This writer considered writing this post in rhyme.
But that would be cringe and waste everyone's time.

Have a normal post instead.

Andrea was so preoccupied admiring the festive decorations - including those beautiful GARLANDS - she didn't even realize how much time had passed. "Whoa... That tree looks almost as big as the one in the Mauville Gym!" The girl mused in awe. Standing amongst a colorful menagerie of egregiously oversized plush toys, while wearing that signature onesie of hers, the young cosplayer may have easily been mistaken for being part of the decor.

The eccentric PokéManiac was brought out of her amazed stupor when the tree lights suddenly went out, followed by the bewildered expletives of a woman in jester-like makeup. "Holiday thief!" Andrea loudly exclaimed as she heard the rattling noise of the lights being pulled away. Reaching for one of her Pokéballs, she sent out a dopey-looking, slightly off-colored Slowking. "Bronson, put that thief under a Spotlight!"

It quickly became apparent that hers was not an ordinary Slowking: Not only was it a shiny, but the glowing markings lining its pudgy body also indicated that it was an Illumina Pokémon. As per its trainer's orders, the kingly Water type pointed its stubby arm forward, causing a brilliant Spotlight to be cast over the gigantic Christmas tree, hopefully elucidating the culprit's true identity.

ana fell

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The woman whose skin only vaguely resembled a jester due to how pale she was sent out a funny-looking Zoroark, ordering it to chase this yet invisible holiday thief. "You don't have to yell at your own Pokémon, you know." Andrea pointed out, her brow furrowing imperceptibly.

Her Illumina Slowking stopped casting a Spotlight, and headed towards the same direction the Zoroark had run off too, walking slowly. Very slowly. "It's okay, Bronson. Take your time. You'll get there eventually." Andrea hit him with some genuine words of encouragement.

Turning back to the other woman, the draconic cosplayer gave her a quizzical look. "Who would steal decorations, though? Should we go after them?" She proposed.

ana fell

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That half-assed excuse caused Andrea's pout to deepen. "You shouldn't be yelling period. Haven't you heard the song? This is the season to be jolly!" She cheerfully proclaimed, ever the big ball of positivity.

Did the pale woman casually admit that she would steal festive ornaments too, if she had a reason to? Surely she jested, because only a villain would do such a deplorable thing!

The sound of a hard box being kicked, followed by the woman's painful throes, caused the eccentric cosplayer visible concern. "Are you alright? Did you get hurt?" She walked up to the irritable blonde. "I think I can hear them. They shouldn't be that far."

Meanwhile, her Slowking resumed its hot pursuit with the approximate speed of a geriatric jogger trudging on the world's slowest treadmill. Now that was a role model! No anger issues, no stress. Head empty, no thoughts.

ana fell

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At last, the identity of the dastardly ne'er-do-well was revealed. "Oh, it's a Kecleon!" The young PokéManiac declared, shocked that such an exotic Pokémon would even be found in the middle of a large city.

Luckily, the reptilian thief had crashed face-first into Bronson's sizable lard, and was now seeing stars. The Slowking towered over the dazed chameleon, exuding a threatening aura with his dignified, regal pose. That Kecleon truly would have been better off being accosted by the Zoroark than crossing paths with him...

Does this look like the face of mercy?

Bronson's Illumina markings lit up, as he hoisted the Kecleon into the air with a Psychic, shaking its prone body like a baby rattle. Such was the punishment it duly deserved for trying to ruin the holiest of holidays. Arceus may have been forgiving, but Bronson was not.

ana fell

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While Bronson was convinced that Arceus had placed him on this earth to punish sinners on His behalf, his trainer possessed enough compassion to feel sorry for the Kecleon that was being psychically tortured. "That's enough, Bronson. I think he learned his lesson." She interjected.

The Slowking acquiesced, letting his prey fall back to the ground with an unceremonious thud. Kneeling in front of the poor chameleon, Andrea offered it a fresh Oran Berry that she kept on her person. "Here, you can have this. It'll make you feel better. Just don't go stealing from people again, OK?" She said.

With Kecleon hopefully reformed and swearing out of its delinquent ways, it appeared that this live-action remake of HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS was coming to a close. Like all good Christmas stories, there was a moral to be had.

Don't fuck with Bronson.

ana fell

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