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SOMETIMES THE SILENCE

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[attr="class","freiwanttmid"]CHARACTER FACTION league

[attr="class","freiwanttmid"]CHARACTER RANK cadet

[attr="class","freiwanttmid"]FACE CLAIM albedo from genshin impact

[attr="class","freiwantttop"]GUIDES THE MIND,

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Your life, like many others is happy, peaceful. Your parent's generation didn't know of the war. You didn't know. You couldn't have known, sweet talked by ideas of justice, and duty. You are a promising recruit, your determination moving you ever further in a career of killing. You are swept away, and when you are finally lead back home, there isn't one to come back to. But you don't admit that. You don't face the loss. Instead, you look away and turn your focus to your work. Someone takes a shine to you, and changes out your basic weapon for a sniper rifle. The work comes easy, as you're already light on your feet and quick to the draw. You bury your heart in the duty, serving and protecting your own. Your intelligence marks you for leadership, and you a deigned a waste as just a sniper. You try to avoid it. [break][break]

You care for the grieving, as it helps dull your own. Unwilling to lead, but unable to look away from those that look to you, you take the reigns. You accept leadership. They trust you, and you vow to protect them.

That's when you meet her. Unyielding, courageous, determined, and sure of herself. She is your right hand, and together you take care of the rest. You rely on her, and she guides you. You stand opposed at times, but you both understand you want what's best for the whole. Victory, and minimal casualties. Through grim circumstances you build an unbreakable bond with her and the rest of your unit. But even with her assistance, you cannot save everyone. Those who are lost take with them a piece of your heart. You can no longer afford mistakes, and that much is clear when you lose your first after you are given true command. You struggle with the burden, but luckily you can share it with a friend. [break][break]

When your home falls, you fall with it. You and your colleagues drop like dominoes, reinforcements are not coming. Evacuation is limited time only. Immeasurable grief racks you as you painstakingly retreat, the last man out, in tears like the rest of your people. You don't know want to think about how many wounded may have been left behind. You abandon your post and it weighs so heavily on your soul. [break][break]

Survivor's guilt is a bitch. What use is it to be a paragon of honor? Was there ever a point to being an example of duty? Of loyalty? Of integrity? How can you lead when there is no one to lead? How can you lead when your actions have brought your people's lives to their end? [break][break]

And what did you gain? A scorched home, and droves of dead. Yours. You have taken lives and the world, in turn has returned to you the same kindness. Was it worth it, Paxton? The blood on your hands- did it really help anyone? [break][break]



Your youth stolen from you, your home taken from you. And when CALLISTA MOON speaks of the rebels, after you have carried the broken and the damned in the hopes of getting them back to their families, you feel numb. You can't stop her, and you feel her slip through your fingers as you argue and scream and shout don't do it. It's not worth spilling blood that wouldn't change a thing. Not like this. But she doesn't listen, and you resign her to the dead. You regret your last words with her as she regards you coldly. [break][break]

You leave. You arrange your affairs, settle your comrades, bid them goodbye, and disappear. [break][break]

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The process to extricate you is just slow enough to drive you mad, but fast enough that you will not be able to seeher. Her file drops on your desk and you think you're seeing a ghost. You read the name once. Then you read it again, twice. Your tired eyes are suddenly wide and focused. You straighten your back as you go through the little bit you get. It's a transfer, of course. They'd finally given up on Kanto. You skim, you snicker. [break][break]

She's alive. Thank the Gods, she's alive. You'd resigned her to dead and gone after you left the region. And then you get to the end, and you realize you will not be here to receive her. Your smile, delicate as it was, disappeared. What a shame. And then you look at your computer, and you begin writing a letter to tape into her file. [break][break]


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You have no hope left but something has to keep your sorry excuse of a fucking corpse going. They do. They might still be alive. The family you thought you lost. [break][break]

Its hopeless, but its something. Dreams after all, can be the impossible. [break][break]


You are a raw nerve, driven by your own desires. You barely eat, you barely sleep. You are no longer devoted to those you protect, for you serve no one but yourself. Your heart has changed, dust in its cage. You don't strive for petty ideals like justice and honor anymore. You only seek power. Resources. You traded in your medals for something with utility. You quietly pack away those memories in the earth where only you and the dead will find it. [break][break]

That honorable leader, that selfless child is gone. [break][break]


And with the dusty remains, you try to shape a new heart. It will never be as big or as warm as the old one, but at least you will have something. [break][break]