The admission of fear is surprising, but Gavin does not give in to defensiveness as he had before. He doesn't pull away, fingers idly tracing the scar on Theo's shoulder.

"Afraid of what?"

[attr="class","beck"]"i'm afraid i'll lose you."

cillian's touch is enough to ground him.

"...like i lost them."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Gavin considers the words, quiet.

Theo deserves more than an empty promise. It was as Walsh had said to him — words meant nothing. Stay with me and you'll be safe. Only they'd been forced apart, and safe was not the word Gavin would attribute to his time in Hoenn.

"Not planning on being lost, Beck." There's a touch of humour in his tone but it's weighed down by the gravity of the words. "... I'm afraid, too."

Vulnerability is not something Gavin wears well. Though he finds it difficult, he shifts to look Theo in the eye.

"But I'm also powerful. I won't go down easy. I get my way, I never will."

Teeth flash in a dangerous smile.

[attr="class","beck"]"i know you are."

so was he, once. he thought he was high enough in the chain of command to be relatively untouched. he thought that success and good work would in turn mean safety.

but he remembers being forced apart. he remembers how helpless he felt.

"but things aren't always in our control."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Beckett is right.

Gavin remembers how it had felt, in Kanto, when he'd been given the news. Like the entire world had dropped out beneath his feet and he was floating in an endless abyss of uncertainty and isolation.

But he thinks of how it had felt to lose Emma, and those feelings aren't so different.

"It will hurt either way, if it happens." He traces a hand along Theo's jaw, tender. "So why torture ourselves with fearing it in the meantime?"

[attr="class","beck"]he leans into the touch, head tilting to meet his gaze.

"i trust you."

he leans in for a kiss, soft.

"you kept me safe in mount pyre, after all."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

Trust.

It's not something Gavin affords often, for his entire life has been a demonstration of how it could be used against him. But Theo has shown him that it doesn't have to be, that it can be raw and honest and real.

"I trust you, too."

He kisses back, gentle where he'd once been fierce.

"Had to, didn't I?" It's teasing, with a slight smile. "You had our Yamask."

[attr="class","beck"]"i seem to recall a few other incidents besides that."

the tease is reflected, returned, and a similar smile breaks on him.

"were you worried, cillian?"

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

"I like it when you call me that."

It feels, in a way, like he is reclaiming an identity. No more hiding from Rocket, from Theo, but more importantly — no more hiding from himself. Gavin Merlino was a mask that fit tight as a second skin, but Cillian was real.

"Might've been a little worried," he admits, ducking his head with a soft laugh. "Hadn't seen you in years, couldn't have you dying on me before I got to show you my left hook."

He mimes a punch, but it turns into a caress against Theo's cheek.

[attr="class","beck"]a chuckle escapes as the mimed punch connects. he leans into his touch, appreciating.

"i was worried, too. i had been since you left."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

"Arceus, Theo, it was terrifying."

He doesn't like to admit weakness but Theo's presence is a comfort, their mutual fears settling between them.

"Managed to avoid involvement in the big fights by sheer fucking luck; I don't think I'd have made it out alive if I hadn't." He was strong now — then he'd been little more than a grunt separated from the unit he'd spent his life training alongside. "Wasn't till after Silas that I felt safe enough to stand out. I wanted them to send me back to Kanto... but I was needed here, so I stayed."

He closes his eyes, head resting on Theo's shoulder.

"I'm glad you're here."

Not only in Hoenn, but in his life once more.

[attr="class","beck"]"i'm glad, too."

because his life isn't in the ruins of kanto. his life is here, in the future of hoenn.

"i'll stay with you this time."

[attr="class","noodles"]Cillian Quinn

"Mm. You'd better."

There's a growl in his tone, an undercurrent of threat, but it's offset by the warmth of his smile.

"Did any of the others follow you over?"

Their old team was the closest he'd had to friends in those days.