cracked across his face. “Only for you, Kiryu.” That time, he was better able to meet the kiss than the first—leaning into it with more reactive effort. His hand tucked under Kosei’s chin, forehead resting against his. “Obviously a mutual sentiment, even if I was horrible at showing it.”

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | once more in English smh[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-houndoom"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]

"I'm sorry," He felt his voice shiver, crumpling under the weight of it all. It wasn't right, lashing out at him. After everything Enzo had done. He pressed his forehead to the bed. He could feel the slightest heat on the sheets, the other smell mingling with the copper tang of blood. This was all his doing. "I'm so sorry." Even though he knew that Enzo was going to give him crap about it, he couldn't help himself.
[break][break]
It was pathetic, how hard he was trying to hold himself together. Meanwhile, Enzo was the one in the bed, broken because of his actions. Once again, the guilt and the weight of his failure seemed crushing. Atlas holding up a sky's worth of regret and guilt. All because he couldn't act alone. What a pathetic wretch.
[break][break]
There was no way Miu would be alright after this. He'd not only hurt Enzo, but possibly traumatized his daughter for life. Still, that could be addressed later. It wasn't that it didn't matter, but he couldn't handle that weight right now. What he could handle were those words still hanging in the air between them. It tugged at his heartstrings until a little smile formed despite the ache in his chest. His head still stung from the stitches and they weren't out of the deep water yet, but they were alive and that was what mattered.
[break][break]
"Yeah, you were pretty horrible." He laughed, kissing him again, "but that's okay."
[break][break]
There was movement from the couch as Miu sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Uncle Enzo? Are you okay!?" She pushed out of the seat and raced over to him, throwing her arms around him. Then she was crying, little hiccupping sobs that made her shake. Kosei rubbed at her back, feeling his heart break all over again.
[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] vincenzo de luca | im dead inside :'3 | [break]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lucario"]
[attr="class","pokesprite pokemon ponyta-galar"]

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

Enzo frowned. All of this contrition and upset from Kosei felt strange and almost jarring. The snippiness that floated between them was something that he'd grown accustomed to. Like an old, worn coat. Neither of them quick to back down once their minds were made up about something. But this... "Kosei, stop." A brow lifted as he tried to conjure one of his more appraising looks. "Keep it up, and I'll get used to hearing your apologies at every turn." It was halfhearted attempt to goad him, but Enzo felt too worn out to really put his back into it.[break][break]

He didn't regret the choice to follow them. To show up at that warehouse. Kosei might blame himself for it, but that choice had been all his own. There were ways that Enzo thought the situation might be amended. Actions that might rectify past choices, but that discussion was for a later time. Or, that had been his intent before all of these feelings rose up and caused him to admit his vulnerabilities.[break][break]

Returned affections or not, they lowered his filters. Or maybe that was the exhaustion talking. Either way, it felt easier for him to slip. "It's not like you made things much easier back then," he retorted, smiling as another kiss followed. And then, before it could be contained-- "You could come back, you know." To Rocket, to him.[break][break]

Well, there went his planning for a future conversation.[break][break]

Before he could rectify it, though, the flicker of movement pulled his eyes sideways, and then there was Miu - barreling over to him. Little arms latched around his neck and tugged him sideways, and Enzo had to muffle the slightly pained sound that came with twisting around the site of his injury. Not to mention being sore from getting into a fight for the first time in who knew how many years. He was rusty (a dissatisfying thought that he would no doubt fixate on later.)[break][break]

For now, though, he tugged the little girl closer and returned the hug she had demanded. A hand smoothed over her hair as he felt tears begin to dampen the crook of his neck and hospital gown. "Yes, yes. I'm just fine, topolina. No need for tears, I'm not going anywhere." His cheek pillowed against the top of her head as violet eyes peered up over her at Kosei again. A small, weak smile tugged the visible corner of his mouth.[break][break]

Yes, he had grown terribly rusty, and soft on top of that. But what was there to do about the latter, but to accept it now that it had shown itself in such glaring ways?

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | once more in English smh[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-houndoom"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]

He couldn't help himself. The guilt felt like it was eating him up inside. He was supposed to be the one in control, but it was so easily pulled apart. What was he if not the person to be depended on. Instead, he just felt foolish. Yet, he swallowed it up. "I know, I know. I'm so-" He sighed, face sinking into the palms of his hands as he cut off yet another mumbled apology. He just needed a second, but he was too good at beating himself up.
[break][break]
"When have I ever made things easy, remember who you're talking to." He snorted, shaking his head. You could come back, you know. The choice was there, presented to him once again like it was the easiest thing in the world. Maybe right then, it would be best just to agree. Anything to make Enzo happy. Admittedly, though it was clearly obvious, he missed the other man. He missed their partnership. Even if a past version of him had grown bitter and angry at the complacency of it. He was entirely too raw to know how to answer though. Every answer felt like a mistake.
[break][break]
"Not sure that's a good idea." He'd already made enough of a mess of things. Somehow, things always got so messy. Of course, he was afraid of failing and there was no threat of that if he had no responsibility over anything. Miu made that sentiment difficult though. Enzo made it even more difficult.
[break][break]
Before he could think to explain or walk back on those words, Miu was awake. Like a hurricane, she pushed forward, ignorant to any discomfort she caused in her rush. She was babbling so quickly that it was incoherent. "I'm gonna go talk to the doctor, I'll be right back." He was equally good at avoidance, but it wouldn't last forever. If anyone knew how to wear him down, it was Enzo.
[break][break]


[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] vincenzo de luca | im dead inside :'3 | [break]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lucario"]
[attr="class","pokesprite pokemon ponyta-galar"]

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

Yet another apology threatened to roll off of Kosei’s tongue, and though he didn’t speak, Enzo cut him a pointed look. Sharp enough to say don’t even. His head flopped back against the pillow, eyes shutting for a moment as he listened to the other speak. “Touché.” A smile cracked across his mouth. But of course he expected his suggestion to be met with some resistance. He knew he was reaching.[break][break]

“I don’t see how this is better,” he replied simply. There wasn’t any anger or frustration in his voice as he looked up at Kosei, just flat observation. His shoulders rose and fell subtly. Like this, he was less able to help. If Kosei were to come back, Enzo could keep him close. Keep them both close. “I don’t enforce anymore, except on rare occasions. I don’t see why you’d have to do the same once you’re back in.” More often than not when he did dirtier work for the organization, it was to alleviate boredom. At request. [break][break]

For the most part, it was alright that he networked and organized from the defensive behemoth of the hotel. He’d pulled strings for ages to make sure Kosei had remained tucked away in Slateport, but selfishly, he wanted that process to be made easier.[break][break]

He could feel Kosei closing himself off to the idea, though. His posture tensed, even without the distraction of Miu quashing the conversation. It was the continued divide, after all. Those self-imposed ideas of what constituted good. Enzo sighed, too tired to press the subject further as Miu continued to babble at him—somehow both sleepy and wired all at once. Kosei’s lucario carried over the blanket she’d been under on the chairs where she’d slept, and he draped them over her again once she was tucked under his arm in a spot that didn’t exacerbate his injury.[break][break]

“Just think about it, okay?” He said quietly over her head as Kosei found the right excuse to leave. Just the simple request instead of his normal antics—hey, I just stuck my neck out for you, you know. A reminder of the obvious that was right in front of them now. Enzo’s cheek pillowed against the top of Miu’s head tiredly as she chattered on, too exhausted to give more than quiet agreements until he dozed off again.
[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] Kosei Kiryu | once more in English smh[break]


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[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-lycanroc form-dusk"]
[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-charizard"]