with the sorrow in me

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
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3,323 posts
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TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON May 31, 2024 23:30:32 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


her bones are cold. it's well past nightfall and the stars glitter above. a light mist drifts over the graves; a noctowl coos and the dratini, pink and glowing, slumbers beside her. with arms wrapped around her legs, chin tucked against her rucked up knees, heels in the dirt, she inhales. exhales. 

they wanted to be buried with the dragons, but they died when sootopolis was taken over. even their bodies couldn't go back home. 

she shivers and the night grows colder.
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
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we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 6, 2024 7:49:04 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"]
perhaps, he is the reason that the night grows colder.

[break][break] the mountain beckons him, in a way that he can't explain. the same reasons that had drawn him here in his first days on hoenn after his release from kanto, back when had dragged him here, up from the ashes of cinnebar.

[break][break] "you're here."

[break][break] at the cusp of the hill, jayden stares. it feels like being brought back to that nightmare, again, coldness whips around his breath in winter-white puffs. a tight black shirt strewn around him, half-way through a midnight run.

[break][break] "why?"

[break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
councilwoman
champion
i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
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3,323 posts
part of
TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 8, 2024 4:50:17 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


she does not hear his footsteps. he is a ghost on this mountain, just like the rest of them, so when he speaks, she startles. moxie wakes with a start, folding over herself in a dazed attempt to get between her mistress and the intruder. 

freya recognizes him instantly. the brush of cold against her cheeks makes stringent coals, frozen over in a midcentury hearth, begin to warm. she coos moxie into complacency and the dratini slithers back into her lap, though she does not relax.

"why does anyone come to a graveyard?" she says. she considers rising, considers reaching for the swordbow leaning up against sophia's grave. her gaze darts there and back. 

"sit with me," she says instead, "and tell me - do you remember?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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4,480 posts
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jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 12, 2024 6:34:51 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] "to see the dead."

[break][break] the words fall from his lips without even thinking about it, as if he is seeing an old friend not a decade long archrival.

[break][break] despite his best interests, the admin finds himself gravitating towards her. as if the things that tie them together are greater than whatever it is that has caused them to fight before. a hand flutters over his neck, the bite where CHIEN PAO and once converged.

[break][break] he finds himself sitting by her anyway.

[break][break] cold glitters against the night grass.

[break][break] "remember what?"

[break][break] from his fingers, he plucks a stem.

[break][break] "the dead?"

[break][break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
councilwoman
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i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
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3,323 posts
part of
TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 13, 2024 16:49:23 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


if some part of them lives on, it's not here. they know that much now. the veil is thinner than ever before and the dead, if they want to, never truly stay dead. which makes it all the more confusing that it was not sophia or theodore that awaited her at the edge all those moons ago, when instead she found her birth mother. 

did they not have things left unsaid? 

did they not forgive her, in the end?

"something like that," she says. the people they were, the people they never were, technically, are as good as dead. no one left to remember them by, not even himself. 

save for her.

"it's better if you don't remember." she stiffens when he nears. he could kill her, quite easily, if he wanted to, if she put her defenses down. "but...you feel it, i think. the connection. right?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
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4,480 posts
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jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 13, 2024 16:54:14 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] "ah."

[break][break] "you mean in the prison cell."

[break][break] but more. he means more. but he can't find the words to voice it yet.

[break][break] but he does remember, in the way that they had fought in that wartorn island, in the way that their dragons crested the sky, jaws aflame.

[break][break] his fingers pinch the stem of the dandelion that he's chosen, watching the way ice crystals form on it's tips.

[break][break] "yes. of course i do."

[break][break] "don't you?"

[break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
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champion
i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
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3,323 posts
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TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jun 14, 2024 1:41:15 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


they were jailed then too and isn't that always the way the story ends? they break one set of chains only to find themselves in another. even the dead, it seems, are beholden to rules on the other side.

"yes," she says, "i do. just like melusine does. just like vodnik does."

they never really talked about the before. not in the ways that were painful, that reminded them of the divide if they were to ever leave. she looks away from the grave and looks at him and says, "do you have anyone here?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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4,480 posts
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jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 3, 2024 5:11:39 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] melusine. [break][break]

vodnik.

[break][break] and just like that, a flash flood of emotions rages through him. he thinks about the way that they once stood in frozen tundra, in front of a broken city, as sludge threatened to creep closer and closer to their borders. he thinks about the way they used to fly in the sky, a mixture of fire and brimstone and ash. he thinks about the way that everything important had once chipped away into nothing but survival — an aching, desperate need to return.

[break][break] how he believed in her promise to return.

[break][break] how he confessed that even though everyone else seemed content with the new life they created, how he still suffered from nightmares.

[break][break] pain throbbed in his skull as he remembered, blood rushing into the crevices that began to metaphorically crack open. ice crystallized around his arms as he did, the world around him growing bitterly cold.

[break][break] but he doesn't spin away from her, no matter how much he may ache to.

[break][break] "you can't forget," he said, the words feeling like glass shards in his throat. "we can't."

[break][break] he doesn't know anymore if they're talking about the dream or the prison or anything else.

[break][break] a hand reaches out for hers, aching to feel warmth to warm his bones.

[break][break] "not here," he said, shaking his head. "but in galar."

[break][break] "my galar."

[break][break] "my parents died in the three day war. they were buried there."

[break][break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
councilwoman
champion
i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
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3,323 posts
part of
TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 4, 2024 19:20:00 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


the two of them had found solace in their desire to return home, and companionship when the rest of them gave up on the dream. ice crawls over him and though no blood drips from his nose, she can feel it - the remembering. she does not move away, nor does she move toward. 

she stays, like she had those countless nights, a resolute ally by his side. 

and she says, "i won't forget." not after she spent countless nights lying awake, eyes bloodshot, blood dribbling over her lips, smearing the page as she scratched with fervent urgency anything and everything she could remember. she burned galar into herself, stuffed that dream inside a mind too small to comprehend it. 

they're similar in that way, wounding themselves for the ones they love. bearing the weight of the world so no one else has to. 

her skin reddens where the frost nips and she winces, but she takes his hand, twining their fingers together. 

"mine did too," she says softly.

"i never wanted to be buried." she wanted to burn. she wanted her ashes scattered, left to soak in the blood and the mud, staining the earth until the rains eventually washed her away. left only to become a memory. 

"but now, i think maybe i do, if only because i want the people i love to know they can visit me. they can pretend i'm close, even if they know it's not real." she stares at the graves in front of her and uses her free hand to wipe wetness from her eyes. 

"does it hurt?" she asks, thumb dancing over frost, "having the ice in your veins?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,480 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
+8
DEFENSE
+4
SPEED
+7
TAG WITH @jayden
jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 8, 2024 6:04:07 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] "they did?'

[break][break] he wasn't sure what it was about the words that made them so important.

[break][break] many people died in the three day war. so many people. casualties had been found on both sides, both league and rocket. rocket had lost their leader, had lost silas, and the result of that had made the organization unravel so rapidly that jayden had lost his home as well.

[break][break] but for some reason, hearing that had also lost hers, struck a chord within him.

[break][break] "what were they like?" he blurted out instead, thinking of and his da. of the nightmares of his father that had tormented him throughout galar and continued to torment him in present day.

[break][break] "did you like them?"

[break][break] she speaks of death and ash and for a person who had spent the majority of his life not caring if he lived or died, jayden found that he had never had preparations for what it might have been like if he died.

[break][break] he'd figured that rocket would have done a funeral for him. perhaps, it was a selfish hope that he had, seeing as how they had treated and now VELMOS.

[break][break] "if you die," he said, like it was a comfort. "i can visit you in sootopolis."

[break][break] there's wetness in her eyes and he does nothing to comfort her, because it's not his place, but also because he never learned how. his eyes focus on the graves, not quite moving even as her fingers brush over his veins.

[break][break] a shiver runs through him - through them both.

[break][break] "no," he says, not missing a beat. "it feels like the way they should've been in the first place."

[break][break] his head tilts.

[break][break] "your bite did hurt, though."

[break][break] with his free hand, he pulls at the neckline of his shirt, pulling it just enough away to see her bite-marks gouged into his flesh. or perhaps they are CHIEN PAO'S.

[break][break] either way, he is imprinted.

[break][break] perhaps forever.

[break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
councilwoman
champion
i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
awards
3,323 posts
part of
TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 8, 2024 15:26:40 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


there have been a dozen and one blips in her journey, pockets of self-actualization where she thought to herself i am happy and more importantly, i am glad to be alive, but somehow, this is different.

she stares at her guilt, names etched into stone, and she feels the weight of her life, and she is so heavy with it, so full of it, and to think it might be robbed of her is too cruel a thought. it is not until now, with a demon at her side, that she learns she has come to fear death.

she sees their smiles, feels their laughter, blown over her by a cold wind. 

"i loved them," she says softly. "sophia was a strong woman, but not hard. like water, like the tides. theodore, he had the fullest, deepest, rumbling laugh. she taught me how to shoot. he taught me how to fly."

the gravel shifts and her bones creak, small smile on her face replaced with tired, drawn confusion. 

"they kept a secret from me, about my heritage. my birthright. i think they knew my mother."

if you die, i can visit you in sootopolis.

"i think they knew i was a draconid."

homesickness crawls between her ribs, clinging steadfast despite her shuddering breath. she bites her lip, catches the sob, but salt wets her lips. tears silently tumble and she thinks, with great sorrow, if i die, jayden, won't it be at your hand?

her chin brushes her shoulder as she turns to look. his pale skin is scored with silver. her own, eerily similar, twinge at the memory of fangs in her neck, the rip-tug pull of madness from her veins. 

"i told myself that too, that i was poison anyway, when i let tapu fini take control." but she was wrong. it was wrong. 

they deserve better than this.

"there's a cottage," she says, "by the bluffs near my estate. hidden in a copse of trees. i want to be buried there." gently, carefully, she lifts his hand, uncurls his fingers and presses his palm to her chest. her heart beats. her blood, warm, gathers pink around his touch. 

"will you grant me that?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,480 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
+8
DEFENSE
+4
SPEED
+7
TAG WITH @jayden
jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 8, 2024 15:59:13 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] "... theodore?"

[break][break] he pauses, eyes of ice lifted up to tearful gold.

[break][break] "i know a man with that name," he said, in a way that his voice doesn't sound like his own. removed from him. speaking in a voice that was soft and tender. "in some ways, he was like a father to me."

[break][break] the father i never wanted. the father i never had.

[break][break] meant more to him than words could possibly express.

[break][break] because for all that he was, meant rocket, and rocket meant family.

[break][break] "he tried to kill me once, but, " his voice hitches on an emotion. "he keeps me anchored — away from —"

[break][break] he glances at the hands that lay between them, frosted ice veins that threaten to burn.

[break][break] "away from this."

[break][break] his eyes flit towards her as she speaks of a word that he does not recognize, not right away. draconid. of course, jayden had read the reports of the rockets who'd looted through the morningstar estate. but it hadn't mentioned this.

[break][break] he knew of the morningstars and the runes they held dear. but they were thought to be dead.

[break][break] as thin as a sliver, his eyes widen, but only imperceptibly. impossible to notice unless you were trained to recognize the slightest changes in his demeanor.

[break][break] like a lock sliding into a key, jayden slid away this piece of information away, just like he'd hidden such truths from about ting lu. it was instinctual. whether he wanted to or not. whether they were holding hands or not.

[break][break] their palms were pressed together — but it was like holding your hand before a dragon's maw.

[break][break] you never knew when those jaws might snap.

[break][break] she cries and she sobs, and the tears of a life that had never been sweeps past him. tears don't dawn his face, for they are frozen by the very poison that ties him to her, but he feels the hurt like nothing else. he stares into her eyes of glimmering gold, and sees the agony, fresh like the wound of her teeth sinking into him, of the life that they could not have.

[break][break] 'auntie freya! won't you teach me how to fly?'

[break][break] "poison," he says, even-keeled, as his hands close around hers. gently, as though handling a fly. "is something we can learn to live with. learn to wield. sometimes..."

[break][break] "poison can be power."

[break][break] on his neck, shards of ice emerge like a dragon's scales, reflecting the blanket of stars that glimmer softly above.

[break][break] taken by her sadness, by the inevitable pull that ignites them both, jayden allows her to take his hand and press it to her heart. he feels it beating beneath her flesh. how easy it would've been to thrust an icy dagger into her flesh then, to see her throat fill with blood.

[break][break] to end her like they were meant to end.

[break][break] "i will," he says instead, voice clear. "you deserve the death you want."

[break][break] the death he wasn't allowed to want.

[break][break] "i want... i want to be remembered. bury me in the ground or burn me into ash or forge me into a sword, i don't care, but just... just remember me."

[break][break] "don't - " his voice hitched. "don't forget."

[break][break] "don't let fern forget, either."

[break][break] she knew them. he didn't know the connection they shared, either, but it hardly mattered now that they were on the cusp of war.

[break][break] the hand she holds folds over her heart, brushing against the cusp of her throat, where oxygen inevitably fills her lungs.

[break][break] "... we are nothing when we forget who we are."

[break]



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played by

crow

the ascendant
she/her
twenty-nine
November 03
sootopolis
demisexual
councilwoman
champion
i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in
awards
3,323 posts
part of
TAG WITH @freya
freya morningstar
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 10, 2024 0:15:55 GMT
freya morningstar Avatar


it's not uncommon, but she can think of only one other bearing her father's first name, and her lips thin at the realization. she doesn't ask for clarification; she doesn't ask for him to paint the line that divides them, drawn in the snow with blood. 

he asked me, you know, to rip out what's left of my heart.

we could have been kin.

his hand against her and hers, crossing that barrier, trailing up his arm and to his frostbitten neck. palm against clavicle, fingers on the hollow and sides of his throat. lifeblood, pulsing, but cold, so, so cold, and she knows it must be a fate worse than death. 

"no," she objects, but her voice is small. wo-chien drank from her sorrows and only once has anything ever felt as pervasive as the feeling of that rotten creature gorging itself on her soul. pink mist teases the edges of her vision. 

she will live on poison no longer.

"i chose joy."

her hands redden and pain is sharp and handsome on her arm, but she does not move. she does not flinch. the body is a relentless thing, so determined to leave its mark, to reach outside itself and leave more than an intangible memory in its wake.

but he is a blizzard and she is yet too small to turn winter to spring. 

he could kill her. she knows this. her heart quivers and every part of her skin prickles in anticipation. this, though. this poignant instance with death all around them - this is not their battlefield. here is their elegy. to his daughter. to their makeshift family. to the sunlight they managed to find in that dark and terrible place.

"i won't forget you," she promises, blinking through a watercolor haze. "but this is now, and now, and now. live it, feel it, cling to it, jay, and don't think about your thereafter."

she exhales.

"just stay here with me a little while longer, and hold my hand, and stave off the end of the world."
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,480 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
+8
DEFENSE
+4
SPEED
+7
TAG WITH @jayden
jayden cross
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 24, 2024 3:27:13 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","moonchild jay1"]
[attr="class","inner"]
[attr="class","textbody"] joy.

[break][break] what a funny thing it was.

[break][break] suddenly, memories roll through him of another time. of being tangled in bed with , of walking past the castle's study and hearing the sound of joyous laughter. of peeking through and seeing his lover dye his son's hair silver. of the glimpse of that had been lost in the real world. burnt letters sent to .

[break][break]of the moments with by the walls of circhester, the sheer happiness on his mentor's face that was as bright and wide as an open blue sky — a kind of joy he had never witnessed in reality, especially now, with the man consumed by shadowy despair.

[break][break] how everyone's gaze was bright with joy and happiness, but never his. how his demons even seemed to chase him into a world that seemed as real as any other dream.

[break][break] how his father's nightmare followed him, no matter where he went.

[break][break] joy. sorrow. hate. sorrow. joy.

[break][break] how thin that line of fate was.

[break][break] jay.

[break][break] a name that only a demon deserved to say. a name that was burrowed acres deep in the earth, alongside that of his dead family.

[break][break] cold trickled into his touch, but not enough to kill.

[break][break] his hands fold over her throat, azure eyes reflected in pools of gilded gold.

[break][break] he could kill her.

[break][break] he doesn't. not now.

[break][break] the time isn't right.

[break][break] choice is a powerful thing.

[break][break] "you're lucky," he says, instead, hand falling to his lap once more. "to have something to live for."

[break][break] but his eyes close anyway, head leaning towards her, as the frosted tips of his hair tickle the underside of her jaw.

[break][break] "the end of the world will come whether we like it or not."

[break][break] "but until then —"

[break][break] "let me sleep."

[break][break] without dreams. without nightmares.

[break]



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[attr="class","milkycredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]





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played by

gremlin creature

the shadow mod
wing attack
wing attack
wing attack
wing attack
wing attack
wing attack
mod
googoo gaga
spiral is my big poppa pump (positive)
600 foot tall baby height
600 foot tall baby height
sleeping in mod reqs
awards
3,724 posts
part of
TAG WITH @mod
spiral and shiv's baby
with the sorrow in me
POSTED ON Jul 24, 2024 3:42:58 GMT
spiral and shiv's baby Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","TRAINER"]
[attr="class","omaccepted"]
[attr="class","omacceptedtop"]MISSION COMPLETE!

[attr="class","omacceptedmid"]

YOU RECEIVE THE REWARDS BELOW:[break]


[attr="class","omacceptedlinks"]
[attr="class","omacceptedlinks1"]TAGS:
img
The Shula Region
Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
MR
The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing