her eyes smart, all too suddenly, and she blinks rapidly, manages a curt nod in lieu of anything else. she doesn't even have anything to show for the transition. even if he doesn't want her help, she's still going to work at it - she's still going to give him the choice. 

to walk as a free man again. and he can do that without her, if that's what he needs. 

her gaze flickers away from the bottom of her glass and up to his eyes, relaxing when he promises he believes her. 

"thanks," she says, looking thoughtful. "i'll tell you the whole truth, you know, if there's anything you want to to ask." she takes another nervous sip only to find that her own glass is empty. 

the corner of her lip hitches in a smile, so reminiscent of his own (and it kills her because she can't see it, because she's dreamed of it, because she's afraid she'll never be able to make him smile like that again). "not like i have much else to lose, right?"

KING WAYLAND

☉

she knows it must hurt, but she's so tired of hurting him, and all of her omissions hadn't protected him at all. it breaks her heart, hearing him ask that, and her fingers curl. i love you so much and i'm empty without you and i can't say that none of this matters, but it's hard to make it feel like it matters without you. i want to keep the world all put together, but you're part of that reason, and i need you, i need you, i need you. 

"i don't know," she says and her smile wavers. wobbles. "that's up to you."

she waves the bartender for another one. he can get up and leave if he wants and she says as much - "go, if you want, but i'd rather you stay" - but she takes her new pour of shit whiskey and raises it up to her lips, one delicate brow arched. 

KING WAYLAND

☉

he doesn't ask her for her honesty and she cannot fault him for that. after so long of keeping him in the dark, he must be terrified of the skeletons she's kept hidden. mei's voice lingers in the back of her mind, reminding her gently that he has missed her. that, in her words, he's been a wreck without her. 

so she pushes, like she always does. 

"yeah, it is. i'm pretty sure the whiskey in the mini fridge at my hotel room's better than whatever this is." 

she takes another sip anyway. it burns going down and it gives her just enough courage to say, "and if you don't want to talk, then we can go there. we can just...be." 

her hand moves to rest over his, eyes wide, lips parted.

"i can't fix what i did, but king, i - can i have tonight? can i give you tonight?"

KING WAYLAND

☉

eons stretch between them. she waits with bated breath, knowing full well the look on her face is wanting. in any other circumstance, she would have felt sheepish, but now she worries it's too hopeful. too hungry. 

he draws his hand away and her heartbeat does a painful little skip, but then he stands and he looks at her like she's looking at him and she knows, she knows, that this isn't going to be okay. for either of them. 

but she wants him and she needs him and that's as simple as that. she fishes for her wallet, leaves a handful of bills on the table, and winces as she slides off the bar stool and onto the balls of her feet. 

"come on," she says. she doesn't take his hand. not again. but she knows he'll follow. 

KING WAYLAND

☉

the cool air greets warming cheeks. it's not a blush crawling up the side of her neck; she's more of a lightweight than ever before. but she hides it as well as she can with a nimble running of her fingers through her hair.

it's a comfortable walk to the hotel, despite the cold. it's still early enough that the receptionist is still by the desk; he barely gives them a glance as they pass by. silence stretches on and her lips are parted now, brows creased. 

the up button lights under her touch and the elevator doors yawn open. she steps in and hangs out an arm so the doors don't close on him. 

"you can walk away," she says softly, "and i want to give you that choice - a choice." 

her brows furrow. linoleum glints in the corner of her vision and memories brush a smattering pink over her cheeks.  "even if, right now, all i want to do is pull you in here with me and yank all your clothes off."

KING WAYLAND

☉

she wants to rip at his pain with her teeth and pull it out with a growl, watch the tendons snap and the blood pour over her hands. but there's an armor up around him, built up after too many hours spent agonizing over her miseries. 

his compliance is all she needs. 

starving fingers twist in the fabric of his shirt as she rocks on the balls of her feet, rolling to toes, head tilting, lips on his with a ravenous, insatiable need. her teeth glance off his lower lip and her hands dip under the hem of his pants.

and the doors slowly close behind him. 

KING WAYLAND

☉