MARCH UPDATE

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

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1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 1, 2023 1:09:47 GMT

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[attr="class","lam"]

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lumi

[attr="class","text"]It was all he could do to keep his eyes open in the back of an examining room of Lilycove’s general hospital. Of course, it had been nauseating and bright, bursting pain when the doctor had to set his bone so that it could be properly bound in a plaster cast around most of his right arm.[break][break]
But then he’d been given the good painkillers which kept him from fidgeting and wincing, and Noodle sat on his lap throughout the whole thing. Numbed to it completely. Or mostly, anyway. Even more than that, though, the fatigue that he’d staved off over the course of the last few days finally crashed over him and he found his head lolling at moments before it snapped back up.[break][break]
He knew his decidueye was being similarly worked on–battered, mangled wing in need of even more repair than his arm. But he’d been ushered away from the pokecenter with the insistence that he return tomorrow after he’d looked after himself. Artichoke would be just fine with the Lilycove’s Joy.[break][break]
At least he felt level headed and calm this time. The pain was grounding, exhausting as he was. There had been no deaths among his pokemon this time. They’d all fought hard, and survived. It was good all things considered, and the losses he’d seen from others. The arm was also the worst of it. Sure, he had some scrapes and bruises from the scuffles he’d been in, but those weren’t so bad.[break][break]
Still, Lam knew how he looked. And that was cause for some uneasiness.[break][break]
As relieved as Lam was to be leaving the last of the seemingly endless battling and conflict behind, he was admittedly also a little reluctant to return to the haven of his home too. The FaceTime call he’d had with Rook earlier…well, that hadn’t gone well at all, had it?[break][break]
Maybe it was because he was mad enough at Lam that he didn’t really protest to the insistence that he didn’t need to meet Lam at the hospital. His stomach turned over, now with uncertainty of what waited for him rather than aching pain. Or both.[break][break]
He didn’t want to argue, but he felt like he was definitely still in sleep on the couch territory. Rook had been upset— not that Lam could fault him for that, but he felt that he’d done so much better![break][break]
It was probably dumb of him to think that nullified the reaction to a broken bone.[break][break]
He sighed as he settled up the last of the paperwork at the front desk and turned to let his xatu out for the quick trip home. But when he turned, he spied a familiar face in the waiting room, his heart both ached with relief and lurched with sudden nervousness at the same time.[break][break]
“Rook?” Noodle had already run over to his partner when Lam hadn’t been looking. “I thought… you didn’t wait at home?” Even if he was wary of incurring more frustration, the sagging droop of his shoulders and tiny smile made it obvious how glad he was to see the other.

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 16:11:51 GMT

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[attr="class","rook"]

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He was not waiting at home.
[break][break]
No way!
[break][break]
Even if Lam might have preferred that so he could have ample time before he was in trouble. Rook was not waiting around at home like some doting housewife. It wasn't generally in his nature to be temperamental or combative. Quite the opposite. Rook rolled over with just about any confrontation. It was a lesson learned during his childhood, unfortunately. Though he'd gotten better over time, it probably wasn't the best timing for him to go and try to stand up for his feelings, but it was better now than never.
[break][break]
Rook was upset.
[break][break]
Maybe not rightfully so. Maybe even a little irrationally. It didn't need to make sense to him, except this was the second time that he was pulled into a panic because Lam had taken a dive into dangerous territory. It wasn't like he regretted encouraging Lam to go for his dreams, he just hadn't anticipated it would involve this many hospital and panic room visits. It was a selfish fear, of course. Lam was free to do as he wished, but Rook couldn't help but realize he'd opened himself up to a world of pain.
[break][break]
At some point, he'd signed up to get hurt (one way or another), by getting close to someone. No, close wasn't even the word for it. He loved Lam. A part of soul felt tethered to this life they'd made. Now, he was grappling with the realization that there was real, terrifying weight to that life. Or, more so, the loss of that life.
[break][break]
Maybe he just needed to sit and think, but he didn't give him the chance to work it out in his head before heading over to the hospital. On the way, he'd nearly calmed down too until he saw Lam standing there. His arm in that sling and that sheepish look on his face like he knew exactly what was coming. Rook didn't even know what was coming because he'd never actually processed this kind of emotion before.
[break][break]
So, Rook stood there with his expression twisted on a frown and his arms crossing the rest of his body off. "No, you thought I'd wait at home. I didn't want to." He should have just been happy to see him. What an inconsequential idiot. He sparred with the feeling of guilt that welled up, but didn't drop his temper. Not yet. "Are we done here?"

[attr="class","ooc"]

lam logan

[break]

NOTES

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 17:09:40 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","lam"]

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lumi

[attr="class","text"]Lam wanted to sink into the floor. The look on Rook’s face was one that he knew he’d earned, but also one that he never wanted to see again ever. Not leveled at him. Guilt battered at his ribs, and he couldn’t manage to hold eye contact. If he’d thought he’d been in trouble before, it was nothing compared to how it actually felt up close and personal.[break][break]
By some divine provenance, the “No hug?” that rose to the tip pf his tongue was not spoken. The fold of Rook’s arms made it clear that he wanted to entertain as little of Lam as possible, and so he made no move to inch closer to his partner. Even if all he wanted to do right then was lean against Rook and soak up the comfort he kicked off like radiating heat.[break][break]
“No, I just thought— it didn’t seem like..” It hadn’t seemed like he wanted to come here. Not that his anger had stopped him in the long run him, apparently. Not that knowing as much brought Lam much comfort just then. It felt worse in person than it had over the phone. Palpable in a way that made Lam react like a cowed dog, shoulders slumping further as he looked at his feet.[break][break]
Noodle could sense the agitation that seemed to bubble up between then, the shinx looking between the two with wide, blinking eyes. The little turncoat (or maybe he was appealing on behalf of Lam,) then chose to wind between Rook’s ankles, pawing at his pantleg with little mrrps as if that would help quell the upset there.[break][break]
“Yeah, yeah,” he finally said with a sigh, “good to go.” His eyes flit up to Rook’s and then away again, way more pitifully than he had any right to be. But he was tired and he knew he was in for it, but it wasn’t like he had the energy to fight, if that was what Rook even wanted. And he definitely couldn’t bring himself to do so in the middle of a hospital lobby.[break][break]
“Do you want to walk, or?” he gestured halfheartedly with his good arm to Lumi, who stood their silent and observing. The xatu prepared to do whatever was asked of her. Lam had never been fond of teleporting places. It messed with his stomach, but if it would get them home quicker it was an option.

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 17:32:59 GMT

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Upset translated into frustration, a low-seated sort of feeling. It didn't fester, but he felt no relief. It was just a constant pressure and he nearly would have given up for the hope that it might go away. That didn't feel right either, even if it would have been the normal way he processed things. It wasn't like Lam had done anything unusual or overstepped a boundary. Once again, he felt that guilt simmer up because it wasn't natural to be mad at him. It would have been easier just to shrug, force a smile, and give him a hug.
[break][break]
He didn't though and Lam made not attempt to challenge the space he was making with his body language. It was appreciated, but it didn't change things. His eyes focused on some far-away spot, unimportant but unchallenging. Looking away didn't require he rethink himself. It didn't require mercy or condemnation. It was a safe, equal medium to focus his frustration on.
[break][break]
In truth, he wasn't sure who he was frustrated at. If it was Lam or himself. This was probably dumb. Maybe he was being childish, but he felt tired right then.
[break][break]
"No I just wanna go home," He huffed, not wanting the chance to settle and talk. Walking would give time for the knot to come unbound and for the tension to dissipate into the atmosphere. He looked to Lumi with an added, "Please?" It wasn't the pokemon's fault, even if he didn't entertain Noodle's attempt to coax comfort out of him. It wouldn't be that easy.
[break][break]
He just wanted to go home. He wanted to lay down and marinate in his thoughts until he blamed himself nearly as much as Lam frustrated him with his impulsiveness.

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 17:54:41 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","lam"]

[attr="class","body"]

[attr="class","sideinfo"]

[attr="class","charimage"]

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lumi

[attr="class","text"]It felt bad that he was too shamed to look at Rook properly, but somehow monumentally worse that Rook wouldn’t even look at him. It made nervous sound begin to crawl up his throat, but he stifled it and swallowed it down. Why wouldn’t he look at him?[break][break]
“Okay, that’s fine,” he muttered, looking to Lumi in silent request, before stooping to pick up Noodle. The shinx nestled into the crook of his arm, and he tried not to wince when he unintentionally knocked against the cast hung up in its sling. His xatu unfolded her wings with a coo, one curling around each of them before she TELEPORTED the location she was always tuned into.[break][break]
“Thanks Lumi,” he said quietly once they’d landed. Letting Noodle down, he recalled the xatu to let her rest properly.[break][break]
The kitchen felt so starkly clean and normal under the fluorescent shine from the light that hung over the sink. Compared to what he’d been subjected to the last few days, it was a relief to settle into in and of itself. No more ocean, no more sandy beaches and tunnels to wind through. Just home.[break][break]
The fear didn’t dissipate, though. If anything, it almost felt worse. Being subjected to battle after battle was nothing next to the anxiety this reaction, or lack of reaction? drummed up.[break][break]
“You can yell at me, if you want to.” He peeked at Rook, and then his eyes cut away toward the kitchen table. He wanted to sit, but didn’t dare. He couldn’t bring himself to move much at all. He stood, frozen where he’d leaned against the fridge to get his bearings after the disorientation of Lumi’s transportation.[break][break]
Lam didn’t want to fight, but anything would’ve been better than this silence. It was the smothering sort, heavy over him like a pillow against his face. Stifling. He was accustomed to Rook burning hot and loud in all of his emotions, not just upset. So to be met with a chill was foreign and intimidating. “Just say something, Rook. Please.”

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 18:33:04 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rook"]

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This wasn't going how he'd expected it to go. What he'd been planning was to march into the hospital, berate Lam's actions, and then get back home in time for dinner. Maybe stick it out for awhile until Lam felt really bad about it. Yet, his mood soured the more he thought about it. The exhaustion set in and he didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know how to handle these emotions and worries because he'd never had reason to feel them before.
[break][break]
No one mattered to him quite like Lam did. So, how was he supposed to reconcile that realization with the reality that he could only feel much pain? Maybe the difficulty lied in his past, in a reality where he never knew Lam and never realized just how full his heart could feel. As ridiculous as the sentiment sounded. The loss made him think about how it used to be.
[break][break]
He opened his eyes to find them safely transported home again. The soft warmth of home should have settled over him like a veil. His temper should have eased a little and he should have looked to Lam and said: Dont you do that again. Leave it there, even if Lam ended up doing it yet again.
[break][break]
"I don't wanna yell at you, Lam." He said, stiffly. His arms still crossed off, his eyes still seeking out little details of safety away from contact. "I told you everything earlier. You said it'd be fine." There wasn't a sense of betrayal, despite everything. Lam couldn't predict something would happen, of course. This had the side-effect of making Rook feel irrational, but it didn't subside his feelings on the matter.
[break][break]
Rook paused for a second, thinking it'd just be easier to talk. Rook was a feelings sort of guy, even when he didn't recognize what it was that he was feeling. It was in his nature to be emotional, to say what he was feeling. "I don't really feel like talking about it anymore."

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 19:48:50 GMT

THEO BECKETT likes this

[nospaces]

[attr="class","lam"]

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lumi

[attr="class","text"]This sort of reaction felt unfamiliar on Rook, which to Lam, meant it was bad. Not good, catastrophic, uncharted territory. He sunk into his guilt, even though he really had tried to keep himself together and unharmed. He’d done so much more negotiating and reasoning with people than the League probably would’ve liked of him. If there were opportunities to avoid physical conflict, he had taken them. Talking down the guy on the beach, the ceasefire with one girl, and refusing to engage further with another. He’d had victories, but he’d taken his share of retreats too.[break][break]
He didn’t know how to make this better. There was no use in adding that it was just an insult to injury that he’d known the person who had his pokemon snap Lam’s arm like a twig. That THEO BECKETT had let him leave. It could have been so much worse than it was. So, so much worse. But saying that felt like it would have only made Rook more upset. To know how close he could’ve come to worse.[break][break]
Lam looked up at Rook plaintively. He shrank in place. “I’m sorry,” he repeated the words from their call earlier, pitch climbing toward a helpless whine. “I really tried. I did.” He wanted Rook to yell at him, to explode at him because at least the burn of his emotions would feel familiar. Like going back to normal. Maybe this was normal? He didn’t know.[break][break]
I don’t really feel like talking about it anymore.[break][break]
“Well, what now, then?” he asked, a bit helplessly. His fingers flexed, arm extending to reach for Rook’s hand. Froze mid-air, and then dropped back to his side. It would have felt infinitely worse, to have Rook pull away. He accepted defeat swiftly, head nodding shakily. “Okay, then. Alright.” The acceptance wasn’t even bitter or pettily spoken. Lam puffed out a breath and turned to exit the kitchen.[break][break]
Maybe he was too tired to even talk, too. No, that wasn’t right. He just didn’t know how to handle this response. What it meant or could mean. Lam only paused for a moment, “I’ll just, uh. Stay out here on the couch.” The only chance he took was the rise of his fingers to brush against Rook’s elbow. Usually an affectionate thing, the skimming of his thumb against the pointed bend of it. His lips pressed awkwardly as he looked away again, and then he made to shuffle down the hall toward the living room.[break][break]
All the while biting down the panicky feeling that wanted to persist.

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

close tab

played by

roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 17:42:23 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rook"]

[attr="class","body"]

[attr="class","sideinfo"]

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He'd grown to know Lam on a level he'd never imagined with anyone. His life, until they met, was a sad and empty one. It had often felt pointless in a way he hoped never to feel again. Lam completed parts of him that he hadn't realized were empty, missing. It was hard to be mad at him, especially when he could see that guilt in the other man. He felt ugly and stupid for provoking those kinds of emotions in him.
[break][break]
It wasn't too late. Rook knew he could choose to back off and relent to the pressure building up in the space between them. His hands rung the hem of his sweaty, twisting the fibers until they threatened to fray further. He didn't relent. It wasn't like him to be the stubborn one, but it felt necessary. Lam had gotten mad at him, once upon a time, for not changing for the both of them. This wasn't quite like that, but it still felt like it mattered. He'd stopped stealing after that. Sure, he didn't really know what to do with himself anymore except for some odd jobs but that was the price.
[break][break]
Rook would never ask him to stop chasing his dreams, but he'd never imagined before that those dreams would lead him to such a dangerous place. He was a gym leader, not an officer or a fighter. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but he felt like saying as much was an impossible request. He couldn't object to something that he'd stood by for so long.
[break][break]
He sighed at that "I tried". It wasn't about that though. Rook was sure he'd tried not to get hurt, but clearly that only went so far. He wasn't mad, he was upset. There was a different. The only way he'd get un-upset was to stop doing what he was doing and think, let the space draw in between them until all their problems miraculously disappeared.
[break][break]
"I don't know, Lam." He replied, exasperated. He didn't want to talk about this either. It didn't help his upset and he was trying his best not to snap or fall apart into an emotional hellstorm.
[break][break]
"No, don't be ridiculous. You have a broken arm." He retreated into the room to grab his pillow. There was already a kitted blanket on the back of the couch that he could use. "I'll stay on the couch. Go rest."

[attr="class","ooc"]

lam logan

[break]

NOTES

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

close tab

played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 18:11:31 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","lam"]

[attr="class","body"]

[attr="class","sideinfo"]

[attr="class","charimage"]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

lumi

[attr="class","text"]
“Rook..” he trailed after the other helplessly, voice edging toward a protesting whine. He wanted to insist further, but there was something firm in Rook’s voice. Unwavering. He shifted on his feet, “But… alright.” In the end, he couldn’t argue that he’d earned the spot on the couch. It was too easy to agree with what Rook wanted. He was too tired to try, and maybe if he relented, Rook would come around.[break][break]
He at least wouldn’t give any other reason for Rook to be more upset with him. Lam drooped as he watched his partner retreat back out of their room, and suddenly it felt too big for just him. There was too much space in their bed. (Something he’d never protested to before, given how much he liked to stretch out when he could get away with it.) He peeled himself out of the joggers and jacket he’d been wearing to trade them for comfier clothes.[break][break]
An awkward endeavor, with the plaster cast making his movements clunky and clumsy. He managed to pull on shorts and his comfiest hoodie before sliding under the covers. But as exhausted as he was, Lam couldn’t settle. He switched from one side to the other, fumbling to roll without hitting his arm. He added pillows, blankets. None of it worked, he was too uneasy. Back turned away from the door, he let out a defeated huff, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to burrow further beneath the covers.[break][break]
No sleep came.[break][break]
There was only the uneasy spiral of his thoughts and the uncertainty of not knowing what Rook was thinking. It made his stomach hurt, a pit forming there that wouldn’t ease without knowing it would be okay. Maybe it wouldn’t be. What would he do then?[break][break]
He didn’t know, beyond the obvious reaction of absolute misery. Rook had carved out a space in Lam’s world, and there was nothing that could fill it now but him. His breath dragged in shakily, but he forced himself to exhale slowly. Though it didn’t really make him feel any better.

[attr="class","ooc"]

[break]

NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

[attr="class","credit"]MADE BY GUNSMILE

close tab

played by

roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 18:35:51 GMT

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It was hard to leave Lam. It was hard to do a lot of things as he plopped down onto the couch like a sack of sad potatoes. What he wanted to do was crawl back to that room and offer to help Lam with his clothes. It had to be uncomfortable with his cast on. Then again, that cast shouldn't have even been there. Lam had assured him that everything was gonna go A-Okay, with a thumbs up and everything. Rook had every right to be upset.
[break][break]
Then again...
[break][break]
He couldn't help but still feel like he was being ungrateful. Selfish. Stupid. Lam was okay, a little banged up but alive. Rook should have been grateful, clinging to him and kissing his cheek. He should have been happy that Lam was in one piece (even if a little broken in some parts). Not sulking under the chocheted fibers of the old couch blanket.
[break][break]
What if Lam was hungry? He'd never stopped to ask if he'd eaten. What if he needed more pain pills? What if he was just being a poor-excuse for a boyfriend? Totally unsupportive and cold. He groaned, pulling the blanket over his head.
[break][break]
This felt so unproductive. He moved too quickly to ever sulk and ruminate on feelings of upset. Emotions passed through him quickly, brightly, emphatically. This felt depressed and heavy. He didn't like it.
[break][break]
He peeked out from under the blanket then, squinting. Time had passed by and he refused to doze. He never made much of a napper. There was a sound coming from the bedroom. Lam wasn't resting at all, was he?
[break][break]
"You're supposed to be resting," He muttered to himself, wondering if he should get up and make a fuss of it. He was still mad at him though.

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lam logan

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NOTES

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lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

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1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 19:55:55 GMT

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lumi

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This was the worst. What he would’ve preferred to do was slink back out to the living room. To even just sit near Rook would have been fine. But Rook hadn’t even been able to look at Lam. His eyes fell toward the doorway, empty and void of any appearance. A stupid hope. He turned back toward the wall.[break][break]
His stomach hurt too much to feel any sort of appetite. It wasn’t really all that late in the evening, but he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want to do anything but lay there. Steeped in the oppressive, heavy feeling. Willing himself into unconsciousness got him nowhere. No matter how hard he squeezed his eyes shut, the worry that he’d well and truly messed up beyond repair continued to coil through his system.[break][break]
But if Rook wanted to leave, like really wanted to–he’d just go, right? He wouldn’t hang out on the couch. It was a logical thought, a smart one. But it wasn’t enough to settle the guilt he felt.[break][break]
He should’ve been more careful. He shouldn’t have risked that fight, even if he hadn’t known the extent to which he’d been injured. Lam hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Rook that he tried, that he took the safer paths when they were presented to him. But he couldn’t help that other people weren’t so predictable or benevolent.[break][break]
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been scared, too. That fleeting moment, sprawling on the deck of that boat, he’d felt that fear. It wasn’t the same sort of terror he’d felt the night he’d come back from the deep sea. It had been more resolute. Factual in nature– this is just the way it is. It wasn’t as if Lam felt careless to the risks, or was being trivial about it.[break][break]
Though maybe he’d seemed that way in their call. But that was a mistake–an attempt to get ahead of the problem. Stupid, he was stupid.[break][break]
Another pitiful sigh slipped free, eyes studying the rest of the room in his immediate line of vision. All of it cast in gloomy shapes from the dark. His throat felt tight, like he couldn’t take a real good breath. But he didn’t let himself cave in on himself. Not again. He swallowed the feeling and felt it stick in his throat, heavy and cloying.[break][break]
Lam bit his lip, teeth sinking into soft skin until the bite of it made the feeling pass. It didn’t stay gone for long, though, of course. There wasn’t really any way to alleviate the feeling unless Rook talked to him. Or just gave him some sort of sign that it would be okay.

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NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

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roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

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217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 20:15:40 GMT

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The longer he laid there, the less sense of it he could make. Maybe that made him weak and incapable, unwilling to stand on even ground for fear of losing this beautiful life he'd acquired. Yet, it didn't make sense to do nothing. It felt cruel and, even more so, he hated it. He hated laying there without being able to seek the other man out. He was still upset and he likely would remain that way, but it occurred to him that it wasn't actually at Lam.
[break][break]
Maybe it was more at himself, at his own cowardice. The idea of facing the things that Lam had terrified him. How could he expect Lam to be safer when he had come to be entirely unable to push his own boundaries and find his own way. He was purposeless in a different kind of way and it wasn't fair to depend on Lam's existence to give him meaning.
[break][break]
Still, it took him some to finally crawl out of the little nest he'd made. It was another cowardly act, this hesitation. The upset hadn't faded, but it definitely evolved. With a heavy sigh, he brushed his hands through his hair and opened the door. He didn't lie down beside him, but sat on the edge of the bed. "You scared me." He admitted, "It's not fair, but you scared me so I was mad." It sounded childish out loud.
[break][break]
"I don't know what to do about that."

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lam logan

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NOTES

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 15, 2023 20:38:10 GMT

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lumi

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His heart lurched when the creak of the floorboards signaled the traveling of feet in the hall. The sink at the corner of the mattress told him that Rook had settled there, but unlike his hopeful glances earlier, he didn’t move. He stayed still, letting his breath catch in his throat. Part of him wondered if he was imagining this. Or if maybe he’d fallen into fitful sleep and was dreaming what he’d like to happen next.[break][break]
And if he turned toward the other side where Rook was sitting, would he actually be there? Or would it be empty air that told him his mind was playing a mean trick on him?[break][break]
But then Rook’s voice lifted into the silence that had filled the room apart from his restless turning, and his heart thrummed again. Lam let out a breath, long and slow, though he didn’t know what to say that he already hadn’t said. “Okay,” he replied, voice far quieter and still resigned. “But I was scared too, you know.” He wanted relief from this, he wanted to hide under the lip of the blanket.[break][break]
He didn’t know what he should want if Rook wasn’t going to budge.[break][break]
“I don’t know what else to say,” his voice crumpled, helpless as he was, “I don’t know how to make it better. I love you, I made sure I came home to you.” A slight shudder in his shoulders made the mass of blankets shake once, then still as he pulled himself back in, and clamped down.

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NOTES

- ruh roh raggy[break]

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roux

Rook

he/him

Twenty-Six

june 27

Jubilife City, Sinnoh

bi-sexual

art thief

civilian

51 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

217 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @ikarus

POSTED ON Nov 16, 2023 17:26:04 GMT

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For an awkward second, he sat there, wondering if he should have done differently. Rook felt like a long-shot from a relationship master. He had never really had anything long-term before Lam came into his life. He'd never been reliable or consistent enough. His emotions went all over the place and, ultimately, he felt like he'd only disappoint them.
[break][break]
That fear hadn't vanished with Lam, of course. Far from it. That fear had only intensified the more he realized how important Lam was to him. The possibility of disappointing him in some way only seemed to grow more unrelenting. Though, he'd also grown due to this relationship. Normally, he might have blown up, grown more emotional. Maybe it wasn't a good time to try to be controlled with his emotions, but he was trying.
[break][break]
Lam was quiet and it made him want to run away from the sudden, mounting pressure.
[break][break]
"That's not the point, Lam." He sighed, half whine and half exasperation. It wasn't the fact that Lam tried hard or that he was worried and scared too. It was the fact he was in a position of danger that could come at any point of contention. He didn't know how to deal with that.
[break][break]
"I don't either, no one told me that you were gonna go facing ROCKET, Lam. No one warned me that they were actually dangerous, deadly even. I've worked with them but it was... harmless, small petty theft. It wasn't murder. And you're fighting those people? How am I supposed to deal with that? Cause they're sure as shit not gonna come up to my door with an 'I'm sorry' so why is that supposed to be enough for me right now?"

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lam logan

[break]

NOTES

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,498 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Nov 16, 2023 17:58:34 GMT

Naomi Sato likes this

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lumi

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Lam wasn’t exactly a pro in how to navigate serious relationships, either. His experience in general hadn’t been that expansive in the first place, and so he acted on instinct. It didn’t always lead him correctly, though. Hence the stupid video call. Even though that felt miniscule now, compared to the unexpected distance that feel so much larger between them than it ever had.[break][break]
“I don’t think they’re all deadly,” he muttered in reply, “like you said, more harmless. It was sort of surprising how many were willing to actually forego a fight itself.” His brows knit together as he considered his conversation with Naomi Sato. The things she’d shown him in her effort to convince him that the fight between groups wasn’t the point. He didn’t really know where he fell, his opinions felt complicated. Not so black and white as others seemed to believe.[break][break]
But that was neither here nor there. Not right now. “I don’t know, Rook. It’s not enough, I know. I don’t know what you want, but I can’t do nothing, either.” He shrank under the blankets, trying make himself as small as he felt. “What if they came here? To Lilycove. Do you think I could just..sit by and let our home get destroyed? Let you get hurt?”[break][break]
Maybe others in the League climbed as high as they could for some great sense of justice or a do gooder mentality. That in doing so they would be known and loved and regarded with respect they thought they deserved. He didn’t feel so noble. It was expected, so he went. Responsibility hung on his shoulders, new and awkward. But it had never really been about looking good or putting Rockets in their place. All he wanted to do was keep what he cared about safe.[break][break]
He just wasn’t sure if there was a way to reconcile that, or make it feel okay. Maybe it wasn’t a possibility, he didn’t know. “If it’s not enough… If you want to leave, I understand.” The little, nagging fear tumbled out unintentionally, quiet and fretting. And now he definitely didn’t dare look in the other’s way, apprehensive of what Rook say or what his expression might give away.

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