[attr="class","cian"]the door to his room crashes open and in stumbles a familiar face. it doesn't take cian long to understand the state he's in; he could practically smell it from the bed.

cian peers up over his phone.

"good evening to you too, bestie."

then sits up.

"how did i know what?"

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] he stands in the doorway of CIAN MAHER 's bedroom, feeling lost and vulnerable.

[break][break] "i —"

[break][break] he sucks in a sharp breath.

[break][break] "how did you know — i would hurt like this?"

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]it's not pity cian feels.

"you've never loved anyone before, have you?"

but sympathy.

"he's your first."

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] "i —"

[break][break] how is it possible that cian is so good at this?

[break][break] hurt splinters it's way across jayden's face, twisting his head towards the other's across the room.

[break][break] "yes. i - i don't know. i think so." he swallows thickly, stepping forward through the threshold of the room. he sits at the edge of the other boy's bed, face falling into his hands.

[break][break] he closes his eyes, and when he does, he sees Chu-e Choi once again.

[break][break] he opens them, looking back at CIAN MAHER .

[break][break] "have you fallen in love before?"

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]when jayden approaches, cian waits until he sits before standing to close the door. no one else needs to hear this conversation — no one but them.

turning back, he considers lying.

"i have."

a pause.

"and it broke my heart."

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] it's not the answer he expects, but it comforts him somehow.

[break][break] the little pieces of his splintered heart — slowly being woven back together. he swallows. "who was it?"

[break][break] another pause, head tilting. "someone in rocket?"

[break][break] it speaks true to form that jayden doesn't even consider that might have been outside of the organization. for him, such a world had never existed.

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]cian shakes his head.

"valerie; i called her val. we met in school."

slowly walking back over to the bed, he continues:

"she used to watch me race. she supported me through everything. she was there for both the good and the bad, and honestly, i thought she was the one."

he sits next to jayden.

"she cheated on me."

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] the hurt that sprawled across his chest the last few days snakes around his heart, squeezing. he feels abandoned, lonely, upset. feelings that had been pent up for the last twenty-four years push against a dam that he had spent a lifetime building.

[break][break] cian sits next to him, and it eases. just for now.

[break][break] jayden blinks at him.

[break][break] "the one?"

[break][break] it's almost comical that it's not the cheating he asks about.

[break][break]

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]"your one true love, or whatever."

it sounds pathetic to say it out loud now — the concept of the one doesn't exist anymore. perhaps it never did.

"i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

he was ready to.

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] true love.

[break][break] like glass, something wedges itself in his spine. pain blossoms.

[break][break] the word soulmate flashes by his mind's eye.

[break][break] was this how cian had felt when she'd cheated? was this how gavin felt when he broke up with emma? he swallows.

[break][break] a hand reaches across the space between them, fingers touching.

[break][break] "have you ever heard about luvdisc?" he murmurs.

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]fingers touch; he interlaces them moments after, squeezing.

the question is met with slight confusion and a chuckle.

"what, the pokemon?"

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross

[attr="class","jayden"] "... yeah."

[break][break] jayden does not laugh.

[break][break] instead, he stares down at their fingers, intertwined. it is warm — but not the same spark of electricity when he thought about holding hands with Chu-e Choi at the vital spirit festival. not the same heat that made his cheeks flush, made his stomach twist into knots.

[break][break] he takes a breath.

[break][break] "did you know if you give one to someone — it's like a confession? they say if you give your partner one, you'll be soulmates for life."

[break][break] or at least, that's what he'd thought.

[break][break]

[attr="class","noodles"]CIAN MAHER

[attr="class","cian"]"no, i didn't know."

soulmates for life — the idea makes him scoff. he had believed it once, too.

how foolish he had been.

"did he give you one?"

[attr="class","noodles"]jayden cross