Every relationship faces its fair share of highs and lows. Penelope's felt no different in that regard. But cracks riddled hers, deep-rooted and frantic, sprouting out from one wholehearted realization that struck down to her core.
[break][break]

With a bated breath, she knocked on the door with hard, solid raps.
[break][break]

"It's good to see you too."
[break][break]

Cian wasted no time tugging at her heart. Tight arms coiled around his torso, returning his hug gratefully. It felt dirty accepting such love after the things she'd done behind closed doors. But this was it. One of their lasts.
[break][break]

"What's that smell?"

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER [break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

cian's not nearly insightful enough to know that something is off. her hug feels the same as it always has to him. he never has his defenses up around her anyways. she's who he feels most safe with.[break][break]

"lasagna! or at least it's supposed to be. it's my first time making it so not sure how it'll turn out."[break][break]

he chuckles as he pulls away but not before giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.[break][break]

"it's in the oven now but it should be ready soon. do you want anything to drink?"

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

A kiss on her cheek. Another one of their many fleeting lasts.
[break][break]

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."
[break][break]

It's with a heavy heart she steps into the same apartment that would soon become a hazy memory, tucked in the back of her mind. She looked around, committing each piece to memory - those bookshelves were the same ones they built together. From the picture frames to the set-up game consoles, Penelope's fingers had traced every bit of this apartment in some way or another.
[break][break]


She helped him move in, and now, she'll never be the one to help him move out.
[break][break]

"So what's the special occasion?"
[break][break]

Penelope gestured to the cooking lasagna with a forced lighthearted chuckle.

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

"oh! that."[break][break]

he mirrors her chuckle though his never has to be forced.[break][break]

"it's my way of saying sorry for kinda ghosting you this past week, and also for being so pushy with the expedition stuff."[break][break]

there's a softness in his voice he reserves only for her.[break][break]

"it wasn't your fault. none of it was."

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

Oh.
[break][break]
Guilt gripped at her heart with force. Nails piercing the flesh of her palms, all the good circulating around the apartment had been turned against her, each piece its own mini arsenal of harsh memories. All Penelope stifled the shudder threatened to emerge from his words.
[break]
[break]

She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this.
[break]
[break]

"You weren't too pushy, Cian," she frowned, shaking her head. "I was the one in the wrong. Not you."
[break]
[break]

A heavy pause spaced her words. There was no point holding it in. The longer she waited, the worse it got.
[break]
[break]
"But, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something, if that's okay."

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

the heavy pause she takes allows him to slip in with more words that look to reassure her but are likely doing the opposite. but it's not like he could tell.[break][break]

"it's whatever. it's in the past now so let's just move past it, alright? i love you too much to continue to fight over it."[break][break]

i wanted to talk to you about something. dreaded words for most couples, he imagines.[break][break]

"oh shit, that's never good."[break][break]

he laughs, nodding.[break][break]

"of course."

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

For the last time, her hand found his, fingers curling into one another. The warmth Cian radiated is enough to dizzy her, forcing her unsteady.
[break][break]


For so long, she'd been the one vowing to scorch the earth for his protection, and yet, here she stood, a gun pinned to his temple. To think she'd be the one to pull its trigger.
[break][break]


Still, Penelope steeled the churning of her stomach long enough to make the journey to his couch. Not theirs. Forever just his.
[break][break]


"Here."
[break][break]


A soft sigh trickled out.
[break][break]


Leaning into the cushions, fingers furling and releasing in a constant state of motion, Penelope breathed life into the dreadful words she'd been carrying.
[break][break]


"Cian, you know I love you, right? Really, I-"
[break][break]


She forced herself to swallow. These conversations were never easy, especially for her.
[break][break]


"You're just so amazing. More than I deserve."

[break][break]


Say it, the words bore into her mind, impatient.
[break][break]


"But I think we should break up."

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

oh.[break][break]

that's worse than anything he was expecting.[break][break]

"we should...what?"[break][break]

his ears go numb as his brain falls behind, unable to process her words as though doing so would help prolong the inevitable.[break][break]

"so...you love me, you think i'm amazing, but you want to break up with me?"[break][break]

he blinks, looking at her with wide, confused eyes.[break][break]

"why?"

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

The trigger had been pulled.
[break][break]

Blood spewed out from the hole it carved, but it wasn't enough. Shakily, she held onto its handle, heart pulsing against her chest. Every second became an hour, a minute a day.
[break][break]

"I-"
[break][break]

I fucked up.
[break][break]

The words she meant to choke out kept balled up in her throat, too heavy to push out. It made her wonder, at that moment, was it all worth it? Was he worth it?
[break][break]

"I'm sorry, Cian."
[break][break]

No.
[break][break]

"on our mission just now in the border...we kissed."

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

we kissed.[break][break]

those two words are more than enough to rip open past scars. they wound him, she wounds him, and he's left having to scramble to stop the bleeding.[break][break]

his expression falls.[break][break]

no words escape him. just tears that he quickly wipes with the back of his hand.[break][break]

he can't will himself to look at her.[break][break]

"...did anything else happen?"

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

It hurt.
[break][break]

So much of this hurt.
[break][break]

And it was all her fault.
[break][break]

"No, nothing else."
[break][break]

There was no telling how far her assurance would go. If his love was a currency, she expected it spent, gone the moment her admission left her cracked lips.
[break][break]

Fingers curled into fists, her nails dug deep into her palms, letting the physical pain subside the storm that roared inside. It took every fiber of herself not to throw her arms around him. To wipe away his tears and make promises of a better tomorrow.


[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

[attr="class","icon"]

she's the one, he remembers saying to willow atkins once upon a time.[break][break]

he had gushed to everyone about how lucky he was to finally have met the love of his life. the person he would spend every waking minute with. the person he would have given everything up for.[break][break]

tears continue to leak out.[break][break]

"penny..."[break][break]

not babe or love or anything of the sort.[break][break]

"...how could you do this to me?"[break][break]

it had taken everything in him to overcome his fears and trust her.

[attr="class","bottom"]PENELOPE LIVY[break]

"...how could you do this to me?"
[break][break]

The words stung. The emotions burning pieces of melted tar poured onto her, thick and heavy layers, she felt herself melding with the ground, skin peeling down to the bone.
[break][break]

Her throat, brackish and raw, struggled to crock at the bubbles of explanation that begged to pool out. More than anything, she wanted him to understand; it wasn't him, it was her. It was always just her.
[break][break]

"Cian," She rasped, fingers winding into the cloth of the couch. Like when they watched their first movie together, and it got a bit too gruesome, so she turned away, and he pulled her into him, shielding her eyes from the revolting gorefest until it fully passed.
[break][break]

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] CIAN MAHER[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]