Eye contact, oddly enough, had always been a forte of his— even if it hadn’t always been the case. Truthfully speaking, it had all been because of his initial adversity and incapability of doing so far within his childhood that he forced himself to become accustomed to it as he grew older. Lying (specifically and exclusively in the face of those that he cared about) had always been a vice of his, though for the most part, he had always been more than capable of returning a gaze such such genuine respect that many would fall victim to skepticisms as to whether or the look portrayed the heart accurately, if not paving the way for them to believe the front, altogether. As he stood there before her, however, those dualed hues of uncertainty seemed to have a mind of their own as they continuously grazed the wooden fixtures of the grounds beneath him. He was aware of it. Painfully aware.[break][break]

Painfully aware of his attempted avoidance.[break]
Painfully aware of the wry smile that lingered upon his lips.[break][break]

Painfully aware of how he was acting, altogether.[break][break]

It had been nothing short of a pitiful display, and that fact alone had been what anchored him so dearly and desperately to the ground within the silence that overcame them in light of his words. He wanted to look at her; to see her reaction to it all so that he could properly compose himself and anchor himself to something other than quite literally anything else. However, as the beating of his heart remained constant and ever prominent, so did his eyes remain. Though out of sight, the fingers grasping the doorknob sought to tighten around the metal a faint bit more within an instinctive and absentminded gesture. Though slight and subtle, his jaw clenched lightly as he continuously eyed the planks and their outlines.[break][break]

So awkward… So sensitive… he thought to himself, his eyes narrowing with a raise of the cheeks that came in tandem with a broadened smile that had been unbeknownst to him. Just get yourself in line. You’ve done it before. It shouldn’t be much different here.[break][break]

His hand clenched tighter against the spherical form of the knob.[break][break]

Look at her.[break][break]

He tapped his thumb softly while closing his eyes.[break][break]

Get it together.[break][break]

He inhaled slowly and deeply.[break][break]

Look. At. Her.[break][break]

A gaze directed not at her, though once more at the shaded gradients amidst the panels that dwelled beneath them. They lingered upon the hallway out before him and towards the side, and after finding it within himself to consciously (forcefully) stop himself from tapping even more rapidly, hues of crimson and gold, alike, had seemed to finally gain enough certainty to begin trailing closer towards the very person that stood before him, though rather than taking the time as intended, the man found himself quickly looking up at the note of movement from the edges of his peripheral. The pressure against his hand followed as he realized the door shifting towards him, and within an instinctive manner to save himself the difficulty that would follow having a door quite literally thrusted towards him, he finally let go and sought to take a pace or two back.[break][break]

…He found himself at a momentary loss as he felt the familiar feeling of arms wrapped around him, however. Firmly. Tightly, almost…desperately.[break][break]

For just a spell, his eyes lingered upon the wall opposing him, idly eying the illumination offered by the television set in the order room. The words met his ears despite the meekness and softness of them, and in the moments following their speech, his eyes finally lowered faintly along the wall, then down to the floors before him, and then finally, finally down towards the woman that held him so dearly.[break][break]

His instinct had been to apologize, yet she’d said for him specifically not to do as such— and so, a continued bout of silence overcame him. It settled within him. It controlled him as he attempted to gather himself yet another time (as he attempted to swallow down the more aggravated lump within his throat), but in the end of it all, he found himself wordless. No other things to say. No other words to tell.[break][break]

Nothing more than a low and quiet, ”...I’m sorry…” as he hooked an arm of his own around her, pressing it lightly against her back and shoulders as the respective hand, itself, wove its fingers idly through her hair within a gingerly manner.[break][break]

The thumb amidst them rubbed softly against her scalp as the remaining fingers merely sought to cradle her head against his chest, although after several more moments, his mind began to run in tandem to the scenario at long last, prompting the remaining arm to hook over and join the remaining to hold her all the more closer; its own hand pressing against the top of her head in order to complete the embrace, altogether. While the difference in height prevented him from setting his head down, he tilted it downwards within a gentle angle, all while his eyes narrowed and sought the grounds beneath them for an uncountable time as he held her against him.[break][break]

”I’m sorry for being too sensitive…” he murmured with a touch more lucidity, that time faintly more aware that his words had been against her initial request. They were instinctive. Genuine in belief with his heart. ”There shouldn’t even be any overthinking involved. I’m just overreacting to a tiny little thing. It honestly shouldn’t—”[break][break]

He stopped abruptly as he caught a quiver within his tone, and although his jaw momentarily clenched tighter in a split second attempt to swallow the lump down once more, he gave a small, almost frustrated sigh under his breath as if he were aggravated with none other than himself.[break][break]

”I-It shouldn’t—.. I-I—...”

EUN-HA PARK [break]
mission: slumber party

☉

she holds him, close, her arms tightening around his stomach as her head buries itself against his chest. if she's not careful, her fingers will dig into his back as she takes a shaky breath (but why is she losing her composure, when he's the one suffering from the guilt, and the self blame? when it isn't his entire fault? when she made it his fault). but she clings, and hangs on, with all the desperation in the world in this small body. though he tells her that this is of his own volition, and that he was never really sure if this were okay.[break][break]

(the guilt eats him alive, devours him the same way it does her; she'll beg him to blame her for what she's done and for the drastic actions she's taken in the past. this wasn't his fault, and she'll tell him time and time again in the silence). [break][break]

'stop apologizing' she wants to say again, heaving a deep breath at the sound of his voice, shaky and hesitant (but he wasn't going to stop; that's just how he is. he's usually so headstrong, usually so sure of himself, firm, assertive and clear minded. it's when he gets like this does she worry, knowing how deep of a rabbit hole he's prone to). and so his apology is met with nothing but the firm hold, instinctively rubbing her face against him to nestle and nuzzle further in the security. [break][break]

his touch was so gentle; was it always this gingerly and cautious, though? was he always so sheepish and careful with her? to some degree, it's endearing. to some degree, it's concerning. to some degree, she's worried about the way he overthinks, and how it's translated to sensitivity. maybe it's both their faults. maybe they're both falling down this rabbit hole and cycle of self blame, and guilt, and it translates into moments like these, where he'll hole himself up and berate himself for thinking too much, and berate himself for having an emotional response to this. [break][break]

"hey, hey.." her body leans back, slightly, only to push her upper body away from him so she has an easier time tilting her head up. her voice, still soft - though softer, as a tone to comfort - laves her lips as she wears a smile. solemn, serene as she pulls a hand away from his back in favour of resting her palm against his cheek, thumb raised up to gently stroke the upper bone. "don't apologize" please, it's really not something to apologize for ".. you know it's not a tiny thing." not to him, and not to her. speaking was always something on thin ice for her, always in fear that he isn't listening. always in fear that she'll never be listened to. fear of saying the wrong thing.[break][break]

it breaks her heart, you know. to see him like this. to know that she's the cause of this. [break][break]

her teeth press together and she lets out a hush as he starts to stammer, and as his tone starts to quiver. it's so rare for him to get like this, outwardly. vulnerability was never his strong suit, was it? not in front of her, not in front of his family, not in front of anyone. "it's okay." she whispers, raising herself to her toes in an attempt to get closer, the other arm raised under his arm, hooking behind and holding onto his shoulder. does she follow up with something else? a void forms itself in her stomach, a never-ending pit of self doubt, fear, and cowardice. [break][break]

.. oh, but that's what brought them to this in the first place. [break][break]

"i just-" deep breath, eun. just speak your mind, like he always wanted you to. like he always pried you to "want you to talk to me about it, even if it's small." [break][break]

how ironic is it, for her to be saying that? truly two sides of the same coin, but she isn't keen on falling into the loop of self blame together. [break][break]

"i just want you to talk to me~.."

Ryan Arcken

☉

”But it literally is the tiniest fucking thing—” he stuttered with a profound shakiness, the effort spent to do so undoubtedly lost to neither of them as a rising quiver shoved its way through so mercilessly with each word that progressively sought to be heard. In spite of the loosening feeling from around his form, and despite noting and watching the movement from the woman before him, he merely placed his gaze upon hers with nothing short of distress. Frustrated and shaking his head in light of the words spoken towards him, he gave another, hissing sigh in attempt to further compose himself, his brows furrowing further as he attempted to begin again, saying, ”I-It’s—... It’s literally such a tiny thing. I don’t even know why it’s—...”[break][break]

The sentence trailed off as his mind frayed further and further, giving a desperate attempt at orienting itself as the threads of thought scattered so suddenly and violently. His jaw clenched as her hand lifted, and almost as at the mercy of hesitance and uncertainty, alike, he shifted back the faintest bit away before managing to ground himself just a tad more. Hues of a dual hues remained upon hers with no shortage of discomfort as her palm made purchase against his [break][break]

”I-I—…”[break][break]

Another attempt to force a statement in the midst of recovery, resulting only in another stammer and a larger hiccup that had finally seemed to successfully subdue his tongue within the moments that followed for fear of a worse display. The sound to escape his lips, however, had been all too noticeable and known by him, and the knowledge of weakness only seemed to prompt an ongoing reaction of everything he’d feared as he tried so desperately to swallow down the mass within his throat once more. Within that attempt, however, came not suppression, and not a stalling of time, but rather a long awaited shattering of the facade he’d been so eagerly and frantically trying to hold together.[break][break]

Though he hadn’t found the will to lean himself away, a hand of his shot up rather abruptly the moment he felt a swell within his eyes.[break][break]

His pride had been broken as thoroughly as the aforementioned facade— but in a situation such as the given, pride was logically irrelevant. A bruised ego paled in comparison to an aching soul ensnared within the vice of insecurity, and so he merely sought to press his fingers against his eyes as the person neighboring him continuously rubbed his cheek so gingerly.[break][break]

…What had he done to deserve such a thing?[break][break]

It was a question that he posed to himself many times within the following moments, so much to the point that her words of ease and comfort had almost fallen upon deafened ears. They made their way to him, however. They made her way to him, far from loud, but absolutely clear— and it had been the clarity that had prompted him to gaze upon her within a daze as he momentarily paused, lowering his hand slightly.[break][break]

The irony of it all.[break][break]

”I just want you to talk to me,” she said to him. She wanted him to talk to her.[break][break]

In any other scenario, he would’ve called the irony of it all absolutely audacious, but as the words settled in more and more, and as he gradually began to lower his hand to his side once more (the tears unattended to, and although attempted to be held back, began to faintly trickle down), he merely pondered in pensive thought while furrowing his brows all the more prominently.[break][break]

”...Do you still trust me?” he murmured in soft, clearly uncertain inquiry.

EUN-HA PARK [break]
mission: slumber party

☉

even now, he's trying (trying desperately to cling to the logic, and the objectiveness. trying to reason with himself why he shouldn't be reacting the way he is, and maybe he's right. but he's human, he knows this, and so overflowing emotions pent up and bottled are given). he's trying his best to push the topic away, and to reason that it's nothing for him to be crying about in front of her, just as his facade crumbles. the stammer and quiver in his tone are so slight, it's easily missed to people who don't have a good ear. then it gets stronger and more prominent the longer he speak; she knows his composure is going to hold itself for so long. [break][break]

the hardest rocks crumble and shatter into the most pieces. [break][break]

and though he leans away, with a hand pressed against his eyes in a fruitless attempt to maintain the crumbling ground; but what is there to maintain when the foundation is built half-finished? what is there to maintain when the weight is heavy, threatening to not only bury itself in rubble, but take its rotting, wooden footing along with it? it leaves nothing but ruin, and she knows it well. bottling up worries is more familiar than she'd like to admit, so she knows. [break][break]

in response, she raises her other hand, hoping to gently press her knuckles against the wrist that he lifts. her touch is cooler (colder than his; she was always naturally chilled) when skin makes contact, though his warmth has long since moved to the hand against his cheek. "shh.." her words fall on deaf ears, no doubt, but there's little else to say as her thumb reaches up, gently wiping beneath his eye, with her other hand tugging at the sleeve she wears to raise its wrist to press against the other. something in her chest twists, sinks, and it's starting to weigh against her lungs as she takes a deeper (shaking) breath. [break][break]

the irony isn't lost in her (and she's prepared to get an earful later on, about how hypocritical she was sounding and how unfair this was) and as quickly as the words left her lips, there was a temptation and urge to take them back, to pretend that she never said them - to pretend that she didn't say anything at all. brows crease slightly at the tone of his voice, soft and uncertain (a rare occurrence, fleeting and foreign) as she gently, gently holds him. it's almost insulting that he would think to ask the question, but she can't blame him (not when it's her fault for making him think this way).[break][break]

"of course i do." [break][break]

a hand clasped around his cheek raises again, fingers moving from his eyes to his jaw, before her fingers are gently caressing his ear along the side of his head "i'm always.. a little uncertain of what to say" and how to say it, or if she should say it ".. but" she continues, another pause, though this time, it isn't to deliberate on her words. it's to wear a smile as she speaks, though slow and soft her tone may be[break][break]

"i've never been so confident or sure saying anything else." her lips curl up, and the dual-toned gaze in her eyes soften. [break][break]

how could they not when looking up at him?

Ryan Arcken

☉

Though instinct had been a concept of immediate nature, and though his immediate instinct within moments such as the given would have been to shy away abruptly at her touch, his mind had seemingly disabled the ability for any sort of avoidance.[break][break]

After all, such had been what he had done for so long until the given point, and there, as he stood crumbling before her, and as everything that he so desperately struggled to keep hidden from her and the neighboring world in the name of self proclaimed strength and pride, it had been all too late to prevent the fall from happening, altogether. While blurred vaguely through the filter of tears welling within his sight, the image of her fingers nearing him and his own had been far from lost from him. An innate desire to tear away called, distantly, within the back of his mind. Desperately. Pleading.[break][break]

And yet, as the chill of her touch laid grace upon his skin, it became irrelevant.[break][break]

Swift and ever chaotic had been his mind within those moments, though there came a subtle sense of approaching and enveloping calm with the feeling. A low, instinctive, cracked, ”I-I—...” ended as swiftly as it began in what had been intended to be a defiant response, but as the gentle hush of her voice met his ears, he found himself weakened in both body and soul within the aftermath. With brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, he glared absentmindedly upon the ground further off to the side prior to allowing them to veil over; a filter of darkness briefly overtaking his senses as he merely allowed her the opportunity to move his hand away and replace it with her own as it lay atop his cheek, and then jaw, and then wherever elsewhere.[break][break]

Her thumb moved so carefully and softly against his cheek, and within the time that it had done, he simply…stopped. Succumbed. Listened, finally, and thought upon the words offered both presently and beforehand to him. Before long could pass, his eyes opened once more to gaze idly upon the distant floors surrounding them as remnants of the crease of his brows lingered in pensive thought.[break][break]

They found themselves dwelling within hues of radiant rose and darkened hazel in due time.[break][break]

He gazed, deeply, into them. Silently. Idly. Pensively. He accounted for the words spoken to him (for him, he knew, within his begrudging moments of weakness), and with enough silent repetition within his head, they very well began to make a breakthrough. They voiced themselves within his lines of thought again, and again, and again; a persistence so fleeting to begin with, yet frighteningly strengthened and prominent with each reaffirmation. The confidence that eluded him had remained just that, but within the threads of logic that they seemed to bring back to him, he inhaled deeply and shakily prior to sighing out similarly so.[break][break]

”...I—... I-I don’t care if you’re uncertain. I’ll listen to you…” came the words to continue his ongoing descent; quiet, and broken, and seemingly faltering to the ear— yet in spite of the scenario at hand, and in spite of the display he so vehemently hated of himself in the dimness of that night, there had been a clear sense of genuineness within his claims, and an even bolder and invincible sense of conviction within a gaze of crimson and gold that had been fleeting only moments prior. ”I told you I’d be here. I told you I wouldn’t leave you again. I’m sorry, I love you, and I—...”[break][break]

He paused, gathering his thoughts once more.
His gaze averted in said thought for only a moment before meeting hers once more.[break][break]

Shattered, yet vaguely revitalized.[break]
The perfect guise and exhibition of certitude, blazing through the shadows of doubt and uncertainty preceding it.[break][break]

”...I’m here to listen to you,” he spoke softly, narrowing his eyes as he moved the palm of his hand against hers, just as she had done with him. Though the tears had still been within conscious mind, the attempt to hold them back had been lessened within the matters of greater importance that his eyes (baned by uncertainty and insecurity) had been blinded to. ”You want me to talk to you. …I want you to talk to me. …Anyone else can talk to me, but with you, it means so, so much more. Hearing it lets me know you trust me. Hearing it lets me know you’re really, actually with me.”[break][break]

He lifted his other hand, mirroring it against her other cheek within a soft, yet firm caress as he eyed her.[break][break]

”...I—... It lets me know I didn’t hurt you as much as I think I did— that it really is as…fine as you say it is. So please— if you do trust me, and if you are confident about it, let me listen to everything, because I will listen…”

EUN-HA PARK [break]
mission: slumber party

☉