"it wasn't you, was it?"

asked out of jest, of course, as cian bumps his shoulder into elliott's. he knows his friend well enough to know that he wouldn't ruin a stranger's christmas. or at least he hopes not.

"fuck. looks like we gotta go chop down a tree."

that, or just go and buy one from the store.

"I may not be the most festive person, but I wouldn't ruin anyone's Christmas... maybe only yours."

He gave a barking laugh after that, slapping Cian's shoulder. Of course he wouldn't ruin Cian's. Maybe just shit on him a little bit.

"You really wanna cut down a tree?"

"mine's not hard to ruin."

though the words escape him in jest, there's a hint of melancholy that leaks through. cian hasn't really celebrated the holiday in the past few years. this year, even if he had hoped otherwise, is likely going to be the same.

"fuck yeah i do. swinging an axe around and shit? sounds fun."

Well, when he said it like that...

"Shit, man. You aren't supposed to sound like me."

He thought for a moment.

"What if we celebrate our own way? Get drunk, raise hell."

"you know, it's been months since i got wasted."

it's times like this that make him realize just how well elliott knows him, and just how much cian appreciates him.

he sighs, smiling only to put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"fuck yeah. let's go get drunk."

Elliott took that as a win. He smiled, a genuine, heart melting smile as he slapped his shoulder again. But this time, he rested his hand there, matching his friend's resting hand on his own shoulder.

"Hell yeah, bud. Let's get fucking drunk!"

He led him out of the house.

"Let's cut down this tree first. And handle this bullshit."

soon, they find themselves standing before a particularly large christmas tree. it's still smaller than the others, and he had picked this one because it's somewhere in the middle. not too big, not too small.

how long will it take them, though?

his grip on the axe tightens.

"this is about to feel really good."

after a sigh, he swings it into the tree, lodging it firm against its trunk.

"your turn?"

Elliott evaluated the tree, watching Cian grip the axe. It looked manageable to decorate and finish. Maybe they could do some extra decorating as well.

The sound of the axe cutting into the wood was definitely satisfying.

"Sure, I'll take a hit."

Elliott grabbed the handle of the axe, pulling it from the trunk. He swung back before letting it swing forward again, chipping at the trunk. A loud grunt escaped his mouth.

"Damn. This is a good way to relieve tension."

"it really is. it reminds me of those places that let you break shit for a fee."

not that he's ever been. he usually relieves tension by running or fucking, both have yet to fail him. but this is a good alternative, too.

"hey, eli..."

his thoughts drift.

"do you think i'm a good person?"

"Maybe we should go to one of those places some time. Lose control, you know?"

However, their casual conversation dropped when Cian seemed to trail off. Elliott's brow rose, staking the head of the axe in the ground and tilting his head ever so slightly.

"Do you want my shitty answer or my real answer?"

He chuckled, but perhaps, he realized, this wasn't the time to fuck around.

"I think you're a good person. You haven't proven otherwise to me, and I've known you for how long now?"

Stepping closer, Eli grabbed his friend's arm.

"Is something wrong? Did something happen to make you think you aren't a good person?"

the chuckle he returns is involuntary.

"either or."

a lie, because he'd much prefer elliott's real answer.

even as his arm is grabbed, the words don't hit as hard as they're meant to. still, he nods, appreciating them.

but as silence surrounds them, his thoughts drift, and a sigh escapes, along with an admittance.

"...i killed a person the other week."

technically, his pokemon did.

"i'm just getting tired of living this life, man. i want to be free. i want to be good."

Eli doesn't know if he should be surprised or not. That it came to this point that they were admitting murder to each other. Sure, he hadn't committed a crime like that, but he knew people that had.

His best friend seemed so distressed.

Eli chewed the inside of his cheek, looking down at the ground before looking back at Cian.

"You may have killed someone. That doesn't really... mean you're bad though."

It sounded strange, trying to explain Elliott's thought process around this. He looked back at his friend.

"We do shitty things. That was a shitty thing. But you as a person aren't shitty. I never knew you as a shit person, and I swear I'm going to lose my mind if I keep saying that."

Elliott offered his outstretched arms for a comforting hug, should he wish for one.

"Were you ordered to? Or was it out of defense?"

the comforting hug is accepted.

"defense. but it could've been avoided."

explaining it would take quite a bit of time. what matters is that cian was in no shape or form to command his pokemon, and this his gliscor had taken it upon itself to end the man's life as that was what it saw best for their survival.

but the actions of his pokemon are his extensions of his own.

after a few moments, he pulls away, sighing.

"have you ever killed someone?"