Caleb's chest ached at the sight of his friend - still angry, still awkward - settling down in the seat across from him, over an hour late. He couldn't help but grin stupidly, the sheer relief that Orion had actually come plain on his face. Nevermind the fact that Orion had his arms folded, as if literally guarding his heart from Caleb, his expression a mix of neutral stoicism and a vulnerable helplessness. Orion almost looked as if he couldn't believe he was really there. Which, maybe he couldn't.[break][break]
"Thank you for coming," Caleb murmured to the other man, sincerely grateful. "I know it can't have been easy for you to decide to give me another chance."[break][break]
Where to go from there? What else to say? In contrast to Orion's loss for words, there was so much Caleb could say. Another apology perhaps, or maybe just a recap of what had happened at Littleroot, a reminder of Caleb's fulfilled promise. I should tell him how much he matters to me, he thought.[break][break]
"Everybody's raving about this Winter's Kiss drink," he commented finally, clumsily, desperate for normalcy before diving into heavier topics. "But it's really sweet. I nearly gagged when I tried it. I bet Hailee would like it, though."[break][break]
The others hadn't been as hard on Caleb as Orion had, but then again, they didn't know the full story like Orion did. Caleb didn't want to think about how it would feel if they rejected him, too. Well, one thing at a time.[break][break]

MADE BY GUNSMILE

Caleb knew Orion well enough by now to recognize that he was more than just a little bit uncomfortable. In fact, this wasn't just Orion's normal brand of social awkwardness at work. A great deal of turmoil was apparent on the other Ranger's face. He looked ready to bolt or attack, the tension between the two eating away at his sanity. It was somewhat unhinged - desperate, really - but most of all, it was sad.[break][break]
And could Caleb really blame him?[break][break]
"Orion," he started, smile fading. He shed the friendly demeanor, the attempts at normalcy. Things weren't normal, and Orion needed Caleb to validate that, not brush it under the rug.[break][break]
"You are one of my closest friends. I care about you a great deal. You are..." he gathered his thoughts, pulled at them frantically, trying to find the right thing to say. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack.[break][break]
"You are hurting. This is painful. I know, trust me, I know." He knew better than to do something like rest his hand on Orion's arm in an affectionate gesture, so he forced himself to remain still.[break][break]
"Let me tell you about my life. From the beginning. I want you to know the details. The truth. For one, my name is Harcourt. Caleb Harcourt." Sharpe had always been an alias. "Please...it's the least I can do. If you want to walk away after my story...well, I won't stop you."

MADE BY GUNSMILE

Orion had consented. Caleb let out a small sigh of relief. Sure, Orion still gave off the energy of a grumpy Cacturne, but it was something. It was more than enough.[break][break]
So Caleb spoke. In a quiet, steady tone he told Orion everything. He talked about his childhood in Lavender Town with Zev and his parents. How he'd met Lyra, the Lapras that had been with him since he was ten years old. He talked about high school, college...the fun times and the difficulties. Academics had not come easily to him, he had always been more of a hands on learner.[break][break]
"This might surprise you, but my major was anthropology, minor in archeology. I'd wanted to like, dig up artifacts. Learn about old cultures. It felt exciting to me, you know, like the Raiders of the Lost Archeops movie. I hadn't been prepared for how many tests were involved in what I thought would be a more...adventurous path."[break][break]
It had been a silly dream, in the end.[break][break]
Caleb explained how he'd been sucked into Rocket - which, at that time, had been merely a small crime gang in Saffron City. "I dropped out of college, took up smuggling and other illegal activities with the friends I'd made. I..." he paused. "...was young and stupid back then, and desperate for validation. I had no intentions of hurting anyone, Orion. Never had. But..." He hesitated, deciding not to mention Zev Harcourt's role in Rocket. After all, he'd promised to protect his brother's Rocket identity. "There were people I really cared about...who I didn't want to disappoint."[break][break]
Before he knew it, war was developing. Things seemed to escalate far faster than he could have ever imagined. He'd tried to help his parents, but they didn't make it out of Lavender when the fires started. The world began to crumble around him, and Caleb had...simply let it burn.[break][break]
"I was a coward," he affirmed. "Scared I'd be executed if I disobeyed. Kanto Rocket was...Orion, I can't even put it into words. Evil. They were - are - evil. They turned everything around them to dust, myself included. I became a useless cog in a terrible wheel. Until..." he took a sip of his drink, dreading this next part. Until he'd met Leo and the Kanto Resistance, had infiltrated their ranks on a Rocket assignment but had become enamored with the bravery and grit he'd encountered amongst them. He'd lied to Rocket for them, tried to help their cause.[break][break]
His story finished with the brief explanation of how he was forced to execute those men and women, in the end. Leo, who he'd come to love deeply. The Resistance, who's side he'd finally started to find the courage to support. Leo had looked him right in the eye and nodded. Do it Caleb. They'll kill me anyway. You might still get out of this.[break][break]
His drink was gone. His mouth was dry. A haunted expression and an aching heart. He gazed at Orion across the table, hoped the other man could see just how much he regretted so many of his life choices to date.[break][break]
"After that, I escaped. I thought I was going to die, but I made it out. I came here. I tried to start over, become a better person."

MADE BY GUNSMILE

"Knew of him," Caleb corrected patiently, in regards to Chu-e Choi. "He wasn't my friend or anything." He hadn't really had the chance to get to know the man; they were often assigned to different missions - and as a Beast, Chu-e had been a rank above Caleb.[break][break]
Caleb tried to remain calm. Orion's stubborn refusal to see the nuance in Caleb's story was frustrating. All the same, the man was clearly traumatized, and who was Caleb to try and tell him that his trauma didn't matter? That he ought not focus on it or feel his anger fully? Caleb had been there once, and it hadn't ever really faded. It had taken three years for it to fade to the background, the only solace he felt he deserved.[break][break]
"I never killed anyone truly innocent," Caleb muttered quietly. "Corrupt politicians, military veterans, rival criminal gangs. When they asked me to execute an entire family - including the children - I put my foot down. I was beaten within an inch of my life for refusing that one."[break][break]
Dark, troubling memories. Zev had not said a word as Caleb had been punished for his "weakness." Tired blue eyes stared intently at Orion. Perhaps this would come to nothing. Perhaps their friendship really was over. At least Caleb had come clean, had told him everything. A weight lifted from shoulders unaccustomed to lightening their burden.[break][break]
"So is this goodbye, then?" Caleb asked quietly.

MADE BY GUNSMILE

Was Orion...crying?[break][break]
A long, poignant moment of awkward indecision: should Caleb reach for his friend? Try and comfort him? Or should he actually get up and walk away, leave Orion to his misery? Would the later actually accomplish the former?[break][break]
Fuck it, Caleb thought. He stood, circled the table, and sat down next to Orion rather than across from him.[break][break]
"You idiot," Caleb muttered, though his tone was affectionate. He reached for the other man, knowing Orion usually hated hugs but trusting his instincts this one time. "You're allowed to want to me to stay in your life. Even if you're still convinced I'm a terrible person. Even if you hate me. I get it."[break][break]
He did get it. This whole time, hadn't he managed to convey just how much he hated himself, and yet chose to keep working on himself all the same? It wasn't easy, living with the tremendous amount of guilt that chewed away at his heart. He carried it like a sack of heavy bricks bearing down on his back, a load he could never - would never - put down.[break][break]
"I care about you," Caleb told him. "Curse me to hell if you want, but that's not going to change any time soon."

MADE BY GUNSMILE

I don't hate you.[break][break]
Caleb let out a soft sigh of relief as he held Orion. It was more than he deserved, more than he could have hoped for, but it still felt good to hear it out loud. He recognized the pain in Orion's confession, however. I hate them, was what he meant. Rocket. The people who'd hurt him, who'd made Caleb into the sort of person Orion now felt deeply conflicted about.[break][break]
"It's allright not to know," Caleb murmured, hoping he sounded reassuring. "You're safe with me, though. You can know that at least."[break][break]
It wasn't entirely true. The threat Zev posed still loomed in the background of Caleb's life, technically capable of harming anyone close to Caleb. But right now, he didn't want to focus on Zev. He wanted to focus on Orion and his needs. He wanted someone he cared about to understand that Caleb himself would never be a danger to him.[break][break]
"Do you want to stay here and hang out more? Or do you want to go somewhere a little more private?" Caleb asked, then blushed, realizing all the various implications of his second suggestion. "It's okay if you want to go home, too," he added quickly, not wanting to pressure his friend.

MADE BY GUNSMILE