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TAG WITH @cian

POSTED ON Aug 24, 2021 19:46:52 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]mars' words do enough to reassure and also to distract, and for this, cian is grateful. he chuckles, leaning into the kiss on his cheek before quickly returning one of his own.

"you think you're cuter than me?"

while true, it would be dangerous to admit that to mars. can't have his ego getting too big now.

"can't believe you've done it without me."

he rolls his eyes, once again pouting though that doesn't last very long. he leans his head against mars, relishing the warmth.

"what other things would you suggest we do?"

[attr="class","noodles"]W8015IN1

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[newclass=.cian] text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; } .cian b { color: #716075; font-size: 13px; } .cian u { color: #b5b5b5; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline dotted #716075; font-size: 13px; } .cian a { font-family: inherit; font-size: medium; font-weight: bold; text-transform: uppercase; } .cian .noodles { margin: 0; padding: 5px 0; } .cian .noodles img { max-width: 100%; max-height: 100%; border: none; outline: none; margin: 0; padding: 0; display: inline; float: none; } .cian .noodles .pkmn { display: inline; } .cian .noodles .inactive { filter: grayscale(1); -webkit-filter: grayscale(1); [/newclass]

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TAG WITH @mars

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 1:32:00 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

”Mmm… Yes, but only by a little.”
[break][break]
There’s a chuckle, because the truth is that while Mars can be narcissistic and is both well aware and incredibly proud of how attractive he is, he also won’t deny how good-looking he thinks Cian is. And that is a lot. More than anyone else he knows, even. But, then again, Mars obviously has a bias here.
[break][break]
”Hey now, blame my friend Ana, she’s the one who scheduled the massages.”
[break][break]
Yeah, let ANA STONE take the blame, maybe Mars will make it up to her by telling her about all this later.
[break][break]
Or, most of it.
[break][break]
Some things there’s no need to tell.
[break][break]
Like the gentle and loving way with which he wraps an arm around him, and how when Cian rested his head on him, Mars smiles faintly and allows himself to do the same. Things like these feel intimate in their own sort of way, and he wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.
[break][break]
”Hmm… How about the sauna? We can do anything you want, Cian.”
[break][break]
He means it, because being with him is what matters here.

[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER
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[attr="class","credit"]milky

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TAG WITH @cian

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 4:47:49 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]mars really do be letting his friends take the fall for him...

anything cian wants, huh? he thinks on it for a while, and though silence eventually envelops them, it doesn't overwhelm nor overpower. he welcomes it, enjoying the peace it brings as well until finally, he breaks it with a whisper:

"let's stay like this for a bit."

because there's nowhere else he'd rather be at the moment than here with mars. he exhales, content.

"i really missed you, mars."

[attr="class","noodles"]jIjlJ2sk

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TAG WITH @mars

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 5:12:01 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

Mars has always disliked silence.
[break][break]
He has learned to try to avoid it and to fill his world with noise, because silence often means being left alone with his thoughts.
[break][break]
And yet, with Cian by his side, silence has never been a terrible thing. It’s peaceful, and it’s nice, and he cherishes it. He could get used to this.
[break][break]
The sound of Cian’s voice is even more welcomed though. As it always is, after all, and Mars can’t help but smile at his words.
[break][break]
”Yeah? That sounds perfect.”
[break][break]
It does. It really does.
[break][break]
”I missed you too, Cian... This is nice.”

[BREAK][BREAK]

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TAG WITH @cian

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 5:37:30 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]his mind inevitably drifts back to the events of the past few days and the unfortunate circumstances that led up to them. how easily they could've been avoided if he had just done things a bit differently. he doubts he'd ever tell mars the real reason why he had been skipping missions, but then again, he knows mars well enough to know that this is a conversation they'll be having at a later time.

speaking of conversations that they should be having...

"hey, mars..."

silence is once again broken. cian tilts his head up to look at him. he grins just a little.

"what are we?"

[attr="class","noodles"]r2ciTjG_

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TAG WITH @mars

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 6:00:29 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

’Hey, Mars…’
[break][break]
This in itself is enough to get Mars to turn to look at him, holding his gaze. He notices the grin, and he matches it with a smile of his own, but while he should have probably expected the next question, he doesn’t see it coming at all...
[break][break]
’What are we?’
[break][break]
Silence.
[break][break]
What is he supposed to say? It’s not like Mars himself hasn’t wondered this, of course he has, especially the past few days. Assuming things will do no good though, because while they never specified the nature of their relationship, there’s a lot that has been implied, and it sure does feel a certain way to Mars…
[break][break]
But, what if what Cian wants is different?
[break][break]
After a few seconds, he leans in, and while still smiling, there is a gentle forehead kiss.
[break][break]
”What do you want us to be?”
[break][break]
Leave it to Mars to know how to expertly deflect. And yet, he pauses, chuckling as he looks at him once again.
[break][break]
”Sorry, that’s a bit of an unfair question.”
[break][break]
He wouldn’t do that to Cian. They really need to properly discuss this. So, he sighs, shifting just so slightly in order to reach for his hand.
[break][break]
”...It’s a bit complicated, isn’t it?”

[BREAK][BREAK]

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 6:31:51 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]it might've been unfair to spring the question to mars like that out of the blue, but it's been on his mind for a while and honestly, talking about it is going to do them more good than bad.

hopefully.

cian doesn't know how to respond to the first question asked back either, so he allows silence to wash over them because honestly, he's not entirely sure what he wants them to be.

"it's a little complicated, yeah."

his hand smooths over mars', drawing circles on his skin.

"but i asked first."

[attr="class","noodles"]DUzdDQXT

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TAG WITH @mars

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 7:15:48 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

Mars has never been an awkward person.
[break][break]
In fact, one could say quite the opposite: he has always been confident to the extent that he could say things that most would be too embarrassed to ever say, and he would do so with a smile and laughter.
[break][break]
Yet, here he is, feeling awkward.
[break][break]
Most of it has to do with his worries about having this conversation, though. Those same worries he knows he needs to overcome because he wants to have this conversation.
[break][break]
So, he takes a breath, and he looks at Cian…
[break][break]
”Fine, I’ll go first, but just because it’s you.” There’s a smile, one that comes accompanied by a chuckle.
[break][break]
”I have feelings for you, and you already know that, so it’s probably no surprise to you that there’s things I wish we were…”
[break][break]
His words are careful, but not because he’s trying to deflect, but because the answer to all this scares him.
[break][break]
That's exactly what he remembers at that very second: all the reasons why this isn't a good conversation.
[break][break]
The smile fades, and it’s with a sigh that he looks away.
[break][break]
”...What if I’m not the sort of person anyone should be with?”
[break][break]
These are Mars’ insecurities, because being with him and being loved by him has only ever brought people pain.

[BREAK][BREAK]

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 8:02:18 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]cian is thankful for not having to take the first step, as selfish as that may sound. he returns the chuckle, smiling as mars shares what both of them already know.

and yet, hearing it again is reassuring.

"what do you mean?"

it's his turn to reassure, and so he does his best through his touch and through the expression he wears.

"what sort of person do you think you are, mars?"

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TAG WITH @mars

POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 8:56:27 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

They need to have this conversation, and yet talking about this is actually the part Mars has been dreading.
[break][break]
His worries. His fears. His insecurities. The things that haunt his thoughts and steal away his sleep at night. Cian has seen some of it, but he probably doesn’t really understand…
[break][break]
How could he understand?
[break][break]
The people Mars cares for die.
[break][break]
His father died.
[break][break]
Cosima died.
[break][break]
It’s his fault, and he knows it. Not because he ever wished them harm or did anything to cause it, but because they cared for him and he cared for them – because they wanted to take him away from the people who wish to control him.
[break][break]
Fuck the Marzáns. Fuck everything they stand for. Fuck everything they do. And fuck everything they have done in the past.
[break][break]
Cian doesn’t deserve to deal with all of that.
[break][break]
Mars is sure of it, and because of that, when he looks at Cian once more, there’s sadness in his smile.
[break][break]
”You know the answer to that.”
[break][break]
Not a good person.
[break][break]
He sighs, and it is gently that he squeezes Cian’s hand. His next words are a whisper, although not an intentional one.
[break][break]
”I don’t want anything to happen to you, Cian…”
[break][break]
’...Like it happened to her.’ But he can’t bring himself to say this out loud.

[BREAK][BREAK]

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 9:13:32 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]cian's insightful enough to understand that there are more that still goes unsaid. but if they're going to move forward in a healthy and progressive manner, then some of the things need to be said.

so he pushes.

"what's going to happen to me?"

and pushes.

"what is it you're not telling me, mars?"

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 9:36:59 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

And so, he’s pushed.
[break][break]
”Dammit, Cian…”
[break][break]
These are not angered words, but tired ones. Pained ones. The words of someone who really wishes he weren’t being pushed to say what Cian wants him to say. But, he knows he has to, he needs to, for the sake of what exists between them.
[break][break]
”Nothing, so help me God.”
[break][break]
Nothing. Not as long as he can help it. He will make sure of it... Because this is yet another reason why he needs to move forward with his plans and make the Marzáns pay for what they have done. Never again will they hurt anyone important to Mars.
[break][break]
”But…” A sigh, looking away this time. He’s quiet, because there’s too much pain in the next words to be pronounced:
[break][break]
”...They took her from me.”
[break][break]
It's not a detailed explanation, but how could Mars manage to carefully explain something like that?
[break][break]
Cosima died in an accident, this is what the world knows, it's what Cian would have probably seen if he bothered to search for answers. It's what her own family knows. For, Mars has never told anyone the truth, and not even the Marzáns are aware that he knows they were the ones responsible.
[break][break]
But, now Cian knows too.

[BREAK][BREAK]

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 9:54:09 GMT

[attr="class","cian"]will nothing really happen? guess they'll find out. for now —

they took her from me.

cian searched for answers so he knows of the accident, knows of cosima, but that's where his knowledge ends. still, to hear the truth in such a pained way, to see how much it has afflicted mars, it pains him.

his voice drops.

"...i'm sorry."

and with a squeeze of his hand, he asks:

"and you're afraid they're going to do the same to me?"

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POSTED ON Aug 25, 2021 10:19:35 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","blboxmm"]

‘And you're afraid they're going to do the same to me?’
[break][break]
He is.
[break][break]
Of course he is.
[break][break]
It’s the one thought always stopping him when thinking of his feelings for Cian. Those feelings that are like a hazard; the ones that Mars knows could put a target on Cian’s back if the Marzáns become aware of their existence. Hell, they probably already are, because of course they watch him closely – they always have.
[break][break]
But… fear doesn’t suit Mars, and when he looks at Cian, a hand gently reaches for his cheek.
[break][break]
”I wouldn’t let it happen.”
[break][break]
He will never make that mistake again. But, what if it means having to push Cian away for his own safety?
[break][break]
”I…” He allows himself a second to take a breath, yet he still looks at Cian. ”I’m taking a lot of risks, and I worry that they’ll consider hurting you to get me to stop taking those risks…”

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