between bites, cian looks over to ask:

"you know i'll still like you even if you didn't look this good, right?"

that's not to say he doesn't appreciate the effort mars puts into keeping in shape, but it's a small reason as to why cian likes him so much.

"i feel safe with you, mars. and you make me happy even if you didn't have abs."

a finger reaches over to gently poke mars's side.

"so eat what you want because i sure as fuck do."

Martín del Mar

☉

’You know I'll still like you even if you didn't look this good, right?’
[break][break]
Mars looks at him too.
[break][break]
Honestly, this is not something which he had considered before. Mars watches his diet and works out because he himself cares way too much about his appearance, because he wants to always look his best, and because he likes putting in the effort that doing as much takes. But, for some reason, there’s something nice about hearing Cian say he'd still like him even if he were to put less effort and care less...
[break][break]
Is it reassuring, perhaps?
[break][break]
Does Mars need to be reassured?
[break][break]
No time is given to consider this, a smile tugging at his lips upon hearing Cian’s next words. Once more, his heart flutters, and there’s those feelings that are all too warm.
[break][break]
”That’s not fair… How am I supposed to eat when you say things that make me want to spend all my time kissing you?”
[break][break]
He pouts at this, and he follows it with a chuckle, allowing himself to place a quick peck upon Cian’s lips.
[break][break]
”I also feel safe and happy when I’m with you, Cian.”
[break][break]
An honest smile, and with that, his attention returns to the s’mores, taking another bite.

[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

despite his words and the sentiment he shares, cian knows better than anyone what it's like to stay fit if only for the sake of his self-confidence. he tells himself it's why he still bothers with running at all, but that's not really true, is it?

regardless, he's more than happy to give mars all the reassurance he could possibly need and more.

"i'm just being honest."

he returns the peck, smiling even when mars pulls away.

"would you still be happy if i had forgotten to bring us food?"

with a chuckle, he returns to his s'mores as well, finishing it off before reaching into the bag to roast another marshmallow.

Martín del Mar

☉

”Honest, sure, but it’s still sweet.”
[break][break]
It really is.
[break][break]
Sweet in a way Mars had almost forgotten people can be.
[break][break]
Sweet in a way that reminds him of all the reasons why he’s happy to be with Cian.
[break][break]
This reminder is perhaps what makes him chuckle at the next question, and while sitting next to Cian, he still moves closer – relishing in the simple comfort of being by his side.
[break][break]
”Yeah, for sure. I mean… It wouldn’t have been a big deal, right? It would have sucked at first, but I could just text Andrea to bring us food or something.”
[break][break]
A smirk, because of course Mars made sure his phone still had reception when coming here, even if he knows that would have been an annoying thing to ask from his assistant.
[break][break]
”I wouldn’t get mad at you over something like that, Cian.”


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

"your phone still has reception here?"

of course it would. this is mars we're talking about here. not that either of them would know, however, as they've both been far too busy to even bother checking their phones.

and what reason is there? there's nothing else cian needs besides the person next to him at this very moment.

he leans against mars, relishing the comfort that comes from it.

"have you actually been mad at me before? besides the hot springs."

Martín del Mar

☉

”It should, but I haven’t really had the time or remembered to check.”
[break][break]
The implication is obvious, and Mars chuckles at it, because while making sure his phone actually does have reception should have been a priority from the start instead of simply confirming with his service provider beforehand, he has been too preoccupied with spending time with Cian. To the point that, truthfully, he couldn’t care less about that sort of stuff.
[break][break]
So, he leans against him, watching the crackling campfire as he gently rests his head on Cian’s shoulder.
[break][break]
’Have you actually been mad at me before? Besides the hot springs.’
[break][break]
Has he ever actually been mad at Cian before?
[break][break]
”I wasn’t mad at the hot springs, more like disappointed… and sad.”
[break][break]
And hurt, but Mars isn’t one to easily admit to things like that, as admitting to feeling down is already difficult enough.
[break][break]
”I don’t think I’ve been properly mad at you before, no. It takes a lot for me to get upset like that… How about you? Have I ever made you mad?”


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

disappointed and sad. fuck, he kinda wishes mars had been mad instead, because these are emotions that, while relatively familiar, make him feel much worse. still, guilt eats away at him even if it hadn't been entirely his fault.

when the same question is asked of him, he takes a moment to ponder over it.

"yeah, all the time really, with how fucking perfect you are."

he rolls his eyes, putting on an act for just a few seconds before eventually chuckling.

"no, not yet. but i'm sure a day will come."

not just for cian, but for mars, too.

Martín del Mar

☉

Mars doesn’t blame Cian for what happened at the hot springs, not anymore, not after finding out the real reasons why he had to cancel their plans. But, he knows Cian probably blames himself, and he really wishes there were something he could say to change that.
[break][break]
There isn’t, but he does hold Cian’s hand, gently squeezing even if there’s a soft laugh that comes when hearing his reply.
[break][break]
”Oh, fuck you, what happened to being glad you have a perfect boyfriend?”
[break][break]
He knows Cian is joking, as he is too, and he’s glad for it, because the thought of them potentially being upset at each other one day is not one he enjoys – even if he also knows it will probably happen.
[break][break]
”Ah, my perfect boyfriend, ever the optimist.” A chuckle, and another gentle squeeze of his hand. Mars is also no optimist, after all. ”Okay, what do you think would make you mad, then?”



[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

cian shrugs.

"it comes and goes."

a lot like what cian used to do before meeting mars.

at mars' question, he thinks, finishing off another s'more before handing it over to mars.

there's not a lot cian would get mad at because, for the most part, he just doesn't care enough. so he has to try really hard to come up with something, and naturally, he thinks of rocket.

"i dunno. maybe if we're on a mission or something and you went against what we had agreed on."

Martín del Mar

☉

’It comes and goes.’
[break][break]
If Mars were even slightly insecure, those words would probably bother him. And yet, even when he isn’t and even if knowing Cian is only joking, there’s a small part of him that wonders: are there times when Cian isn’t glad to be with him?
[break][break][break]
He knows better than to ask this question out loud, pushing it aside as no more than a silly thought. They’re here, together, like this… Cian himself said he’s glad, so there’s no reason to be thinking things like those.
[break][break]
It is quietly that he listens to Cian’s words while taking a bite from the s’more, and silence lingers between them for a few seconds then, only interrupted by the sound of the campfire.
[break][break]
”That makes sense, I’d get mad if you did that too… Probably also if you kept something important from me without a good reason.”
[break][break]
Is that hypocritical?
[break][break]
Maybe, since there are many things about his life that he hasn’t told Cian, but he does have his reasons for that...




[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

cian should really stop joking around like that. he doesn't realize he does it as often as he does, and if their roles had been reversed, he'd definitely wonder the same thing mars is.

so it's not an unfair thought to have at all. if only it had been voiced, then perhaps they could easily clear the air.

but like usual, most things are left unsaid between them.

"well, it's a good thing i'm not keeping anything important from you, then."

that much is true.

"i'm also a pretty bad liar."

that much is untrue, as evident by what happened earlier.

Martín del Mar

☉

Out of necessity, Mars has learned to keep things to himself.
[break][break]
He has learned that people should only be made aware of his actual feelings when it’s absolutely necessary and when he truly trusts them, because they could so easily be used against him.
[break][break][break]
He has learned to lie, he has learned to deflect, because the truth about his life is something that cannot be shared with just anyone – for their sakes and for his as well.
[break][break]
How many secrets has he kept from even his closest friends? How many times has he hidden his feelings from them?
[break][break]
Mars doesn’t know, because the answer is ’countless’.
[break][break]
”A bad liar? You know that’s not true.”
[break][break]
There’s a chuckle, because it’s a simple truth. Just like him, Cian can lie, and everything that happened earlier confirmed as much. How much does Cian keep to himself? How much has been unwilling to share? He says there’s nothing important, so Mars tells himself to trust this.
[break][break]
It just ends up making him feel like he’s being a hypocrite, though.
[break][break]
A sigh, preparing himself for what’s to come:
[break][break]
”Honestly, on that note... there’s probably still a lot I should tell you about my family and all, but I feel like talking about that now would just ruin all this. I want us to have fun tonight.”
[break][break]
Meeting his gaze, there’s a smile, a gentle and somewhat apologetic one, perhaps even a bit sad.
[break][break]
He hates even the thought of talking about all that stuff, but despite this hatred, he finds that he wants to be honest with Cian.




[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

"what makes you think we won't still have fun?"

cian's confident they still will, even if he doesn't know exactly the gravity of what's about to be said.

but as usual, he plays it off as though it weighs little, and he catches himself doing so this time.

so, to correct it, he meets mars' gaze, returning the smile with one of his own before sighing.

"whatever you want to tell me, mars, i'll listen."

Martín del Mar

☉