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POSTED ON Jan 21, 2019 5:38:25 GMT

[attr="class","freypost"]she does not understand her own feelings.

days ago, hours ago, she was a different frey, with different dreams and a different life ahead of her. and she was okay with that. she was happy with that. because that life ahead of her was one she was going to walk with emma.

and now the news trembles on her lips, quivers on her closed fist as she raises a hand to knock on one of the foster home's bedroom doors. she knows emma sits somewhere inside and maybe she's waiting for her. maybe she knows why frey was gone for an hour, arriving back to the house in a town car looking dazed.

she hasn't said it yet. and it's not because she's unhappy, or because she's terrified. it's because she's over the moon. and at the same time, as she feels a rush of excitement, of amiable nervousness, she is also angry. angry with herself for just not caring. because that's what it means, right? that she never cared about the life she's lost with emma.

i'm going to get another chance.

i'm sorry they picked me, but i have to go.

we'll still see each other, emma. i promise. i wouldn't have it any other way. they're nice people. really nice people.

none of the words feel right and she doesn't know how to make them feel right. so she holds her mother's half-moon pendant in her shaking hand. the chain sways and she huffs, unclenches her fist and just opens the door. it's what old frey would have done anyways.

"we need to talk," she says breathily, neatly sidestepping one of the older toddlers that breezes past her with a howl.

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castaway

the wolf

she/her

thirty

october 30

lumiose city, kalos

bisexual demi-romantic

rocket beast

beast

549 height

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

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TAG WITH @wolfe

POSTED ON Jan 22, 2019 20:05:43 GMT

freya morningstar likes this

[attr="class","runrun"]

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[attr="class","runruncirc"]

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[attr="class","runrunlyric"]
dreaming of[break]black & white

[attr="class","runrunpost"]
There's a stillness in the air, a heaviness that threatens to swallow Emma. She can feel the lump in her throat begin to rise, she can feel the tension. Freya is on the other side of the door, she can feel it. But there's hesitation on both sides. There's fear. There's sorrow.

From the window, Emma had witnessed Freya emerge from a car. She had stepped out of the doors of the vehicle, and she had had a happy, dazed look in her eye. Disbelief, maybe. She had sat there still even as she entered the building. The soft thump of the front entrance reverberated through the window sill.

Suddenly, Emma's heart did not feel so warm and fuzzy. Suddenly, this room didn't feel like home.

There's a pause, like the whole world has taken a deep breath. Emma lifts her head, her face placid and betraying none of her terror and grief. She turns to face the door as Freya opens it.

Freya Morningstar stands there in her pale beauty. While normally, Emma would have been over the moon. She would have taken a slight intake of breath, her eyes would have grown wide in awe and adoration. But, she remains still, she remains quiet, she remains afraid.

Her eyes flicker to her friend's hand as its clasped around her mothers necklace, then they flicker to her face as Freya begins to speak. Emma doesn't trust her voice to respond. She's never been the emotional type, but Frey has always brought out the best, and the worst, in her.

[attr="class","runruntag"]freya morningstar

[attr="class","runruncirc2"]

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crow

the ascendant

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twenty-nine

November 03

sootopolis

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TAG WITH @freya

POSTED ON Jan 22, 2019 21:28:28 GMT

[attr="class","freypost"]it hits her like a punch to the gut when she finally looks at emma, and relief sweeps over her. maybe before it hadn't felt real. maybe that's why she'd betrayed her, their life together, so easily. because that lunch hadn't really happened and that car ride hadn't happened, and she'd just been stuck in some fantasy, thinking that her life could diverge into two paths, and that she could follow both of them.

but the realness of it all sinks its teeth into her and when she goes to speak, to follow up with everything, her heart and soul, her throat goes dry. the tremble in her hands stretches to her quivering lips and suddenly she feels so, so weak.

i can't do this.

she's never been good with good-byes. she's never had the practice. too young to remember her father's face, only an infant when her mother passed. and her foster siblings never mattered; they were faces and names that floated about her until they were adopted, gone and replaced by someone new. until emma.

she realizes that she's standing there wordlessly in the doorway. she swallows. her fingers are stiff around the metal of the necklace. it feels cold in her grasp.

"you're my everything," she says as she takes a hesitant step forward. her legs feel weak. she enters, almost expecting to hear emma's voice (so soft when she speaks to her, so warm) coldly tell her to leave. but she perches on the edge of the bed, sits straight, folds her hands in her lap, fingers wringing together.

"but...you know what happened. i didn't think--we never thought...the morningstars. they came back. they want...me."

she looks up through moonlight locks, eyes pained. "they want me to be their daughter, ems."

and i want it too.

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played by

castaway

the wolf

she/her

thirty

october 30

lumiose city, kalos

bisexual demi-romantic

rocket beast

beast

549 height

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

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TAG WITH @wolfe

POSTED ON Jan 23, 2019 20:05:08 GMT

[attr="class","runrun"]

[attr="class","runrun2"]

[attr="class","runruncirc"]

[attr="class","runrunimg"]

[attr="class","runrunlyric"]
dreaming of[break]black & white

[attr="class","runrunpost"]
When Emma opens her mouth, her breath is shaky. Her lips tremble, her breath trails between her teeth, nervous and quiet. She feels cold, like there's ice in her veins. Her mouth has gone dry, her skin feels like static.

There's too long of a pause. Freya hasn't spoken, and neither has she. It's as if they're desperately screaming into the void, trying to find the right words. But what words are there?

Frey was leaving her, abandoning her, betraying her for a life that Emma only wished she could have back.

Emma is tuned into the fine details of her friend's frame. She knows how tightly she's grasping her mother's necklace. She can feel the tension, the unease. She's so beautiful, standing there, and it kills her.

"You're my everything."

It's like a slap in the face, and Emma looks at the ground as if it were physically painful. She tenses as Frey takes a step towards her. Then, shes on the edge of her bed. Emma looks down at her, her eyes glowing with pain.

Freya continues to speak, but her pain just doesn't seem real to her. It's selfish for her to think like that, to believe that she's lying.

The truth comes out like a tidal wave. It's everything that Emma feared, but everything that Emma had desperately wanted for her, once.

And it's for that reason that Emma doesn't lash out, she doesn't release all of the jealousy and the anger and the pain she's feeling. Instead, she smiles.

"I knew they would, Frey. You deserve this, you deserve to be happy."

Emma's own hand reaches out for hers. If she allows, she'll slip her fingers between Freya's, holding them tightly.

[attr="class","runruntag"]freya morningstar

[attr="class","runruncirc2"]

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crow

the ascendant

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twenty-nine

November 03

sootopolis

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TAG WITH @freya

POSTED ON Jan 24, 2019 2:20:29 GMT

[attr="class","freypost"]there is pain there in emma's eyes and frey wills herself to feel it, wills it to pull her under. but the tense knot in her stomach is slowly untying and there's a complacency to her thoughts and she's back to reeling at herself, wondering how this is okay. how emma can be okay when frey is sitting there before her, undoing everything in her mind, compartmentalizing, shutting it out.

she wants to be reprimanded. she wants to be hated, for her betrayal to sting her like it should. and she's borne witness to emma's fury; she knows what she's capable of.

maybe it's a different sort of cruelty that emma doesn't give her what she craves.

her voice is low when she says, "but i didn't know..." that's how these sort of things go. after so long of getting your hopes up and thinking that went well! we connected! they never call back, or their foster mother forgets to tell them that oh, yes, so-and-so family called and ended up elsewhere. so sorry. now run along!

she sniffs, twines her fingers with emma's, a movement done instinctually, and that's when it really hits her. she won't have this anymore. she won't have emma to anchor her, and she won't be here to stand as her rock. what will i do without her?

and then her thoughts went darker, turning to low-whispered conversations on harrowing days--what will she do without me?

she closes her eyes. "there's something else you don't know." she bows her head, almost as if in prayer, and presses the back of emma's hand to her forehead. "they don't live in kalos. they...live in hoenn. i'm to leave with them on a flight tomorrow."

she dares open her eyes, almost pleading when she breathes, "but i'll write. every day, if i have to. until you can come and join me. eighteen's not far now..."

Emma Wolfe

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played by

castaway

the wolf

she/her

thirty

october 30

lumiose city, kalos

bisexual demi-romantic

rocket beast

beast

549 height

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

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TAG WITH @wolfe

POSTED ON Jan 29, 2019 0:12:42 GMT

[attr="class","runrun"]

[attr="class","runrun2"]

[attr="class","runruncirc"]

[attr="class","runrunimg"]

[attr="class","runrunlyric"]
dreaming of[break]black & white

[attr="class","runrunpost"]
Is this what drowning feels like? Drowing in your own pain, your own fears? There's air all around her, but she can't seem to take it in. Her mind is spinning, her eyes are clouded with the tears she's fighting to keep at bay. Freya can't know how much pain she's in, Emma's always been the strong one.

Her fingers slide between her own, and Emma instinctively holds on tight. Her thumb caresses the delicate bones on the back of her hand. They're a perfect match, two slender hands locked in what had once been undying affection. Now, it feels like they're holding on for dear life. Like if they let go, they'll never come together again.

Emma feels the pit in her stomach grow to an unreasonable size as she tries to choke it down. Freya's hand lifts hers and she feels the warm skin of her forehead pressed against the back of her hand. It takes everything for Emma to not allow a sob to escape her lungs.

"Oh.."

It's weak, she can feel how weak her voice has become. She wasn't strong enough to keep up the illusion of strength, to try and pretend that this was okay, and she wasn't affected by Freya leaving her. Her voice is breaking, threatening to burst like a dam.

"Tomorrow? That's so soon. There's no time.." she whispers, trying to maintain the steadiness in her voice. Her fingers grip a little bit tighter, maybe too tight. Is she shaking? She feels like she's shaking, threatening to fall apart, like Freya has just plucked a crucial jenga piece from her and has now threatened her structural integrity.

Her eyes lock with Frey's, and they're glassy. She forces away her tears for the sake of the love of her life, to not hurt her.

"I'll be waiting for those letters, my love."

[attr="class","runruntag"]freya morningstar

[attr="class","runruncirc2"]

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crow

the ascendant

she/her

twenty-nine

November 03

sootopolis

demisexual

councilwoman

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TAG WITH @freya

POSTED ON Jan 30, 2019 20:54:19 GMT

[attr="class","freypost"]her eyes pinch, threatening the first tears yet. "there's tonight," she says quietly. and half of her wants to hang onto this, to turn this into an endless night, embrace the moon once more and run away from the dawn as long as she can. but the sun will shine tomorrow, and there is no stopping their time from ending.

and so the other half of her, the logical half, the pragmatic half, the half that had kept emma at a distance for so long, the half that smothers her emotions, keeps still her beating heart, tells her to make this a clean break. this chapter of their lives is over, regardless of their wistful night together; their love will be made up by letters and kisses folded in envelopes.

she will come back to her. of course she will come back to her. emma was and still is the end goal. it's just a different path. that's what freya keeps reminding herself. that's why she refuses to acknowledge the betrayal surfacing in the backs of emma's eyes.

that's why she indulges herself, heart over mind, and drops emma's hand, slides her arms around the small of her back, and leans into her, face pressed into her stomach; she breathes in her familiar, lovely scent and her eyes water again.

she sniffles, clenches her teeth. "you could come with me. i'll stow you away in my bags. no one would even know." her words, although spoken through a muffled smile, are still heavy.

Emma Wolfe

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played by

castaway

the wolf

she/her

thirty

october 30

lumiose city, kalos

bisexual demi-romantic

rocket beast

beast

549 height

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

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TAG WITH @wolfe

POSTED ON Feb 1, 2019 20:57:29 GMT

[attr="class","runrun"]

[attr="class","runrun2"]

[attr="class","runruncirc"]

[attr="class","runrunimg"]

[attr="class","runrunlyric"]
dreaming of[break]black & white

[attr="class","runrunpost"]
Emma sighs, the coolness of her breath likely stirring the loose strands of hair on Freya's head.

"There's tonight."

Freya drops her hand, and the woman's heart skips a beat, she worries for a moment that Freya meant something different with that statement.

But her head presses into her stomach, and she feels her arms hold fast around her waist.

She smiles wistfully, a tear sliding down her pale skin. One hand reaches up to brush it away, to hide the truth of her pain from Freya.

Emma very slowly slides to the ground, kneeling in front of the beautiful woman sitting before her. There's genuine love glowing in her eyes as she very slowly and deliberately watches Freya's face.

"I'm afraid I'm a little too big to fit in a suitcase."

Her hand reaches out for Freya's face, thumb brushing gently across her cheek to wipe away tears.

"Don't cry, Frey. I'm not worth crying over. I love you."

[attr="class","runruntag"]freya morningstar

[attr="class","runruncirc2"]

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crow

the ascendant

she/her

twenty-nine

November 03

sootopolis

demisexual

councilwoman

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TAG WITH @freya

POSTED ON Feb 2, 2019 4:45:31 GMT

[attr="class","freypost"]she won't feel her warm breath grace her cheeks right before they kiss. she won't feel the steady terseness of her hands when she's uncertain. she won't hear her laugh, the one she only makes when they're in solitude, alone in their togetherness.

she thinks she's been alone for this long, and that she can be alone again if this doesn't work out, but none of that is true. she's trading one family for another and there's no telling what's going to happen.

they can fantasize until the end of their days and the world could gently tell them no, that's not how this works.

"but you are my happiness, my sun and stars," she breathes, squeezing her eyes shut tight when emma's fingertips touch her cheeks. "and i love you to the moon and back. you know that."

she pinches one of her white locks in between her fingers, twirling it as words build up in the back of her throat. some of her excitement betrays her when she says, "the next time you see me, i might have my own dragon."

Emma Wolfe

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played by

castaway

the wolf

she/her

thirty

october 30

lumiose city, kalos

bisexual demi-romantic

rocket beast

beast

549 height

Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?

awards

1,571 posts

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part of

TAG WITH @wolfe

POSTED ON Feb 4, 2019 1:00:37 GMT

[attr="class","runrun"]

[attr="class","runrun2"]

[attr="class","runruncirc"]

[attr="class","runrunimg"]

[attr="class","runrunlyric"]
dreaming of[break]black & white

[attr="class","runrunpost"]
She's been hurt before.. but this is different. This is raw, like tearing at an old wound.

Emma's always been strong through, capable of withstanding anything. It's because of this strength that she doesn't betray just how hurt she is, how much pain Freya is inflicting.

Because.. it's not really her fault. Who wouldn't want the chance at a real family? At a mother and father who want nothing more than to dote on their child, who want to give them the best of everything. And the Morningstars train dragons. Freya is receiving the life most children can only dream of having.

Their future together where it was just the two of them, their own family.. it was nothing but a dream. It had always been merely a dream, and it was gone in an instant. Freya was willing to move onto a more realistic future in a heartbeat.

So, Freya's words sting when she tries to reiterate something that might only be a falsehood.

"I do know that, Freya."

Is that really the truth, though? It was for her. Emma had never loved anyone as much as she loved her. No one had understand her in the home, everyone thought her intimidating and mean. Not Freya.

"A dragon? That sounds amazing."

[attr="class","runruntag"]freya morningstar

[attr="class","runruncirc2"]

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played by

crow

the ascendant

she/her

twenty-nine

November 03

sootopolis

demisexual

councilwoman

champion

5'7 height

i got new love, new skin to wrap myself in

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part of

TAG WITH @freya