how i learned to love the bomb

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

lou

blue, murk

she/her

twenty-seven

october 29

goldenrod city, johto

grey-ace

lost dog (defector?)

executive

if i could

make you the enemy, i would let you down

5'7 height

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit.

awards

341 posts

DOLLARS

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TAG WITH @blue

blue murtagh

how i learned to love the bomb

POSTED ON Aug 15, 2024 1:13:37 GMT

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More and more often, she’d found herself hunkering down in Shinra’s apartment. Her own had never really been a source of solace, sparsely furnished and empty as it was. And really, it wasn’t as if his place was much better—everything was kept in such meticulous order that it was like he barely had any belongings at all.[break][break]
But Shinra was there.[break][break]
And that was the difference.[break][break]
Or rather, he was usually there. Blue didn’t often ask where it was he went, or where he returned from late in the evenings. Sometimes she could piece together the simpler things—a brown bag of produce. A new book tied neatly in parcel paper.[break][break]
But there were other nights too. The ones where Shinra came home with a somber expression. Briefcase or file folders in hand and she’d know he’d been working. Usually, it had to do with work.
She didn’t ask. He didn’t offer.[break][break]
So she had thought little of it when he’d not been there when she’d turned up at his door like a hungry stray. She knew how to let herself in now, and despite her own lack of care, she knew how to be tidy now too. Shoes lined up on the mat by the door. Food wrappers properly discarded and spills wiped up. [break][break]
Her mightyena shed something fierce, so she didn’t release Bonnie on his couch where she herself curled up under a blanket to wait for him. Even though she liked it when the canine slept on her feet. Instead, the snowy vulpix she’d received from him some months ago was bundled up in her arms—a source of comfort.[break][break]
The blanket smelled like Shinra. And with it pulled up over her nose, it hid her smile. When did she start caring about mushy things like that?[break][break]
Her intent had been to stay up, but the work that she was still dragging her feet through (also left undiscussed) caught up, and she dozed off to the sound of some dumb movie that was way more lovey than she’d thought when she picked it.

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[attr="class","nametag"] Shinra Moro

[attr="class","oocnotes"]

[attr="class","icon-fighting"] im ready but im not ready…

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SOCIAL

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played by

roux

moro / shin

he/him

thirty-six

february 1

fuchsia city, kanto

gray-ace

interpol investigator

officer

I could make

you feel so damn alone

6'2" height

Maybe this is what I get for leaving you out in the cold. Drag my body to the woods and let me go.

awards

103 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @shinra

Shinra Moro

how i learned to love the bomb

POSTED ON Aug 16, 2024 17:51:16 GMT

There were many nights of fulfillment, but also of silent resentment. Shinra caged himself behind walls of bleached bone and sterile quiet. It was an image that, to him, rivaled godliness in its exalted indifference. For who, could rival such aloofness besides god? Who could look upon death and pain and suffering with a smile and say it wasn't personal, if not himself? He had done it countless times before and felt nothing. Of course, he was no longer in a war.

He was no longer a devil of retribution, he was just excess and glutton. Redundancy. Yet, he was also not a liar, Shinra enjoyed his job. He was good at it, at the way he could peel them open without touching them. That was a trait that hadn't died on any battlefield or eroded with time after Kanto fell. It was an unnecessary skill, he was unnecessary.

Yet, that night, he had gotten them to talk through frustrating level of effort. It was international infestation, like raticates in a nest. There was blood beneath his nails, dirtying the hem of his shirt and the ironed and pristine edges of his suit sleeves. It was less the filth of it and more the way his mind couldn't ignore the way it revealed him for the ugliness beneath.

It would have been better if what he felt was guilt, but it wasn't. It was messier than that.

Every inch of his skin shivered, seeming to come undone from the stitches. It felt too tight on his body, skeletal sharp against the places it clung to him. There were methods he could take to control this response, practices in place from too many therapists and counselors to count. He ignored them all, shutting the door roughly behind him. The safety of his home didn't fold across him with the comfort of a weighted blanket. All of it was wrong. Out of order. The sheer tidiness of it felt hollow and constricting.

His ears rung with tinnitus and pumping blood. He didn't see the blur of movement from a snowy fox-pokemon on the couch or the sound of the television. His feet carried him back to the bedroom, to the bathroom. As the water turned on, steam heating from the warmth. Even as he scrubbed until the skin was red and raw and he tossed his jacket aside. His hair unkempt and his eyes shadowed. The creep of white noise in his ears harmonized with the memories of a war he'd told himself had never affected him. How could it? Nothing affected him.

He muttered beneath his breath. Unclean, fucking filthy.

close tab

played by

lou

blue, murk

she/her

twenty-seven

october 29

goldenrod city, johto

grey-ace

lost dog (defector?)

executive

if i could

make you the enemy, i would let you down

5'7 height

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit.

awards

341 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @blue

blue murtagh

how i learned to love the bomb

POSTED ON Aug 20, 2024 16:11:26 GMT

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The sound of the front door snapping shut harshly pulled her from her slumber. Red eyes squinted open, though she didn’t fully register where she was at first. Right. She’d gone to Shinra’s and put on a movie. It had ended, the screen reverting to a loop of trailers for the streaming platform’s new shows and releases. She shut her eyes against the blue light of the television.[break][break]
But then her attention shifted to the sound of someone shuffling through the space, all of it familiar and practiced. Though perhaps a little more agitated than usual. Shinra, her mind supplied. When she rose from where she’d been curled up, though, she realized that he hadn’t stopped to say anything, or even ask when she’d come. Sure, her presence had become more of an expected thing, but surely not that expected.[break][break]
She followed the sound. The running tap of hot water in the far bedroom. Bleary-eyed, she sought the source—addled with groggy confusion over the fact that he hadn’t woken her with a greeting. Or maybe he hadn’t noticed her there. Behind her, the little vulpix trotted along, ever present. The heel of her hand rubbed at an eye as she yawned and tried to blink the sleep away.[break][break]
“Shin..?” It was no more than a sleepy mumble. The warmth of steam blew across her cheeks. Even through the haziness, something felt off. Blue was helpless to interpret it, though. A soft frown tugged at her mouth. “You okay? Is it late?” She didn’t know what time it was. How long had she been asleep? There was no way of really knowing if he’d arrived home at the normal time, or if it was far later than usual. There was a clock on the far wall, but she didn’t squint in an attempt to read it.[break][break]
His posture was tense, musculature rigid as he stood facing away. She knew better than to reach out and touch his arm. Knew what she would have done if it were her. Her ears strained, catching the burble of mutters she couldn’t interpret. So she stood there silently, muddled and confused, as she stifled another yawn.

[break][break]

[attr="class","nametag"] Shinra Moro

[attr="class","oocnotes"]

[attr="class","icon-fighting"] im ready but im not ready…

[attr="class","bottom"]

[attr="class","pkmnlist"]

[attr="class","tagline"]
SOCIAL