[break]
Too cold.
[break][break]
Too dark.
[break][break]
Too unfamiliar.
[break][break]
Too suffocating.
[break][break][break]
The submarine provides no comfort to Mars. It is no home and it is no place of safety. And yet, where else could he have gone?
[break][break]
Hoenn itself is not a safe place, perhaps it will never be for him. Most places will never be.
[break][break]
It’s supposed to be a safe place for Cian though, and on this evening, Mars made it so it wasn’t one. He was the one who insisted on going on the mission with him. He came up with the plan. He wasn’t careful enough. He overlooked things. He fucked up.
[break][break]
Too much had happened, and all of it was his fault… Or, perhaps it’s just easier to take all the blame and punish himself when there’s nothing to do but sit in the silence and hold Cian’s hand, hoping he will soon wake up.
[break][break]
When had he fallen asleep? How long has it been?
[break][break]
Tiredly, honey-coloured eyes look up, and when seeing the familiar sight of Cian watching him, there is a faint – gentle yet exhausted – smile.
[break][break]
”Hey…”
[break][break]
Then, guilt washes over him one more time.


[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

Truly, there had been no need to sweep things under the rug.
[break][break]
The objective of the mission had been fulfilled, and what else were they expected to do but defend themselves if someone attacked them with the aim to kill? It was simple self-defense; nothing more, nothing less. The body had been disposed of with the silent efficiency agents of the Sinnoh crime syndicate pride themselves in, and Team Rocket’s name hadn’t even been mentioned in the presence of the other Fallarbor gang members. Mars had been careful about this. For all intents and purposes, the mission had been a success, for it is not the first one of them to end with a dead body, and it’s bound to happen again. Most of the time, situations like these are far messier.
[break][break]
This is how Mars had spun things, for it is the truth and nothing else. The involvement of his Sinnoh associates had not been mentioned, of course, but there had been no need to do such a thing – it would have only been detrimental to him.
[break][break]
Both of them getting injured though?
[break][break]
That is unacceptable, that much Mars can agree.
[break][break]
Even if he may have forgotten to make mention of his own injuries out of concern for Cian’s well-being...
[break][break]
Why does Cian care more about the mission than his well-being?
[break][break]
”We’re not.”
[break][break]
He’s too tired to properly explain, but he sits up, straightening his back and stretching only to be filled with immediate regret. It fucking hurts. Moving too much, every single breath; it all hurts. There’s a sigh, short and shallow instead.
[break][break]
”You have a mild concussion, you had me really worried there for a second.”
[break][break]
The smile remains, just as his worry does as well.


[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

”Mmm… I think I just fractured a rib or two.”
[break][break]
’Fractured’, not ‘broken’, because it sounds better and less concerning even if they could easily mean the same thing – plus, he’s not certain. Even when tired and in pain, Mars is as careful with his words as always. It’s a habit, one that comes subconsciously.
[break][break]
”I’m fine though, don’t worry.”
[break][break]
With this, he gently pokes Cian’s cheek, because it’s true indeed.
[break][break]
It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before, he will be just fine. And, as tired as he may be, Cian’s alright, and that’s what matters the most right now.
[break][break]
Would anything ever matter more than that?
[break][break]
As per usual, Mars pushes away thoughts like that one, because they come with painful answers and even more painful reminders.

[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

”Lucky me.”
[break][break]
It does make him feel lucky, and the pout makes him smile, even if this is too quick to fade away when the poke is returned…
[break][break]
In its place, there’s wincing that can’t be suppressed.
[break][break][break]
Mars may be a good actor, but he isn’t good enough to completely hide physical pain.
[break][break]
”Ow. Fuck, don’t do that.”
[break][break]
Yeah, there’s definitely something fractured there. He can barely even breathe properly, as every breath too deep comes with discomfort and sometimes even sharp pain.
[break][break]
”...I didn’t.”
[break][break]
He knows what Cian is going to say, but he had been busy with making sure the mission wrapped up nicely and that they made it back to the submarine in time for Cian to get proper medical assistance. Then there had been reports to file, and by the time he had returned to the medical bay, all he had wanted to do was sit by Cian’s bed and wait for him to wake.
[break][break]
He’s exhausted.

[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

The slap startles him.
[break][break]
Most people would probably think Mars to be the kind of person who no one would ever dare slap, but the truth is that it has happened plenty of times in the past. None of those times have been even close to being this kind. This time, there’s no aggression, no anger, or if there is a hint of anger, it is out of concern and nothing else…
[break][break]
He doesn’t want Cian to be concerned.
[break][break]
”But…”
[break][break]
He’s stubborn though, and there’s more than a few reasons why he’d rather stay sitting right where he is. He wants to be by Cian’s side, sure, but there’s also the fact that being told how much damage there is would only serve as a reminder of how weak he is. A reminder that he made stupid mistakes. A reminder that he failed.
[break][break]
Thank Arceus he’s not back at Sinnoh, because his mind is flooded with the consequences faced by his younger self.
[break][break]
Weakness is unacceptable. It will always be unacceptable.
[break][break]
He sighs, and with this there is pain.
[break][break]
”I’ll be fine, Cian. I promise.”

[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

’Please.’
[break][break]
While usually the insistence would annoy him, this time it doesn’t, because there’s no way he could be annoyed at this. Not when coming from Cian. Not when it’s only because he’s worried about him…
[break][break]
For a second, Mars really wishes he could be the kind of person who quietly complies and does as he’s asked.
[break][break]
Instead, he takes a short breath, allowing himself to lean forward and once again rest both his arms and head on the bed. From where he is, he looks up at Cian.
[break][break]
”...It’ll be annoying though.”
[break][break]
He knows what they’ll say. Unless it’s something more than what he imagines it is, there’s not much they can do, in which case they’d probably just give him strong analgesics.
[break][break]
Fuck, he’d really love some painkillers right about now though.
[break][break]
Having wounds like these heal without them is a pain, quite literally, and yet… Isn’t it pain he deserves?
[break][break]
”Can’t I just stay here for a bit?”


[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER

They’re both stubborn, maybe too stubborn for their own good, but it’s one of the things Mars likes about being with Cian – one of the things he likes about Cian.
[break][break]
He won’t easily give in, especially about something like this.
[break][break]
It can be really frustrating, just like it was earlier, but at times like this, it’s… nice.
[break][break]
It’s exactly what he needs, actually, because Cian is one of the only people to whom Mars would listen.
[break][break]
So, when the hand reaches for his cheek, he easily leans into the touch, closing his eyes for a second to enjoy the feeling.
[break][break]
”Not for you, it was my fault.”
[break][break]
His voice is quiet, a mere whisper, and while he’s right, it’s also at this point that he finally gives into the demands.
[break][break]
”I’ll go soon.”
[break][break]
Compromise.
[break][break]
Once more, honey-coloured eyes look up at Cian, watching him in silence for a moment before speaking up:
[break][break]
”How are you feeling?”
[break][break]
He’s been wanting to ask, but the conversation shifted too quickly.



[BREAK][BREAK]

+ CIAN MAHER