beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

lou

blue, murk

she/her

twenty-seven

october 29

goldenrod city, johto

grey-ace

lost dog (defector?)

executive

my thread

my way out, my only hope and all my doubt

5'7 height

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit.

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blue murtagh

beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

POSTED ON Feb 20, 2023 22:32:27 GMT

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Why? All she had for him were whys. Why was she so incapable of knowing or understanding him? Of course she wasn’t as smart or intellectual as he was. Of course she wasn’t quick at studying and reading others for what they were. Of course she wasn’t good enough.[break][break]

Intuition was hard to fake, though. And Blue at least had a bit of that. And it told her that something familiar existed under his skin, behind the cool removal of his expression and in his eyes. Was that really so bad?[break][break]

The last thing she expected was for him to reach out and touch. A simple thing, just the soft brush of hair behind her ear. Her skin tingled as his fingertips very briefly glided over her earlobe in the process. “What're you-“ Involuntarily, Blue winced. Just slightly. Barely noticeable. No one ever touched her, not so casually, and not without intent behind it. In the past, anything kind held truer, darker motives. All of it culminated in the need to shy from it, flinching under any hand that came near if it wasn’t in some vicious, violent act.[break][break]

But how strange it was to feel immediate guilt for that flicker of fear, for being wary of Shinra. She inhaled, soft but sharp, as color darkened her face again. All she managed to do was stare at him as he withdrew, once again, to the safer distance that they were both familiar with and accustomed to. “Why not?”[break][break]

Blue detested how pitifully feeble her voice sounded then, eyes locked on his. She must’ve been drunk by now too, and that would explain away how pathetic she sounded. Even more so for regretting how that touch had abruptly ended. For sensing the okayness of it despite her skittish response.[break][break]

What was wrong with her?[break][break]

She snorted, the sound derisive. But it was aimed more at herself than at him. She twisted her glass between her palms. “Because obviously I’m not kind or compassionate, am I?” Rhetorical question. Blue wasn’t any more than a dog raised mean. Bitey.

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Shinra Moro

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played by

roux

moro / shin

he/him

thirty-six

february 1

fuchsia city, kanto

gray-ace

interpol investigator

officer

I could make

you feel so damn alone

31 height

Maybe this is what I get for leaving you out in the cold. Drag my body to the woods and let me go.

awards

97 posts

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TAG WITH @shinra

Shinra Moro

beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

POSTED ON Mar 10, 2023 16:56:38 GMT

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Blue shied away from him as his hand wandered, just a simple act that even he barely processed. It brought him back to himself, just enough sobriety to feel guilty for such boldness. It didn't seem right. No one as strong as Blue should ever wince like that. It made him want to destroy the people that made her that way, but there was a miserable hope that made she was like him and no one did. Maybe she just couldn't handle the contact because of the things she did not feel, but he doubted it.
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They were not alike in that, but there was just enough similarity to make a hollow, raw ache form in his chest at that flinch. This kind of feeling was what he craved though, wasn't it? He wondered if maybe this is the closest he'd ever gotten, but why? What made her any different?
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"I'm sorry," He shook his head, retracting back to himself until no fear of that could happen again. Just because he'd had a few drinks didn't mean he could just do that.
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"Because you're still capable of so much and I'm not." He shrugged, it really felt that simple to him. "But you're so angry that you can't let go." She hated herself too much to change. Anger was a powerful emotion though.
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"Who said you have to be?"

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blue murtagh

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close tab

played by

lou

blue, murk

she/her

twenty-seven

october 29

goldenrod city, johto

grey-ace

lost dog (defector?)

executive

my thread

my way out, my only hope and all my doubt

5'7 height

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit.

awards

323 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @blue

blue murtagh

beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

POSTED ON Mar 14, 2023 1:46:13 GMT

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“No, I-“ she shook her head, more hair tumbling loose from where it had been pinned. She swallowed down the heavy feeling in her throat. “I’ve never been good at..” Even before little and big traumas had been imprinted under her skin, down to her bones. She’d never been a cuddly, clingy child. She figured that had always been a part of why no one had come back to claim her, or why no one had wanted her afterward.[break][break]

Always her, alone with that big, yawning dark emptiness her differences left behind. She chewed on her lip, steeling against the flutters of resistance that came with the forward inch of her fingers. Crawling against the sticky tackiness of the bar top until they nudged against a gloved hand. Still curled around a glass, she did little more than curl their pinkies together briefly.[break][break]

Heart in her throat, her eyes fixated on the contact. “Don’t apologize. It’s not…you.” It was her. It was always her. Different, solitary. Lonesome. Was that why she’d do frantically stuffed down her internal anxieties just then? Because she was lonely and he was there? No, it felt like more than just the fact that he was a present body. She just didn’t know how to admit that to herself.[break][break]

“What’s that mean?” she looked up at him, frowning as he pulled her from the tangled knots of her mind. Her free hand curled around her glass. Lifted it, knocked it back. Maybe she just needed to numb that much more.

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Shinra Moro

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close tab

played by

roux

moro / shin

he/him

thirty-six

february 1

fuchsia city, kanto

gray-ace

interpol investigator

officer

I could make

you feel so damn alone

31 height

Maybe this is what I get for leaving you out in the cold. Drag my body to the woods and let me go.

awards

97 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @shinra

Shinra Moro

beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

POSTED ON Apr 27, 2023 15:30:55 GMT

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His eyes slip away from hers at that moment, a slight huff of amusement. "Trust me, you'd in good company." Perhaps they were both miserably bad at this. Whatever this was supposed to be. He was too afraid to even admit the possibility of what it was. That was okay though, there was no likelihood of it leading to anything.
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He smiled, despite himself, even if it was crooked and uncertain. It wasn't the leering tease of his usual smile. It felt small and derisive but only for himself. He'd never heard that before. It was always him. He was the problem. "No, believe me, it's not you." He sighed.
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"I don't know just that... I like all your bristles and bad manners... don't ask me why, but I figure sometimes it's nice not to change, so maybe you should quit trying. Or whatever. I'm feeling incoherent." He shrugged, frowning a little. As if he knew the meaning of self-love. They both obviously needed to figure themselves out first, that never made a good combination. Reluctantly, he stood up. "Anyways, I should go. Try not to get yourself killed while I'm gone." That time the smile he flashed as he turned away was his usual, teasing and vulpine.
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blue murtagh

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close tab

played by

lou

blue, murk

she/her

twenty-seven

october 29

goldenrod city, johto

grey-ace

lost dog (defector?)

executive

my thread

my way out, my only hope and all my doubt

5'7 height

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit.

awards

323 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @blue

blue murtagh

beautiful delusions [bar crawl]

POSTED ON May 2, 2023 20:17:49 GMT

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Blue’s head tilted, curious about the response he offered. Only to frown again at the following insistence. “I don’t think it is…” She only ever shied away from others. From anything that would be weaponized against her. That skittishness seemed to ebb away, though, around him. Again, there was something about all of this that made her feel understood in a way she was unfamiliar with.[break][break]

“You…like that?” Warmth flared under her skin again in spite of herself. Blue forced a scoff of laughter and looked away even as he babbled on about not knowing what he was thinking or saying. Figures. “You must be crazy to like all that.” Quit trying? As if she tried much to begin with. But still—who would willingly choose to enjoy someone’s barbed edges? Weirdly, bizarrely, it made her heart stutter. Maybe she should lay off the energy drinks.[break][break]

She watched him stand, and something close to disappointment ghosted across her expression before it was hidden away again. A fresh drink was passed across the bar top to her. She wasn’t going anywhere fast, it seemed. “Okay.” She eyed his clever smile, and tried to meet it with something sour and withering. “Like hell I’d do that.”[break][break]

What had happened in the small window of time that made her upset to see him go? No more than a month ago, she would’ve welcomed his departure. She would’ve sent him off with a middle-fingered salute, even. Now, she sat here watching his retreating back, unaware of the forlorn expression and burning cheeks that refused to dissipate from her face now that he was no longer looking her way.

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Shinra Moro

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