reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Nov 17, 2023 1:15:40 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
Kepler rubbed at the bridge of his nose, fingers rising and falling over the permanent ridge he’d given himself from peering through the binoculars.
[break][break]
“He’s a six-foot-tall macaroni-colored bird,” he muttered under his breath, peering once more through the oculars at the expanse of Hoenn before him. “How fucking hard could he be to find?”
[break][break]
Evidently, real fucking hard. He’d had to jerry-rig some of his weather balloons with crappy trailcams to try and catch sight of the Galarian Zapdos that may-or-may-not-have-been-his-Chocobo and its exploits around the region-- while also trying not to get arrested for generalized perversion. Reports of it scrapping with League operatives always reached him too late (he was a sciency type, not a boots-on-the-ground actiony type) and left him scrambling and pulling his hair out by the fucking root.
[break][break]
“Anything on the video?” he called over his shoulder where his definitely-not-fiance-because-his-fiance-was-a-traitor fiance was supposed to be combing through hours of trailcam footage.
[break][break]
A lump formed in Kepler’s throat. Why did everything have to suck so bad all the time, but also be so good at the same time? was back. He was going to space. But he’d had to publicly rescind his connections to because of the whole being-a-traitor thing.
[break][break]
Kepler didn’t so much care about Rocket as far as he could throw it, but he needed their resources and science team if he was going to help Lulu save the multiverses. And that meant he had to pretend like Ash was as dead to him as he was to the rest of the org.
[break][break]
“Anything at all?”


notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Nov 23, 2023 20:08:00 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Recovery was hell. It always felt like hell.[break][break]

Between the leg wound that he had gotten in interrogation, the chest pain, and all the bandages and lost Pokemon, Ashley wasn't do anything for awhile. In fact, the doctor had even stated how he was going to need time to recover. Three months or so.[break][break]

Where'd they hear that before? The irony of the moment just has him wince. Usually he bounces back, but for awhile, he's using a cane to walk around while his leg actually heals. And as for the chest pain, the bandages keep getting traded out.[break][break]

Still... even in secret, even if everything is so broken and stupid, and terrible, and worse... he still couldn't let go of Kep. Ashley doesn't know why he puts up with it. How hard he broke the promise. How much pain he put Kep through. Ashley really was the worst.[break][break]

Heart attacks regularly.[break][break]

But the idea to find the Galarian Zapdos that Kep had been so intrigued by, Ashley would keep his eyes on the cams. He can't go on the field like he'd want, but he can help his definitely-not-fiancee-fiancee, and look for the bird. He plays it at three-times speed.[break][break]

"Not so far." He turns his head back, seeing a little Skwovet scurry around with a big mouth full of nuts.[break][break]

Ashley isn't amused. Not completely with it. His facial expression darkens at the squirrel. "We'll find him." He reassures, holding a hand out for Kep and smiling softly. Even if he did feel like he didn't deserve to even smile at him with what he put Kep through.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, MISSION[break]
- Recovery period sucks. Hey, three months... where'd they hear that one before? Ashley feels guilty that he keeps putting Kep through the ringer.[break]
- Nothing on trailcams yet, save for one excited little Skwovet... how abundantly aggrivating that little squirrel is.[break]
- Reassurance that they would find him... and trying to smile. Despite everyhing.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 6, 2024 23:20:03 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
Everything was hell. It always felt like hell. It would have been better if Ash could… stop. Stop running into the fire. Stop going where Kepler couldn’t follow. Kepler would feel better if he wasn’t always two steps behind the love of his life, getting the full IMAX 1080p picture of Ash’s pain played out like Kepler’s own version of snuff torture films.
[break][break]
Three months or so was never long enough. Would never be long enough.
[break][break]
He turns to look back at Ash because he’s exhausted from staring out at nothing.
[break][break]
“I. Oh, god. We need to talk.”



notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 5:04:54 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

There it is.[break][break]

The facade he made crumbles. Ashley's eyes, dark and sunken, can only look back. There's no way he can, or would, talk his way out of this. It was a long time coming.[break][break]

"We do."[break][break]

His heart sinks further, and his eyes move away, darting towards. "Go ahead," call me stupid. Call me an idiot. Call me the biggest asshole. All of it was true.[break][break]

Ashley didn't want to be a punching bag. But right now, with everything he'd put Kepler through, he lets himself get at the ready for each one. No running, no putting it off any longer. Nothing could fix this. The only thing they could do was pick up the pieces. Whatever was left.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- That's some kicked puppy energy, but don't let him just guilt Kep. Kep needs to let it out, so let it out babyboy.[break]
- They need to talk about it. They really do. They have to if they want to make it.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 18:44:56 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
“I.”
[break][break]
He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t, honestly, think he can do this. His stomach is beyond tying itself into knots, it is inventing new degrees of dimension and is operating on several different realities right now.
[break][break]
“I can’t.”
[break][break]
His hands are sweaty and his voice is thin and reedy and he feels like he does on the edge of a heart episode but it isn’t cardiac events gathering in his chest but dread, dread, dread.
[break][break]
“I can’t keep doing this, Ash, I can’t.”
[break][break]
He gestures vaguely at all of Ash, but what he really means is the damage. The pain. The suffering.
[break][break]
“You just keep-- ugh.” He digs the pads of his fingers into his eyes to burn away the need to cry. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. But it is-- I know this is farcical given that you keep almost dying but it is literally killing me seeing you like this. Every time. Every time something happens. You keep doing shit. Shit for Isaac. Shit for Jayden. Getting chewed up for these fucking people. But you never do anything for you. To take care of you.”
[break][break]
He can't look at him, right now, so he draws tessellations in the silver lights in his eyes and presses, presses, presses. If he presses hard enough maybe he can shove his fingers right through into his brain and kill himself.
[break][break]
"I love you so much but it is like watching your favorite Meowth walk into traffic a thousand times and not being able to stop it."

notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 19:36:03 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

There's no smug smarmy comment to make there. There's not even the deep-rooted sadness, it's just... expected. That's the worst part. Ash knew this talk was coming. He could see it a mile away.[break][break]

How many times had this been? Some grandstanding act of defiance that left less and less of him. That heroic grindset that continued to widdle him to nothing but the scarlet-soaked dust. Meteno, he nearly dies for the sake of Rocket. The Ultra Sea war, he nearly dies three separate times from a grudge... and now, he literally did die. In Kep's own words, the favorite little Meowth just gets run over.[break][break]

The shard of a crown have him remember that happiness does exist. But it's so muddied up by the war, by the internalized philosophy, that it cannot exist as it is.[break][break]

But right now... Ash can't help but look dead on the outside, and let the words tear into him. He gave his all to try to save . And he fucking died a second there. He followed into hell. And he fucking died a second there. User error can only compensate so much, but it's shittier... knowing he was really just living for other people.[break][break]

Kep's words cut like a scalpel on an artery, and bloodlets it all out. When did he last do something for himself? When did he ever live for himself? Did he ever? The answer sits in front of him, wearing the engagement ring, for all that was worth now. He wanted Kepler. From that first sushi date, to the Valentine's desserts, to that trick or treat night, to the ice skating. He wanted him, he wanted to be that.[break][break]

And now. He fucked that up too.[break][break]

"I-" he stumbles first. He tries to speak. Taking a step reminds him that he has the cane in his hand, and knowing that just makes it worse. Holding his hand shows the scars, a physical showing of the damage he'd done to himself.[break][break]

... when did he ever live for himself?[break][break]

He's never done that. Even now, he was thinking of ways to get revenge, to kill , save Jay from himself, and make things better. But the goliath stands tall, and this David was barely even alive.[break][break]

"..." he's quiet, silver hair so messy, covering his face. He should be smarter than this. He's an idiot. A dumbass. Certified ass. And all he can do is clinch his fists. "I'm-" How well Kepler just dismantles and rips him apart, leaving him breathless and wordless. He's not crying. Worse.[break][break]

His pupils shrink, and he's smiling. His silver eyes prick in tears, and his heart snaps. With it, the realization that every time he had ever been happy and selfish, has been with-[break][break]

"I'm sorry."[break][break]

He can feel the Meowth truly has his tongue now. All he can say is sorry? All he can do is apologize?[break][break]

Relationships can really get messy sometimes. They can twist in a way that makes it hard to comprehend what way is up. It's something Ashley hates. But even hard times make the heart grow fonder. He only hopes that he didn't fuck it up too hard.[break][break]

"I've been pathetic, huh?" self-deprecation exits his lips, as he can feel himself trying to find anything to hold onto, any verbal foothold to get on, but grabbing towards his face... the walls come down.[break][break]

When it came down to it... the one good thing in his life, was the thing he was most selfish about.[break][break]

That's when he breaks fully. "Kep-" his eyes are watering, waterfalls flood his face, as his smile disintegrates.[break][break]

"I don't know how" to live for myself.[break][break]

Fuck, man.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- Holy moly, Kep really did cut to the core, and Ashley is fucked-up. Man is currently going through it. Emotionally breaking slowly.[break]
- Though he apologizes, he has to tell the truth to Kepler; he doesn't know how to live for himself... that dissection opened him up. Fully. And now he's crying, grabbing at his face.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 20:00:10 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
Ash is not-- well, unbothered would be giving him too little credit. But the way he turns his cheek like he expects the hit is just disastrous, like Kepler’s whole world is shaking down to his core. Because it means he knows and it means he knows and it means he KNOWS and he isn’t doing anything about it!
[break][break]
It makes him want to scream and tear his hair out. He manages a warped, hiccupy little half-sob, half-croak, squeezes his forehead, his face, imagines the quadrillion stars out in the expanding universe, imagines he’s out there, somewhere, feeling small, instead of feeling small right here next to the man he loves.
[break][break]
“You fucking died,” he squeaks, and he hates himself for how weak he sounds, but volume and pitch control is beyond his capability right now. “You fucking died, you fucking asshole!”
[break][break]
All at once his hands fall away from his face and he sheds his meek skin. He has surpassed the delimitation of biology. He is not weak, he is not constrained by the lesser science of mortal men. His wrath is great and all-encompassing, cleansing and blue-hot.
[break][break]
“How fucking dare you!” he screams, and he’s shaking so hard he might break through the bounds of matter and into something new, something unholy. “Every time! Every time this happens you sit there and you bow your head and you say I’m sorry, Kepler. I’ll change, Kepler. I’m so sad and pathetic, Kepler. And then Isaac or Jayden or Declan or Zev or whomever the fuck else waltzes in and asks you to sit down on the tracks in front of the fucking train and you do! You fucking do!”
[break][break]
He’s shrieking, at this point. He doesn’t care.
[break][break]
“You fucking died, Ashley Shepard. Oh, cool, you have a friend with fucking life controlly powers. Lucky for fucking you. Do you know how-- the chances-- the microcosmic SPECK of a chance-- you had-- to come back from that? Does anyone? Because no one seems to fucking care. Everyone acts like life-- yours, in particular-- is a fucking afterthought. Oh, we need someone to fucking jump on the grenade? Throw Ashley in there, Isaac can bring him back.”
[break][break]
His rage has transferred to kinetic energy. He paces back and forth.
[break][break]
“But last time I fucking checked, you weren’t married to Isaac, you were going to marry me. Till death do us part. Remember? Remember that?!
[break][break]
And then he does scream. He’s worked himself to a fever pitch and when Ash says I don’t know how Kepler throws his head back and roars, something old and primal and long and loud and so much it makes his vocal chords snap and his voice is raspy afterwards.
[break][break]
His speaking voice is loud in the deafening silence.
[break][break]
“I don’t give a shit, frankly, what you do and don’t know,” he says, tears streaming down his face. “Do like I fucking did, and learn.”
[break][break]
And he jabs Ash once, with one finger, in the center of his forehead, on the word learn, and then grabs his face and kisses him.

notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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close tab

played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 21:38:22 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Kepler is justified. Every wall torn down now, even through tears, Ashley knows. Because Kepler needs to let it out. How many times did he ever ask to throw his life away? To let himself burn out on a hope that tomorrow, maybe Jay can come back to being friends again? Maybe Isaac can not have his own heroic complex? No. He never once asked. In this partnership, Ashley didn't abide to him.[break][break]

In a way, despite how selfless he had been for them, he had been selfish in another way. The nuance isn't lost.[break][break]

So when Kep squeaks out the confirmation, and with a wave of wrath, Ashley's soaked face can only watch, his ears can only listen. The shrieking, it hurts, but Ashley can't help but stand there and take it. He has a backbone, but in that moment, it's almost as if justice is being served. He'd been so shit, he just let it hit him. He lets it stab into him. It's what he deserves.[break][break]

Except no. That thinking is wrong, and it's exactly to the point of the problem Kep pointed out. His life. An afterthought. From the moment he was born, given away to an orphanage from a mother who couldn't and a father who didn't want him. His life was an afterthought to a broken system, a foster care of fathers in league to make him suffer. All his life, he thought of himself as an afterthought, because that's what they thought of him. Expendable...[break][break]

Kep's pacing, his words... has him look at the ring on his finger. He asked him. Months ago, when Rocket was the only thing on his mind, but the trouble and tremble had taken root.[break][break]

What hurts the most... isn't the scream. It's the way Kepler cries. It has Ash buckle inwardly. And the moment that finger jabs his forehead, they... kiss. The words to learn, to live by. Stop saying he doesn't know, and do. Learn by doing, stop acting like everyone else's problems are his, they aren't.[break][break]

Don't follow them into hell, and have a standard.[break][break]

And with that kiss, Ashley's hands tremble, as he pulls Kep closer. Fuck... all that breaking down of the wall protecting himself, and all Ashley can do is crumble and hold Kepler tighter... a guy who can kick his ass, and love him all the same.[break][break]

He brushes the tears out of Kepler's eyes, and breaks the kiss sooner than later, pressing his forehead to his.[break][break]

"I'll never forget that." He makes sure Kep can feel the engagement ring on his finger on his cheek. As he adjusts himself now, seated down on the ground, he tries to smile, pulling Kepler with him.[break][break]

"Nothing you said is wrong." Love is a learning process. Tender, frightening, exciting, debilitating. "I've got a lot of shit I need to really work through," he laments, closing his eyes. He just lets his breathing calm himself down. It's a pathetic, mousy little action, but as he quiets himself down to just to the inhale and exhale, he chimes in finally.[break][break]

"I'm going to be a little selfish... okay?" He grabs Kepler's hands, places them in front of himself. He laces fingers into his. He stays in close.[break][break]

"Stay with me for a bit. Like this." He doesn't need the kisses. He doesn't need a 'I love you'. All he needs, right now, is to let Kepler cry, like he has been. The hint of the smile... they needed to find Chocobo. They would find Chocobo.[break][break]

Because Ashley was done with this revenge shit.[break][break]

He lets it go.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- Crumbled. All those walls are down, and all he can do is grab and hold on... that feeling could fall any moment now.[break]
- He lets go of his revenge after the kiss, and holds Kep there. He's done with his expendability. He's done living his life for others nad only others.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 22:08:36 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
It doesn’t matter that he’s right (he is). It doesn’t matter that this needed to happen (it did). It doesn’t matter that he’s venting.
[break][break]
Ash pulls them together and he goes easily. As he always had, and always will.
[break][break]
“I love you, you dipshit,” he says, his voice breaking and the real sobbing tears threatening to burst through, “I would like that to mean something to you.”
[break][break]
They’re forehead to forehead, Kepler running his hands through Ash’s hair, crumbling together in a pile on the ground.
[break][break]
He inhales a shaking breath, voice gone blocky with emotion and congestion, raw from use. “I’m not buying the UWU I’m so sad and I’m going to work on myself shit. Not anymore. You need to fucking figure it out, Ash. This--,” he ghosts a hand over still healing injures, not touching, but feeling all the same, “--this shit stops. Now. Or I will kill you myself, and it will not matter how many gods your friends know.”
[break][break]
Hands together, all ruddy faces and snotty noses and sore throats. He doesn’t begrudge Ash’s so-called selfishness, because that’s all he’s ever wanted, really, is for the goddamn love of his life to have some goddamn self worth, and care about himself, and put himself first, and not volunteer his own head for the guillotine.
[break][break]
“I would stay with you forever, Ashley. But you have to be alive for that to happen.”


notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 7, 2024 23:15:49 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Ashley doesn't need to say it back. He hopes in his actions now, right here, right bundled together it shows that. But hearing him say that, even with all the pain he'd caused Kepler, it let him feel a little better.[break][break]

Hands run through his hair, and he can hear Kep's voice break. "I love you too." He can't help but say it back, fuck. He needed this. That feeling, ever since he came back, felt like he had fucked it up entirely. But now, hands crumbled into his hair, he responds. "More than you could ever know."[break][break]

The threat isn't met on deaf ears... especially since it's easy that Kep means it. He'd die himself before Ashley, and that's not happening, so... as he kisses again, and again, trying to find forehead, cheek, neck, lips. To assure Kepler that he's staying alive. He's not gonna ever let it come to that again.[break][break]

"Guess you're stuck with me then." He pulls one of Kep's hands back to him, to his lips, and he kisses it. The one that would wear the ring, and he smiles through his tear-soaked face, through dumb sobs.[break][break]

"... wanna stay here a bit longer?" Assuming he isn't out in the parking lot of the complex.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- Kissy. Mush fluffy moment. Ashley loves Kep. Gotta live to enjoy Kep.[break]
- Asks if he wants to stay there, like this, any longer... bundled up in each other, like this.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 8, 2024 1:40:09 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
Ash kisses his face, his hands-- Kepler brings fingers to Ash’s jaw to redirect him, lips coming together, and they stay half-kissing, half-crying, for a little bit.
[break][break]
“What, cold and sad on the fucking-- forest floor?” he asks, sobs turning into giggles and back again. “With you? Forever. Forever and ever, Ashley Shepard. You-- jerk. God damn it. I love you.”


notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 8, 2024 4:51:19 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Between a half-kiss, half-sob, a little of this, a little of that, the sass turns to a giggle, and Ashley can see it in Kep's eyes. Whatever hell they were just going through... it was done.[break][break]

"As long as you'll have me. Kepler Shepard-" he kisses again, shit it's intoxicating. To just be like this. With no fear of Rocket, no pain of loss driving him, or forcing him to improve. He felt content in that moment... before his eyes move to the trailcam equipment.[break][break]

And an idea.[break][break]

A little dirty idea, anyways. "We got trailcam to sit through... would be a lot easier to sit through if you stayed on my lap like this?" Just cuddle. No need to do anything more. They had a big Galarian Zapdos to find, and Ash would stop at nothing to find them. This Chocobo.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- The cute sassy giggle saves his soul, and Ashley calls him by the name they agreed on. Before more kisses.[break]
- And then a little idea. Cuddle while trailcam for Chocobo? He hopes. He'll sit there forever with Kep.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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[newclass=".ashley1 .ashley1credit a"]font-size:10px;[/newclass]
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played by

Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 10, 2024 18:37:56 GMT
kepler brueshaber Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","mit"]
[attr="class","mittag"]





[attr="class","mitmain"]
He turns around in Ash’s arms, the back of his wooly autumn coat pressing against the warmth of Ash’s chest.
[break][break]
Kepler has the unique ability to pick at an issue until it abscesses and explodes. He has to let this lie, for now. If he doesn’t, he’ll never know peace. So he settles in, accepting that he’ll live-- they’ll live--
[break][break]
--and they had a job to do.
[break][break]
“Yeah. We only have 730 more hours of footage to look through, anyway,” Kepler says, with a sniff, scrubbing a hand over his raw, reddened face, and sighing.
[break][break]
“Let’s find this fucking bird. He’s part of our family. Our family, Ash. Don’t forget that.”
[break][break]
Us. We. Together. Words that only mattered if Ash was whole and hale enough to experience them.

notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

[attr="class","mitpoke"]




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close tab

played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Jan 12, 2024 22:12:06 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

The wooly coat presses into Ash, and Ash can feel that warmth again. Ever since his run in with , he'd felt a coldness that permeated the air between them. Like he fucked up. And well, he did. Ashley had this weird tendency, this lack of self-worth, this painpoint that probably made Kepler's life more and more like a hell that never ended.[break][break]

In truth, Ashley assumed the worst was coming. He was preparing. But feeling the warmth of his fiancee in his arms, he tightens his grip. Ashley was also a selfish asshole. Even when the world burns, even when he broke himself to pieces, he wanted to hold something tight if he loved it.[break][break]

It may be toxic...[break][break]

But, helping to wipe his love's face, he makes a weak laugh.[break][break]

"Yeah." A memory digs its way into his mind. The look on his face, the happiness he felt at the moment of clarity. That he might be a father, and suddenly... he's crying again?[break][break]

He doesn't get it, but... this was a family. A family he hadn't had in a long, long, long time.[break][break]

"I won't... my queen." Why did he say that? Huh... it felt natural. "Now let's get this 730 hour movie marathon date started." He tries to add some levity into it. Because it was going to be as bad as it could have been... but at least, he had Kepler with him to do it.[break][break]

That would be enough.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT[break]
- He's wiping Kep's face, and even in this pain, he's now remembering Goodbye Galar a little.[break]
- Having a family again makes him cry... like he'd lost something he can't remember. So. He says something he did then. And now intends to start this movie date.[break]
- Hamilton line.






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Ceej

Kep
He/him
24
March 03
Alamos, Sinnoh
Homosexual
boy genius
Associate Scientist
nature, nuture
heaven and home
5'7" / 170 cm height
5'7" / 170 cm height
sum of all and by them driven
awards
541 posts
part of
TAG WITH @kepler
kepler brueshaber
reinventing the wheel to run myself over [c]
POSTED ON Feb 4, 2024 18:17:06 GMT
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[attr="class","mit"]
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[attr="class","mitmain"]
Ash spent his entire life atoning for sins that were beyond his scope of capability. He simply wasn’t capable of the level of badness he felt he was-- so he suffered to make up for it.
[break][break]
Kepler needed him to have some self-worth, some self-preservation, some self anything, really.
[break][break]
Ash starts to cry again and Kepler looks up at him, concerned; then he says those stupid words and his heart does stupid things in his stupid chest.
[break][break]
“I’ll never forget,” he says-- simply, softly, reaching up and back to squeeze Ash’s shoulder. It’s a promise. He may not be the person he was-- may not be capable or ready to go there, again-- but he would never forget the importance of it, no matter how dreamlike it seemed at such distance.
[break][break]
As he began to click through hours of trailcam footage, he felt, for the first time in a long time, at a sort of peace.
[break][break]
That would be enough.


notes[break]
we all know which way i'm going to strike the stake between my chest

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