leave the light on [s]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
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1,175 posts
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Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 23, 2022 23:50:38 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]


There was no point in asking. There was only the briefest of hesitation, a befuddled look as he scanned his phone screen expecting… something else. He listened to the messages as bitter panic began to bubble up in his throat and by the end of the first one he was already moving, sliding on socks, shoving some clean undies and pants in a bag, and all but sprinting out the door, hair unbound and poofing around his head in a mussed post-sleep mess.
[break][break]
He sent a message:
[break][break]
Hold tight. I’m on my way.
[break][break]
Acero was cranky to be woken up but that wasn’t unusual; she fed off of Memo’s anxious energy as he urged her faster and faster through the sky, the light pollution of Slateport disappearing behind him as Fortree’s calmer, more subdued lighting flickered into view. They slashed down through the trees like a blade, stirring up some of the Pokemon in the sanctuary, not stopping for a single beat.
[break][break]
Once groundside, he recalled Acero and all but sprinted to Alexei’s front door, fighting down fear. Moments later he floundered, only momentarily, beside the locked door. He considered kicking it down, such was his panic, but reconsidered; Shivani was at his side in an instant, fading quietly through the barrier. There was a cascade of clicking locks and Memo sincerely hoped he wasn’t invading Alexei’s privacy.
[break][break]
He could apologize later. Once he made sure he was okay, he would apologize.
[break][break]
Shivani opened the door and zipped back into her Pokeball, not wanting to cause any more fear, remembering distinctly the night under the ladybugs.
[break][break]
Beyond the threshold, the apartment is dark, and quiet. Memo steps in, house slippers making sush-shush noises on the floor. He’s wearing frog-patterned pajama pants and a neon green see-through mesh tank top and his hair is a mess and there’s still sleep crusties in his eyelashes.
[break][break]
He swallows hard, completely unsure of what he might find, totally lost as to what might be going on.
[break][break]
“...Alex?”

[break][break]


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[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
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Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 26, 2022 17:36:18 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


The first thing that would greet Memo the moment he’d stepped inside (without breaking the door down) was the very same Wooloo that recognized his familiar, warm smell—and her twin sister’s Ovejita scent all over him, bleating softly.

‘Baa!’ was all she would say quietly, trying to pull on the pajamas and lead him towards the couch where there was someone curled up so tightly into a ball so small if he could sink into the couch, he would want the couch to swallow him into its depths.

Thank the hell there were pillows on the couch, and he had his face pressed into one of said pillows, screaming his throat hoarse.

Fuck, he’d lost track of time—the phone was not too far from where he was, backlit faintly.

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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 28, 2022 17:13:40 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
At first the Wooloo was a welcome sign, as was the relative normalcy of the living quarters. There were no broken objects or shattered windows, no signs of forced entry or the chaos that usually followed a struggle. The Pokemon were all asleep, save for the little lamb, and there was no blood anywhere. Guillermo exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
[break][break]
He reached one hand to scratch under the Wooloo’s chin as she grasped the fabric of his pajamas in her teeth and tugged her inward, towards a living-room-type area. On the couch there was a shapeless lump, originally thought to be a pillow, which revealed itself to be--
[break][break]
--”Alexei?” Memo tried again, concern bubbling back up through his voice. He realized the low hum that he interpreted as normal workings in the home, or maybe a distantly thrumming AC unit, was Alexei, exhaling a constant scream into the pillow.
[break][break]
Memo knelt down in front of the couch, not wanting to startle Alex, one hand hovering over the curve of the man’s back. He didn’t want to touch him and jar him, frighten him, but he also couldn’t let him go on like this. Of course, he had no idea what was going on; he swallowed down thick emotion and his own version of panic as he struggled to ascertain what would be best.
[break][break]
“Hey,” he eventually says, gentle and quiet, trying to avoid being sucked down into his own mire of hopelessness. “Hey, love. Just… just breathe.”
[break][break]
That usually helped him when he was freaking out. He didn’t know if it would really help Alexei, but it was as good a place to start as any.


[break][break]


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[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
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5,045 posts
part of
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Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 29, 2022 16:39:01 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


Alexei had no idea how long he’d been screaming into the pillow now. Honestly, the moment the paranoia and panic had set in, everything was ‘all bets off’ and he’d just spiraled down, down, down

He had to keep it down because holy fucking shit, he didn’t want to wake up all the other sleeping ‘white clouds’ (and one black cloud) and everything perched on the gigantic ‘cat tower’ hence him screaming into the pillow. Constantly. Incessantly.

There was nothing but red, red, red in his mind’s eye until he thought he heard something—

A momentary shriek of panic, of fear broke through the pillow as his entire body jerked on reflex; finally coming up for some air and seeing that he was no longer alone inside the flat.

“Wh—wh—” he began quietly, his throat so raw and painful from all the screaming he could feel the symptoms of a sore throat coming the longer he screamed.

“I—I—I’m… I’m n-n-n-not… dead, am I…?” he continued, very much disoriented. Clearly there was something in the shadow of Alexei’s lilac-colored stare, usually so vibrant, but now nothing but utter and complete darkness—

“Memo, is—am—am I bleeding from anywhere…?” he blurted out afterward, suddenly remembering something.


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 29, 2022 17:21:01 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
Memo did touch him, now, placing a hand gently on Alexei’s shoulder, thumb coming to rest light against his clavicle, fingers a gentle stroke down the back of his neck. He’d jumped a little when Alex had shrieked but was happy he’d looked up from the pillow. His eyes were dull and slightly misty and his face reddened from rubbing against the fabric.
[break][break]
“Shh,” Memo soothed, hearing the roughness in Alexei’s voice and wondering just how long he’d been screaming. He settled down onto his knees and came a little closer to the couch, other palm planced against the arm of the sofa. Alexei’s next question brought a crease between his eyebrows as his puzzlement and concern began to spill over to his face. “No, love, you’re not dead,” he said, fighting to keep the question out of his voice-- he didn’t want Alex to think he was making fun of him because he wasn’t, at all, he was just-- so-- confused.
[break][break]
He tilted his head, eyes scanning up and down Alexei’s body. “I don’t think so,” he said, hating how unsure he sounded. No,” he amended, figuring they’d know if he was bleeding. “I don’t see any blood anywhere. There’s nothing on the floor, on the couch, on you. You’re safe.” He emphasized this last word with gentle pressure on Alexei’s shoulder, a light push to ground him, and he looked up into his eyes, willing him calm.
[break][break]
He had so many questions. But they could be answered later. First he needed Alexei to know he was not in danger.



[break][break]


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[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
awards
5,045 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 29, 2022 17:39:40 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


His eyes were looking around wildly, taking their sweet fucking time to readjust to the gloom.

Even if there was reassurance in Memo’s voice, he had to make absolutely sure that there was none of that suspicious red splattered all over—the air certainly didn’t smell of disinfectant or anything; neither were there any cleaning materials scattered around…

Okay.

“What… what date… is it, t-t-t-t-today?” he asked next, making room on the couch so the other could join him there.

The worried Wooloo child was nearby, hanging around somewhere near Memo; and should the other move to join Alexei on the couch she would then promptly roll over and park her cute self near her other dad’s feet, acting like a nice, warm, extremely fluffy space heater.

As he waited for the other to answer, he then reached up towards his neck, rubbing at it hard—completely missing the fact that there were bandages wrapped ‘round the unsightly scar that marred the area due to his panic flaring up again.

“I—you’re g-g-going to th-think I’m c-c-crazy, b-b-but,” he continued as he took a deep breath, reaching behind him with both hands and belatedly realizing that there was something there instead of nothing—

“Have… have I ever told you… that I almost died… f-f-for real, before we even met?”


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 30, 2022 1:54:52 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
Alexei’s eyes swung around like a panicked, trapped animal; Memo swallowed, tempted to take a step back. “I’m sorry, am I-- do you need some room? Or some water?” Or something stronger? He wanted to ask, but judging by how he’d been throwing back the wine at Memo’s apartment without seeming affected, he didn’t want to imagine how much alcohol it would actually take to dull Alexei’s edge.
[break][break]
He seemed to gather himself, if just a bit; his question made Memo frown.
[break][break]
“It’s May 17th,” he said, voice soft with confusion. He stood and moved to the couch, not removing his hand but instead sliding it down Alexei’s back, along where his spine would be, rubbing gently with his palm and fingertips. He left a little bit of space between them so their thighs didn’t touch, not wanting to crowd Alex mid panic.
[break][break]
Ovejita’s sister parked herself next to his legs, and he reached down with his other hand and absently rubbed her ears, not taking his eyes off of Alex.
[break][break]
He had the urge to jump in, then, as he watched Alexei rub at the wraps around his neck-- this was the first time he’d seen him without a scarf, Memo realized-- and promise he could never think Alexei was crazy, but he figured there was something else coming after, and Memo wanted to let him speak. The bandages were… alarming, but he just added it to the top of the huge pile of questions he already had and left it at that.
[break][break]
It was a heavy question. “No, you didn’t,” Memo said, almost immediately; he curled his fingers around Alexei’s hip, drawing him a little closer. “I think that’s something I’d remember.” He kept his voice calm, a gentle murmur with just the slightest lilt of humor, though he was freaking out, just a little bit.




[break][break]


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[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
awards
5,045 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 30, 2022 2:26:30 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


The moment Memo had mentioned what date it was, he froze.

The same haunted look stared back at the other, like a child who’d gotten lost in the forest, before his lip began to tremble. He was right about something…

Alexei then took a shaky breath, before trying to gather his thoughts again and explain everything to him.

“I… I guess… It’s b-b-better, to show you…”

Silence then fell between them, as he began to unwind the bandages from around his neck, finding the tiny metal clamp and gently removing that first before peeling, and unravelling, the bandages so the other would see—

And Memo would then realize why he would never take the scarf off. Or always be wearing turtleneck tops, even if summer was so damned close, just a few weeks away.

With one final flourish, he would tug away at the bandages, revealing something for the other to see.

“You see… this day, exactly one year ago… I almost died. In this very city. You, at least are aware of why I can’t bleed, right?” he continued quietly.

He then raised the pajama leg he was wearing, showing the darker patch of skin on his right calf as well.

“That…that was part of it, too. B-but… it… doesn’t end there.”

The next, damning piece of evidence was the one that had forced him to flip his handwriting to his left hand instead of his right, and even if it had already been a year, his handwriting still sucked.

“Take a look…”

He then held his right hand out for the other to see. On the back side, there was a faint, jagged, paler line of horizontal flesh that looked like it had healed over completely, however showing the other side revealed just how bad the injury had gotten.

“My right hand’s still f-fucked up, even today. I almost ended up sentenced to a wheelchair for the rest of my fucking l-life, because… you know how out of warranty my body is.”

Down by Memo’s feet, the sleepy Wooloo child let out a soft bleat, content at the scritches her other dad was giving her.


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 30, 2022 2:43:15 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
Memo was quiet as Alexei laid to bare his scars, both physical and emotional. Memo’s breath caught at the sign of the jagged marks around his neck, so very, very close to snuffing out Alexei’s life. His stomach rolled with nausea and his heart ached, ached that someone could do something like this to someone important to him-- but also with something else.
[break][break]
He resisted the urge to reach out and lay fingertips across the marks, though he wanted to. He resisted the urge to lean in and try to kiss them away, though he wanted to. And deep within his chest, like a pilot light clicking to life, there was a furious rage just beginning to kindle in the tinders of his heart.
[break][break]
He listened as Alexei showed him the mark on his leg and his hand, and was quiet for a moment after. He was stuck somewhere between wanting to scream and rage and demand to know who did it, and wanting to start crying. It was horrible that there were horrible people in this world, people who would do this to another human being at all.
[break][break]
Guillermo took Alexei’s scarred hand in both of his and brought the jagged mark to his lips for a gentle kiss. Then he held the limb in his palms, resting it in his lap, curling his own fingers around it where Alex couldn’t.
[break][break]
“But you’re alive,” Memo said, soft. He reached up and gently brushed some of the rampant blonde hair back behind Alexei’s ear, dragging his knuckles across the man’s cheekbone, before returning to holding his hand. “You’re alive, and you’re so, so strong. That’s what matters.”
[break][break]
And nothing like that is ever going to happen again.





[break][break]


[attr="class","pokeclass"]





[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
awards
5,045 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON May 30, 2022 2:56:37 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


The little widdle sheepie child had settled down, mostly, because she was in the presence of both her dads, and had already fallen asleep right next to Memo’s leg, happy that her other dad was there—even if she was one of the youngest members of the Wooloo herd, she was still sharp that there was something wrong with her papa (Alexei) but couldn’t do anything about it.

(As it was the very first time she’d seen her papa panicking, but had absolutely no idea how to calm him down.)

“I was so… so fucking scared,” he whimpered quietly. “You… y’know, how… like, those cheesy… scenes in movies where… someone sees their entire life flash b-before their very eyes? Th-that… that really happened, to me.”

He… he was aware that there was another scar somewhere on his body, but he figured, three out of four was already—

Oh, fuck it.

“And… and I,” he breathed out again, “…and I didn’t know that there… there was one more. At-at least, not until much later…”

It looked like he was going to strip down, but fact of the matter was that he’d have to only slightly remove one side of his night shirt, revealing the longest gash of discolored flesh that ran down his left shoulder. Ominously, it ended right above where his frantic heart was still beating, a thousand miles a minute, as he bit back another sob.

I got lucky. Th-that night. The earliest thing I could r-remember being told about was…was that a large part of… of the aerial armada I own, apparently, c-came circling around wh-where I’d been left to b-b-bleed out and die.”

And they saved me, he mentally added.


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
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Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON Jun 3, 2022 17:45:41 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
Guillermo was quiet, listening to Alexei speak. There was a revulsion brewing in his stomach like a pot of morning coffee, though a thousand times as bitter. He had to bite his tongue to stop from asking who it was and launching into a Liam Neeson worthy hunt to take them down and end them.
[break][break]
But right now wasn’t about him.
[break][break]
He leaned back so Alex could show him the last scar.
[break][break]
I’ll never say another bad thing about Mike.
[break][break]
“That’s terrifying, love,” he said, as soothingly as possible. “But you made it. You’re here and you’re alive.”
[break][break]
And I’m here and I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you again.
[break][break]
He puts a gentle hand on Alexei’s knee, squeezes. He’s completely forgotten that he looks a mess, himself.
[break][break]
“Do you need anything? Water? Tea?”

[break][break]


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[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
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Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON Jun 3, 2022 21:43:18 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


This was just one part of that entire luggage pile that he’d laid bare.

(Opened, really, but there were way more skeletons hidden in the other larger pieces of luggage in the whole pile. What he’d shown was just one particular section of the entire shebang.)

“J-just… stay… with me, p-p-please…?” he croaked, so quietly that his voice barely went above a whisper.

“I-I can’t… fucking sleep without—without… without those things I see in my head… constantly bothering me.”

A literal waking nightmare, all in one singular day.

Just how—damaged—was he, really?


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON Jun 8, 2022 15:47:22 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
Everyone had their damage. Some people were just better at hiding it-- they could afford to get the dents and dings buffed out, cover it with a shiny new wrap, or just buy a new outlook all together. Alex had been through something incredibly traumatic so there was no wonder he was still feeling the aftershocks.
[break][break]
Guillermo squeezed his knee again, a gentle smile coming to his face.
[break][break]
“Absolutely,” he murmured.
[break][break]
He scooted back a smidge to give the taller man room to lay on the couch and patted his lap, indicating Alexei could curl up in a ball there instead of in the corner of the couch all by himself.
[break][break]
“Have a lay,” he said. “We’ll just ride it out. You’ll make it through the night and the day and the day after, because you’re strong and amazing and death quakes in fear of you.” His tone was genuine-- he had full faith in Alexei’s strength.

[break][break]


[attr="class","pokeclass"]





[attr="class","credit"]milky




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played by

Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
fortree gym leader
gym leader
חקל דמא
awards
5,045 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON Jun 8, 2022 21:23:51 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar







Wasn’t it a surprise that Alexei had asked the other to just be there, a steady force against all the uncertainty that was currently clouding his rational judgment, and not ask for the vodka (as was his usual impulse) and drink the terror away—

The fear of death was still ever-present, though. Even if a year had already passed since then.

“D-don’t leave… please?” he continued, muffled as he finally allowed himself to collapse in Memo’s lap, the better to actually have another human being there rather than him sinking into that death spiral of all the terror and negative thoughts that were gnawing away at him.

A strong, comfortable, stable presence…

Of course, his own little brain was too addled and fucked up by PTSD and such to realize just where he was lying down on.

We’d get to that later.



He didn’t realize that he’d actually passed out in Memo’s lap, of all places, and only came to several hours later—to the sound of snickering.

Not human snickering, but Wooloo snickering.

The entire herd that Alexei owned had pretty much gathered around the two and were basically watching these two men being absolutely gay together. Go figure.


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,175 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
leave the light on [s]
POSTED ON Jun 9, 2022 0:09:26 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","blboxfl"]
It was a thing of vast pride that Alexei had requested nothing more than his presence to tide him through the night. Memo was thankful for his dark complexion and the lack of lighting because he was one-hundred-percent sure he was blushing. He let Alex settle in and immediately began threading fingers softly through his fine, blonde hair, drawing gentle whirls on his scalp and rubbing his neck in turns.
[break][break]
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, quiet and serene. For one, you couldn’t have paid him to leave; for another, his much physically larger boyf-- uh-- someone much taller was laying on him now. He couldn’t get up if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to.
[break][break]
He stayed up for a long time, afraid that he’d move or do something equally as disastrous in his sleep. Plus, he was kind of sitting up, which is a difficult position to nod off in. He stayed in gentle motion the entire time, smoothing Alexei’s hair down over the curve of his head, drawing it up away from his ears.
[break][break]
He must have dozed at some point, but he did remember, faintly, the gathering of sheep, because he remembered thinking wow, it really gives a new meaning to counting them, huh? But he definitely wasn’t awake-awake until he felt Alexei stir, at which point consciousness shot through him with the heavy pang of someone who’d gotten shit sleep-- a hyperawareness and the feeling of being strung-out like laundry.
[break][break]
“...can’t believe you’ve got room for all of these in your flat,” he mumbled, words a half-laugh, half bleary slur. He’d taken up the practiced motion of playing with Alexei’s hair again, like he was born to it. “How do you feel?”


[break][break]


[attr="class","pokeclass"]





[attr="class","credit"]milky




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