at first, there's only darkness. it feels like ages as nikola wanders the emptiness of their dream realm, seeing only scattered fragments of memory. in reality, it's only a couple minutes until things start to piece themselves together. they can only catch glimpses of something through the fog... they can see a sterile environment, hear the beeping of multiple machines, and then... an intense pain launches them backwards, as in reality their body seizes up.

they go back, all the way back, right to the beginning. they remember being too small to reach the counter, while still having to get their own water and snacks for themself. they read a lot of books during this time, and envied the adventures the protagonists went on. their appetite for knowledge was voracious, but they had no money and their mother wouldn't buy them anything they didn't absolutely need. they took to doing random chores around the neighborhood so they could buy more books, some of them textbooks on things they hadn't yet covered in school.

their mother took their money whenever she found it, claiming it was her payment for taking care of them.

nikola had no friends, as they now remember. the only person they could rely on was themself. this was how they grew up, bitter and alone, with only literature to keep them company. even when they skipped ahead a grade, they received no praise. they were told they were trying too hard, they were too stingy, they cared too much about money. what else were they supposed to do? aside from knowledge, money is the only thing in the world that matters.

these memories all filter back in. in the real world, their body relaxes, no longer seeming pained. only their expression remains troubled, and their fist unconsciously clenches there in the bed.