A hum pulled from the back of his throat. The hunger that mirrored Kosei’s was reflected in his own expression. Hands on him caused a shiver to zip along his spine. Everything that existed between them was tangled, at best. It was only natural that this was just as jumbled together–frantic movement and shaky breath. But he could sense the way that Kosei unwound too. The way he relinquished that carefully held control. There was something familiar and comforting in knowing he could still provoke that in him.[break][break]

He almost laughed at the dumbfounded look that fluttered across Kosei’s face, the momentary lapse in his memory. He didn’t hold it against him or anything. And really, Enzo figured that this was the moment where it all halted in place. Kosei would have a moment of clarity and come back to himself. Pull away in a flurry of grumbles and say that he was going to bed to sleep off whatever strange mood he’d fallen into. There was more relief than there should’ve been when that wasn’t what happened. Maybe that should’ve knocked some sense into him, but it wasn’t on his mind.[break][break]

No more than a distant, faraway thought.[break][break]

Enzo pulled himself up and stepped back, though not too far out of distance. He’d insist it was the alcohol, but the softness he was given made something inside of him twist up and ache. He should have bitten down on the feeling, stamped it out until only the chaos of giving into this was left. But that wasn’t how he was responding–the force he responded with was equally as gentle. Eyes heavy-lidded and a smile curling at the corners of his mouth. His fingers drifted down the front of his chest, snagging them in the hem of the other’s shirt. “Alrighty, then.”[break][break]

Slowly, he stepped backward and tugged Kosei along with him–leading him to the opposite end of the room where his own was situated. It was all a little tilted and spinny, trying to keep his balance as he was. A low laugh followed, and the door was barely shut behind them before he was tilting up to kiss him again as he continued to stumble back. “Kos.” Still slow and soft, but tinged with a thread of the desperation from before. He wasn’t desperate. He wasn’t, until he was.


[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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It felt like a sick game of chicken, waiting for someone to finally decide that this was a bad idea. It was a bad idea, it was a horrible idea. Kosei knew how messy they could be. Maybe it would be different under more sober circumstances, but part of him wondered if that was truly the case. In the past, alcohol needed no place between them to spark this tension between them. Then again, Kosei had been the one to feel like maybe he'd gone too far, wanted too much. Once bitten, twice shy — so the saying goes.
[break][break]
Always waiting for permission, terrified to be found wanting. To make a mistake. So, really, he hadn't changed much even in all this time of self-proclaimed growth. Enzo had never been the problem though, he knew that all along. The next kiss was soft and he nearly corrected himself, pressed into it until it could not be mistaken for anything but want. Yet then that touch was met with equal softness and, admittedly, it was a little confusing. He'd been led down this path before, just as he was then tugged along by eager fingers into the awaiting bedroom.
[break][break]
"Kos." Somehow, it felt even nicer to hear that little nickname. Not the usual "mutt" or even "puppy", just Kos. He felt weak with it and the little feelings of uncertainty slipped away. His fingers barely managed to twist the lock (for both of their goods), before he was entirely distracted. "Enzo." His hands arced around the lean curve of Enzo's back, dipping beneath his shirt to feel warm skin beneath. The curve of muscle and the ridge of his spine traced beneath his fingers, mapping it out. It felt like unbidden, but not entirely forgotten territory.
[break][break]
Kosei pressed until the backs of the other's legs met the bed and then he pushed. With a chuckle, he slid down after him.

[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“I can practically hear you thinking too hard,” he muttered as he chased every kiss with one of his own. “You’re supposed to let go of overthinking when you’re drunk.” Enzo supposed he couldn’t fully blame Kosei for any wariness he might’ve felt. It wasn’t like he’d made it easier when they were younger. And in hindsight, there was a part of him that wished he hadn’t shrugged Kosei off the way he had. But he’d spent a long time convincing himself that depending on anyone else was a fault, and that he hadn’t needed anyone. Didn’t need the weakness that came along with it. A large part of Enzo still believed it.[break][break]

But right then, he felt the bittersweet nostalgia that came with this. The flare that seemed to exist after years of separation and resentment for everything that had gone wrong. How could he not want to indulge in that? Letting go came easier for him–he could explain it away later, and for now, he could allow himself to want. The sound of his name on the other’s tongue rumbled through him as much as the firm click of the lock did. “Kos,” he said again, curving into the familiar touch. Rough hands, warm hands, as he stumbled backward at the push. A third repetition of his name, no more than a breath.[break][break]

He let himself tip backward, thumping against the bed with its soft blanketing and downy pillows. A low, throaty laugh escaped his throat as he grinning up at Kosei with droopy, hungry eyes. Eager hands slipped up and hooked around Kosei’s neck as soon as he’d drawn close enough, dragging him closer still. His arms draped further, fingers twisting into the shirt fabric around his shoulder blades.[break][break]

“Tesoro.” His words fell in a hush as his eyes studied Kosei from up close. The dialect allowed him to murmur the things he wanted to say, but still felt too wary of. Too exposed, even now. “Sento la tua mancanza.” Closing the gap between them again, there was too much tenderness in the press of his mouth. Soft in the way it drifted to the corner of the other’s mouth, then along his jaw to the hollow below his ear. Maybe in the morning, he’d claim it was only a persuasive means of getting what he wanted out of him. But the softness there was almost too plain. Like the words he’d spoken moments prior had been in the common language–[break][break]

Darling. I miss you so.


[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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"I'm not..." He broke off from his protest, unable to suppress the laugh. It was such an unanticipated, jovial sound, almost as if he'd entirely forgotten whatever feud existed between them prior to tonight. "I'm not overthinking. Nor am I drunk." He wasn't exactly sober either, but it felt necessary for some reason to state. Even though suggesting he was sober stripped him of any cover up he might use later to suggest this was only an intoxicated fervor.
[break][break]
Truthfully, he wasn't yet certain what this was. He was afraid to assume anything and it wasn't like this was the first time. They were always a bit sloppy with their friendship, slipping easily into something far more complicated. Yet, at the same time, the complication was minute the moment that Enzo cut it off. Even if for Kosei it had been far more confusing. That'd been his bad though, he'd been young and stupid and admittedly lonelier than he'd realized. This was the same thing now.
[break][break]
Even if Enzo was softer than he'd remembered him being. Maybe it was all in his head. Maybe the other had changed far more than Kosei had realized. He couldn't be entirely certain anymore. Did they still even know one another like this? Was this just a cover up for something else? Kosei knew there were words he wished he could say, but he was a coward.
[break][break]
Enzo's words made him feel dizzy, even if he couldn't understand them. It was frustrating, how the other could wield those words against him and he'd never likely know the meaning. It was a good means of pretending and maybe that was Enzo's gift to him. Still, he couldn't help himself. "Tell me.." There was an edge of irritation and frustration. He wanted him to say something he could hang onto, but it was more likely that Enzo didn't mean anything by them at all. They were just pretty words. Even then, the sound of them was like music to his ears. They made him shiver and his breathing heavy. Lips pressed across his skin, soft and warm and lingering. Kosei felt himself go limp a little, sagging to the side under the contact. He didn't need a language to hide behind, even without words he was bared entirely too raw. At the other's mercy, as he'd always been.


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“Are you sure about that? Absolutely certain?” Amusement lingered in his tone, warming the syllables. There was something in the sound of that laughter that only intensified the ache in his chest. Weak, he felt weak at how open and uninhibited it was. When was the last time he’d heard it? When was the last time he’d laughed so easily? Even then, he knew the answer was that it had been with Kosei. And that had been a long time ago. Nothing about them was simple—all blurred edges and loose boundaries. He’d been the one to ruin that with his own pride, his own fear. Even if Kosei thought it was himself, Enzo knew the truth. He hadn’t been too much; Enzo just hadn’t been willing to hold it in his hands back then.[break][break]

After everything that had followed, he’d felt stupid for it. Of course he had.[break][break]

Kosei tilted to the side and Enzo rolled with the movement. Propping himself up on one elbow, he hovered close as he leaned over him. A small smile played across his lips, playful but not lacking the softness that had settled over him. Normally, he might’ve responded with something vague— that’s a secret. Something to keep himself at a distance rather than free fall into the uncertainty that surrounded the everything of this. Or perhaps he’d coax a plea from Kosei. Tease him with a ask nicely and I might, puppy. That would likely be the expected response based on previous moments such as this one.[break][break]

Never quite giving away everything he could. Playful, all touch and response and reaction. No leeway for what might’ve been felt, was felt under the surface. But Kosei had always been good at presenting an image of himself while knowing the truth that lurked under every guise, and even in this he could never wholly lie to himself. That was why the barrier of emotional distance had worked. And when Kosei responded to that by pulling back as well, he’d let that space continue to grow. Better for himself, he’d remind himself whenever that newfound sense of loneliness crept in to insist that he wasn’t better off alone.[break][break]

He could choose either option and continue that trend. And tomorrow regardless of what he did, the twilight zone they’d descended into would have faded away and they’d go back to existing on the fringes of one another’s periphery. Right then, that didn’t feel like an enticing option. Not while his fingers traced Kosei’s jaw and drew down the slope of his neck. Not when he looked at Enzo the way he did, or spoke with that slight grate to his voice. So when he leaned close again, dipping down to let lips ghost together again—barely there, shaky breath, only the truth tumbled out. “I miss you, Kosei.” The heavier, slower press of his mouth came between words. “So often, it’s frustrating.”[break][break]

Enzo leaned back again and let his fingers lift and slide through dark hair. Tucking away messy strands that had fallen around his face. “And I don’t admit that lightly, you know.”

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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“Yeah…?” He said, feeling a smile work its way across his face as he recognized that no, he wasn’t sober. Though, at the same time, he didn’t want the excuse that it could be belittled to drunken wants. Even if it was safer that way. There was nothing safe about this, not with the way they were looking at one another and touching one another. This felt distinctly different than before. Maybe Kosei hadn’t changed as much as he hoped, because he was still falling for the exact same thing.
[break][break]
Enzo had that kind of devious charm, that devil-may-care persona that made people either hate him or want him (or a mixture of both). Kosei had found himself in that same exact place and he didn’t handle being burned with all that much grace. Especially when in the past, he’d had so few experiences to rely upon. Now, sure, he was older and wiser and yet what was he doing again if not feeling that apple-rot sweet feeling in his chest.
[break][break]
No amount of reflection deterred him though as he crashed down on the soft surface of the bed beside him. He had every expectation then that Enzo would tell him nothing. He’d play his games and Kosei would probably fall into line because he’d be lying if he said he was any other playing piece but the pawn. Only one-step forward with no capacity to back away from approaching danger.
[break][break]
Whether or not this was all a part of a game or not, seemed to matter less to him. Even less so when the other chose to do away with what was expected. I miss you, kosei. He could feel himself go a little still, eyes searching the other’s face for the vulpine smile to return, knife-life and satirical. At any moment, it might be followed up with a cruel laugh and a ”the look on your face” and he’d have to exist knowing that his expression betrayed his thoughts and exposed his loneliness, his regret, his embarrassment.
[break][break]
Instead of cruelty, fingers softly filed loose hair behind his ears. Before he could think better or to question further, he slipped on top of the other and pressed his lips against Enzo’s. His hands vanished beneath the hem of his shirt, forcing it upwards. “I missed you too, more than you know.”



[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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“Hm, guess I can’t argue with that.” Or maybe it was the smile that had fixed itself on Kosei’s lips that kept him from insisting. And really, Enzo was only somewhat inebriated himself. It certainly wasn’t enough for him to excuse what they were doing as a drunken slip-up. Maybe that had been what he was initially hoping for. The frantic loss of composure at the start had certainly implied that would be the case. But all too quickly, it had morphed into something else entirely. Something weak and vulnerable and undeniably tender.[break][break]

It deviated from what they had fallen into when they were younger. Maybe because Enzo, for once, was tired of keeping him at an arm’s length. He could blame it on his exhaustion of running the Nimbus or on the chaos of watching Miu, but he understood the truth of it underneath the excuses that he fabricated so easily. Serious, by-the-book Kosei– an affection that had unnerved Enzo when he was younger and determined to get somewhere. But he’d reached that destination, and it had been bitter and lonely to stay there without the other.[break][break]

He wouldn’t say that his ambition had slowed with age, not by a long shot. But he could recognize where some of his wants had deviated and shifted from the original course. He hadn’t needed anyone, until he did. At first it had been loathsome, and then it had become a persisting, empty ache. Enzo wasn’t so foolish as to think that Kosei wasn’t waiting for some rug to be pulled out from underneath him. He remembered how Kosei had behaved years ago in the wake of the messiness they’d devolved into, and how he’d unfairly reacted to affection he’d not known how to handle or hold.[break][break]

But there was no place for that old coldness here, right now.[break][break]

Palms dragged upward along his torso and his back arched up into the solidity of that touch. When the fabric of his t-shirt bunched up, he reached down to tug it up over his head and toss it away. Even those few seconds disconnected were too long. Both hands finding Kosei’s face again, he pulled him back down to him, teeth nipping at a bottom lip.[break][break]

A thrum of longing curled through him in the wake of those words turned back on him. His head settled back against the bedding again as he stared up at Kosei, hazy-eyed as something pleased (but still a touch smug,) made his smile a languid thing. “More than I know?” His arms wound around him, fingers trailing along his spine. “Then show me, cucciolo, so I know.”

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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Kosei woke to a heap of warmth and to the burn of daylight slanting through the curtains directly into his eyes. Not everything came back to him immediately, save for the realization that his head hurt and his tongue felt paper dry in the hollow, arid cavity of his mouth. His vision bleared as he grumbled a protest at the potency of the sun. Then, twisting around in the too-soft sheets, he recalled how he ended up there. The press of mouths and trail of hands and actions that couldn't be repeated during the decency of the day.
[break][break]
Had this been the first occasion, it might have been a bit of a shock to find Enzo sleeping next to him, but it wasn't. Somehow, routinely, it seemed they'd always end up tangled together (usually a little less literally, however) after some kind of emotional turmoil. Maybe it wasn't healthy. No, no "maybe" about it. Considering how at ease it felt, Kosei should have felt anything else but the twist of uncertainty in his gut. However, he still wasn't that stupid kid anymore that couldn't handle rejection. He could handle rejection, totally.
[break][break]
Yet even while knowing the very real possibility of how this would turn out, that didn't mean he yet needed to abide by the rules they'd put down years ago. He was still in the unique, hungover position of pretending otherwise. Thus, as he turned in the sheets and settled against the other, his eyes drooped closed and his arm shamelessly hung across the other's waist. His head tucked into the hollow curve of the other man's neck.
[break][break]
And he ignored the fact it was morning and he was painstakingly aware of the drunkenness making way for the pain of the hangover. He even ignored that he was a total sap and Enzo was well within his right every time he teased Kosei for being an affectionate or touchy puppy. He'd apologize in a second and they'd get back to their completely separate and independent lives.
[break][break]
Just not right this second.



[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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Even if he’d consumed far less whiskey than Kosei the night prior, it didn’t mean that Enzo had escaped the after effects. Light burned through his eyelids when he eventually stirred the next morning, though he fought against it to remain in a partial dose. The thud in his temples informed him that he would be likely spending the day relegating management to his more trusted overseers while he nursed his aching head his cottonmouth, and his wounded sensitivities.[break][break]

But slowly, even in a state of semi-alertness, it began to sink back in. The way he’d acted, the gentleness he’d treated Kosei with. Perhaps later he’d be mad with himself for being so vulnerable with such little work applied. Right then, though, the pleasant ache under the hangover kept him lulled and content. A continued reminder of what he’d missed and refused to admit until last night. Maybe they weren’t good for one another. Or maybe they’d hadn’t been before. But how could this right now, not be honey-lacquered goodness at its pinnacle?[break][break]

Enzo didn’t want to shove him away again. Not really. But that likely wouldn’t stop Kosei from walking out the door as he had before. So then, self-preservation demanded that he beat the other to the punch first so that the sting felt less severe.[break][break]

Not that he intended to act just yet. The rustle of movement finally pulled him further out of slumber. Apparently in his own sleep, Kosei had drawn closer and Enzo’s chin tilted upward to better accommodate the face that had burrowed itself against his neck. One violet eye slivered open lazily before falling shut again. It was much too bright. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to wake alongside the other after having stumbled into a dalliance. And normally he didn’t allow himself the opportunity to linger in the warmth of it.[break][break]

But there were remnants of the affection from the night prior still embedded in his system. Maybe due to his grogginess, or perhaps because that was how he actually wished to be. Either way, he found himself curling closer to the heat Kosei kicked off, guided by the arm that had draped itself around him. Enzo inhaled soft and slow as he turned his face just enough to nestle against the top of his head, even if the long, loose strands of his hair tickled at his face. Pressing a kiss to the same spot, he allowed his own hand to move and hang over Kosei so that Enzo might trace shapes with his fingers along the other’s spine.[break][break]

The peacefulness of the moment was something he didn’t yet wish to shatter.

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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At first, he wasn't entirely certain if Enzo was awake, even he found himself drifting in and out. Instead, he focused on the long in and out of Enzo's breathing. The faraway thrum of his heart that he could feel through the arm he'd draped over him. The breathing grew shallower and that was the only detail he caught before he felt the subtle movement of wakefulness in the other. There was a spike of tension as Kosei struggled with how to respond. Was it better to keep sleeping or to wake and pry himself away? Would Enzo slip away like a ghost, anxious to put distance between them?
[break][break]
The latter possibility might have been what was best for them. If they wanted to maintain the distant yet still messy relationship they'd had up unto that point. There was really no knowing, in the end, what was the right decision. Or even what that "right" was. It was frankly a relative reflection. Yet then he felt the distinct press of lips against his face, the warmth of breath across his skin. Then a lazy hand moved to draw across his spine. It made him shiver and exhale a breath that was far too deep to justify.
[break][break]
"Now who is being the puppy, puppy?" He said, tone dragging by sleep and the claw of his hangover. At first he was afraid to speak, to give it all up. He did it anyways, and at any moment, Enzo would likely pry away after a witty remark. Probably something about how he seemed needy to that affection or desperate even. Once again, he'd been caught wanting, and now content (an even more frightening state of mind).
[break][break]
Still, despite every warning telling him to offer space, he let himself be pressed closer, nuzzling for the warmth of his throat. He offered a little kiss to the other's pulse point before pulling back. "Sorry, that probably wasn't warranted, huh?"
[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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Despite the protest of burning in his retinas, Enzo’s eyes cracked open again at the sound of Kosei’s voice, thick with sleep and stupidly attractive. “You are always the puppy,” he rumbled back, teasingly. His own voice was gravelly and slow, dazed as he reluctantly dragged himself more and more out of slumber.[break][break]

It was likely expected that he would move. That he'd be the one to pull away first because he always was. Enzo made no great effort to do so, however. A smile crossed his expression, comfort settling in him like a cat basking in a sunny patch by the window. “So you were feigning sleep,” he said, a froggy laugh humming in his throat.[break][break]

Enzo felt pride in his accomplishments. He felt confidence and egotism at their higher levels. He allowed himself pleasure, and satisfaction, but it wasn’t often that he actually permitted that pestilence called happiness to filter into his system. Because once it was there, it spread like an invasive plant. Stubborn and difficult to be rid of. Right then, though, he found it had rooted itself there inside of him, all because of the way Kosei didn’t retreat to his own safe distance. Instead, planting affection against his skin as he knew what sowing those seeds would do to Enzo.[break][break]

But of course he didn’t know, how could he when Enzo had never made that simple for him?[break][break]

As much as he liked to (and often did) blame Miu’s birth-mother for some lingering issues, he knew that it was fault that belonged to only him that prompted the apology that followed the gentle press of lips against his neck. Enzo wasn’t often in the business of feeling guilty for his choices, but he felt it right then—a sharp pang in his gut that reminded him that it was his past-self who’d nurtured that uncertainty in Kosei. So he supposed it was up to him to correct it, then.[break][break]

The hand at his back moved, shifting to tuck under Kosei’s chin as he was apparently fond of doing. “Perfectly warranted,” he murmured, then gave a lazy, drawn kiss of his own. That time to his mouth, the edges of his own stubbornly curling upward as he did so.
[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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"What does that make you then?" He scoffed, eyebrow lifting with the slightest inch of a smirk on his lips. Maybe they were both half trapped in dreams, seeking it out with eager fingers and lingering mouths. Even after the excuse of the night before was well beyond the scope of reality, they were still entirely too soft on one another. Kosei relaxed a little, perhaps stupidly, as the other had yet to peel away.
[break][break]
"I wasn't feigning, I was sleepy so my eyes were closed. It's that simple. You think I was trying to trick you, with what?" He wasn't telling the whole truth. He had faked sleep to prolong the moment, not that he'd actually expected Enzo to reciprocate. That had come unbidden and he was happy at the surprise that feigning had provided him. Though, even then, he still felt himself subside and apologize as insecurity seeped into the cracks of his composure. It seemed to good, too happy.
[break][break]
He was prepared to explain himself, that he wasn't trying to be affectionate. It had been awhile, that was all. In general... not just with Enzo. That wasn't exactly a lie, considering Miu took up most of his time. It would be an embarrassing admission, but favorable to being blatantly found out for harboring feelings arbitrary to prior claims.
[break][break]
"Perfectly warranted.” Kosei tilted his head at those words, the beginnings of a smile forming. "Yeah?" Still, there was apprehension until the press of lips answered any unspoken questions. By that point, he decided to allow himself this moment, this mistake. It could end up biting him and maybe he'd hate himself for it, but he wanted the excuse to let go. One hands slipped up into Enzo's hair. "Still can't believe you cut your hair." He chuckled lightly, pressing more into the kiss this time. A little boldened by it all to take control. No concern at all for the events that followed.

[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

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At the question, Enzo made an I dunno sort of sound. “Just not the puppy. You’re too good at it.” A snicker chased his words though it was a good natured sound. “Didn’t say you were trying to trick me in anything. Just that you were faking.” He let his own eyes fall shut comfortably for a moment. “Does that mean you were trying?” He was pretty sure he could parse out the logic behind it.[break][break]

“Mm.” It was the only confirmation provided before his lips found Kosei’s. The smile threatening to break loose across his face made Enzo feel stupid levels of weak. All gooey soft in the chest, and he was sure that there was no way it didn’t reflect in his gaze as he watched him from under the heavy hang of his eyelids. The fact that Kosei didn’t withdraw or attempt to question him felt like an amendment to his prior wrongs—even if in small measure.[break][break]

His fingers dragged down, cutting a path from his chin to his neck, an a quiet sigh slipped free as a hand tangled in his own hair—ruffled and floppy, and a far cry from its typically neat styling. “Hm?” A huff of laughter pressed against the other’s mouth, “that so? Always knew you liked it, even never agreed.” He’d cut it to make a statement about himself, in order to be taken much more seriously than the feral creature he once had been. But in all truth, he often missed it.[break][break]

“‘Sides, you’ve got the long hair now.” It worked for Kosei, too. A pleased noise hummed in the back of his throat, and he was content to just lay there tangled together. Swapped spit like a couple of dumb twenty-something’s until the mood settled and he felt functional enough to rise from the mattress again to go about the rest of his day. Eyes closed to everything and sinking heavy in the sensation of touch and sound and feel. Nipping teeth and rascally tongue.[break][break]

But they were due for an interruption, of course. He wasn’t sure how long they laid there like that, but it had been enough to make him feel disoriented and frazzled as the rattling of his doorknob cut through the soft sounds and haze. The jolt of it jostled his nerves as much as it might anyone’s. Then he remembered that Kosei had locked it the night prior, and that it could only be one person on the other side. His eyes cut to Kosei’s moments before the wail sounded.

[break][break]
Kosei Kiryu | xoxo

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