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Rook was used to being considering odd, and even more so, dramatic. He was okay with those qualities because there was nothing more insulting to him than to be considering ordinary. Something had struck him particularly hard that time. That stupid game had to go and get under his skin, driving up all of these little painful memories and feelings of a past he felt was better left buried. The problem was it was a thin layer of dirt covering it and the remains had started to stink. He pulled up out of the bath, leaving his wine and phone perched on the little dinner table tray.
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Maybe he should have stopped to reconcile his feelings on his own, or at least taken the time to towel off. Maybe even put on clothes because it was still the dead of winter and their little apartment did the best it could with keeping them warm. He didn't do any of those things, even after almost slipping on the cheap linoleum and peeking out the door to see his actual boyfriend was snoozing.
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It didn't feel right to interrupt Lam's personal time because Lam had left him be during his much-desired bath time. So, he didn't wake him up initially. Not one purpose at least, he thought as he slipped on to the bed, careless to the fact he was still quite wet. He'd worry about the sheets and the mattress after the fact. In truth, he just wanted to fill the hollow void that had carved out in him. It was supposed to be a cute game and it was, so why did he feel so empty by the end of it?
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Why was he crying when he pressed his face against Lam's body? He didn't know, but already he felt a little bit better.

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At first, he only registered the solid presence of Rook pressing against his back, which earned a non-committal grunt. Content to snuggle, he didn’t wiggle away or push Rook back. It wasn’t until he felt the flop of heavy, sopping wet hair smack against the back of his neck that Lam tensed. Shoulders hitching up in the wake of the immediately uncomfortable sensation, he snapped awake. “Ack, Rook,” he squawked as he rolled to the side and away. “You’re soaking wet!”[break][break]

His glasses smushed painfully against his face in the movement, crooked as they were. As he pushed himself up, and twisted around to face his boyfriend, he fixed them back into proper place and blinked away and fuzziness in his vision. At first, there was a flare of annoyance for what he figured was Rook playing a trick to wake him up, or just a bout of mischief before he really did settle down in bed with Lam.[break][break]

But the strike of his irritation faded instantly after one clear look at the other’s face. Sopping wet and clad in no more than a damp towel, Rook looked distraught. Beyond his normal dramatic antics, more sincerely so. He scooted closer, “Babe, what’s wrong? What happened?”[break][break]

Though Lam couldn’t imagine what on earth would have him so shaken up out of the blue like that. Surely it wasn’t anything he’d done because, well, he’d been asleep. At least, he hoped he hadn’t done something. His hands reached for his boyfriend’s face, wiping at the tears he found there.[break][break]

“Here, wait.” Sliding off the bed, he went back to the bathroom and grabbed another towel. Silently, he toweled Rook’s hair to get the extra water out, then dragged it over his shoulders and arms. Lam tugged his hoodie off, oversized and warm, and pulled it over Rook’s head instead. “You’ll get sick if you don’t dry off.” Again, he carefully swiped under the other’s eyes with his thumbs.

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Waking up Lam was like a cardinal sin in this household, it didn't matter if it was just a short nap. Only the other's brother was bold enough to do so without a care in the world, but Rook hated being on the other side of his boyfriend's temper. It wasn't exactly a common issue. Lam wasn't mean, in the same way that Rook needed his own personal time to soak in a bath tub alone. Only this time seemed to have backfired?
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"I'm sorry." He said, muffling the rest of his languishing words in to the other's back as he pressed against him. Lam twisted around with an expression of justified annoyance. Rook would have been annoyed too if he was woken up by a big wet slap. "I don't know what's wrong. I just got.. upset." As much as Rook played the ditzy and odd boyfriend, he knew his life wasn't sunshine and roses. Looking too far into the past was dangerous for him. Yet he was even more the type to ignore his own problems, shrugging them off as ridiculous or dramatic.
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This was probably pretty dramatic and dumb. Really, he was sad because a game made him reflect on how shitty his past was and how much he wished Lam had been there earlier. He was upset because he'd run away and never confronted his father and would likely always feel like a coward for it. "I was playing that dumb game I was talking about... it was weird like it knew us but it was different. You were there, back then with my dad. And everything was better and I just feel lucky to have you and I was missing you and stuff." He rambled off without a breath between words, all of his reasons becoming this amalgamation of words and emotion.
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"I'm sorry for waking you up, I feel so stupid."

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The tone of Rook’s voice was just another cue that he wasn’t fooling around. That something was wrong. The watery edge to his words went beyond any typical theatrical performances that his boyfriend put on at times. Lam wasn’t necessarily the most intellectual or quick person, but he knew how to discern when something was really the matter. And he knew that there was a lot that went on up in the other’s mind, even if Rook didn’t always openly say so.[break][break]

A short huff followed the exact, vague response he earned. A sad sort of half-smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. “Rookidee,” he hummed softly, still thumbing away any tears that came, “you know I’m not buying that.” In all honesty, he sort of anticipated the sudden shrugging off of how Rook actually felt. Dismissed as silly and stupid when it wasn’t. His irritation had already ebbed away, and though for a moment he simply stood in front of Rook wiping at his face, he soon crawled back into bed. Now tugging at Rook’s wrist in a silent request to settle in with him as he began to explain a little further.[break][break]

His brow furrowed some as Ikarus elaborated, though he couldn’t say he really understood. “What do you mean it knew us? Me?” He had rolled onto his side, arm pillowed under his head as he stared at his partner. So he’d shown up in the game? That raised flags that he’d scrutinize later, though. Right then, he was more concerned with the words tumbling from Rook’s mouth at a faster pace. “Oh.” Something inside of him drooped at the mention of Rook’s father. He didn’t know much, but did know enough to know it wasn’t great.[break][break]

It made something strange tug in the pit of his stomach. Achy. It would have been nice to have known Rook sooner, but he didn’t have that privilege. He couldn’t turn back a clock and make that support possible for him, as much as Lam would like to. Was it inadequate? Coming into it all now rather than then?[break][break]

Lam shook his head, “Rook, stop. I’m not upset.” His hand moved to slide through his partner’s hair. “You’re not stupid. Really, I’d prefer you talked to me about all this than some digital version.” He ran a hand along Rook’s side, squeezing the dip in his middle playfully. Just enough tease to maybe snap him out of it just a tiny bit. “After all—What if he’s cooler than me?” Though he stuck his tongue out at him, there was still something serious in his expression.[break][break]

He didn’t believe that in earnest, of course. But it would be nice to better understand the parts that Rook hid away, if he was willing to give them to Lam to hold.

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This felt like a long time coming. The game was merely an excuse, but he hadn't expected it to hit near reality. Of course, it wasn't even that close. It was a generalized story about going back home and rekindling a relationship. He decided to push his own life into the mix and, of course, it back fired. As much as he pretended otherwise, it wasn't a stable topic for him and he did everything he could to skirt around it, but that wasn't fixing the problem, was it?
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Words fell from his tongue in a twisted mess, all emotion and no sense. That why usually the reason he refrained from falling into these emotional pitfalls, as he usually didn't know how to climb out of them. Years of attempting to fix the issue hadn't proved sustainable in the long run. Of course, here he was, putting it all on his boyfriend who already had to deal with his dramatic oddities.
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"It sounded just like you, the actions and speech... I don't know, it probably is just in my head. I shouldn't have played, it's happened before when I interject my own life into..." He shook his head, feeling a migraine form. Nothing he said made sense and he couldn't unwrap his mind from the emotion.
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He forced himself to stop as his breath began to stifle. Sometimes, he panicked a little. It showed in the little hiccup of his breath as he tried not to cry. Idiot. Why am I like this?
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The calming sweep of Lam's hands helped him to come back down little by little. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess. Big dumb mess. You don't deserve to have to deal with it."
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He breathed in with a sharp sniffle, not quite helping the disastrous burst of laughter at the tease. "Stop, don't make me laugh." He whined. "No one's cooler than you."

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When Rook hurt, he hurt.[break][break]

It really was as simple as that. He didn’t consider that a problem, or something to be annoyed about. His annoyance at being woken up was far away, and this was a far cry from situations where he responded with playful annoyance or sarcasm toward Rook’s dramatics. What he wanted, more than anything, was for Rook to feel comfortable enough sharing whatever it was hanging heavy on his shoulders. To trust him to hold it.[break][break]

“Rook, Rook. Listen, it was just a game, okay? You didn’t know, it’s not your fault.” His responses were cooed, soothing as best as he could manage without having the full picture. “What do you mean by that? Interjecting your own life.” But Rook was already trying to pull himself back in. Curbing.[break][break]

“Ikarus,” he hummed, the name soft but stern. It was awkward trying to reposition himself, but both hands returned to his face, holding it there. “Stop apologizing. You are allowed to cry, and let all of that pent up feeling out.” He sighed, fingers picking at the messy strands of his damp hair. Sorting them, sweeping them back.[break][break]

“Believe it or not, I want to deal with your messes. I want to understand what it is that’s eating you up inside. It’s not an inconvenience to me. Or a measure of worth. I love you—what’s the point if you have to hold back?”[break][break]

Lam tugged him closer to press a kiss against his forehead, then the tip of his nose. “I want the good and the bad, alright? I'm not going to resent you, or love you less for it.”[break][break]

The burst of laughter made him smile somewhat, though his concern didn’t dissipate. Nor did the relief fully reach his eyes. “But if I don’t make you laugh, I won’t be doing a good job,” he teased again. “Knew it though. I’m the coolest there is.” His nose scrunched up.

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You're being dramatic. There he was blubbering like a child and that stupid thought swept through his mind, making it even worse. Lam didn't deserve having to put up with someone as breakable as him. The last thing he wanted Lam to think was that he was somehow delicate and couldn't handle anything intense. He'd spent most of his life bottling up his emotions and saying everything was okay, so it made it harder when he actually had someone that cared to listen to him.
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Lam soothed him the best he could, under the circumstances, as confusing as they likely were. He'd probably never dated anyone else that would spontaneously erupt into tears from a silly game. What did that say about him except for the obvious fact that he was emotionally unstable?
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"But it's just a lot and shouldn't have to pick me up all the time." He hiccupped like a child, sniffled on his own emotions as he formed himself to calm until he could speak as coherently as he possibly could at the time. Of course, it didn't help him keeping things from Lam either. Trying to handle everything on his own clearly wasn't working out all that great either.
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"Are you sure?" It felt better to give him an out though if he changed his mind, not that he thought Lam would ever take it. Would he regret not taking it? No, that wasn't like Lam. It was easy to interject his own insecurities, but he couldn't change who he knew Lam to be.

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If Rook were to have voiced his fears, Lam would’ve been quick to refute them. Delicate wasn’t truly a word that he’d ever thought to define his boyfriend as. Emotionally sensitive, perhaps, but the two traits weren’t synonymous in his mind. If anything, he knew that there was a chord of resilience that thrummed through Rook. Defenses in place because he wasn’t weak. He’d simply been depending on himself rather than anyone else for shelter, and now the dynamic had shifted. Changed.[break][break]

“Who says I shouldn’t? Who says there’s a limit on what is or isn’t acceptable?” he countered softly, fingers still threading through damp hair as Rook tried to compose himself. “Besides, I’m not picking you up all the time. I think you hold back way more than that.” Not that he was about to fault the other for the practices he’d been using to shield himself from being let down or hurt. But he wasn’t perfect either; Lam had had his share of moments of wondering if he’d done something to make Rook feel like he couldn’t confide in him.[break][break]

Now wasn’t the time to harp on his own insecurities and secret worries, though. A breath of laughter fell free as he looked at Rook with gentle eyes. Despite the fraught moment, the corners of his mouth turned upward. Just so. “I’m positive, Rookidee.” There was no out that Lam wanted to take. He couldn’t even fathom it.[break][break]

He leaned in enough to tuck a hand under his chin again and press a short, soft kiss against his lips, then settled back again. “I’m always in your corner, babe. Always.” He pulled the quilt that he’d been previously bundled in up over the both of them. Then found one of Rook’s hands so that he could thread their fingers together.[break][break]

“So, what’s really wrong?”

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"I do, I say so." He scoffed, rolling his eyes though not in a severe way. Rook knew that he could be extremely unfair to himself most times. As far as he was concerned, he was the problem in every equation and that didn't change regardless of who he was with. Now, he had this amazing boyfriend and his life had turned in this fantastic direction, but still there was this stormcloud. It was him, he was the storm.
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It had to be hard, being around someone with so much baggage. Especially for someone as chill as Lam. Yet the other man was so patient with him. He was always there for him. Rook couldn't help but fear that the other would regret that, one day. Wasting so much time on him.
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Rook pressed a kiss back, unable to stop himself from smiling at that whispered promise. The covers were pulled up closer, hugging him in warmth.
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"I told you that my dad was a jerk, yeah? Well he was a drunk and he beat me, but I've always felt responsible for it. I couldn't make him happy. I couldn't do anything right. I hate it, but I still feel responsible." He swallowed hard, feeling it catch in his throat. "Is it wrong for me to want closure? I feel like it is."

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“Yeah yeah, whatever you say,” he huffed back, rolling his own eyes. A smile quickly settles on his face, though–his response nothing more than a dry tease. He wasn’t about to regret letting Rook offload his trouble. Why would he? It wasn’t Rook’s fault that he’d been saddled with all of this excess weight.[break][break]

His free hand drifted along Rook’s side under the blanket in a soothing motion, back and forth. The encouraging smile that had been on his face quickly slipped down into a frown. His brows knit together as Rook explained the greater detail. Of course, Lam could’ve put it together, if he’d tried. But it had always been something he preferred that Rook confirmed himself, rather than him asking outright with the assumption. Having it confirmed didn’t cause it to feel any better, though.[break][break]

Protective as he felt, he didn’t need to meet Rook’s father to feel something harden in his heart. Uncharacteristic, immediate dislike crawling through him for inflicting so much on the other, undeservedly so.[break][break]

“You know you’re not, though. Right?” Easier said than done, of course. Guilt could go a long way, he knew that much. “People like that are never gonna be happy with anything, y’know?” His hand slipped back up, cupping Rook’s cheek. Thumbing over skin softly, he sighed as he weighed the question asked.[break][break]

“I don’t think you owe him anything at all, really. But if it’s what you need to close the door on it all—if you’re still carrying it around all the time, then…I don’t think that’s so wrong.” He paused, teeth worrying at his bottom lip. “How exactly do you want to get that closure, though?”

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Ikarus sat up at that, arm stiffly perching him over the mattress as he looked down at Lam. "Yeah, I know that." He wished he could say that it was 100% certain, that he did in fact know. The truth was little threads of doubt had always managed to hold him back. The only difference now was that he wasn't coming completely unraveled at the seams. Lam made him feel a little stronger now than he used to be, but maybe he wasn't giving himself enough credit.
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It was just a dumb game, he knew that. With a sigh, he sank back down beside the other. Even with the chill of still-wet hair, he felt comforted and warm. Lam was right though, he knew that. His father had never been the type to be happy with anything. He'd been miserable no matter what anyone tried to do for him. Nothing had ever been enough to compensate for his own sourness. Rook could only sigh at that, not knowing what to say.
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"Dunno, guess a trip back to Sinnoh?" He shrugged at that, not really sure if he had the courage to even do it. "You're probably right though." Even if it didn't feel completely right at that moment, maybe he'd appreciate it in the end. "Gonna think on it, okay?"

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As Rook pulled up, Lam blinked up at him in slight surprise. “Okay, I believe you.” There was an immediate chill at the lack of contact and closeness, as the blanket slipped down some. It wasn’t something he was really trying to accuse Rook of not feeling about himself, just– “You’re enough for me, that’s all I meant.” Still, relief followed as Rook relented and settled down next to him again.[break][break]

Lam’s head tilted as he mulled over the thought. “Back to Sinnoh, huh? I could go with you, if you want.” Would that make it better, or worse? Would it make him fret over that game more than he already had? “I’d still like to see where you’re from.” It didn’t have to be decided right that second. And it didn’t seem like something that had a right or wrong answer to it. But if Lam could be supportive in some way or another, he’d at least try. Even if that meant staying back while Rook went away. If that was what he wanted.[break][break]

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. You should do what feels right for you, I think.” Reaching up, he smoothed Rook’s hair back for a moment. Then plucked the glasses off of his own nose and twisted to set them to the side. “That’s probably smart.” He leaned back in and pressed a kiss against Rook’s temple. “Maybe a good nap to sleep on it?”[break][break]

The corners of his mouth turned upward playfully as he pulled the other close and nestled against him. Hoping to be a much needed distraction. And also to go back to dozing–it was better this way anyway.