the way he hesitated and looked at her made her withdraw a bit, like a turtle inching back towards its shell. maybe sorry hit the ears just as strangely as it felt leaving her mouth.

her brow then furrowed at his next sentiment.

“well that’s pretty fucked up though, isn’t it?”

she reached for a shrimpie.

THEO BECKETT

☉

"it is."

but what could he do about it? regret it? it's easier to accept than it is to dwell, he's learned.

his fork stabs into some of the egg, lifting it to his mouth. after a moment, he asks:

"do you have regrets?"

Lulu Flint

☉

living, she thought, as she stared into a bit of cress.

“too many to count.”

shrimpie disappeared down her gullet, she moved back to the egg toast. it was safe, and she wasn’t sure in which way she was supposed to eat the rest. was this a salad?

THEO BECKETT

☉

they're garnish, so they're meant to be eaten with eggs and toast, apparently. at least that's what he remembers them doing on the show. it's how he's been eating his, though he doesn't seem to mind her way either.

"any recent ones?"

Lulu Flint

☉

she looked up at him over her food, hesitating like he had, before. something in her eyes might’ve read you, but she swallowed it.

“mm… sure.” everything was a regret. if she could, she’d end existence, time, and with it, the past. “the regret doesn’t stop.”

the deep sadness that swelled in her eyes was something she didn’t typically feel, or acknowledge. her gaze lowered to the toast, and she picked up her fork, feeling awkward that she’d been eating with her hands. perhaps proving her point.

“feels like i’ve never done a ‘right’ thing in my life.”

THEO BECKETT

☉

it's a feeling he understands all too well, though not nearly as prominently now. when he was younger, he felt as though each decision made was the wrong one, and each step forward was actually two steps back.

another bite later, and he asks:

"what would you say is a 'right' thing?"

Lulu Flint

☉

a right thing.

she pondered. surely no one could ’get it right’.

while her hatred gave her boundless amounts of fuel for the fire of her destruction, it was something entirely different which had, in her mind, warranted it in the first place. it was love, and anguish. what was left, after sanity and reason had been stripped away. an utmost basic inability to cope with the collective plight of the human condition.

to be human was to be innately broken. everything, from birth to death, was a mistake—for everyone, by everyone.

“well, actually… i guess i don’t really think ‘the right thing’ exists for us, anyways.” there was a pause, as she weighed delving deeper. “people in general, i mean.”

THEO BECKETT

☉

"i think the right thing for us can often be perceived as the selfish thing."

a final bite before his plate's pushed off to the side. he leans back a little if only to reach into the drawer behind, pulling out what looks to be a pack of playing cards.

"be selfish. as long as it helps us survive."

or at least that's what he thinks.

the pack is placed on the table, slid over her way.

Lulu Flint

☉

but selfishness was wrong. at least, this was her understanding. it didn’t mean that she wasn’t selfish, of course—and it would never change. she was rewired.

gone were the days that she might sacrifice herself for others. rocket be damned.

she responded simply, “of course.” because she would do just that—until it was time.

the pack of cards brought a surge of memories, unwelcome if only for how unexpected they hit her. she finished her toast as she eyed them on the table.

“what are we playing?”

THEO BECKETT

☉

the pack of cards is new, as apparent by the sticker that still seals it together. he had bought it just for them.

"cards."

there are different games, he assumes, so whatever she wants.

"you said you'd teach me."

Lulu Flint

☉

she looked up at him. her face went through spectrum of emotions. at first, it looked like she might laugh at his response. then, the amber in her eyes grew dark and heavy with sadness.

the image of rinc’s face from the night before lingered in her mind.

his voice, telling her: i want you dead.

she swallowed a wave of pain before pushing away her plate and taking the pack of cards into her hand. the sticker was torn away, the tip of her thumb finagling the top open.

“oh. yeah. um… you wanted to learn how to play solitaire, right?”

THEO BECKETT

☉

solitaire. that's the one.

he nods, pulling the chair a bit closer to the table.

"how difficult is it to learn?"

it's another way of asking how long she'll stay.

Lulu Flint

☉

“not at all.”

she removed the fifty-two cards, and split the deck to shuffle. the fluttering sound inverted back and forth as paper slid into place each time. riffle, bridge, riffle, bridge… like breathing. a sort compression and decompression in time that made it particularly relaxing.

once satisfied, she placed the deck face down on the table. then, almost tentatively, her chair was moved to sit beside him. eyes looked to his briefly before she cleared her throat and began explaining.

“first card, face up.” nine of hearts. “then, face down…two, three, four, five, six, seven.”

“next pass, start at the second, face up, then down two three four… five six seven… then, start on the third this time, and so on…”

speeding up towards the end of her explanation, she soon finished.

“until you have six piles, with the most cards in the last one.”

when the cards were set, she looked over again.

“following?”

THEO BECKETT

☉