"Sorry- I just-..." He trailed off after flinching just as Onyx did. But he doesn't want him to feel like this is his fault. In fact, Andres is pretty sure if he'd been rescued by anyone else he wouldn't have told Onyx. Onyx wouldn't be here. They wouldn't be- [break][break]

Andres swallowed. They'd still be radio silent. They'd still be separated, refusing to talk to one another, hurting each other from afar. But Andres had been incensed that day, and Onyx- he'd been angry, dejected. At the end, Onyx had just deflated. All that righteous anger fading into somethign sadder, number. And Andres had come to grips with the fact that he'd been the cause. Now he's back, and he just wants Onyx to stop hurting in his fucking apartment. He'd kill to hear him laugh again. Even if it was at his expense. [break][break]

'You're such a piece of shit, Andres.' someone's voice echoes in his head.

[break][break]

Honestly, yeah. Yeah he was. It was rare that Andres often confronted the people he hurt, even unintentionally. Every bad breakup, he simply walked away from. It's over? Ok goodbye. He'd never wanted to be with someone anyway. He's got issues? Ok, let's break up. [break][break]

He couldn't do that to Onyx. Andres didn't want to destroy him. He'd stopped wanting that over a decade ago. His throat grows tight as Onyx struggled to speak and he just nodded, fingers curling into the shirt on his back. [break][break]

"Yeah." his voice is tight, a moment just before shakey. [break][break]

"I'm sorry."

+ onyx straub | he named it rocoto. because its got red. hehehe [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

"Onyx-!" his hand moves before he can finish saying his name, grabbing softly at the idiot and helping steady him as he moved into his lap. His arm immediately snakes around his waist, pulling him close as he looked down at the seared bullet wound before back at Onyx. He puts his other hand on top of Onyx's not expecting the softness of it all, only nodding along. "O-Ok, ok." he agreed, trying to soothe the man on top of him before he tried anything else that may hurt him. [break][break]

"No, Onyx-" he began as they apologized only the freeze. Was he hallucinating? Was Onyx...hallucinating? He stared at him, dumbfounded at what he'd just heard. For a long moment nothing goes through his head. He just stared. [break][break]

His eyes fall on the sweat curled locks, pulled into the usual loose ponytail. The eye patch and the accident that had led to it. Onyx's expression brimming with anything and everything hat culminated into what he was saying now. After everything that had transpired? "You do?" he whispered. It slipped out unintentionally while trying to process, [break][break]

He careful, raising a hand slowly to push some hair out of Onyx's face and tuck it behind his ear. He felt his eyes prick and itch, watering at the sight. "I- I do too." Gods above please, give him strength for this. His throat aches, and he almost can't speak, disbelief fading into something else entirely. [break][break]

"I love you too. I-" A sob breaks his confession, the second time he's professed himself to this man, on this same stupid couch. [break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

Maybe its the euphoria of surviving- surviving together that brings this out of him. Andres sniffs in hard, because he doesn't know how long he's been waiting for tis- thinking about it. How long had he been imagining and reimagining this moment and just convinced himself it'd never be. Because Onyx isn't like that. He doesn't talk like that. And Andres would never have asked him to. [break][break]

But gods if this wasn't a sign, he didn't know what it. There's no room for error or misinterpretation. Even as something like panic seems to flows through Onyx's frame, Andres can only feel the growing, soothing warm of relief in his chest. It doesn't stop the waterworks. Hell no, it doesn't keep him from crying. But it's not bad. Not like before. He's not scared of what Onyx might say. He doesn't even have the processing power to think Onyx may pull the rug out form underneath him then and there. "Onyx," he began, voice shaking as he spoke. "You- you say but you keep finding your way b-back." [break][break]

He'd thought he'd seen him for the last time months ago. He'd grieved that. He'd stayed home, broken his routine. All at the thought of never seeing Onyx again and knowing he was partly ( mostly ) to blame for it all. "You rescued me...e-even unintentionally." But it had to count for something. [break][break]

"I-...You know, I never regretted te-telling you?" he lets go of Onyx hands on his face as he tries to wipe the tears away and gasp enough air into him that he stopped sobbing lie ka fucking baby. "I think- I- I can live with the bad, just-" Another sob wracked his system as he felt part of himself breaking off. He should be overjoyed, happy. Not worrying if this is a burden they have to carry.


[break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

He wondered if this was inevitable. All the flashes of Onyx coming in and out of existence throughout his life after leaving Galar. Memories of Onyx had haunted him for years before being carefully suppressed by many, many nights of debauchery and drinks. He'd forgotten him, briefly. Until he saw him again and that old desire reignited within him. Andres had only been able to suppress all his complicated feelings about Onyx. He thought he wouldn't see him ever again, but he did. And desire morphed into something even stranger. As did their relationship. [break][break]

And now, they found themselves finally putting a name to that mutated thing that pulsed between them, glowing and growing each and every time they came together again. And Andres still couldn't believe it. He had known Onyx, or thought he'd known him, for so long. He had convinced himself this would end in only one possible way: heartbreak. [break][break]

And here Onyx was, pulled to him again by fate or want or desire or love and all Andres could feel was relief. Relief he hadn't imagined this. Relief that he had the chance to see Onyx again. Relief that he hadn't fucked up and ruined this so badly, Onyx never saw him again. He tried to steady hiss voice, to keep pathetic jobs from breaking his words into pieces. "I've hurt you too, haven't I?" he said, pacified by Onyx's touch. "I made you leave...it's not all your fault."[break][break]

He doesn't know how to comfort Onyx, because in truth, Andres is soft and selfish. He wants what he can't have. He wants what Onyx can't give. "I just...want you to stay..e-even when I know you can't sometimes." That's not specific at all. Gods, he's stupid. He's crying in relief because the man he loved said it back. "Onyx I-...I hurt more without you." Half of his stress was self inflicted. He didn't see Onyx to blame. He never would.

[break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

His touch is rhythmic, and Andres leans into it shamelessly. He inhales, soft and sharp as Onyx touches scars and fuzz, feeling a tingle run down his spine. His darting, wet eyes are then drawn to Onyx's lone one as he leans in. It's warm, and he wants to drown in this. It's this that makes all the hurt worth it. This moment he wanted to expand and sit in forever. [break][break]

Andres can't argue with what Onyx had done. He can't make it all go away. He can't turn back time. He can't help himself. And why should he when the person he wanted the most was so, so close. Logically, he should hate Onyx. Logically, he should've killed any positive feelings he had for the man the day he'd been hospitalized. Logically, he knew Onyx was a bad man. He'd seen the bodies strung up. He'd heard him utter Rocket as well. Logically, Onyx had the potential to hurt- even kill him. Now he was saying he loved him. Andres was done for. [break][break]

"If I'm so good, Onyx" he began, one of his palms tracing a path up his lover's neck. His fingers brush over his jaw and up his cheek. "When...will I be good enough for you?" Andres didn't have the strength left to walk away from this. From him. Selfish words from a selfish man. "I'm not...perfect. I don't expect you to be either..." he added quickly. [break][break]

"I-...I don't need to know what you do, I just want to keep seeing you. I want you to keep coming back i-if you keep leaving me." He said. His hand rested on his cheek and he pressed his thumb against the man’s eyepatch. "Even if you're like this." he said, accepting the weight of that night once more. The panic, the fear. The dread that they wouldn't be able to save Onyx, that he'd been too late. The threat of Rocket getting Onyx killed only further solidified his convictions to see him no matter what.


[break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

To think at one point, being this close to Onyx would've put him into a panic attack. He would've been desperate for space, for invisibility. Now he found the most comfort in his presence, skin to skin. There's an old instinct, but it's not just for Onyx. Anybody that touched too close to the scar on his skull would be rebuffed. Yet, he holds back for Onyx. But then again why should they rebuff the man that made them? He doesn't say this out loud. [break][break]

Onyx says he's never been the problem but Andres knew better. He knew him so well at times. Or at least, he knew well the type of feeling Onyx had harbored for him, as much as Andres had argued and rationalized it all away, desperate for connection. He watches Onyx sad and quiet, still gentle with the love of his life. He'd never heard him so quiet. [break][break]

And when Onyx is quiet, when he remembers he's not good with words, Andres waits. He welcomes Onyx like he always does: eager and needy. Desperate for touch, for his taste. Always indulgent because he never knew when the next fix would be or if it'd be his last. He runs his hand back through blue, sweat soaked locks, panting when Onyx pulls away. Hazel eyes dip to his lips, wanting more. Because at least to kiss him would be sweet relief from their argument. If being with him was destined to be sweet misery, he'd take it. Better this than nothing at all. [break][break]

"You shouldn't have told me you loved me." Andres said as he caught his breath before feeling his throat tighten as he watched the tears begin to fall. Fuck. Did he do this to him? "You should've lied to me. Broken me one last time." He can't stop his crying so he just wipes it away, kissing his temple, his cheek and then finally pulling Onyx close to his chest to let him cry it out. [break][break]

"I've never been strong Onyx..." Even if Onyx had said he hated him, Andres wouldn't have gotten over it. Maybe he'd move on. But he'd always remember it. Dream of it. "I thought you knew that better than anyone."He'd always seen right through him.



[break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

Onyx hugs him and that's all Andres needs as he easily slides a hand behind Onyx's head and the other around his shoulder. It's crazy how they were just living off each other's energy. If he cried, Onyx cried. If he yelled, Onyx yelled. Being with him was so taxing because it was probably the more emotionally volatile he ever was. [break][break]

He's stubborn, pleading and quietly begging Onyx to ignore reason and better judgment. Like Andres had a long time ago. Back when Onyx had nearly died and the last thing on his delirious mind as he bled out was to see him of all people. Till then, it had been nothing but a drunken, fleeting dream. Something he stumbled into and figured it was better to just keep to himself. Onyx has completely ruined that in the hospital, weak and so close to slipping away from him forever. [break][break]

He leans his head down, kissing the crown of Onyx's head as he smoothes over his hair. What would he do if Onyx left? He felt the stubbornness in him rise once more, trying to figure out some excuse to keep him around. As he mulls this predicament over, Onyx looks up at him and he felt his thoughts slow and his disposition soften. [break][break]

Andres' breathing stopped for a moment as Onyx finally, finally gave in. "I'm ok with you." he said, filling in for him when he stopped short. "I'm ok with us." she assured him. He felt his chest seize, sucking in breath. The nerves in is stomach churn and knot before stopping. It's all sudden, all relief. All warmth as he got what he wanted so badly. [break][break]

His "Yes" is muffled as he peppered kisses down the man's face, not caring what risks he took on next. He brushed his lips over his forehead, his eyepatch and then at his lips again, greedy, loving, desperate. "I don't know what I'd do if you didn't." he confessed between kisses as he heaped on silent praise. [break][break]

He'd stay. "I love you." [break][break]

He said he'd stay. "Always have." [break][break]

It's not one sided. "Always." [break][break]

His affection turns desperate, like a dam breaking open as he pants out smaller and smaller confessions, just barely holding himself together from crying again. This is real. This is his. The case is over and he indulges in this honey-sweet love and drowns in one beautiful blue eye.




[break][break]

+ onyx straub | he woudlve reacted better to getting headbutt [break][break]

[attr="class","pokeclass"]