broken hearts club ❤ [s]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
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we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2021 4:35:50 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
there was one thing that was true. jayden wasn't good with emotions.

[break][break] it wasn't his fault — he'd never been taught how. father had taught him many things — how to be cut-throat, how to be ruthless, how to build walls around you so that no one - not even rocket - would be able to infiltrate. mother had taught him how to hold a blade, how to press a knife just so that it would break skin but not puncture hearts. alexander had taught him — how to recognize danger, how to fight, how to run away.

[break][break] survival skills. that was all he had been taught.

[break][break] had taught him how to murder without guilt, had taught him how to survive.

[break][break] no one had ever taught him how to feel.

[break][break] but in the end, it was who taught him heartbreak.

[break][break] as he departed from at the festival and headed towards the crowd that was beginning to grow near the booths, jayden felt anxiety bubbling under his skin. he could kill a man without thinking twice, but crowds could be the thing that ended him. he thought about the last time that he'd been a crowd like this — the vital festival, though brief, had been a fond memory for him.

[break][break] the feeling of his umbreon chain dangling at his side, the feeling of warm hands on his skin, of the gentle, nearly static feeling of chu-e choi's gaze on him.

[break][break] he didn't know what it meant. didn't know what to do with it. all he knew was the thought of chu-e choi brought him something more — something more than despair, fear, pain.

[break][break] it was funny how one wrong thing could make everything rushing back.

[break][break] “We aren’t exactly subtle, bellissimo.”

[break][break] "Yeah. We're dating now."

[break][break] Somewhere, seemingly out of nowhere, the voice of his Shuppet echoes — brutal, vicious, and full of disdain. 'Idiot, you thought someone could love you too? What were you expecting?'

[break][break] Jayden gasped.

[break][break] He runs through the crowd, sprinting as far as his legs will take him. He doesn't pay attention to anyone he might run to on the way, doesn't realize that the shoulder he bumps into belongs to none-other-than his mentor . He doesn't realize, not even as he stumbles forward, falling to the floor and forcing himself up. His knees are skinned, his hands are bruised.

[break][break] He doesn't know where he's going — just that he has to escape.

[attr="class","flower"]








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[googlefont=Roboto|Montserrat|Roboto+Mono|Poppins:500,600,700|Quicksand]
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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
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8,667 posts
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TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2021 12:00:10 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
He's in a foul mood.

So when someone bumps into his shoulder, Gavin reacts instinctively and violently. Like he's a grunt back in his training days, he whirls and gives the offender a hard shove to knock them sprawling.

"Watch where you're going," he snarls.

Lips pull back in a sneer as he prepares for confrontation, practically begging for a fight, and it's only then that he realises who he'd just rudely introduced to the concrete.

"Shit — Jayden!"

Jayden staggers back to his feet and Gavin lifts his hands in an apologetic, consoling gesture.

"Didn't realise it was you; are you OK?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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4,484 posts
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2021 13:10:02 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
something shoves him hard and fast against the sand. it doesn't even register that it's someone he knows, until later.

[break][break] "are you okay?"

[break][break] the voice belongs to his mentor, gavin. in normal circumstances, jayden would know better than to run into him, would know better than to look at him the way he is looking — raw, open, vulnerable.

[break][break] but jayden can barely breathe.

[break][break] "i — i don't — "

[break][break] the words won't come out the way they're meant to. tears spill down his cheeks needlessly, his mind playing back over and over again the sight of chu-e choi and leon vercetti holding hands.

[attr="class","flower"]


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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2021 14:28:00 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
His own concerns are shelved immediately upon seeing the look on Jayden's face.

Raw, vulnerable, as if he's on the verge of collapse.

"Don't worry about it," he amends, realising Jayden's having trouble finding the words. Gavin's not an idiot. This isn't the reaction of someone who was upset at being pushed down. This was something else. "We're getting out of here. Come on."

His tone brooks no argument.

A Claydol is released from its capsule and in a flash, the duo is teleported from the busy beaches to a quieter area of Slateport's outskirts. This close to the night market, and during the day, there's barely anyone about.

Gavin approaches a building and unlocks the back door with a key, ushering his friend inside and up the stairs to one of Rocket's safehouses. It's the same one he'd once taken to, where she'd nearly thrown up on his shoes.

"What's wrong?"
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 2, 2021 15:01:52 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
just as he always is, gavin is there for him.

[break][break] for years now, since the beginning, gavin had always been there for him. where as his other influences in rocket had been questionable, gavin - despite everything, or maybe because of everything - had been the one stable presence in his life that he could count on. in more ways than one, gavin had saved him.

[break][break] and here he was, saving him again.

[break][break] jayden can barely pay attention as they are transported by his mentor's claydol out of the event's festivities. the lurch in his stomach doesn't even bring him to reality, not yet. his heartbeat pulses in his ears, his breath coming out as gasps. what is happening? he's never felt this way before, not any of the times that he was asked to kill, not any of the times daggers had pierced his skin, not any of the times he'd been disciplined.

[break][break] he stumbles in to the safehouse, feeling a slight sense of deja vu. he clatters into a nearby chair, wiping his face, but the tears won't stop falling. "i — i don't know —" he finally gasps, clutching at his throat. "i — just — chu-e —"

[attr="class","flower"]



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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 7, 2021 10:38:55 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
He's not good with crying.

Gavin hasn't shed tears since childhood. It's been beaten out of him, beaten into him that tears are a sign of weakness and something to be viewed with disgust. But he's not disgusted with his friend. He's worried.

"Chu-e?"

Surprise registers clear in his tone.

"Did he do something to you?"

Ordinarily, it'd be hard to believe could do anything to Jayden that would put him in such a state. But Gavin still remembers the other underboss gripping his throat, brandishing a blade. Give it back. Chu-e wasn't always Chu-e anymore.
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 8, 2021 6:33:55 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
jayden doesn't normally cry either.

[break][break] tears are a foreign thing for him, emotion is barely recognizable in fact. it's something true across the board for anyone like or himself, people who had been broken and bruised and beaten so many times that it was hard to tell where one thing started and one thing ended. sure, perhaps his mentor had been beaten into him by rocket leadership and he by his own blood, but the result was the same.

[break][break] and yet, jayden were here — gasping for breath.

[break][break] "i — no — i don't —" he gasps. he chokes on his own sobs. as much as he tries to stop it, he can't stop the tears that fall down his cheeks, relentless. something crushing on his chest. what's going on? what's happening?

[break][break] is he having a panic attack? impossible. dmitri made sure to guard him against it. weakness. jayden - gavin - all of rocket knows better than to succumb to it.

[break][break] and yet, jayden was here.

[break][break] he was hyperventilating. it's never happened before. he doesn't know what to do.

[attr="class","flower"]


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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 16, 2021 23:26:46 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
Unfortunately for , Gavin is equally ignorant of how to handle panic.

He's experienced panic attacks, of course. They'd become all but a part of the routine during the early days in Kanto when he'd struggled with the things they'd made him do, the person they'd turned him into. He'd never figured out how to cope.

He recognizes the symptoms but doesn't know how to help.

"Breathe slower," he suggests, but it's framed more like an order. "You're not going to be able to speak if you don't calm down."
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
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4,484 posts
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Jul 16, 2021 23:59:20 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
gavin doesn't know either.

[break][break] to be honest, most rockets wouldn't know. at least not rockets like them — the ones bruised, beaten, and re-formed just the way rocket wanted them to be. they were less emotional, less human.

[break][break] at another time, another situation, it may have been prudent to mention that it would have been useful for someone to host a therapy session for them.

[break][break] this time, however, jayden merely gasps, choking on his tears. it's only when gavin broaches a suggestion - a suggestion that sounds like a command - that jayden looks up. his eyes are teary, his voice wobbling, but he nods slightly.

[break][break] he sucks in a breath. in and out. in and out.

[break][break] the suggestion, while meager, does it's job. his breath slows, and though the tears have not quite slowed, it is enough for jayden's hiccups to pause, at least for the moment. clutching his sleeve, he wipes his face clear of the tears and swallows once more.

[break][break] "i-i saw him. at the festival. w-with — " he hesitates. "someone."

[attr="class","flower"]



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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 1, 2021 13:49:15 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
Tears are a sign of weakness—

Gavin continues to force aside the intrusive thought as struggles to calm himself.

"Okay," he says, slowly, brow furrowed with confusion because clearly there's more to it than that, otherwise Jayden wouldn't be in such a state. "Do you know who it was?"

A flash of something fierce, protective.

"Did they hurt him?" Then, worried. "Did he hurt them?"

His throat tightens around the thought of 's fingers at his throat, squeezing, draining.
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 2, 2021 4:39:15 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
he rubs his face, red and raw and tearful.

[break][break] he gasps again, swallowing. he tries to focus on breathing, like gavin told him to. "i - he was blond?" there are only a handful of people who he knows of in rocket who are blond, and gavin is one of them.

[break][break] but this was definitely not gavin.

[break][break] gavin would never betray him.

[break][break] then again, there'd been a point in his life that he'd thought wouldn't either.

[break][break] his heart trembles in his chest, fingers shaking. they drop to his knees, clutching white. "n-no-" he stutters. "i-i-" it goes against everything that he wants. growing up in rocket had taught him the importance of a fight or flight response.

[break][break] and this — this was definitely flight.

[break][break] he fights against it anyway — for gavin's sake.

[break][break] he thinks of the easy smile on as he spoke to the rocket underboss. a soft laugh. fingers touching.

[break][break] again, his heart squeezes painfully.

[break][break] jayden's fingers reach up to his own shirt, clutching at the space where his heart was. tears, unbidden, spring to his eyes again. "i think — i'm... hurt..?" violet eyes find that of , a storm of confusion and pain and hurt reflected in his opulent gaze.

[attr="class","flower"]




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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 2, 2021 13:30:37 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
"I'm blond, Jayden, that doesn't tell me much."

Well, he was a natural blond, anyway. He's dyed his hair a rich chestnut brown for the tournament, sweeps it back from his eyes as he wills himself not to lose his patience with .

It's not a physical hurt the other's suffering — sudden, sharp, Gavin finds clarity.

Oh, fuck. Tell me he doesn't—

"Jayden, do you like him?"

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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 2, 2021 14:35:57 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
in a normal state, gavin's remark would be enough to draw a laugh from him.

[break][break] but this wasn't that.

[break][break] he looks up to the other, confusion blooming even fiercer. something tangles like a tangrowth around his heart, squeezing tightly. they hold him in place, making him hostage to his own turbulent emotions.

[break][break] "i —"

[break][break] like him? what did gavin mean?

[break][break] "of course i like him," the words come out quick, a reflection. he swallows thickly. "i mean — he's — chu-e —" how does one explain what they mean by that?

[break][break] he thinks of the other rocket underboss, thinks of the way they first met. bruises blooming on cheeks, anger in his eyes, fear, fear and fear. he thinks of how they met years later, over a coffee shop table, threats blossoming naturally between them like flowers in a field.

[break][break] would you kill yourself - just because i asked you to?

[break][break] he wouldn't - not then.

[break][break] now - he wonders.

[break][break] his words are tangled in his throat too, vines squeezing even tighter still. it's like they're climbing up his throat, threatening to claw their way out.

[break][break] he looks up at again, conflicted. he knows that his response wasn't the thing that his mentor was looking for. he was asking something else, and jayden just —

[break][break] "w-what do you mean?"

[attr="class","flower"]




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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 2, 2021 15:06:55 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
Empathy ties knots in his stomach as he becomes more certain.

"I mean — do you fancy him?"

He almost corrects the Galarian colloquialism before recalling that himself is from Ballonlea. Perhaps it would make it easier to understand.

Gavin thinks of , frowns.

"Did you catch the colour of his eyes? The one Chu-e was with."
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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
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jayden cross
broken hearts club ❤ [s]
POSTED ON Aug 2, 2021 15:11:16 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","buryme"]
[attr="class","top"]
[attr="class","title"]
i should've known by now it was over

[attr="class","main"]
it does.

[break][break] it's been a while since he's had to think about anything in relation to galar, but the familiar terminology does make something comforting blossom in his chest. a reminder that gavin understood him maybe better than he understood himself.

[break][break] he swallows thickly, fingers sliding against his knees.

[break][break] "i..."

[break][break] his heart, which had been thudding in his chest moments ago, is calmer now as the moments pass. he thinks about what it means to fancy someone — to be honest, it's not something he's ever had to think about before. he frowns. "what.. does that mean? i mean — how would i know?" his gaze flickers up towards gavin's again, this time, his expression a bit clearer.

[break][break] he blinks.

[break][break] eye color? it takes him a moment, but...

[break][break] "red."

[break][break] it's the same red as his father's own eyes, a brilliant scarlet. but except, unlike dmitri's, the eyes of that person does not send a bone-chilling curl of fear down his spine.

[attr="class","flower"]




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