...you're a bit more broken than you'd rather admit, and you're a bit more broken than most would take you for.[break][break]

you do have a pretty caring family, albeit small. they weren't exactly around much while you were growing up, but after all you've experienced, you've come to realize that it was because they were only doing their best to work long and work hard to keep the roof over your heads. you're thankful for that, and to this day, you'd admit to no one but yourself that you're still here to spare them the worry of anything else happening.[break][break]

it's the least you could do for all they've done for you, even if you're not even sure about whether your own reasons for sticking around are true.[break][break]

you're lucky that you did manage to make friends growing up, though. you hadn't started off as the best talker, so you really just got sucked into the friend groups that you became apart of out of the blue from what it felt like— not that you're ungrateful, of course. out of all of those people, you only keep contact with a few of them, but there was a particular person in the group.[break][break]

your best friend.[break]
the one who would build you up and tear you down time and time again.[break][break]

long story short, you gave one another a chance after the fleeting, youthful relationships you had with other people fell through. ...then you gave her another chance, and then another, and another. you've honestly lost count of how many times you'd let her win you over after every insult, every scar, and every other general misdemeanor she had to offer you, but you finally found enough confidence to break yourself away from it.[break][break]

it only took four years to do it, but you did.[break][break]

you had what you thought was resentment (you still think it's something akin to that). any person in their right mind would, after all, if they were treated the same way you were; if they were pushed to the extents you were. there was a love you still held, though, whether platonic or not; whether it was due to her being your former best friend or not. she did tear you down, though. she was the reason your outlook on life became all the more harsh. she was the reason you questioned why you kept going in the midst of all the baseless (you know they're baseless) insults she had to offer you; all of which were only followed up by your own second guesses about yourself.[break][break]

you still attended the funeral when you were notified, though.[break][break]

she was troubled. it explained how she lost a couple screws in the past, but in the second aftermath of it all, it left you wondering more. it left you thinking more.[break][break]

you've grown tired of thinking, though.[break][break]

just keep pushing on. just keep committing to the things you've gotten yourself into. keep living for what you'd insist are other people. wake up. cope. sleep. rinse and repeat.[break][break]

you've made it so far, and many would say the scars you bear are the source of your strength and worth.[break]
...you have a hard time seeing what they see and hearing what they say, though.