she doesn't stand a chance against the painkillers. it was in the hospital that she'd slept longer than 4 hours in a single stretch in gods know how long. and after that, in between flashes of people checking on her - she barely remembers, strung up on morphine as she was - with prescription bottles and a a stubbornness finally beaten out of her by pain, well, she's home. 

she's not at her office. she's not running across the region, looking for any reason to keep her boots on the ground. she's stuck in her hotel. and ana fell is busy. she can't babysit her 24/7.

but right now she's in a rare moment of lucidity, stretched out along the couch with some shitty romcom playing on the tv. 

her lip is split and her skin is mottled all over, flaking patches of grey. whatever Isaac Merlo had done had worked; she was no longer cursed. but like a bad sunburn, her body's working to rid itself of the dead skin. 

she can only imagine what she looks like when mei bursts through the door, startling her to the point where she seizes, and her hands scrabble against her hip as pain spears her through. 

her breath comes in staccato pants, lips trying to form words, but she just ends up sucking in air. brows furrowing, eyes flashing, she asks what the hell? without saying anything at all.

Mei Liu

☉

mei is a lot of things but awkward isn't one of them. so color freya surprised when the vixen stalks right up to her, blocks her view from the tv, and wordlessly stares down at her. and then, informs her of all things, that she has a key. 

"between you and ana, i should probably complain about the security here." 

there is a weight to her stare that makes freya uncomfortable. she reaches past her, to the coffee table, wincing as she does, and grabs the remote to flick the tv off. the silence is deafening.

freya blinks and then, as something hits her, hurries out - "is everything okay? king? delta?"

Mei Liu

☉

oh. 

with her free hand, she rubs at one of her eyes, trying and failing to clear away the brain fog she's had since that first pleasurable vein of morphine had chugged its way through her arm.  the other hand, though - she curls her fingers reflexively around mei's, suddenly starved. touch is a scant, horrid little thing. 

"maybe i don't need to be anymore," she says with a sigh, clearly relaxing when mei assures her nothing's wrong. fernando has worse things on his plate than to worry about who freya's sleeping with. and now it's been long enough that...

her lashes flutter.

jealousy surges through her. she can hide the flash of it in her eyes by closing them, but her mouth still puckers in the slightest.

i'm too dangerous to be around her, but she can get pancakes with an assassin, she thinks bitterly. 

"why...are you here?" she asks wearily. "if it's to keep me company, i'm okay. fine, really. the painkillers help."

Mei Liu

☉

she softens, just a smidge. mei has never had any reason to lie to her. they've danced around secrets, knowing full whether the other must report to different parties. it only hits her now, that she lost her too when she took on the council position. consorting with, as the public might say, people like her would be nothing as she had been - but now?

mei doesn't move and neither does freya, afraid if she pulls her hand away, she may very well disappear.

"i stay at the office." she looks around the hotel room, of which has been clearly lived in for some time now. "it's been hard to...shut down." at the mention of king though, freya withdraws. she tugs back her hand and fists it under her blanket, withering beneath it right then and there.

"are you asking for my blessing then?" she snaps, knowing she's being cruel.

Mei Liu

☉

the laughter makes her eyes crack open. makes her stare upward at the ceiling and tell herself, as she counts backwards from three, that she deserves this. and on two, the mouth in her mind wobbling, open like a fish around one, mei tells her everything she wants to hear. 

and somehow that's worse. 

"and i'm a wreck without him, but it doesn't matter, mei. i can't change what i did. i can't change who i am."

her body shudders. when her gaze rounds back on mei, her eyes are brimming with pain. "delta got hurt. because of me." and he can't ever forgive her for that.

Mei Liu

☉

in the moment, she hadn't given it more thought. she'd just been terrified - horrified as he towered over her and told her just what she'd done. she hadn't considered that he would have put delta in that situation. that he took her to sootopolis. her breath hitches, face twisting in gnarled anger, but mei does not relent. 

a dragon is quick to anger. a dragon is quick to rise to the occasion and meet its foe blow for blow, shredding all in its path before it can rest. but none of that fire lives in freya now - even as anger and resentment pricks her sides. all it does is make her shiver. 

"i can't be there for him if he doesn't want me there," she says tiredly instead. she blinks, cursing the water leaking out of the corner of her eye. 

"i know what he needs. he needs to start over, with or without me. and i'm still going to give him that choice to get out. to leave behind all the past so he can have a future with her." she'll play her cards right. she'll get him a way into the amnesty program. she won't force his hand. 

and if he doesn't take the olive branch, then she's done all she can. with time, maybe, the love he still feels will fade, and the hurt will too.

"but i had to do what i did. and i don't think he'll ever understand that."

Mei Liu

☉

i am a danger.

i am a horribleness.

neither does she say aloud, but the pain is in her eyes as mei wipes away a tear. to trust her doesn't matter. even if he does want her, he cannot take her. she knows the way he looks at her - he looked at her the same damn way for nearly two decades. 

hate is so close to love, alex, don't you think?

"but not as i am. not as i have to be." she shifts and grimaces, tucks her legs awkwardly to the side and looks down at the other end of the couch. 

"sit with me a while, will you? it's lonely here." she looks at the darkened tv screen and admits, "we used to watch a lot of romcoms together. him and me and delta."

Mei Liu

☉