throw me a bone [s]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
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Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 12, 2021 0:09:51 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
What are the five stages of grief? Grief, anger, denial, depression, acceptance.

Remi was certainly in stage one, approaching stage two rapidly. Anger boils beneath her skin, festering in her tense muscles. She can feel a charlie horse in her neck approaching, the vein in her temple jumping with every step she takes. Her agitation, her fear, her anguish, it all boils over into a migraine. The sun is too bright, forcing her to wear her sunglasses - but it helps to hide the tears streaming down her face.

She had gotten nowhere with the rangers, both heads two daft and oblivious to the goingson around them. Realistically, she knew it wasn't their fault. They were doing their jobs, and she had experience with the short rope rangers could be kept on. They could only do so much.

But they hadn't done nearly enough.

The woman furiously wipes wetness from her cheeks, sucking in shaky breaths as she slams through the front doors to step outside. They crash against the side walls with almost enough force to break. They rattle in their hinges, and she's almost certainly left a dent in the wood. She doesn't care.

"Fuck!"

Her voice shakes the same way her legs do, but she sucks in a breath to stop herself from sobbing.
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
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1,438 posts
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LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 12, 2021 9:28:48 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
hlance stops the moment the doors swing open, doing absolutely nothing but looking as the cause of the commotion steps out into the open.

he's insightful enough to recognize her frustrations.

"sorry."

he takes a step closer, reaching out for her shoulder.

"are you okay?"
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 13, 2021 4:38:57 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
Her fingers dig into her scalp, messing up her silver hair. She grips so tight she stifles pain, and she appears ready to crumble to her knees.

But a familiar voice asks her if she's okay, and she pulls her face out of her hands to stare. There is fire behind slate-coloured eyes, a rage unbridled, raw, and distinct.

"Oh, fuck me."

Rather than answer him, her face flushes red, redder than it had been in her grief, and she walks quickly away from him.
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2021 15:31:07 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
it takes him a second.

"remi?"

a face he recognizes, a face he knows, and so the decision to follow after her is only natural. it doesn't take him much to catch up to her side.

"you good? why are you crying? and why are you here?"
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 15, 2021 0:56:11 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
Feelings long since left behind, buried beneath distraction after distraction rise to the surface quickly and violently. Though he doesn't touch her, he might as well have.

Remi turns at the sound of her name, eyes wide as they take him in. He is exactly the same as she remembers him, tall and kind and just as impossibly far away.

But his questions leave her exasperated and confused. For a moment, she has to wonder if he even remembers her at all.

"I'm here because my brother is dead."

She keeps her distance, one hand held out to stop him from coming any closer.

"Are you telling me that you didn't know? You were supposed to protect him."
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 4:21:25 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
the revelation hits like a truck. she doesn't need her hand to stop him from coming closer because it leaves him rooted in his spot, unable to approach any further.

roman.

"...is he?"

dead.

"i didn't know."

he's been bound to a bed the past few months, so how could he have known? even if he did, how could he have stopped it from happening?

"i swear i didn't."
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 15:02:29 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
It has been a long time since she last cried. Since she last felt that impossible weakness in her legs, the heaviness in her chest. It brings her down, knees crashing against the stone.

Sobs wrack her body and her hand falls where she's held it up to stop him. She isn't strong enough to compose herself. The reality of the situation and the magnitude of her admittance bears too much weight and hurts too much.

"How could you have not? How could you not protect him? You were supposed to protect him."

The last sentence comes out as a whisper, a hiss through her teeth. Her fingers bite into her upper arms as she curls in on herself.

"He's gone, Lance. He's gone and-- and--"
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 17, 2021 11:43:05 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
"i—"

but she's right. he was supposed to protect him, and he failed.

guilt washes over his shoulders, weighing him down. despite that, he takes a step closer, reaching out to hold her in an embrace.

"i'm sorry, remi. i really am."
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 18, 2021 1:18:03 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
When he approaches, arms reaching for her to console, she doesn't move. If he hugs her, he would feel the pain wracking her body. She trembles against him, unable to stop the tears that overflow and the foreign noises that leave her.

She hasn't cried in years, and never in front of him.

"I was supposed to protect him."

But instead, she had run because she was afraid. Because the man holding onto her now had been married, had had a life bigger than her own. He had a future where she had been grasping at straws and pretending to stay afloat.

"I don't know what to do."
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 18, 2021 9:28:04 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
he hugs her, and he feels pain, understands it all too well. hurt that stems from loss, from guilt, from doing absolutely nothing, they all resurface, forcing him to exhale a shaky breath to steady himself.

"i know...so was i."

he was supposed to protect others during the war, too, but he had failed at that.

"we do what we can to cope, to process, and to heal."

the words sound recited, as though he's remembering them from somewhere else.

"but it'll suck for a while, believe me."
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 18, 2021 19:57:13 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
His shaky breathing falls into rhythm with her own, and although she doesn't reciprocate his hug, the strength shared between them slows her hyperventilating. He speaks against the curve of her ear and the words and the weight seem to topple in his favour more than her own.

They both come from the same place, her pain is his own, just newer and fresher.

"What if-- what if I can't.."

What if she can't heal? What if the pain stays with her and grips her as tight as it was now, forever? It was as if a piece of her had died along with him. She had felt dread the moment his phone number had gone to voicemail. A part of her had known something was wrong, and she had waited.

She had waited because she was selfish.

"I should have been here."
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 21, 2021 13:49:15 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
what if she can't heal?

"then you learn to live with it."

it's all they can do.

his words are delivered with a sigh, breathed out only to drown in the sorrow between them. he holds her just a bit tighter, leaning into her rosy skin.

"and i should've protected him."

but he didn't. he couldn't. he failed.
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 22, 2021 14:57:12 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
The pain is intense, the grief an endless pit of toxin that swallows her whole. It burns all the way through and she sobs until no more tears float to the surface. Until her eyes burn just as much as her chest does from the heaving sobs that had wracked her body.

She eventually quiets, like a small child being coddled by a parent. It is humiliating.

But his hug tightens and she can feel the thud of his heartbeat alongside her own. Slowly, her fingers slide up his back to hold him in return, and feelings of sorrow are slowly, gently replaced with feelings of warmth. He doesn't replace her grief, but mutes it in some capacity to make it bearable.

She presses her cheek to his, the eyepatch she wears foreign now given how it hadn't been there when she'd first been held like this.
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played by

noodles

lance
he/him
thirty-one
october 8th
twinleaf
straight
ranger
lilycove captain
334 height
334 height
lower than i thought we'd go, why'd the guilt spread so slow?
awards
1,438 posts
part of
TAG WITH @lance
LANCE VOLLANS
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 24, 2021 12:23:35 GMT
LANCE VOLLANS Avatar
when she eventually stills, he breathes a sigh of relief, pressing his cheek a bit more into hers before pulling away.

"let's go for a walk."

he was headed into the office but plans change, and he's more than willing to change his for her sake. and his own, too, for it's been too long since he's last seen her.

too much has happened since.
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played by

castaway

remi
she / her
thirty
december 9th
lumiose city, kalos
bisexual
poacher / smuggler
rocket beast
paralyze me
169 height
169 height
kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
awards
543 posts
Remi Cassel DOLLARS
part of
TAG WITH @remi
Remi Cassel
throw me a bone [s]
POSTED ON Nov 24, 2021 21:52:46 GMT
Remi Cassel Avatar
A walk. Right, because a walk would solve all of her problems.

But she relents, because against her better judgement he brings her peace. Seeing him today had made the world stop spinning even if only for a moment. It was jarring, yes, and unexpected. And she knew that indulging in his company was wrong, but when had she ever done what was right?

"Okay."

She pulls her cheek away from his, hesitating as her nose brushing against him. But she pulls herself to her feet and steps away from him, breathing in one last shaky breath to still her nerves. She swallows, lips dry, to glance around her.
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