MS. DU'MOT
SHE/HER
32
FEBRUARY 14TH
LAVENDER TOWN
HETEROSEXUAL
DEBT COLLECTOR, TORTURER
CO-FOUNDER OF VELVET ROOM
I LIKE MEN ON THEIR KNEES PRAYING UP TO THEIR GOD, SEEING VISIONS OF ME
TAG WITH @msdumot
LORELEI DU'MOT
‹ dreadfully › [m]
POSTED ON Jan 23, 2023 0:12:28 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","lorelhold"] [attr="class","loreholdsalltop"] [attr="class","loretoplyr"]i like men on their knees [attr="class","loretophold"]i don't need your roses [attr="class","loreleibanner"] [attr="class","loreleibannercolor"] [attr="class","lorelicon"] [attr="class","loreleisym"][attr="class","cp cp-rose"] [attr="class","lorelyrknee"]praying up to their god seeing visions of me i'm a cult leader mind reader heart eater Fear feeder, say I'm your favorite preacher [attr="class","lorespeaks"] god, she wasn't good at this.[break][break] emotionality was something she was never really given the pleasure of exploring in any sense, so it was hard for lorelei to sympathize and emphatize. this was what made her actions and words all the more meaningful, but all the more frightening to herself since she felt like she was treading on thin ice and walking on eggshells all at the same time. roman was so small and frightened at that moment, curled up into her frame as he looked at her longingly for answers. it was like he was using his search into her background as a distraction. this both irritated and shocked her, but she knew she couldn't express either. neutrality was something that was easy for her to show and focus on so she did so, her eyes steady but faintly slanted in an understanding gesture. she had her own restrictions and chains holding her down in her life ...[break][break] but she never had anyone to break her from it, by force or otherwise.[break][break] "oh hah ... where do i even start?"[break][break] lorelei's fingers were gentle, stroking roman's cheek with one palm while her other hand combed through small knots in his hair. she looked deep into his puffy eye, plucking out the other gently with the hand that had been caressing his cheek as to show him he could relax fully - even to the point of removing himself of this trinket. "my father loved flowers," she started, her words sure and firm but her tone wavering as she struggled to find it in herself to recount anything about her own life. much of it was in the past and she liked to keep it that way, given how 'what made her how she was' was perhaps as putrid as how many would view her. "so he deflowered my mother." this sharp contrast in thoughts was to accentuate the rough nature of her parents' joining, both hands now resting gently on him as she idly went about massaging his body. her eyes avoided roman's own, her chin resting on his shoulder as to be able to speak more freely without the pressure of being watched. if he had looked at her then, she wondered how much respect he would lose for her as her eyes trembled where her body could not.[break][break] "i was the product of careful planning. my father was intelligent and calculating - my mother was beautiful and strong. just like in a pauper and prince story, they had come together ... but it was not out of love. my father had plans for my mother -- big and gruesome plans. he used her sister as means of forcing her into marriage, forcing himself on her to produce a child: me." a pause as she recalled her mother telling her these things bitterly, as if she were the cause of the ruination of her life. it was one of the few things her mother ever did say to her, so how could it not stick? "lily was her name. just like the flower, she saw many gravestones in her life. my father had promised her to take care of her family financially, so long as she stayed at home and was the perfect wife to him. she was hardly let outside, fearing she might wrinkle or deprecate in value if she tanned or had too much filthy outside air. she was perfectly preserved, but her mind was not. quickly, she forgot she had a child. all her time was spent serving my father like a servant and the loss of her last family member meant she had nothing more to rely on but him. there was no daughter, no little lorelei to find joy in no matter if i asked for an audience with her or not. she would keep herself in this small slice of the earth with my father and he would reciprocate and feed into it, calling it 'love.' there was none of said 'love' left for me, but i don't quite care now. i grew up in the hands of nannies and tutors. many of them abused their title as my caretakers to punish me in stead of my parents. they wouldn't come visit me, so they didn't know of the things they would do. even at a young age i was taken advantage of financially - my pocket money would be given as 'lesson payments' or as guilt-ridden presents for having broken something i hadn't and being blamed for it by maids and other staff. like my mother, i didn't get to go outside. i was to make a proper entrance into society as if i were a debutante back in the day, but that day never came." fire churned in her red eyes, signaling the sharp turn of the story. "a fire engulfed the manor one day. it wasn't enough to kill my parents, but many of the lecherous men and greedy women in the staff were compromised. to hide my part in the event, my parents ignored me more than they ever had." a bitter laugh. "i didn't even know that was possible, but i was shipped away out of kanto. this led me to explore studies outside of analytics, math, and science. i explored the musical arts and was proficient in singing. i met a man who shared my interests and made me feel valued at the time since i wasn't quite popular due to my near-feral child levels of socialization. he and i laughed and cried together. i think he's the only one i ever told this story to, aside from now you." she recollected the individual fondly for a moment - his dark hair and equally dark eyes that held so much compassion and understanding --[break][break] and the obsession with her that was the one moment that made her feel truly seen where she should have been frightened.[break] "i almost lost my life to his hands. we had been romantically involved, i think, but it was never certain. to him, it was. he grew belligerently angry and tried to do me in by choking me to death. i clung to life, disappointingly enough for you, and awoke sweating and confused." sometimes even now, she wondered what would have happened if she had just let go. perhaps roman would be living a normal, happy life. perhaps she should have bowed her head and followed in her mother's footsteps. "my mother killed herself on my eighteenth birthday. it was the best present i'd ever gotten." a sick smile crept onto her lips at the sweet taste of being able to confirm this verbally. "she had found out that my father had found a rose and grew sick of lilies. once one flower grew too ugly, he replaced her with another. and another. and yet another one. i couldn't keep up with all the names or figures, but i had many mothers. i may still have one now." this was the chilling realization that her father was still alive, though she had oftentimes forgotten such due to having gotten rid of her old name and alliances to distance herself from that life. "the things that make me, 'me', i'm not quite sure. i think it's best to look at others regarding what 'i' am, since 'my' opinion does not matter towards the image of 'me'." this was to say that she believed people should not form their own images, also insinuating she had little to nothing to go off of since she valued others' opinions so little and existed without a sense of self. this left her omnipotent and working without ceasing or tiring, just a perfect chess piece consuming the board whole in her constant push forward in life. "roman."[break][break] pushing herself away from him just enough to hold him at the full length of her arms, she looked upon him seriously - brows knit and a small scowl on her face as if angry. she was simply being serious and meant to show it.[break][break] "i hope you realize that you are the one thing that i've come to actively want and seek for myself. you are the one thing, concept, person, and more that i enjoy the most - perhaps the only thing i truly can say i 'enjoy.' i don't say this to make you feel better, but as a fact. this is why i trust you with all this information and ..." on the verge of hyperventilating from how fast her heart was beating at recalling her dead name, she didn't want to say it but it was squeaked out along with the finishing thought: "if i had known you sooner, perhaps i'd know who tora really was." but they were too late. they were here now and lorelei was no longer the 'tor' of before. she was roman's owner, assaulter, and personal demon who would not detach from him no matter what.[break][break] in an attempt to save her image out of reflex - or perhaps just to turn the table around - she reflected his question back at him. "i know plenty about you, but i've never heard your story from your own mouth. i feel like it would be appropriate for us both to be transparent, given the circumstance and to see if there's something i may have missed that you need to get off your chest." 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