my cross to bear [dd]

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
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1,109 posts
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TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 0:36:12 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
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[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

How long has he been back in Hoenn? A few days? A week? How much things change. How little things change.[break][break]

He took a vacation with , to leave it behind. To clear his head. The suffering had to end. He made a promise to leave Rocket, yet he wanted to stay. He had things here he wanted to protect. To save. The League wasn't enough, but Rocket was showing their hand. The sinister hand of holds them taut, like leashes on war dogs, ready to let loose. The worst of them, the bloodiest, the ones who can rise the ranks and show their hands.[break][break]

The call comes. was stabbed. He was downed by . It feels like the world flips him on his head. His mistake. His fault. His pain. All of it, reflective to Isaac at that moment. He stabbed Jay, just like Ash did years upon years ago. And it offered the opportunity to leave.[break][break]

To leave Jay to the wolves again. He could be free. He could take Kep with him. Hell, now was the right time for it, he could do it. Have the life he always wanted... that those fleeting memories let him believe.[break][break]

His eyes move to the crown shard he has... he clinches it in his hand. It'd be so easy...[break][break]

Why wasn't it that easy?[break][break]

He knows why...[break][break]

It becomes clear when he finds Jayden in the mound of blood. The same way he left Jayden years ago. The same way, stabbed the same way, left the same way... Isaac didn't know it at the time. How could he? He basically replayed what Ashley did, only difference was how much more pain it puts him through. The reason he can't just... do that anymore. He can't let Jay die... but he... can't agree with Rocket.[break][break]

With an arm thrown over Ashley's shoulder, Ashley begins the long, hopeless trek back. Knowing full well that no matter how much he wants to, the day he'd have to pick a side was coming.[break][break]

Running away doesn't fix this.[break][break]

Running away just complicates everything. It delays the decision. 's words burn in his mind. Where does Ashley draw the line?[break][break]

A lesson he should have learned years ago... that he learned last year. He's so fucking tired of running from his problems.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, Mission: All-Nighter[break]
- Hearing the news about 's betrayal, after coming back from vacation, Ashley is tempted to flee... and chooses to help Jayden.[break]
- Running doesn't solve anything. He's learned that. And it sucks, he carries Jay through with him, he is going through it. Problems converging.






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milky

jayden
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december 25
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jayden cross
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 1:00:46 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
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[attr="class","lyric"]YOU'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME, WON'T YOU?


[attr="class","textbody"] 'Isaac?'

[break][break] ISSAC? WHAT - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO! ISAAC!

[break][break] ISAAC!

[break][break]

ISAAC IS AAC I S A A C IS AAC IS A TRAITOR.



[break] TRAITOR!

[break][break] It plunges into his shoulder. That selfsame dagger, the very same one that had been given to him by his father. His first kill, the first time he had plunged a knife into a living being. Back then, it had been the hands of . Then again, at his very own hands, when he fought against . And once more, now, as it was plunged back into himself.

[break][break] Not . Not . Not .

[break][break] But .

[break][break] Isaac had been the traitor. Isaac had defected.

[break][break] Admin Cross lays in a pool of blood on the floor, red mixing with crystallized ice. It is not so bad, he thinks, to go this way. It is not so bad, he thinks, to die like this.

[break][break] He looks around for Chien Pao, wondering how his other half feels. Wonders where his other half has gone. The last thing that he sees upon fading is the sight of those quicksilver eyes, a quickening of footsteps, and of that dagger-sharp smile of his Ruinous Beast.

[break][break] Then, it is black.

[break][break] He awakens only moments later, his head throbbing. His body is crumpled in someone else's grip, his legs dragged across the ground. His head lolls against someone else's shoulder, one hand gripping tightly at the wound on his shoulder.

[break][break] He blinks.

[break][break] "... Ash?"

[break]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 3:53:07 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
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[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Of course he had to wake up. Nothing could take him out of his head harder than the circumstances aligning against him. Ashley could feel himself curse, and just... turn back with a single glance to Jay. And worse. That name.[break][break]

For Ash.[break][break]

"Yeah. Me." He tightens his grip, and presses on. His silver eyes are forward, and he keeps pulling Jay along the way, wanting to get to the medical bay sooner than later. Trotting through this hallway was a nightmare. The coward part of him wanted to be gone.[break][break]

Guilt drives him forward more. He can't just leave Jay to die. The only way he can feel good about what went on... is...[break][break]

The same thing he wanted on Meteno. He feels bittersweet in his own contradiction. When he begged Isaac to end him, to free him to finally be out of this hell, but when refused, forced to look ahead... all it did was prove to Ash what he already knew but was too stupid to realize.[break][break]

He had a reason to keep going.[break][break]

"Gonna drop you off at the medbay. Okay, Jay?" He doesn't want to look. He's still running from it. He can prolong it all just a little longer, can't he?[break][break]

Is that fair though? The lie? Is it fair for him to lie?[break][break]

"Come on, you heavy bastard. Can you walk any?"[break][break]

He gives a soft smile.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, Mission: All-Nighter[break]
- Great. He's awake. Well... Ash keeps it short. He's going to drop him off in the medbay.[break]
- Tries to get Jay to start walking to if he can. Man is heavy.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





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milky

jayden
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december 25
ballonlea, galar
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jayden cross
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 5:08:39 GMT
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[attr="class","border"]
[attr="class","lyric"]YOU'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME, WON'T YOU?


[attr="class","textbody"] His vision is blurry.

[break][break] "Where's... "

[break][break] Isaac.

[break][break] Stab.

[break][break] Isaac.

[break][break] Stab.

[break][break] Everytime he tried to say the words, everytime he tried to push the syllables up his throat and his past his lips, his voice cracked.

[break][break] "Where is he?" he managed, after a minute, gripping onto his old friend. He felt faint. Panic rose in his throat, as he twisted around to look for Chien Pao. The Ruinous Beast was nowhere to be found.

[break][break] He blinked, realizing that there was something wet on the corner of his eyes. He took another, shuddering breath.

[break][break] His feet dragged along concrete.

[break][break] "Yeah. I can."

[break][break] Just barely, his mind supplied. His fingers gripped against his wound, applying pressure, so that he wouldn't completely bleed out. He likely looked worse than he felt, ice crystallizing around his palm.

[break][break] "Slowly."

[break]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 14, 2023 21:20:48 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
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[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Irony isn't lost on him either... where is he? Was that the same thing he said back then? When he left. Ash scowls ahead, not turning to face him. Part of him wants to lie, and say Isaac just up and died so Jay wouldn't feel this. But instead, he retorts. "Gone."[break][break]

It comes from his lips so naturally, so deadpan, so unapologetic. Because he doesn't want Jayden to focus on it. To focus on this pain.[break][break]

Of course it had to be his good nature. His guilt that carried Jayden. And even as he would help walk, even as he agreed to help walk out, Ashley knew he only did it because he didn't want to acknowledge this. The elephant in the room. The weight on his shoulders, figurative and literal. The fact this was likely the second time.[break][break]

"Easy. Not all at once... can't have you dying on me." He should have walked away. He wanted to. But he doesn't.[break][break]

Hypocrite.[break][break]

The quiet steps forward, Ashley scowling ahead, it doesn't stop. This hatred is pointed inward. He failed to do something so easy before, and let his friend go. Let his friend become what he was now. Worse, now it was just going to spiral out of control.[break][break]

"Wherever he is is no longer your concern. Your concern is to heal. And if you don't, you're gonna bleed out before it even becomes your concern again." There's the friend. The Ash to the Jay. The guy who will keep his dumbass from ending himself. The realist in his brain that tries to ground Jay. Back then, he probably did so well at it... now? He doesn't even know.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, Mission: All-Nighter[break]
- Ashley informs Jayden that Isaac is gone, and doubles down that Jayden needs to focus on recovery before revenge.[break]
- He's attempting to ground Jayden... guilt continues to pile up.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
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jayden cross
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Nov 17, 2023 3:41:13 GMT
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[attr="class","border"]
[attr="class","lyric"]YOU'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME, WON'T YOU?


[attr="class","textbody"] "I wouldn't... die."

[break][break] But he had wanted to. Back then, before and before , and then even in the Cave of Origin. Death had never been a far-off conclusion for a person like him — someone once who had been his father's son, then simply an agent of Rocket. And now...

[break][break] "Not on you, Ash." He breathed out haggard, blinking several times as fingers clutched around that gaping wound. Memories sliced behind his mind's eye, combining with the painful resistance of trying to push back those memories from Galar. The ones that Ashley hadn't been apart of. "Never."

[break][break] That ear-splitting grin of a silver-haired child.

[break][break] The smug smile of a dark-haired one with teal-colored eyes.

[break][break] He sucked in a breath.

[break][break] "How... how did you find me? How..." he trailed off, leg sliding against the ground. For a brief, shuddering moment, his eyes flickered towards the other.

[break][break] "Did you know?"

[break][break] His body stiffened to a stop, growing icy cold.

[break][break] Not everyone knew the relationship that Ashley and Isaac held. Not everyone paid attention.

[break][break] But Jayden did.

[break][break] He always had.

[break]

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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Dec 1, 2023 1:49:25 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
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[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

"Because I know you." And in his mind, he supplies in turn. Because I owe you. Things better left unsaid.[break][break]

No matter how much Jayden says he won't die, that means jack shit when he's bleeding like this. That wound was bad. But each step, pulling Jayden to safety, away from the embrace of icy cold death, silver eyes turn. And he comments. "You can thank too." If it wasn't for his message about and Jayden's condition, Ashley wouldn't have come.[break][break]

He still didn't want to. Leaving it to be would multiply the dead men behind him, that follow him with ankle-clad shackles, slowing him down until they pull him under. But had broken him sufficiently enough in one talk. When he struck Jayden for allowing Ashley to live.[break][break]

When he told Ashley he didn't care about Jay at all.[break][break]

A swish around his mouth has the thought formulate in his mind. Part of him wonders if Jayden meant how he knew about Jayden's pain... or Isaac's betrayal. Or both. Feigning ignorance would do nothing, side-stepping the problem would only make it come up faster.[break][break]

"I was in Alola with , Jay." He stares at Jayden, and raises a brow. It's not a lie, but it isn't divulging the truth of a conversation shared between the blood brothers. "You know that. I got back maybe, what, a few days ago? Haven't seen much of him lately." Also, not a lie.[break][break]

He was never all that good at lying.



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, Mission: All-Nighter[break]
- Ashley gives the reason. He knows Jayden. And also Cillian gave word. It made sense why he was here. But...[break]
- Ate the potential accusation, he does tell Jayden he's been overseas. He hadn't seen much of Isaac as of late. He's not lying.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
+8
DEFENSE
+4
SPEED
+7
TAG WITH @jayden
jayden cross
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Dec 16, 2023 21:17:26 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","maomao"]
[attr="class","top grayscale"]
[attr="class","pkmnlist"]








[attr="class","border"]
[attr="class","lyric"]YOU'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME, WON'T YOU?


[attr="class","textbody"] Relief bubbles in his throat the way that blood threatens to spill from his wound that's pressed against his side. The stab wound incurred by .

[break][break] "Yeah. You were in Alola with Kepler," he repeats in a murmur, voice sound a little faint. Old emotions may stir inside him now and again, but Jayden is glad - and will always be glad - that his friend found someone like . Smart, clever and bright — most importantly, an asset to Rocket. "That's right."

[break][break] He closes his eyes for a moment, leaning against his friend as they step through the floor towards the infirmary.

[break][break] The ice that formed as a result of the fear that would've been on it, the HATRED at the memory of 's betrayal subsides, melting the ice around his skin into something softer.

[break][break] "You would... never betray Rocket... betray me," he mumbles.

[break][break] Not again. Never again.

[break]

[attr="class","oocbox"]



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played by

Kiwi

Ash
He/Him/Them
26
December 2
Aspertia City, Unova
Pansexual
Picking up the pieces
--
But I, I will, go on howling and hollow
awards
1,109 posts
part of
TAG WITH @ashley
Ashley Shepard
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Jan 20, 2024 21:49:46 GMT
Ashley Shepard Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","ashley1"]
[attr="class","ashley1body"]

Burn.[break][break]

Ash can feel himself burn.[break][break]

The way he has to lie. The way he has to continue to play the fool. Yes, he was on vacation. Yes, he couldn't have known the play had made. But. Jay had it wrong. No. He could betray Rocket. He already had once before. One time a traitor still is a traitor.[break][break]

They don't take much longer to reach the infirmary.[break][break]

Ash's face is riddled with regret, and his heart just isn't in it to correct him. Correcting Jayden would be the worst of it. The fact of the matter is, he still cares about his friend. is wrong. He was wrong. But he was right too. Because, even as he reaches the doors of the infirmary, he knows it in his head.[break][break]

Sometimes, you have to do what's best for yourself. Even if it hurts everyone.[break][break]

He hates himself.[break][break]

But quietly. He burns.[break][break]

"Still alive?"



[break][break]

NOTES


- OUTFIT, Mission: All-Nighter[break]
- More introspection. More pain. More shit. As they reach the infirmary, Ashley knows Jayden is wrong, so... he won't say a word.[break]
- Instead... as they reach, he quietly burns inside. And asks if Jay is still alive.






[attr="class","ashley1pkmn"]





[attr="class","ashley1credit"]
MADE BY GUNSMILE




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played by

milky

jayden
he/him
28
december 25
ballonlea, galar
bisexual
wyndon ceo
admin
we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
awards
4,484 posts
jayden cross DOLLARS
part of
ATTACK
+8
DEFENSE
+4
SPEED
+7
TAG WITH @jayden
jayden cross
my cross to bear [dd]
POSTED ON Feb 11, 2024 16:52:34 GMT
jayden cross Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","maomao"]
[attr="class","top grayscale"]
[attr="class","pkmnlist"]








[attr="class","border"]
[attr="class","lyric"]YOU'LL BE THE RUIN OF ME, WON'T YOU?


[attr="class","textbody"] Had he been more concious, he would've noticed the tension in 's muscles, the way that the hesitation seemed to BURN right through him.

[break][break] Or maybe he wouldn't have.

[break][break] He had always been weak — especially to the likes of , who had softened his heart before he had learned to harden it. Back then, in the sands of Kanto, when he'd believed Ashley no matter what his father said; back when he'd wanted to believe in his best friend more than he'd wanted to believe in his own self.

[break][break] "Yeah," he breathed. "Alive."

[break][break] The pain that had rocked through him was a bit subdued now. Maybe strengthened by his friend's support. Jayden lifted his eyes up, watching as the doors of the Medbay came into view.

[break][break] "Looks like we're almost there."

[break][break] In the distance, he thought he could see the faint form of in the doorway. Or was that just an illusion?

[attr="class","oocbox"]



[attr="class","bottom"]




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img
The Shula Region
Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
MR
The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing