they've rarely even seen each other in passing, though freya intentionally keeps her schedule as busy as possible. giving up on the caffeine addiction hadn't taken long; she has a cup in hand, steam trapped under the black plastic lid. she sips from it as she approaches and wordlessly perches on the swing beside illie. 

alex had been holding her waist at the holiday party and though she'd been happy for him then - and is happy for them both still - she's surprised illie has reached out. 

has he not told her that he's forsaken me?

"of course," she says, guardedly, and words unsaid rest on parted lips and troubled golds. 

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she's unaware, unsuspecting of distances between their mutual circle. for all the scientist knows, everything is fine and nothing has been broken. perhaps if alexander had told her, she'd be more conscious of guarded walls.

"if i may ask... what do you think of avatars?"

she starts small, inquisitive. deft fingers look to pry with a purpose: likeness.

when she looks close enough, she can see a hint of something in golden eyes. she's hesitant to place the emotion, but it feels familiar all the same.

"do you believe we understand them well at this point in time?"

freya morningstar

her demeanor doesn't change when illeana brings up avatars. she recalls words shared by her bedside, a friendship torn to shreds because of the conflict between higher powers. even now, as much as she wants to claim she has no puppet strings of her own, ghost strands shiver against her skin. 

she rubs her arm, takes a sip of her coffee, and uses her heel to swing gently. 

"you may," she says.

she sighs. "i think they're chosen for a reason. we don't know what those reasons are. and we don't know what happens to avatars in the long run. how they...change.

"so no, i don't think we understand them. i don't think we understand them at all."

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]"do you believe we could? eventually understand, i mean."

she agrees in small, intricate ways with the concepts of the unknown. the reasons seem abstract - existing in realms they can't possibly see with the naked eye.

and yet, she still tries to peel back layers to find what lies hidden. intentions laced between the devotee and their patron cause changes on a molecular level, don't they?

"i'd like to begin an avatar study project to - hopefully - fill in the blanks of what we don't currently understand."

her swing stills, one foot holding firm in dirt.

"it would need council approval, but we could learn how each avatar's body has changed since their blessing... or we could take preventive measures if the results come with omens."

freya morningstar

"no."

not after what she'd seen. FERNANDO SILPH, the only person she thought could estimate his legendary, at every turn, was wrong. and continues to be wrong. and she knows, better than most, that legendaries aren't infallible. sometimes humans are just as alien to them. 

she remembers the pleading look in rayquaza's gaze when they brought their avatar, freezing and broken, to her arms.

"even something is better than nothing. you'll have my support," she says. "and will you look into weaknesses? we know rocket has the means to exorcise patrons from their avatars."

she eyes illie curiously. 

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]as with all things, there is a fear associated with things not easily understood. avatarship, in the end, is no different - classified as a mystery and left to spread palpable apprehension.

perhaps, when all is said and done, she'll be able to dispel such feelings... or she'll simply fuel them.

"yes, any weaknesses found for each avatar will be recorded and studied."

the thought of rocket being able to pry apart such a holy bond instills a small, budding dread within the depths of her stomach.

"if we could gather intel on how they're able to exorcise patrons, the science department could use these studies to produce countermeasures as well."

versatile, just as she had hoped when practicing this proposal over and over until she knew the intricacies inside and out.

and finally, she flashes a small, grateful smile.

"thank you for your support - it really does mean a great deal to me."

for she had evacuated people from her corner with the primal points and their vacancy has left a festering doubt she has been unable to escape since.

freya morningstar

contingency built upon contingency. FERNANDO SILPH would approve. if they could manage to rebuild rocket's machine, if they could find a way to sever a bond humanely, then they might be able to close the gap. their bleeding defenses would become mere scrapes instead of cut tendons. 

but what would he say? he had protected her. freya had tried to end Elisabeth Fiorelli once and he had protected her. he assured her it was tapu fini, a defense mechanism, but finding him in the showers - the look on his red face - still haunts her. 

"of course," she says and then shifts. her swing tilts to the side; her knee bumps against illie's. "honestly, i'm a bit surprised you came to me." she chews her cheek, contemplating. 

"has alex not...has he not told you? about our falling out?" she tries to keep the pain out of her voice. she tries.

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]"surprised?"

she blinks. freya's knee bumps hers and her head turns to fully drink the councilwoman in.

and as she continues, pieces click into place. it's a slow dawning, as if the sun is just barely rising over the horizon.

"no, he hasn't..."

had it been bad? she pauses, contemplating exactly how to ask without prying too much into relations that aren't her business. freya puts on a brave face, existing in a state of discomfort, and she can faintly hear the pain lingering beneath.

"i'm so sorry, i had no idea - are you alright?"

her expression morphs, then, away from professionalism into something softer - something girlish and gentle, more friendly comfort than anything else.

"what happened?"

freya morningstar

her teeth feel gummy. that nervous fight or flight response kicks in at the question and she curses herself for opening the can of worms in the first place. walls drop from illeana's face and her thoughts race, but they crash into inevitably just as quickly. 

she can answer honestly, but not wholly. 

"no." her voice sounds small. "i'm not okay...and i think that's the first time i've ever said that."

she looks away. 

"i protected someone he knew hurt me," she says carefully. even that's too much. they're a small circle. could she put the pieces together? and if she does, would she scorn her too, for her choices?

"just look after him, okay? and i'll give you whatever support you need."

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she understands, in a small, albeit helpless sort of way, the kind of turmoil that plagues freya. a precious bond thought to withstand time, space, and death has faltered, broken. in the face of such a thing, who would be okay?

and as she pulls back the veil, allowing illeana a glimpse into the sequence of events that led to this, the understanding grows in size.

she could guess - perhaps - the person, but she doesn't cast judgement in the way alexander had. there's nuance laid between the spaces of circumstance. things are not so easily black and white, but shades of gray.

"correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't believe you're a person who would stand by while someone else is in danger - regardless of what they have done."

her eyes are soft, despite their certainty. it's a complicated situation, she believes, but she still gives freya grace.

at the mention of looking after him, she nods through acceptance... before adding a small addendum.

"i'd like to look after you as well, if allowed, but i'll do whatever i can for you both."

despite the space that separates them, both should have someone in their corners. she suspects freya might already have that person (Eva Morales), but she offers all the same.

freya morningstar

shades of grey, tinged with pink. there is a part of her, beating on the walls, scraping at her insides, begging her to ask did he do it to you too? did he use you? did he give you what you wanted? she was on the battlefield that day, protecting him under the canopy of that tree while freya rained hellfire down on rats - rocket and pokemon alike. 

her jaw tightens. 

"i was that person once." but a shoulder slumps. she leans into the swing, drawing whorls in the playground sand with the tip of her boot. "never again, but i was once."

it has only ever happened a handful of times, but the gentle promise makes a pink heat crawl to her cheeks. in what world would freya morningstar ever, ever allow someone to look after her?

sand crunches as she stands. the chains jangle at her abrupt exit of the swing. she says, "you'll have my voice, illie, when you need it."

and better that, her fangs, when she needs that too.

a moment's hesitation. 

as she walks away, skin still rosy, she says, "thank you."

illeana reyes

☉

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]between the two and the detrimental tether that binds them, she would surmise that she did not have it as bad as freya. if she knew the intricacies, the details left to fester and burn in a closet like hidden skeletons, she would seethe... but she is blind to what she does not know, to who she had supported.

if asked, though? she would murmur tales of false love, of worship in late hours of the night and early mornings spent crossing lines she can never take back. she would speak of her doubts, of the self-conscious way she picks herself apart now for who is she without him behind her - without the man who put her where she is today?

she did not suffer in the way freya did - not even close - but they had shattered in similar ways from the same origin point. does it connect them? does it rip them apart?

"i understand."

to remember a past self and the lengths they would have gone for those around them, she is acutely aware of the concept... and the bitterness that comes with it. she, too, would not revert back nor would she blame freya for refusing to do the same. there is knowledge found in those experiences that shape them into who they are now, but if they could remove the bad and only keep the good - would it be worth it, then?

"for what it's worth, you're still one of the best people i know."

fierce, loyal, admirable. she'd tell her over and over, if she could, to ease the pain clinging to her frame like soot and smoke.

a nod follows as freya stands, as their meeting draws to a close, as she promises her voice. and before the curtain falls, before she fully turns away, illeana holds her soft smile out for the councilwoman one more time to take with her as she goes.

"and you'll have mine, freya."

the soft thank you drifts along the breeze, then, and it carries the faint scent of flowers and kinship.

her own gratitude gets lost in the following shuffle of footsteps, but she murmurs it all the same.

"thank you and be safe."

freya morningstar