[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]chance. luck. fate. perhaps they're all the same in the end.

"how is it flawed?"

his shadow stretches and for a moment, she's flung back in time to a meeting room. he had been more daunting then, as if he was larger than life and she was a small ant for him to crush with his shoe.

and now? somehow, the playing field seems more level than back then... she likes to believe it's every action she's taken since that day. aligning with him, placing herself into his pocket, and then ruining it all for the thrill of it.

there's always a mastermind in this situation. some days, she hopes its her.

"why can't you take that chance?"

she heaves out an annoyed sigh, as if giving into turbulent emotions is second nature now.

"i find it hard to believe you wouldn't let it happen because of a possibility."

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she stares at him, eyes narrowed in analysis. even scarecrows fall when the wind proves too strong, right?

all she would need is a gust.

and it never quite comes.

"everything is unreliable, fernando. you can't control everything. it's impossible to expect that."

humans, nature, fate... nothing operates on absolution. things change in the blink of an eye.

"why not leave me alone to face them?"

she's unreliable, isn't that the point? why would he place himself on the side of unpredictability?

her voice drops into a low mumble, half to herself.

"you sure didn't find an issue with my hands before."

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]”reliability only goes so far.”

it does little in the face of the apocalypse, of four horses and their bringing of the end.

and in a way, she doesn’t consider him reliable anymore. she considers him a cage, dressed up in pleated suits and fancy ties but a cage is still a cage no matter how good it looks. she’s rattled the bars since she returned but freedom always seemed so far out of reach.

it feels farther, now, as he solidifies a simple concept with a plethora of words: you need me to succeed.

and she hates that somehow, some way… he’s correct.

”i’d rather take the chance on my own.”

her arms cross over her chest in open defiance, as if she can face her sea counterpart and win without any help. it’s a nice thought but he knows as well as she does that she’s not made for this.

”there’s no need for you to join. unless, of course, there’s some other reason you’re so insistent on making sure you’re part of this fight?”

there isn’t. there couldn’t be. it’s a stupid question asked like an off kilter shot in the dark, way off target and sinking into the bark of some unsuspecting tree.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]a scowl twists prettiness into something revolting.

”it’s not a needless risk.”

it’s different than her reckless behavior with the primal points. it’s… fated.

”how could i possibly measure myself as something useful if i can’t even defeat myself?”

and that’s the bottom line, isn’t it?

the need to be useful, desired, wanted. she measures it not with people or titles or infamy but with her own paranoid scale of how well she can kill her doppelganger.

”i can’t be strong or better if you’re always swooping in to save me.”

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she doesn’t want to allow him to be correct. not now, not when she’s burned so much down to rebuild by scratch.

”no.”

it’s not about fighting. she relates it to survival, to being able to get her job done in the field when the entire universe is promptly going to shit.

”the league needs a scientist who is not a hindrance on her allies by expecting them to protect her while there are other important matters at hand.”

she heaves out an exhausted sigh.

”i want to be able to protect myself well enough to keep doing my job. is that such a bad thing, fernando?”

is it a lofty dream?

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she can’t say revenge without further proving his point… and so, she says nothing.

a stare is all he gets for a moment.

”all i ever do is accept or ask for your help.”

she’s tired of it. and by the look of dark circles beneath the eyes, she’s tired of a lot these days. sleep is a priviledge she no longer gets. not since the aqua trip, anyway.

the frown he wears is, nevertheless, more telling than anything.

”i do know that.”

for the most part…

”how can i be proud of my accomplishments if i never do anything on my own, though? you cannot hold me up forever.”

eventually she must learn the lessons without him.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]a snarl twists through the lips.

"spare me the mockery."

entitlement is not something she'd relate to herself. on the contrary, the man in front of her is a walking definition of it all. playing chess with people, knocking them over when they're of no further use to him. taking their best attributes and squashing them for what reason? because he's fernando fucking silph? bite me.

"not all of us can be you! some of us have to work for a feeble scrap of security."

it's a repeat of a hospital room, of a show of teeth and hollow angry words.

she's exhausted of it.

and maybe she's mostly just tired of feeling jealousy for what she lacks, what she's been denied.

"why not be done with it?"

she doesn't quite know what she means, then. if she had to guess... it would be her, him, this whole horrible thing.

FERNANDO SILPH