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5'11'' height

But I, I will, go on howling and hollow

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TAG WITH @ashley

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 6, 2023 21:54:14 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","ashley1"]

[attr="class","ashley1body"]

It's maybe been a day.[break][break]

It's hard to keep track of time after twenty years.[break][break]

What was even the mission they had been on? Something about Zacian and Zamizenta. They were gone, but it felt like a far off dream now. But the pain, the agony still remains. Those twenty years...that's the problem. They happened. Yet it doesn't feel like it. It feels like everything returned to the status quo, like the war is back on. Community torn apart by what came before.[break][break]

They were in their twenties again. And tonight, as they sat in the dark of the apartment, a blanket between them in air-conditioning cold, Ashley had the tub of ice cream out as the television played the movie. How long had they been here, trying to get through it...?[break][break]

...[break][break]

Ashley turns off the TV finally.[break][break]

"Kep."[break][break]

It was time to really talk about what happened those twenty years. What could have been. The life that was gone. The death of Chocobo, and...[break][break]

The things Ashley thinks he remembered about the dream that was their own.

kepler brueshaber[break][break]

NOTES

- Eating ice cream. Watching TV together. Sad. Crying.[break]
- Ash turns it off. They need to talk about it.

[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]

[attr="class","ashley1credit"]

MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

Ceej

Kep

He/him

March 03

Alamos, Sinnoh

Homosexual

boy genius

Associate Scientist

5'7" / 170 cm height

sum of all and by them driven

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TAG WITH @kepler

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 8, 2023 18:23:00 GMT

[attr="class","sam-banner-up"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top-cred"]x

□

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-blurb"]Tiime is a nonsense descriptor of arbitrary scale human beings are forced to shove their lives into. It has no meaning. Maybe it had, once. But it never will again.

Ashley had found him on that battlefield, coming apart at the seams. With love and patience and strength, he had pieced Kepler back together.

It wasn’t a perfect build. This chassis was incomplete. Small. Foreign.

He’s not been eating. Or speaking. Or watching, really. Just staring. Adrift. Listless. Breathing only by virtue of the terminal agitation of biological existence.

“No,” he says, with more venom than anticipated. It’s not Ashley he’s mad at. He doesn’t know who he’s mad at. Himself, mostly, probably. Hope is a logical fallacy. Kepler is a scientist. He doesn’t believe in logical fallacies and yet he’d thrown himself headfirst into this one and look where it’d gotten him.

Ruined. Broken.

He doesn’t want to talk about it because it was still a raw edge sawing at the seams of his mouth. Hollowed out and home to some parasitic semblance of forward motion.

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-icon"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-title"]notes

baby please, you can read my eulogy

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-bounce"]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash

He/Him/Them

December 2

Aspertia City, Unova

Pansexual

Picking up the pieces

5'11'' height

But I, I will, go on howling and hollow

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TAG WITH @ashley

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 8, 2023 23:26:06 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","ashley1"]

[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Any amount of time feels miniscule when compared to the twenty year trek of Galar. The memories they had together, the love shared, everything. All of the friends they lost. All of the ones they made. The rings. The wedding. The-[break][break]

That's too far. Too quick. But when Kep responds with venom, Ashley feels it seep into the veins. It's like bleeding, a pool of blood now bloodletting them dry. They had to talk to get through it. Ash was still in pain, in his own turmoil, but if he could pull Kepler out, if he could get his fiancee out of this...[break][break]

He grabs his hand.[break][break]

"We have to."[break][break]

This is the only path. If they don't? Their relationship will be ruined, stained, a dejected mess of former flamed romance. They have to speak of those gone. Of what could have been. Of the lives they had, now reduced. To some, this ambrosial turning of the clock would be a miracle to allow them a second run around the track. For them, this was not that.[break][break]

This was just trauma. A thing Ash knew well.[break][break]

But the defeat and pain in his tone was enough. "Please." He pulls Kepler to him, and his voice trembles, and his heart shatters. "Talk to me." He held Kepler tighter. He wanted to get them both out of the hole. He needed to save them both, or they'd drown. This was the turning point.[break][break]

"My queen."[break][break]

That's a button to press. Let's see how it pays off.

kepler brueshaber [break][break]

NOTES

- BEGGING to get Kep to talk. They have to. It needs to happen.[break]
- Says 'my queen'. That'll go real well...

[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]

[attr="class","ashley1credit"]

MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

Ceej

Kep

He/him

March 03

Alamos, Sinnoh

Homosexual

boy genius

Associate Scientist

5'7" / 170 cm height

sum of all and by them driven

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TAG WITH @kepler

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 20, 2023 0:23:17 GMT

[attr="class","sam-banner-up"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top-cred"]x

□

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-blurb"]He hates himself, he realizes. Kepler’s no stranger to self-loathing; he spent the first thirteen years of his life feeling like an outsider in his own body, and, while that’d gotten better, it’d never really gone away. So it was easy to slip back into the murky, lukewarm waters of feeling unsuited, misshapen, wrong.

It still stings.

Ash takes his hand and Kepler’s skin is cold and clammy to the touch. He’s felt like a machine in the latter stages of powering down for days now; like he was just waiting for the moment when the last connection would go offline and then there would be nothing but darkness, welcoming darkness.

“I don’t want to.”

Stuck somewhere between wanting to forget and wanting to go back. Stuck, and having to 127 Hours his own arm off in order to be free again.

Ash pulls him and, stiffly, he rolls over; he doesn’t fight when his cheek comes to rest against Ash’s chest, though he does curl up, small, small, small. And for a second he’s happy to lay there and be, filtering down through the cracks like percolating coffee, but then Ash says that word and his voice cracks on a sob, recoiling.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not that.” It hurts, like a slap, and he knows-- he knows-- he’s being petulant, dramatic, but he can’t help it, his brain has been two misfiring gears clanging off-rhythm against each other for the last several hours, each new beat a painful jar. "I’m not anything, anymore.”

But Ash’s chest is broad and strong, and his body is warm, and familiar, and Kepler buries his face against it and sobs.

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-icon"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-title"]notes

baby please, you can read my eulogy

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-bounce"]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash

He/Him/Them

December 2

Aspertia City, Unova

Pansexual

Picking up the pieces

5'11'' height

But I, I will, go on howling and hollow

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part of

TAG WITH @ashley

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 21, 2023 19:54:46 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","ashley1"]

[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Ash was... distraught. After the joyful revelation of what could have been, did it all mean nothing? Did it even matter? Did anything they did in that world, in that fake Galar, actually mean anything?[break][break]

The answer was yes. It did matter. It all mattered. It can't just be erased away completely.[break][break]

It's how Ashley is crying too, trying to hold it together. Twenty years, and nothing like this could have ever registered in his mind. He never even considered it a possibility. Love finds a way. And so, as his arms tighten, holding him to let him sob, to let him crack, he takes a deep breath in.[break][break]

"You are to me."[break][break]

Is that even enough? Ashley doesn't know. He can't know. He doesn't feel like it is. But years can't just be erased. The good, and the bad both. And as he holds him tightly, tighter still, he just quietly sobs too.[break][break]

"Kep." He's trying not to let it out, but the fact of the matter is, he had something he didn't know he wanted, and it was taken before it even had a chance to be delivered. Now, all he can do is sob for what he doesn't have. What's already gone. And that destroyed him. He was so ready, and then, like that, they were snapped away.[break][break]

"Talk when... you're ready..." The sobs are getting to Ashley too, and his voice cracks. Tears begin falling over Kepler. He won't push his partner into this.

kepler brueshaber[break][break]

NOTES

- It's fuckin him up. But Kep is still a queen to him.[break]
- Quiet sobs, he keeps Kepler there, and tells him to talk when he's ready. Even if that is no time soon...

[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]

[attr="class","ashley1credit"]

MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

Ceej

Kep

He/him

March 03

Alamos, Sinnoh

Homosexual

boy genius

Associate Scientist

5'7" / 170 cm height

sum of all and by them driven

awards

493 posts

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part of

TAG WITH @kepler

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 26, 2023 20:59:47 GMT

[attr="class","sam-banner-up"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top-cred"]x

□

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-blurb"]Ash’s arms close him in and a sob wrenches free of Kepler’s chest, painful like a bunch through his ribcage. He buries his face deeper into the crook of Ash’s neck, shoulders heaving with roll after roll of tears, like a dam that’s been burst. They’re crying together, that has to count for something.

He’s crying like a child, great gasping sobs of it wracking through him, loud and shuddery and fast and hard enough to make him cough, almost make him retc. And he knows he’s being a baby, knows he’s being dramatic, but he doesn’t care, as its all working its way out like a splinter festering to the surface.

Ash’s tears fall on his hair and his tears dribble down Ash’s collarbones and Kepler can’t talk through the crying.

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-icon"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-title"]notes

baby please, you can read my eulogy

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-bounce"]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash

He/Him/Them

December 2

Aspertia City, Unova

Pansexual

Picking up the pieces

5'11'' height

But I, I will, go on howling and hollow

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TAG WITH @ashley

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 30, 2023 3:11:20 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","ashley1"]

[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Just more crying. Bawling. Tears, just falling. Everything hurts. But it's not physical. For the first time, a mission happens where the physical pain was nothing, and the emotional pain was the hardest part. How else can get they get through this? This hell that has been put on them.[break][break]

It's maybe ten minutes... Ashley has stopped. He can't anymore. Placing both hands on each cheek, he cups Kepler's face, as he presses his forehead to him.[break][break]

"We can't get this back. We can't turn it back." he laments, a sadness carried in his chest that washes away everything else. A pain that drowns the heart, a trauma that will be buried in a chain of memory to be forgotten.[break][break]

He doesn't let go.[break][break]

They lost enough. They lost more than enough. But not everything. And that was the part that Ashley would cling on. As he holds Kepler, he tries to smile. "But you still have me. I won't leave you."[break][break]

"Ever."[break][break]

They lost what they could have. But in that, they could make it through. They had to. If they didn't... would that be it? Would this be the end for them?[break][break]

Ash didn't want that.

kepler brueshaber[break][break]

NOTES

- After minutes on end, Ashley cups Kep's cheeks in his hands, and tells him flat out, he will never leave him.[break]
- Would he be enough? Or would this end now? What could they do...

[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]

[attr="class","ashley1credit"]

MADE BY GUNSMILE

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played by

Ceej

Kep

He/him

March 03

Alamos, Sinnoh

Homosexual

boy genius

Associate Scientist

5'7" / 170 cm height

sum of all and by them driven

awards

493 posts

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part of

TAG WITH @kepler

carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters [s][c]

POSTED ON Jul 30, 2023 22:39:31 GMT

[attr="class","sam-banner-up"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-mini-top-cred"]x

□

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-blurb"]Kepler cries until there’s no possible way his body can produce more tears, and then even after that, he’s trembling. Ash’s warm hands come to his tear-stained, red cheeks and lift his head-- Kepler feels like a doll, being positioned-- and then they’re forehead to forehead.

“I’m sorry.”

If only he’d been stronger. He was a genius. He should’ve been able to figure out a way to-- to--

Ash’s words carve him apart at his seams. He warbles a little, arms coming up to wrap around his fiancee’s neck, fingers of one hand slipping into the downy silver/black hair he knows and loves.

“Thank you. I’m sorry. Thank you.”

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-icon"]

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-title"]notes

baby please, you can read my eulogy

[attr="class","sam-banner-up-bounce"]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash

He/Him/Them

December 2

Aspertia City, Unova

Pansexual

Picking up the pieces

5'11'' height

But I, I will, go on howling and hollow

awards

1,109 posts

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part of

TAG WITH @ashley