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Ditz
Xan
Him/His
23
Nov 24th
Neos City
Pansexual
Ranger
Ex-Gym Leader
Lately I get the feeling nothing works cause we're cursed.
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TAG WITH @xander
Xander Belmont
belmont, xander
POSTED ON Dec 1, 2020 12:56:50 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","freiwantt"] [attr="class","freiwantt1"] [attr="class","freiwantttop"] [attr="class","freiwantttop1"]- □ x YOU'RE ALL THAT I SEE [attr="class","freiwanttimg"]  [attr="class","freiwanttinfo"]
[attr="class","freiwanttmid"]CHARACTER FACTION League [attr="class","freiwanttmid"]CHARACTER RANK Cadet [attr="class","freiwanttmid"]FACE CLAIM Ashwatthama from Fate/Grand Order [attr="class","freiwantttop"]ABOUT THE CHARACTER [attr="class","freiwanttbot"]    [break]   [break][break] "None of this...makes sense to me."[break][break] "Who am I?"[break][break] X.BELMONT - SESSION 01 [break][break]----[break][break] Therapist: "Well, Xander, as this is our first session together. I'd like to begin by asking you a couple of questions. Is that okay with you?"[break][break] Xander: "Yeah, that's fine with me doc."[break][break] Therapist: "Excellent, thank you. Now, these first few questions mostly deal with your childhood. If at any point we touch on something you'd rather not discuss, tell me, and we'll move on."[break][break][break][break] Where did you grow up?[break][break] "Everywhere, nowhere, I guess it just depends on how you wanna look at it. We didn't really stick to one place for very long when I was a kid. One of the virtues of having a globe-trotting father. I was born in Ferrum tho - not that I remember the place all that well." [break][break][break][break] How would you describe your family?[break][break] "My father's a pain in the ass and can't get out of his own way to save his life. Kiara, my sister, is an annoying little shit that's far too nosy for her own good. I love em both despite all the bullshit tho. We may not always see eye to eye, but I know they'd do anything for me. Not that I'd let em. My little sis is smug enough without me asking for her help."[break][break][break][break] As a child, what were you most likely to be found doing?[break][break] "Drawing, I've got a crapton of sketchbooks filled with art of all the places I've visited over the years. Not all of it's stellar work, but I prefer it over a photo. The only other thing that comes to mind is getting into trouble. Not intentionally; I just had a knack for stumbling into it. It happened so often that my old man started calling it 'Pulling a Xander' whenever we bit off more than we could chew."[break][break][break][break] What did you dream your future would look like?[break][break] "I didn't really give stuff like that much thought when I was younger. The future always felt like something adults worried about and stressed over. I just assumed I'd be like my dad - always seeking out new and unexplored things. Which isn't too far off from what I'm doing now."[break][break][break][break] Of all your memories, which stands out most clearly?[break][break] "The day I died, it didn't take obviously - but it did happen. My sister and I got separated from our old man while hiking to Snowpoint City. In the middle of a snowstorm too, and if you know anything about Sinnoh, then you know the blizzards there get pretty intense during the winter. Keep in mind this was back when I was ten, Kiara was eight, neither of us had any Pokemon to help us.[break][break] I managed to find us a small cave, but it only offered so much protection. We had to be inside that cave for hours just trying to keep warm. The cold was really starting to get to Kiara too. I'm watching her shiver with red cheeks and frozen tears on her face. As I'm watching her, I hear my dad's voice in the back of my head.[break][break] No matter what, keep your sister safe.[break][break] So that's what I do.[break][break] I'm a smart kid; I figure the chances of us both making it out of this alive are already pretty slim. So why not make her odds better? I take off my winter clothes and place them around her. She tries to fight me, but I stare at her with this firm look in my eyes. It's the same one our father gives us whenever he's being stern. She nods, and I sit down next to her as I wait.[break][break] Before I know it, I'm numb and starting to get sleepy. Everything starts to dim, almost like someone's turning the lights off slowly. The darker the world gets, the heavier my eyes feel.[break][break] Then, suddenly, there's nothing - no sound, no cold, just blackness. I was dead for a minute, but it felt like I was in that void for an entirety. When I came to a Ranger and her Volcarona were standing over me. She'd come across us entirely on accident. Pure chance, that's why I'm here today. It's crazy to think about."[break][break] ----[break][break] Therapist: "Let's stop here. It'll give anything you might be feeling after sharing that experience a chance to settle."[break][break] Xander: "Was that too much? Would you have prefered I share a more cheerful memory instead?"[break][break] Therapist: "Not all, happy or sad - it doesn't matter. It's the fact you shared something that's important."[break][break] Xander: "I guess."[break][break] Therapist: "Why don't we pick this up next week? I have some more questions for you, and if you're willing I'd like to continue seeing you."[break][break] Xander: "Alright, I'll see if I can find the time to make it."[break][break] END OF SESSION 01 [break][break][break][break]X.BELMONT - SESSION 02 [break][break]----[break][break] Xander: "Hello, doc."[break][break] Therapist: "Good afternoon Xander, I'm glad to see you could make it. You seemed on the fence about continuing our sessions when we ended last week."[break][break] Xander: "I still am - this whole therapy thing makes me uncomfortable."[break][break] Therapist: "That's understandable. Being open like this with someone, especially a stranger, is bound to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Given how well you responded to the questions I asked during our first session, I'd like to try asking you some more. If that's okay with you?"[break][break] Xander: "Ask away."[break][break] Therapist: "Perfect. These questions deal primarily with aspects of your personality. Again, if we touch on something that you'd rather not talk about, just tell me, and we'll stop."[break][break][break][break] Are you more of an idealist or a cynic?[break][break] "I aspire to be an idealist, but the truth is I'm pretty cynical. I've been to a lot of places, met a ton of people, and the goods ones are always too few and far between. The world's cold, and the only way to get through it sometimes is to be just as icy."[break][break][break][break] Which do you value more: creativity or practicality?[break][break] "Creativity. Nine out of ten times, it's the person with the most creative idea or out-of-the-box thinking that ends up having the most impact. Practicality has its place, don't get me wrong. But without innovation, the status quo would never change. We'd all be stale, stagnant, and I don't think anyone wants that."[break][break][break][break] How do you deal with pressure?[break][break] "That depends on what's causing it. If it's something out of my control? Then I learn to let that shit go. There's no point in letting something I've got no power over stress me out. Not that it's easy - sometimes it's hard, and I can't help but let it eat at me. If it's something within my control? I'll go and deal with it, or try to anyway."[break][break][break][break] Are you able to control your emotions or do they control you?[break][break] "I'd love to give some kind of edgy tough-guy answer.[break][break] My emotions and I parted ways a long time ago.[break][break] Something like that, but I'd just be lying. The truth is those fuckers got me wrapped around their fingers, and they know it. I don't know if it was dying or something entirely unrelated, but I feel doc. I don't just mean that basic crap either, I fucking feel. So deeply and so strongly, and it's exhausting sometimes."[break][break][break][break] What kind of people do you value more: those who are loyal to you or useful to you?[break][break] "You could be as useful as Arceus, and it wouldn't mean a thing without loyalty. I know, it's a stupid view to have considering my cynicism, but it's the truth. My pops had his flaws, but that's one thing he made sure to teach me. I'm not talking blind loyalty either, because that shit's stupid. If you're loyal to someone, you'll call them on their bullshit. They might not like it, but they'll get over it if what you had was worth a damn."[break][break][break][break] What are you most afraid of?[break][break] "That's...a heavy question doc. I mean, there's of a lot of things, but you want the deep stuff yeah? I...I'm afraid that my being saved was a mistake. That by being alive, I stole someone else's chance at life away. I know it happened eleven years ago, but that's eleven years I wasn't meant to have. Eleven years that could have belonged to someone else - someone more deserving than me. I sometimes think that's why trouble finds me so easily. The universe is trying to correct itself, and I keep managing to avoid its attempts."[break][break][break][break] ----[break][break] Therapist: "Have you talked about this with anyone else? Your sister or father perhaps?"[break][break] Xander: "And given them both more reasons to worry about me? No thanks. Besides, we don't really talk about that whole thing - not exactly something either of them are keen on remembering."[break][break] Therapist: "Yet you can't seem to let it go."[break][break] Xander: "Am I supposed to?"[break][break] Therapist: "No, and I'm not saying that you should. It's clearly had an impact on you, rightfully so. But maybe consider that you weren't the only one affected by the experience. Your death, brief as it was, was surely traumatic for everyone involved."[break][break] Xander: "What are you trying to say doc? That I'm an inconsiderate jackass who's only thinking about himself?"[break][break] Therapist: "Is that how you view yourself, Xander? Because everything you've shared with me so far paints a different picture. A selfish person wouldn't have sacrificed themselves for their sister. I doubt they'd be concerned about taking someone else's chance at life away either. I think you're a very compassionate person going through a crisis and struggling with trauma. I'm merely suggesting that the people around you might be able to relate more than you realize."[break][break] Xander: "....."[break][break] Therapist: "Why don't we end things here? You've shared a lot, and allowing it all to digest would do both of us some good. Shall we meet again next week?"[break][break] END OF SESSION 02 [break][break][break][break]X.BELMONT - SESSION 03 [break][break]----[break][break] Therapist: "It's a pleasure to see you again Xander. Its been about two weeks since our last session. I thought you might have grown tired of talking with me."[break][break] "Xander: "Yeah, sorry about that doc. I was feeling a bit...raw after we talked last and I needed some time to think things over."[break][break] Therapist: "That's quite alright. The process can be a lot to take in and given how much we've talked about - it's understandable that you'd feel a little overwhelmed. If it helps any, you've made a lot of progress in the two sessions we've had together."[break][break] Xander: "If you say so."[break][break] Therapist: "Do you think that's untrue?"[break][break] Xander: "I don't know, doc. It kinda just feels like I'm moving backward instead of forward."[break][break] Therapist: "You could look at it like that, or you could instead focus on the fact that you're moving at all. We often think that progress is a straight line when in actuality, it's more curved or bumpy than straight."[break][break] Xander: "That's...actually somewhat helpful."[break][break] Therapist: "Glad to hear it. Now, if you're feeling up to it, I have a final set of questions that I'd like to ask you. Once we finish these, I should have a solid idea of how to move forward with your therapy."[break][break] Xander: "Sounds good to me doc, hit me with em."[break][break] Therapist: "These will deal with how you view relationships, touch on your view of yourself, and things or people that you've met or experienced that have influenced you."[break][break][break][break] How do you feel about Pokemon?[break][break] "I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for a Pokemon. So, of course, I like them. I imagine I appreciate them more than most people. I know our whole society is based around them - but I think a lot of people see Pokemon more as tools and animals than equals. And yeah, technically they might be animals, but there is more going on with them that."[break][break][break][break] Would you rather lead or follow?[break][break] "Neither. Not really into the whole sheep or shepherd stuff, I'd prefer to stick to doing my own thing. But if I was forced to choose? I'd rather be a leader than a follower. I grew up with someone relying on me for support, so it's not like I wouldn't be used to the burden that came with leading. Not that having your little sister look to you when she's scared is on par with heralding some noble cause."[break][break][break][break] Do you find it easy to make friends?[break][break] "Why make friends when in two weeks they aren't going to be around? Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social or anything like that. I get along fine with the people I meet during my travels. I've just never bothered to try and make a real connection with anyone. I'm not sure if that's because it's all I've ever done or if I'm just scared to."[break][break][break][break] Is trust something that comes easily to you?[break][break] "No, it's not. People tend to let you down the moment you start to expect more from them. There are exceptions to this, but they're so rare that it hardly makes a difference. You're better off just relying on yourself. You don't have to worry about being hurt if you do."[break][break][break][break] When it comes to your thoughts and feelings, are you an open book or a locked vault?[break][break] "I'm not too keen on letting people in. The closest person to me is my sister, and she barely has any idea what goes on inside my head."[break][break][break][break] How much do you care what people think about you?[break][break] "I've seen too many people get caught up in how others think about them. It's toxic, and I refuse to live my life concerned with whether or not someone likes me. That isn't to say I don't care at all, everyone cares about how they're seen to some degree. Whether they want to admit that or not is up to them. For me, the only people whose opinions matter are those of my family and friends."[break][break][break][break] How do you show someone you care about them?[break][break] "You show it by being there for them when they need you the most. You can talk about caring for someone until your last breath. It doesn't mean much if you don't put your money where your mouth is. I'm always there for the ones that matter, even if they don't ask me to be."[break][break][break][break] Have you ever been in love? What's your idea of romance?[break][break] "There were a couple of times where I thought I might be in love. It always turned out to be puppy-love, but that's better than nothing. As for what my idea of romance is? I've never given it much thought. Love is messy and chaotic - a whirlwind that can lift you up and tear you down. The only thing I'm sure of is that love is blind."[break][break][break][break] END OF SESSION 03 PHARAOH LEAP CREATES [googlefont=Pragati Narrow:400,700][googlefont=Inconsolata][googlefont=Quattrocento Sans:400,700] [newclass=.freiwantt]padding:9px;border:solid 1px #191919;background-color:#282828;text-align:justify;width:430px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwantt1]background-color:#222222;padding:15px;color:#999999;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwantttop]background-color:#111111;color:#eeeeee;font:10px Inconsolata;letter-spacing:.3px;padding:15px;margin-bottom:5px;line-height:10px;letter-spacing:.5px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwantttop1]color:#dea02c;float:right;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttimg]padding:6px;border:solid 1px #191919;background-color:#1e1e1e;height:86px;width:86px;float:left;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttimg img]height:86px;width:86px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttinfo]background-color:#1e1e1e;padding:14px;border:solid 1px #191919;margin-left:105px;height:70px;font:12px Quattrocento Sans;text-transform:lowercase;margin-bottom:5px;line-height:14px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttinfo b]color:#dea02c;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttinfo table]margin:0px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttmid]border:solid 1px #191919;padding:14px;background-color:#1e1e1e;font:12px Inconsolata;margin-bottom:5px;line-height:10px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttmid b]font:bold 11px Quattrocento Sans;color:#dea02c;padding-right:5px;line-height:10px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttmid a]font:bold 11px Quattrocento Sans;color:#dddddd;padding-right:5px;line-height:10px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttbot]border:solid 1px #191919;padding:24px;background-color:#1e1e1e;font:11px Inconsolata;letter-spacing:.3px;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttbot b]font:bold 11px Quattrocento Sans;color:#dea02c;[/newclass] [newclass=.freiwanttbot a]font:bold 11px Quattrocento Sans;color:#eeeeee;[/newclass] |
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