Shred Zeppelin

Rocket | Beast | Bastard

Shred Zeppelin. The man, the myth, the legend. And, a Rocket Beast.

You’re arguably the biggest success story to come out of the organisation in years. Conquering Kanto? Nah. Taking over Sootopolis? Nope. The crowning achievement of Team Rocket is that you, a deeply unremarkable middle-aged man with few appreciable skills, did this. You, of all people, overcame the odds, defied expectations, and managed to make it to the top.

…At least, that’s the version you’re going with, anyway. The truth is probably less flattering and more sinister, but hey, what you don’t know can’t hurt you, can it? And you’ve got far too much going on to be worrying about what can’t hurt you.

For starters, this Beast stuff? It’s actually pretty tricky. You’re basically responsible for hundreds and thousands of grunts, and its your job to make sure they don’t fuck anything up, which is proving… difficult, to say the least. Plus, you’ve got this alien parasite hunting thing on the side, and that’s no walk in the park, either. That’s to say nothing of the dozens of other little projects and hustles and favours and distractions that constantly interrupt your day-to-day business. It’s busy work.

But hey, the pay’s good, so you can’t complain.

MARK OF THE BEAST
“Mark of the Beast”. Sounds cool, doesn’t it? It evokes demons and wrestlers and death metal bands and shit. What it doesn’t bring to mind is micromanaging grunts to make the higher-ups outlandish demands actually tenable. You’ve had to do so many training sessions that you might as well have a teacher’s licence at this point. But hey, recruitment and instruction are hardly the worst gigs in the world. When you help the youngblood, it doesn’t just look good on the reports, but it makes you seem like a cool boss, too. And as far as you’re concerned? That means it’s all upside, baby.

VICE CITY
When you’re not being a Rocket Beast, you’re busy enjoying life to its fullest. Sometimes, that means playing a fun little video game with an Admin, or enjoying a spot of friendly Pokemon battling with an Elite Four member. Usually, though, it’s very debaucherous, very illegal, and taking years off of your already meagre lifespan. Still, live fast and die young and all that. Nothing wrong with living your life like a candle in the wind… Huh? What do you mean that wasn’t what the song was about…?

GALAR
Oh, lord.

Look, you’re from that shithole, but it’s not really relevant, is it? Goodbye Galar is over and done with, and even that was a pain in the ass, because you already said goodbye to Galar fifteen years ago. Besides, what’s even left to say? Spikemunth is a shithole. The royalty are cunts. It hasn’t had a good prime minister in years. You’re done. You’re over it. You’re not heading back anytime soon.

TOXIC CHAIN: YOU CAN (NOT) KILL OKIDOGI WITH HAMMERS
The incident that took place under Route 119 was, to put it lightly, incredibly fucked up. It was fucked up beforehand when nobody knew what was going on, it was fucked up during it when you had to fight off those man-eating aliens with a highly infectious parasite, and it’s especially fucked up after it when said aliens disappeared without a trace. They’re still out there, somewhere, and nobody else with the ability to do anything about it is doing anything about it. So, nothing else to do but to do it, right? It’s up to you to find them, kill them, and break that chain before it can cause any more problems, and you’ll call in as many favours as necessary to make it happen.

DINOSAURS
You just think these Paradox Pokemon are pretty neat, innit?

Relationships

League

• Michael Navidson: One of the “good” ones, though that's not a high bar to clear. You get along like a house on fire, especially when it comes to Pokemon battling. The two of you've got a pretty cool rivalry thing going on, but if the League ever figures out you’re actually a Rocket Beast, it’s probably over. Best to hope that doesn’t happen, then.
• Eris Halla: You will do everything in your power to avoid ever having to meet with this cursed child again. If you’re ever burdened with the misfortune of encountering her again, then it can only be interpreted as the illest of omens.
• MATIAS SILPH: Fucking bastard wizard.

Rocket

• howard slayte: Your best friend, which is kind of tragic, if you think about it. Still, you manage to make it work. He brings out the best in you, and you bring out the worst in him. He’s just like every girlfriend you’ve ever had in the past twenty years… What? No, he’s not your boyfriend. You’re not gay, and he’s not, either… Well, you think he’s not gay. He did kiss a man that one time… Look, that’s not important, okay? Stop being weird about it.
• Grigori Sokolov: Even if the word rests on your tongue, you’ll never find the courage to call him “brother”. Oh well. Not like he’d care to hear it, anyway.
• Lulu Flint: Uh oh.
• Xenon Antheil: The only surviving (you think) Shredette. You think she might be some kind of futuristic lunatic nightmare fascist, but she’s also a surprisingly good kisser. Overall? Hard to say how you feel. Really depends on which head you’re thinking with at the time.
• Kouji Matsubara: What the fuck? Why is he so much older now? And how did he get so tan all of a sudden?
• Elisabeth Fiorelli: Pretty hot.
• Zev Harcourt: Hasn’t responded to any of your texts since your first mission together, but you think that might be because you hallucinated his phone number. Still, he seems like a nice lad.