you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
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1,207 posts
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TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Oct 15, 2022 23:34:36 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
His expression turned pained. He understands… conceptually… that not everything is his fault. He understands, also conceptually, that he really doesn’t need to apologize for things outside of his control. But he’s got so much latent guilt from cyberspace fuckery and he’s desperate for some relief. The I’m sorry’s are like bandaids slapped over bullet wounds-- an attempt at making himself feel better.

The blush creeping its way from the tips of Alex’s ears, leaking into the pale of his cheeks, made Memo brighten a little bit.

“It was just-- a really bad one,” he said, realizing it was a lame attempt at explaining away the issue. He also realized they’d be talking around in circles like this forever. One of them was going to have to give, at some point.

“I… I’ve been having really bad ones a lot, I guess.”

[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Oct 23, 2022 20:33:20 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


Nightmares.

That was the implication he was getting from his boyfriend’s words.

Now that the other wasn’t struggling so much (in another reality he’d have been full-body blushing because him? Holding Frog down? Wasn’t that a sight to see) he released his hold on Memo’s hands but not before pulling him up so they could be at least on the same level.

“I have a lot of bad ones too, you know,” he admitted quietly. “You’re not alone there.”

He took a deep breath.

“It’s alright to be weak. It’s alright to not… you know, not be put together all the time. We’re not fucking perfect.”



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Oct 28, 2022 23:09:37 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
Memo’s shoulders physically creaked as Alex finally let go of his wrists. A second later and he was being tugged up.

With Alex leaning over Memo was the perfect height to press his forehead against his boyfriend’s, eyes fluttering shut, suddenly incredibly tired.

“You die,” he whispered, shocked at the seeming betrayal of his own voicebox. “In all of them. You you die in all my nightmares.”

[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 3, 2022 17:07:44 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


When he mentioned just what exactly happened in those—nightmares—he’d been having, he could only sigh.

“Oh, Memo.”

He looked into his boyfriend’s gaze.

“You know that’s… that’s not going to happen. Because. Well, I’m here, with you. Right now,” he continued quietly, running the back of his hand against the other man’s cheek.

“Right here. Alive, breathing. Well, alive but not completely whole, but… the point stands. I’m here. And nothing’s going to change that, you know?”

(Unless one counted his propensity for getting into trouble more often than not, but that was neither here nor there.)



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 6, 2022 1:28:45 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
“You can’t promise that,” he says, and he’s, again, shocked at the betrayal of his own vocal chords. “I watched you die. You don’t remember, but I do.”

His breathing grows quicker. A slightly maniacal giggle escapes him. “You-- you know that’s twice, now, twice I’ve caused you to get gravely injured and I haven’t even known you for a year.”

He presses the heel of his hand into the bridge of his nose, hard; trying to stop from spiraling. Trying not to break apart.

"I watched you die and I didn't even care. I couldn't do anything to stop you and I promised-- I promised that would never happen. I lied to you, Alex."

And then. And then.

“And then--,” he’s crying a little now. “--the next time I see you you’re unconscious on the beach and you’ve clearly been through something bad and I. I wasn’t. I couldn’t help. I was useless.”

[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
awards
5,130 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 10, 2022 20:46:33 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


Watching his boyfriend unravel in some kind of a mirrored travesty when he would be the one unravelling caused him distress.

(Quite a lot of it, too, but he wasn’t going to admit to that easily.)

“Shh,” he began once he saw the other was cracking open, like an egg after it had been dunked in an ice bath. “Don’t… don’t flounder. I’m here, you know,” he continued quietly as he reached over and hugged him closer—as close as humanly possible.

Never mind if he winced the moment they made contact, but that was that—his chest still felt a bit sore.

“You’re not useless,” he affirmed, taking both of his hands and holding them to his own once he broke contact. “Things just… shit just happened out of your control, and you couldn’t stop it. It happens, you… you know?”

He didn’t know how much of his ‘reassuring’ aura he could… like, visibly project, but facts were facts.

“Don’t let those nightmares get you down.”



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time

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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 11, 2022 19:51:55 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
I’m here, he says, aiming to soothe Memo’s hurts, to bandage his psychological wounds. I’m herep, he says, even as he winces at the touch.

Guillermo recoils, pushing gently against the hug, not wanting to cause Alex any more harm than he already had.

“You almost weren’t,” he says, half a sob, “you almost died.”

It isn’t fair that Alex is the one damaged and hurt and Memo came through everything fine. It isn’t fair that Alex is the one that keeps getting hurt. And it’s Memo’s fault.

“Out of my control,” he parrots, warbly and tear-stained, as a sardonic smile curls across his face, “meaning I wasn’t strong enough to prevent anything that happened.”

His hands stay open in Alex’s clutches, afraid he’ll hurt him more, but also as a self-imposed punishment for self-perceived failures.

My nightmares are real and they’re all my fault, he doesn’t say.

[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
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5,130 posts
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TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 13, 2022 20:13:12 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


“Shh,” he chided, feeling the gentle push but not backing away, “…that’s your mind tricking you into thinking bad shit again.”

He knew now, that more than ever, the other needed the grounding force as much as he did—the stability where he could alight and rest his own weary wings from flying aimlessly all over the region world like an eternally migrating bird.

“You’re plenty strong, what are you saying,” he countered. “You’re very, very strong. In more ways than one,” he went on, an equally-watery smile crossing his own face.

“We’re both not okay,” he added a few moments afterward.

“And it’s alright to not be fine, because… we’re not like everyone else that lives normal lives, we’ve all got nasty shit in our closets, and it takes time to… to reorient ourselves. To these… these changes. Hell, I know it took me a while to get used to all this shit,” along with an accompanying rolling of the shoulders.



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 20, 2022 0:19:23 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
“It’s not a trick,” he says, a harsh and horrible laugh, mirthless and dry, “it’s the truth. I wish it was a trick because then it wouldn’t be real.”

Alex doesn’t relent. Keeps pulling him closer. Memo doesn’t want to hurt him so he doesn’t go forward, doesn’t repel… just freezes.

He opens his mouth to expunge, to explain more-- closes it again, feeling pathetic. Alex doesn’t deserve to be broadsided with his emotions in the face of his own shortcomings. Alex doesn’t deserve to be weighed down by him and he doesn’t deserve Alex.

“...I wish I could make you fine,”
he says, instead, still frozen, half-up and half-down, tired and wired and feeling like if he squeezed his eyes shut hard enough he could blip out of existence, up beyond the clouds and out to the star-dust of space where there’s not an atmosphere and things don’t matter.

“I wish I could make everything fine.” But that sounds pathetic again and tears prick at his eyelids.

[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
awards
5,130 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 24, 2022 20:15:30 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


He sighed.

How many of the nasty, ugly ‘toads’ in his boyfriend’s head would he have to suss out and beat into submission (if not beat into submission, squash them into nonexistence)?

“That’s a tall ask,” he went on quietly, closing his eyes for a few moments. “You’re… you know, I think, I’m not sure, but the tables may have turned now.”

See: this entire situation.

“I used to be the worrier. Now it’s you. I used to freak out all the time—and now it’s you. You know, it’s alright to be terrified. It’s alright to be scared,” he reiterated.

“The thing is, we can only do so much before we all crack.”

He let the silence fall between the both of them for a few moments.

“We can make each other fine… well, as fine as we can both manage.”



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 24, 2022 22:19:53 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
His head cocks almost imperceptibly, listening as Alex explains what he means. Memo sighs, the constriction in his chest relenting, if only slightly. “Yeah.”

How many times had he thought that very same thing over the last few weeks? Ever since that stupid cyberspace debacle. Ever since he watched Alex die.

It had affected him more than he cared to admit. To the point where he didn’t even know who he was anymore.

He slowly laid back against the pillows, head tilted, looking off to the side of the room.

“When we were in… that place,”
he said, voice quiet in the night, “I… got cut off from all my positive emotions, feelings. The happiness, the compassion. Everything that made me… me.” He swallowed against the emotion that choked his throat, the tears that threatened to spill. “It… it was awful. The fact that I was completely out of character was bad enough but having to… it’s hard to explain.”

And it was, in a way, something that no one else but himself would ever be able to grasp. Being rewritten at your base level and spat back out as something-- someone-- unrecognizable, even to yourself.

“I think… that changed me. Not for the better.”

He looks up at Alex, wet-eyed. Is this what you wanted? he wants to ask. What a mess of a baby I've become?

"I couldn't live with myself if I lost you."


[attr="class","mintag"]


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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
awards
5,130 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 25, 2022 20:48:03 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


He could only blink at what had happened—to the other, at least, during that fucking time he could only remember parts of.

“You… you what?” was all he could stammer.

No matter how much he strained to remember what had happened after he’d managed to bisect the incoming train with the power of those strange feathers, he was coming up blank.

“That happened… after the part I can’t remember anything, right?” he confirmed.

Now he dreaded asking Zuza what had really gone down.

“And you… you knew, that it was… it was still you, but at the same time it wasn’t?” he went on, afraid of what he would share next.



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Nov 26, 2022 15:31:21 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
Oh, right. Alex had a big hole in his memory. Timed with the loss of his eyes and his freaking heart.

“The-- the third scan, I think. Took something from everyone. From me it took everything positive. From you, it took your eyes.”

He swallowed, remembering. Remembering how much Alex had needed him in that exact moment and the only thing he could do was be angry that Alex didn’t remember him. Feel mad at how useless the newly blind man was.

Barely touching the memory made nausea spike in him and he clapped his hands over his eyes to stop the world from spinning.

“If I think about it too much, I’ll puke,” he confessed. “But… it was me. Physically. But emotionally I was… different. Awful. Horrible.”

[attr="class","mintag"]


[newclass=.min] width:500px;text-align:justify;font-family:roboto;font-size:12px;letter-spacing:.8px;margin:0 auto; [/newclass] [newclass=.minpkmn] margin-top:-30px;padding-bottom:10px;text-align:center; [/newclass] [newclass=.minpkmn img] float:none;margin:0;box-shadow:none;border:none;margin-top:-10px; [/newclass] [newclass=.mintag] margin-bottom: -20px; padding-top: 10px; text-align: center; [/newclass]
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Ven

Alex / Lexy
he / him / his
thirty
december 22
Mistralton, Unova
homosexual demiromantic
sanctuary owner
civilian
дождь крови
awards
5,130 posts
part of
TAG WITH @alexei
Alexei Ivanov
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Dec 2, 2022 20:11:16 GMT
Alexei Ivanov Avatar


The fact that there was a possibility of a ‘different’ Memo… quite honestly, terrified him.

“H-hey,” he whispered quietly, reaching up to gently remove the hands that were threatening to press into his boyfriend’s eyeballs. “No need to dwell on it, now. Don’t… don’t think so much about it.”

He sighed quietly.

“I was blinded?” he confirmed with the other quietly. “How… how did I get around—wait, was it with Zuza?”

Bits and pieces slowly falling together, spinning around before finally aligning and trying to click together and make sense.



timeline: close to present day. Happens several weeks after by the dawn & fly me over yesterday; definitely after Frog’s birthday so yes they’re already boyfriends by this time


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played by

Ceej

Memo
He/him
28
August 26
Spikemuth, Galar Region
Homosexual
Ranger Captain
Elite Ranger
it gets lonely in this gangster's paradise
awards
1,207 posts
part of
TAG WITH @memo
Guillermo Marceliño
you’ll [be] safe here [s][c]
POSTED ON Dec 3, 2022 19:43:34 GMT
Guillermo Marceliño Avatar
[attr="class","min"]
He closed his eyes and nodded shallowly, hands turning so he could press their palms together, lace their fingers, a grounding touch he desperately needed.

“Yeah. Zuza had her wits about her, thank god. Until she…”

And he was crying again through closed eyes. The memory of her deletion was too painful.

[attr="class","mintag"]


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img
The Shula Region
Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
MR
The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing