Where to even start?
[break][break]
No matter how reassuring Cian tries to be, the sadness doesn’t flee from the faint smile Mars gives him, and with a sigh, he leans in to gently kiss his cheek, holding his hand and allowing their fingers to intertwine. Not just for Cian’s sake, but for his own. At this moment, perhaps above all moments, this is something he needs.
[break][break]
At first, there is silence, Mars holding Cian’s gaze.
[break][break]
And, when he does speak, his words are calm; steady, serious, quiet, and also spoken as if a dangerous secret to be shared only between them.
[break][break]
”Remember how I told you that even with all my money and resources, I can’t just leave even if I wanted to? That my family would never allow it to happen?”
[break][break]
They had had that conversation once, when they had talked about Cian wanting to leave Team Rocket one day. There’s a lot Mars had to hold back and keep to himself back then...
[break][break]
”I said it because it has happened before… And I don’t just mean everything that happened with Cosima.”
[break][break]
The image of calm breaks with these last words, ever being difficult to even speak the name of the woman he once loved.
[break][break]
The woman who died because of him.
[break][break]
Because she wanted something better for him.
[break][break]
And for their child too.


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

there is no one out here but them and them alone. their fingers intertwine, and with a gentle squeeze, cian looks to ground his partner.

even with what's said, there is still too much he doesn't understand.

"what do you mean?"

he draws circles on the back of mars' hand.

"did you try to leave once?"

Martín del Mar

☉

It grounds him, and Mars is thankful for it. Thankful that, even if Cian doesn’t really understand, he’s still willing to be here for him. To listen to him. To support him. To try to comprehend what Mars’ life is really like…
[break][break]
He cares, and that means a lot to Mars.
[break][break]
”It’s not that I tried.”
[break][break]
Shaking his head, he sighs, and leaning against Cian, he turns away in order to look at the campfire. It’s easier to remember like this. It’s easier to allow himself to share these painful memories he hasn’t spoken of in years.
[break][break]
”You know how people think I was born and raised in Kalos and then moved to Sinnoh, right? That’s the whole story I spin...”
[break][break]
Martín del Mar’s backstory, that is. One to which there is much more truth than what most people who know who Mars really is would actually realize. The Kalos part is not just a diversion. There’s truth to it, because lies are always more natural and easier to tell when they’re something that even the one telling them can believe – when they’re something they’re familiar with.
[break][break]
”I was born in Canalave, but my dad took me away not long after that. Stole me away, is more like it… My mum had just passed away and he was probably just trying to do what he thought was best for me because he knew the kind of life my family would give me... I don’t really know, I never got to find out why he really did it.”
[break][break]
A sigh and a pause, the memories being all too painful to be ignored.
[break][break]
Why had he done all that?
[break][break]
The mere mention of his father has been made to be a taboo topic throughout his life. Even now, speaking of him feels strange when remembering what his family would do when he dared bring the topic up as a child. It makes him want to shut up and never say another word about this. To tell Cian to forget it and take it all back.
[break][break]
But, Mars will fight this feeling, because it’s yet another result of the ways they have tried to control his life, and he’s sick and tired of that.
[break][break]
”We lived in hiding, but I obviously didn’t know that much as a kid. The last place I remember us living in was Ambrette Town, in Kalos. We stayed there a couple of years. I was just a normal kid like any other… it was really nice.”
[break][break]
Nice. Something Mars rarely calls his past.



[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

cian knows how difficult it must be for mars to be sharing all this, to be reliving memories that he'd much prefer to keep buried, so he appreciates how much he's trying and lets him know with a warm smile as he continues to draw circles.

"that sounds nice. i've never been to ambrette."

he's only been to lumiose and even then it had been a relatively short trip.

"what happened after?"

why did you move back?

Martín del Mar

☉

”Yeah? Maybe we should go sometime, I haven’t been since I was a kid… There’s a really nice aquarium there, my dad used to take me all the time.”
[break][break]
Which, subconsciously, is probably part of why Mars loves water type pokémon and the ocean as much as he does, since his days spent with his father at Ambrette’s aquarium and beaches had been some of the happiest of his life. Had there even been a boat? He vaguely remembers there being a boat...
[break][break]
Maybe it had been his grandfather’s....
[break][break]
From when the Marzáns had finally found them....
[break][break]
Where they had taken them in order to…
[break][break]
”...The Marzáns finally caught up with us. I was six.”
[break][break]
How to say what comes next?
[break][break]
How to explain why all those memories are now painful and bloodstained?
[break][break]
Perhaps, there is no way but what is most clear and transparent:
[break][break]
”They tortured and killed him for betraying the family… and they made me watch it all happen. My dad died because of me, Cian.”
[break][break]
No roundabouts, nothing being implied. Just the plain and horrible truth about a guilt Mars has had to carry for twenty long years of his life.




[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

huh. maybe that's where mars' love for water-type pokemon comes from. he chooses not to comment on it, leaving it instead as a thought for later.

the marzáns finally caught up with us.

it doesn't need to be said, not really, because cian can interpret enough from what's already been said. not the words come anyway, and with it, sympathy.

"i'm sorry, mars."

his hand squeezes, emphasizing his point.

"...but i don't think he died because of you. you aren't at fault for any of it."

and it sickens him to hear what they did to him.

"he died protecting you."

Martín del Mar

☉

’He died protecting you.’
[break][break]
Cian is not wrong, Mars knows this.
[break][break]
But, that still makes it his fault, doesn’t it?
[break][break]
His father had died because of him: because he had been born, because he had dared want a better life for him, because he had betrayed the family when taking him away, because he had spent years running from the Marzáns for his sake, because he had raised him in a way that made him weak.
[break][break]
Over the years, Mars has heard of his father’s crimes countless times. Of all the supposed reasons why he deserved to die.
[break][break]
He had died because of him.
[break][break]
He had died because the Marzáns thought he dared take something that belonged to them.
[break][break]
Mars doesn’t belong to them.
[break][break]
Gently, he squeezes Cian’s hand in return, still watching the fire.
[break][break]
”He did… and he didn’t deserve it, Cian... And they didn’t deserve to get away with it.”
[break][break]
They should pay for it.
[break][break]
They need to pay for it.
[break][break]
No matter how much time has passed.


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

it's tragic.

it's painful.

it's fucking unfair.

no one deserves to go through what mars did.

slowly, things begin to make sense.

"...is that why you're in team rocket?"

is that the only reason we met?

the fire continues to burn idly in the background, holding little of his interest. mars has all of it.

Martín del Mar

☉

’...Is that why you're in Team Rocket?’
[break][break]
It’s this question that finally makes him look at Cian, pulling away just so slightly in order to properly hold his gaze.
[break][break]
Will Cian hate what he has to say?
[break][break]
He squeezes his hand.
[break][break]
”It’s why I joined. My family doesn’t know that, because they have their own connections to Team Rocket... but I have my own plans.”
[break][break]
Plans to put an end to them and to the whole syndicate while at it.
[break][break]
Plans to get revenge.
[break][break]
Plans to make sure they never even try to harm someone he cares for again.
[break][break]
”It’s why I came to Hoenn, Cian.”
[break][break]
These plans that were born because of grief, and that now exist out of pride, hatred, and need.
[break][break]
Still, these plans are not the only reason he stayed.

[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

revenge.

it's something cian has never quite felt before, so he can't fully relate to what mars must constantly feel or what drives him daily. but he knows how powerful it can be, and more importantly, how dangerous it can be.

"mars."

he squeezes his hand in return, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts.

"so you're only here so you destroy them."

a pause.

"is that it?"

Martín del Mar

☉

Revenge drives him. Revenge pushes him forward. At his very lowest, when things were the worst they had ever been, the thought of revenge gave him the willpower and strength to stand and look ahead. But…
[break][break]
Revenge does not consume him.
[break][break]
Not anymore.
[break][break]
It’s not everything.
[break][break]
This is something he has no trouble realizing as he looks into Cian’s eyes, and so, the answer comes with no hesitation or doubt:
[break][break]
”No, Cian, that’s not the only reason I’m here.”
[break][break]
’I’m here because of you.’
[break][break]
There’s a soft smile, and a gentle squeeze of his hand.
[break][break]
”It’s why I came here, yes, but it’s not the reason why I’m choosing to stay… Even once my plans are fulfilled, with my family gone, I’ll still stay in Hoenn.”
[break][break]
’Because you’re here.’
[break][break]
Mars will achieve everything he has planned to achieve, of that he has no doubts, but why is it difficult to share everything that dwells within his heart? Does he fear Cian will not want to stay by his side? Perhaps, it has to do with the fact that deep down, he knows this path of revenge is leading him become everything he hated once…
[break][break]
A person who, in Mars’ eyes, shouldn’t be loved by anyone.
[break][break]
Someone who Cian shouldn't like because he deserves much better than that.

[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

"why would you ever choose to stay in hoenn?"

it almost sounds accusatory, hostile, but he teeters on the line well enough. mars' soft smile placates as he once again returns the squeeze of his hand.

"when your plans are fulfilled, when your family's gone..."

a beat.

"...leave, mars. there's nothing in hoenn."

Martín del Mar

☉

’Leave, Mars. There's nothing in Hoenn.’
[break][break]
Is that really what Cian believes?
[break][break]
He wants him to leave?
[break][break]
Hearing it hurts, perhaps much more than what Mars would admit even to himself. To a point that, no matter how good of an actor he may be, no matter how hard he may try to hide his feelings, that pain shows itself in the way he looks at him.
[break][break]
”That’s not true, Cian.”
[break][break]
Mars sighs, but he still looks at him, and he still holds his hand.
[break][break]
”Hoenn has given me a lot of things I’m thankful for everyday.”
[break][break]
That soft smile also remains, and it’s honest, even if there’s pain.
[break][break]
”It’s where you are, and that makes it a better place than any other.”
[break][break]
Maybe it’s time to stop allowing things like these to remain unsaid, but that still doesn't make them any easier to say.

[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION